Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday - got lots of work done and then finished packing so when DH got home we could leave almost right away. He called about 4 and said he would be home by 4:30 pm. He got home and we almost immediately left for our road trip to Tempe. Took us about an hour and a half to get there which was great. Found the hotel - very nice place. Built into the side of a mountain. On the way up the drive, DH said, "are you sure we can afford this place?" I assured him we would be fine. Checked in and found our room. Kind of an odd lay out - long hall way to walk in and then the edge of the room curved around. Bathroom wasn't completely closed off - top part open and swinging almost "saloon-type" door. Nice but unusual. Anyway, by now it was almost 7 and we were close to starving. DH goes to Tempe every-so-often for school so he knew of a good Mexican restaurant (Manuel's) close by and we went there and indulged. I was SOOOOOOOOOOO full afterwards. He was so cute during dinner. He kept saying, "I'm trying so hard not to tell anyone about our procedure until we know for sure but I am so excited about the prospect of this" and I asked if he wanted to know the sex and without even thinking he said, "of course! I want to start on that room!" It was really sweet to see he is so excited. I just hope we have reason to be excited. We waddled back to the room and to bed we went - about 10 pm. We are party animals!
Saturday - I woke up several times (I think I was excited to see Kirstin) and finally about 7:30 am decided to read for a bit. I got out of bed around 8:45 am and got ready. Headed over to the restaurant at the hotel about 9:25 and just as I walked in, there she was! (I love you Kirst!) We had a great hug and I'm sure people didn't know what to think but I haven't seen her in WAY TOO LONG! So we sat and had coffee and ate a very leasurely breakfast and caught up. 2 hour breakfast I should say. It was so nice to catch up and face-to-face no less. Took pictures afterwards since the last ones are from her wedding I believe - 3 years ago! Here is one...
I headed back to the room and Kirst went home to get ready for the evening's events. About noon, our friends Sara & JP and their 2-year-old son Caden came to the hotel for some pool time. We hung out in the heat and the pool and watched Caden have a ball in the pool, throwing stuff (and himself) into the pool. It was great to catch up with them and just have nothing important to do for the day. We had lunch and got some nice sun. Below is a pic of Caden being tossed in the air by his dad and chillin' with his mom. (Sara told me later that whenever she is with Jason and they leave, she tells JP "I love Jason! He is just so fun!" Nice to hear that about the man I love!)
Sara and family left about 2:30 pm and DH and I stayed in the room for a little fun, but decided to vacate after a bit so housekeeping could come clean. We walked around and investigated the pool area (which was huge) a bit, I went down the water slide and we just hung out in the pool and in the sun, until we got too hot! Tempe is SO much hotter than T-town! I would die if I lived there! Came back to the room and got ready for the evenings event - showered and dressed up. Left the hotel about 5:45 pm so we could find parking. Found the place (LaBocca Pizzeria) and we were some of the first people there so got to see Scott and Kirst for a bit before the masses showed up. Will and his date, Colleen, showed up and I finally got to meet her. They have been dating 2 weeks, but seem inseparable. Very cute. (Funny story about her - I was introducing her to Kirst's dad (Dad-Ryan) and he said, "oh, are you Will's wife?" It was kinda loud so he didn't hear us say no, and then he asked again, "did you come from MI with him?" Finally got it to him that they were just dating. Colleen handled it like a champ?) (2nd funny story - I wasn't drinking obviously and had said it more than once in front of Will. He made a face and mentioned that I had said that more than once. Anyway, later in the evening I ordered an iced tea and Sara said something about caffeine and how she had it during her entire pregnancy and she was fine, Colleen leaned over and asked if I was pregnant and I told her we were trying and had tried something else recently and were hoping it worked. She wished us luck!) Sweet lady!
Saw more and more friends as the night wore on and some very important adopted-parents.This is my "Mom-Ryan" and I can never get enough of her. To top that, she is writing a children's book and has survived Breast Cancer. What a woman! So beautiful!
The next event was Kirst blowing out her candles - I don't know if they actually put 30 on there, but I was afraid the sprinklers would go off! (love you K!)
Followed by some love from her sweet hubby-Scott! He was the instigator of this whole party and what a party it was! So fun!
And finally DH and I got to have our pic taken and it came out pretty good! He smiled at least!
So about 10:30 pm our crowd is starting to dwindle and head out (to party more!) while we were tired. We start around to say our good-byes to the adopted parents, Kirstin, Scott, Sara, JP, Holly and Dominique. Scott hugs me and says the sweetest thing to me. He said, "You are one of those people that is always at the top of the list and I knew you would come even if there was a flood. You are such a good friend to Kirst and me!" So sweet! It's nice to be appreciated like that. I told Kirst I would call her on Wed (her real 30th) and she said that I would also call her on Friday. I said, "Why?!" She tried giving me "an eye" but I missed it, so I repeated my "why?!" and she said "if I can't call you, I expect you to call me!" Then it clicked! So many lovely people wished us luck and were interested in what we are going through. So nice to have friends like that! So we hugged again all around and finally headed back to the car. Only to discover, that the $8 we paid for parking was in waste because all the street parking was free on Sat night! I had a sinking suspicion that might happen, but I didn't research it. Oh well! Live and learn! Got Taco Bell on the way back to the hotel because DH was hungry and I got more than I should have. But ate it all none-the-less! Scale didn't like me this morning! Finally to bed - again about 11 pm! Party animals, I tell ya!
Up about 9 am for breakfast at the hotel and to check out and go shopping! Good breakfast and last pictures of the trip. Now he wasn't smiling - not a morning person!
Back to the room for a final check and off we go. (After we got home I realized I had forgotten to check the closet and left my dress, a tank top and one of DH's shirts in it! OOPS! Never done that! Called the hotel and are waiting to hear if they found it! I hope so, I love that dress!) We headed to Arizona Mills Outlet Mall for this store I love - Windsor - that isn't in Tucson. DH and I decided to split up and go our separate ways. I found odd stores I thought would have stuff (looking for a purple purse and maybe some cute work clothes) but found nothing until I hit Windsor. I demolished the store - grabbed so many things and then disappeared into the dressing room. Ended up only with about 4 things but very cute! DH had called and was waiting to "discuss something" meaning he found something he wanted! So I headed his way and went to look at Reebok pumps - yes Reebok pumps! They are back apparently! Anyway, he showed them to me and I wish I had taken a picture - they were the UGLIEST shoes I have ever seen! They looked so odd on his feet and for $70 no less! He asked my opinion, and I tried to tell him nicely. He got mad that I didn't like them and I told him he could buy them with his cash, and he decided not to - THANKFULLY! They were hideous! So now he is a little ticked and we head out of the mall.
Kirst had called that morning to see if we wanted to have lunch or just see their house which was close, so we headed over there and hung out for a bit. Nice to catch up without all the noise and hub-bub! Very chill and just relaxing. Then to grab a quick bite at Baha Fresh - again not in T-town - and head home. Only took us 90 mins again and a quick stop at Mom and Dad's for work. Finally made it home about 6 pm. Started laundry (this is when I noticed the missing clothes) and tried to get ready for the week. Both of us were in bed by 9 pm and still tired this morning! But I did go workout!
(Oh - side note - Sat night I had a very graphic and bloody dream about a friend of mine becoming an actress, and then being on TV on 2 different shows on the same night and being killed in each of them, then being killed in real life outside our church, then helping her husband and kids cope with the loss. Very sad and realistic dream! I almost wanted to call her when I got up to make sure I was wrong! Scary, scary. Pregnancy symptom?)
Ok, real quick about today. It was just a very frustrating day. So tired and didn't want to get up. Then worked out and my elbow was hurting again. Got ready and felt fat from all the bad eating of the weekend! Got to work and one of the girls was out, so I had to pick up some of her work. Then had to rush to get things done unexpectedly and then twice and then neither was right, plus run things up to Mom at the house. I was kind of grumpy when I saw her so I decided I would come home and eat and then take a cat-nap. Cat nap turned into 2 hour nap. But my mood was much improved after and I worked until 7 pm to make up the time lost. Got a lot done and now ready for bed again. I think that is all the events of this weekend. Oh, one last pic to show you how much our animals missed us...
Kitty wanted to be in the suitcase so bad, DH had to carry her up the stairs with it and Sierra was right behind. Good to be home and now good to go to bed! Night folks!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Over the years, this seems to have subsided a bit - I still can only wear Swatch watches and those without any metal on them what-so-ever, so I freak out a bit when I see a Swatch store. (As a kid, I either wore a Swatch watch or a metal watch with a band of material under it, which maybe wasn't the most attractive and did get sweaty in this AZ heat, but it helped. Rashes take anywhere from 2 to 10 days to subside!) In order of quickness of rash we have fingers, wrists, neck then ears. So I have quite a few earrings that I can wear for a day and not have any issues. ANYWAY, yesterday I wore a set of earrings, that I love, and by the end of the day my left ear was itching LIKE MAD! Even this morning, it is still red and irritating. Now, the other one isn't, which is odd. Anyway, I'm choosing to attribute that to my body changing and my allergies coming back because of "something new" happening to this body! Positive side right?!
Just a few little bits of work to finish, and then we are off to Tempe for the weekend with a friend staying at the house with the animals. So excited just to have a break! Time to finish up work and then relax before the ride! Have a great weekend all, I know I will!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
I get in the very bad habit of thinking this won't work for us. It has been so long of seeing negative tests, that I am wondering if it will EVER turn positive! Hopefully yes! DH has been really cute...you can tell he is dying to know, just like me. He keeps asking when we can test and trying to figure it out. Last night he said, "you can test a week from today right?!" I said, "nope, not until next Fri or even Sat." That led to a discussion of "what-ifs" and if it said no or yes how we proceed. I love that he is interested in this and I can't wait until I get to tell him yes! Probably won't be "telling" him, will be crying/screaming/talking in words only dogs can hear! Alright, off to the pet store for food for kitty, then home to pack! We leave for our mini-cation tomorrow afternoon! So excited! May blog tomorrow, but not Sat for sure and we'll see on Sun. Sun or Mon's blog may be large because it will encompass the whole weekend! Have a great one folks!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I'm a little nervous right now. There's 2 times in the month when I think I think I am either ovulating or AF is coming. I get a hint of a scent (not bad, just not something I notice every day) and I don't know what it is but it is fleeting. Usually around Day 14 and then about a week before AF is due. Now I have no idea what it is but I attribute it to AF because I have never been PG so for all I know it couldn't be anything. But it always kinda worries me and I had it today. So cross your fingers it is just natural (and if anyone knows anything similar, please let me know) no matter if AF is coming or BFP!
Alright, off to relax some more before heading back to the office tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Second, I passed my CFP 3 (Income Tax) test! I hate these tests because I feel that I know the material and then it comes around and it feels like I am being tested on how well I test! Not very nice. But I passed and that is all that matters! Now just 2 more modules to go before the big kahuna test of THE CFP! (dun dun duh!)
Now on my feelings for the day. I feel hot. Really hot! Not because I lost weight, but just feel flushed. Debi said that was good yesterday, but it's not very fun. Oh and my boobs are shrinking! Anything but boobs and feet, I am good with! Too much invested in shoes and I kinda like my breasts the way they are! But I refuse to buy a new $35+ bra when I am hoping to be pregnant and I know they will grow again. Have to find an old one that fits!
I'm taking the last 30 mins of the day off. Heading to WW at 4:15 pm for my meeting, then maybe groceries so I don't have to tomorrow. We'll see. Other than that, I am elated about today. GO ME!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Still very aware of my uterus and today I seem a bit jumpy - maybe that isn't the right word, nervous? Nothing spectacular happening today, so I am chalking it up to that my body knows I am pregnant and it is excited about that! Or the lady at Dunkin Donuts gave me regular coffee when I specifically asked for decaf! I like the properties of coffee - so just drink the decaf! But I hope it isn't option #2.
Did my new workout this morning (changed 2 of the exercises and added weight on others) so that was interesting. We will see if I am sore tomorrow. A little is good, a lot is not!
I'm getting really excited about our little jaunt to Tempe this weekend. Especially since I found out that one store that I like (that I only see via email) is near our hotel! Who can say shopping?! Anyway, really excited about the fancy-smancy hotel and just having a weekend where we can't do anything. I tried to do everything this weekend that I would next so I don't have to Sunday afternoon.
Back to a little studying between tasks so I can take my test tomorrow maybe...yikes! Not that test! Other test - of the brain! Going to Acu after work and then home to relax while DH takes over the TV for football. Later folks!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
We've been dealing with this now for just over 2 years and I've learned so much about my body that I never wanted to know, and some that I did. I've also learned a lot about my family and friends, and I think taught them a lot. When we were just starting to try, I figured we would have no issues. My mom got pregnant with me when she was trying NOT to get pregnant (got the weeks switched - OOPS!) and I think the first or second month was pregnant. So I figured, just like all my friends, this would be a breeze. We even had a "race" with some friends at the beginning to see who could first. They had already been trying a while. When 2 months became 6, and 6 months turned to 12, my heart was in the gutter. What was wrong with me? A woman's job is to create life and I was failing miserably! I began to think that I would like to get pregnant, even if I miscarried just so I knew it was possible to GET pregnant. I willed the pregnancy tests at the beginning of the month to have 2 lines. But it never did. The sad thing is, I became used to that and I wouldn't even cry anymore. It took me a while to realize it, but I was the statistic. I was the 1 in whatever that had infertility issues, and I didn't like it. It's no fun to look around you and count to whatever it was and realize that I was that 1.
Then 12 months turned to 18 and 18 to 24. Now consider during these 24 months, I attended more baby showers and baby birthday parties than weddings. Seemed everyone was getting pregnant and without so much as a thought to it. I would hear a friend say, "Yeah, I think we are ready for a baby." And the next time I saw her (a month or two later) there was the news that they were pregnant. People would wait to tell me that they were pregnant for fear it would hurt my feelings. It doesn't hurt that you get pregnant, who can be upset with a joyful thing like that?! It hurts that I can't and I don't know why. I love going to baby showers, that is the whole reason I started making baby blankets. I love making people happy. But it gets difficult to deal with so much happiness when inside your heart is crying. Now, I am generally a very happy person and I try to look at the positive side of everything. But every-so-often that shoots out the window and I feel sorry for myself and our situation. Now there are joyful moments when someone tells you they are pregnant, don't get me wrong. Especially if that someone has been dealing with infertility because it gives you hope! And that helps tremendously!
This link will take you to a video about infertility. It is not meant to make you feel bad, but to give you a small understanding about what we go through. It is a tear-jerker, but so many people need to understand how this process feels.
I hate to compare infertility to cancer (both awful things and very different in their own right), but just for a minute picture this scenario. You see a friend who has been battling cancer for 6-10 months, and you ask her if it is gone yet. When she says no (if she hasn't smacked you or broken down into tears) you politely tell her "just stop worrying about it and it will go away." Now, logically does that make any sense?! NO! NO! NO! Well, thus is the issue with infertility. And while there are some people out there that may work for in the infertility world, there are a bunch that it doesn't! I understand people say some pretty stupid things when they don't know what to say, but if you are one of those people (and I admit I can be!), when someone tells you something and you don't know what to say, you can offer a hug or you can say "I will pray for you." But then zip it! These sayings are the worse:
"Just get drunk and have sex, that's how we always got pregnant!"
"What if you try adoption and then back out at the last minute, I have a friend of a friend who did that and they got pregnant" (other variations include "they were 6 weeks pregnant when they went to pick up their adopted child", etc.)
"Just take a break from it all and it will happen."
"You still aren't pregnant? What's wrong with you?" (yup, actually came out of someone's mouth!)
"You better hurry up and make your parents grandparents, they won't live forever."
The list goes on and on and on.
Now, don't get me wrong. I have some wonderful people in my life who just let me talk when I need to or offer their shoulder or a hug at the opportune moment. And even those who research what I am going through so they understand it better (I love you T!). But watch what you say to people who are dealing with this. I feel it is one of the worst things you can go through and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I used to feel like I was the only one dealing with this malaise. DH was upset, but seemed to keep it inside mostly. But I had few friends who also dealt with this. Most were baby machines! So then I found other people to talk to about this and while I am sad that other people deal with this, I am truly happy that there is someone to sympathize with and understand what you are going through. (Someone who had multiple kids easily can say all they want "I know what you are going through", but they don't!) I have friends that have been dealing with infertility from 6 months to 10 years now and been through far worse things than me. I don't know how they have the will to continue. But they do because parent-hood is so ingrained in them. They want this so badly!
I think I have hit all the points I was going for. My goal was to just tell you how my mind thinks and how we feel and what stupid things not to say, because they hurt. Even though I have heard them a million (I MEAN IT, I MILLION TIMES) and can keep my reaction in check at the moment it happens, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. So give your friend a hug, and tell them they are in your heart and in your prayers and let it go at that. That feels so much better!
Now, on a note about my condition today. Nothing particularly different, just very aware of my uterus. Any little twinge, I am aware of and analyzing. I keep praying and telling myself "I am pregnant!" hoping my body gets the hint. It will, I know! Just now would be a great time! Will start Progesterone pills this evening and after 14-15 days of those test. If the blog goes quiet for a while, just bear with me as I get my thoughts formulated one whatever our next step is.
I did go swim this morning and that was wonderful as always. Told one of my loyal supporters of our activities on Friday and she was very excited. The funniest thing happened in the locker room after my swim. I was getting ready (drying my hair, make-up, etc.) when this fairly young lady came in (maybe 30) and behind her was trailing a little boy (I would guess 2). I glanced at him and smiled, then did a double take. He was following his mom with his eyes covered by his hands. It was the funniest thing ever! I couldn't help but laugh. The other ladies looked to see what I was laughing at and his mom spun around and joined me. It really made my morning! So very funny! I want one!
Happy Sunday folks!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
We went to dinner with some friends for a birthday and of the 7 of us there, one couple had a 2 month old baby. We all finished dinner and baby comes out of his car seat. DH is sitting next to the Father of said-baby. I think I actually hear DH say, "Give him to me." And I watch (with eyes wide as saucers) as he takes the baby from the Daddy and coddles him, and looks so happy. It was something that RARELY happens. DH has told me before that he is worried about "breaking" some one else's kid. But tonight, he was all over that baby. (#1)
Then we get in the car for everyone to come back for dessert and he tells me that he wants to learn everything he can about being a Dad. Friday (apparently) it became real to him that we could get pregnant and this could actually happen. And it hit him like a ton of bricks apparently (he was a little out of sorts it seemed during the IUI). He was happy about it, but it also surprised him. So now he wants practice and to learn how to hold babies, and change babies, and do everything! He said he wants to be a hands-on Daddy. I was amazed. (#2)
Anyone that knows my husband knows he is not a sweet guy (ha, ha) - I mean that he doesn't really care for sweets. He likes the occasional cookie or candy, but not really cakes and definitely not icing. So we brought the party back to our house and one of our friends had made this Coconut cake. So we start cutting it up and DH takes a piece and he not only downs it, he asks for #2! I was amazed and obviously need the recipe. Plus he asked for left overs. What has happened to my husband?! (#3) Whatever it is, it sounds for the best.
Night folks! Maybe this is what God has been waiting for for us to get pregnant. Let's hope so! What a wonderful Saturday night!
BD'd last night per doc's orders and although I love my husband dearly, I will be happy when we aren't "required" to BD anymore and can just BD when we feel like it. This timing stuff isn't very romantic! But we did and then off to bed we went.
Both of us were up kinda early for a Saturday. I was off to Dream Dinners to make a month's worth of dinners and he was off to ride the quad in Sahuarita. So now home for a quick stop before heading to get my hair cut and colored, then home again before out to dinner with friends. Oops, phone ringing. Gotta jet!
Friday, August 21, 2009
Woke up groggy, had a rough time falling asleep for obvious reasons but finally did. Didn't want to get out of bed, but I did. Got ready to work out and checked email of course, already a couple well-wishers (thanks ladies!). Then headed to the gym.
Walked the treadmill first, then Andrew (my trainer) came up and we did measurements and weight today. I am down 3.5 inches from last month! Lost 1/2 inch in my arm when flexed and Andrew said that means the muscle is leaner and the fat is less! YES! Plus, 1/2 inch on my waist and more, more, more everywhere else! At least I know I can do this! Plus my BMI is down and my % of fat! Rock on! He reviewed what I have done the last month and approved, so we changed things up a bit. Went through the new routine twice and upped some things. Looks good. Then we always sit down for a chat. First, he says, "I want you to know that I am very proud of you. You work hard, you are determined and it shows. You are doing great and you should be proud of you too for your efforts." That means a lot coming from someone so in shape to someone trying to get there, but he said he could see the changes and that made him proud of me! YAY! First good thing of the day!
Then he says that he had seen my status yesterday on FB (Friday is the "MAGIC" day and not just cause it is Friday. If you want to know why, you gotta check out the blog! Happy Friday folks!) and so he says, "I know what is happening today." And I said "how" knowing that I hadn't posted specifics on FB. He said, "what did your status say?" I repeated it. So he winked and said, "I know." I said, "What do you think you know"? He said, kind of shyly, "You go to the place today and you test." I shook my head no. I said, "In 2 hours I am being inseminated." He said, "WOW! That's even better!" So then we had a discussion about how my workouts should change when I get pregnant and both agreed that they really don't need to until they get too hard for me as I have been doing this stuff for a long time and it will all be good for the baby. Obviously will double check with the doc when I get pregnant, but should be good. So he stretches me which is always nice and then I hit the showers for a quick freshen before going to Acu. Quick breakfast that I had brought with me (Lean Cuisine breakfast sandwich and Fuze) and already have a couple more encouraging texts from friends knowing what is happening soon. Hug from Andrew, hug from Christine and out the door I go.
Debi (Acu) had called while I was eating breakfast to let me know she was running a touch late, so I took my time getting to Acu but got there about 8:50 for my 8:45 appt and she still wasn't there. Texted DH to make sure he made the drop, he said yes and would see me at 9:45 am. Debi got there about 8:55 am, but we still had plenty of time. So she does her thing and we talk about what is to come. She lets me rest with the needles in for about 20 mins, meanwhile phone goes off with another text. (I have so many people that love me and for that I am so grateful!). Needles come out, hug from Debi and off we go to the Dr.'s.
Now I have eaten breakfast and drank my full water bottle plus my Fuze, so my bladder wants to burst. Check in at Dr's office, I beat DH back there. And I say to the nurse, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom" and she says, "Dr. prefers you didn't." I was surprised but figured I could handle it. 5 minutes later (maybe 9:40 am) I am walked back to a different room with very soft lighting - something you never see in a doctor's office. I undress from the waist down and get on the table. A minute or 2 later, DH comes in. Maybe 3 minutes after that, Dr. and assistant come in with the "specimen". They show us the tube with our names on it and (get this) ask us if we want to KEEP IT! We both kinda look at each other like, really?! Dr. says it isn't recommended but some people like to keep it. We agree, that no we will not be keeping the tube that held the semen! EW! So we begin.
I get into the same position as we always do at the OB/GYN, and it starts pretty much the same. Speculum goes in (on my full bladder no less). Then he puts the catheter in, then fills the catheter with the sample, then fills the uterus. Waits for any leakage - apparently the uterus isn't that large so sometimes the sample is bigger than the uterus. We were good, and he called it a perfect IUI procedure. I asked if there was anything I "shouldn't" do today and he (comic that he is) says "I would refrain from smoking crack and binge drinking!" Thanks doc! "But you could go for a swim this afternoon if you wanted." I told him I had already worked out and he was happy to hear that. Asked if we should BD tonight and he said yes, and Sat if we felt like it. Asked when I should start the Prometrium again, and the verdict is Sunday night. He pulled the speculum out and he was done. So then I had to lay there for 10 minutes and wait. Doc leaves and DH tells me what he saw the doc do. (Bladder bursting at the seams now!). We chat for a little bit and the buzzer on the timer goes off indicating I can get up and get dressed.
We walk out of the room after I have all my clothes back on and there is a wall of babies! All the ones they helped with! Hopeful thinking I think! See the doc as we are walking out and I ask when I can test and he says 14 days (which is Sept 4th - my Mom's birthday), but could test as late as 14 days after start Prometrium which is Sept 6th. Then, if it is positive, I go in for blood test and again 2 days later to make sure numbers are moving in the right direction. We'll see. So if I go silent for a few days early September, bear with me. Would really like to know for Mom's birthday! I also ask when I can pee and he says "Now!" and laughs. Apparently, when you pee, your uterus retracts a bit and it is harder to do the IUI! Glad I listened to the nurse.
So go out to pay, and it isn't that bad - thankfully! All told, I think our cost was $645. So not terrible! Hopefully well worth it! The nurse tells me she wants me to call her in 14 days and be joyful! I tell her she will hopefully get a message that she can't understand at 5 am and that would be me! She laughs. I asked if I could take aspirin for the cramps inflicted by the speculum and she says "Tylenol, but not extra strength!" (Note to self!). We leave. DH kisses me twice and goes to work. I get in the car, take a deep breath and think "I am pregnant!". I stopped at Walgreens on the way home to get Tylenol (I'm not messing around with this) and finding NON-Extra Strength was hard. But I do, and I buy some things to make me happy - M&Ms and nail polish. ;) Finally head for home to get some work done.
Now even though the doc said I didn't need to lay down all day, I figure it can't hurt. A friend who had this done a while back said she laid down for 2 days and now they have a little baby boy. So doesn't hurt to listen to her. Going to find some lunch and then lay down to study the afternoon away.
Thanks for all the supportive texts and FB messages and emails folks. I do appreciate them greatly! Hopefully this is the end of our journey, and the next one you will hear about is me being PREGNANT! Thanks and love you all!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
So DH and I went to bed and BD'd. He was tired, as was I, and I kept thinking, "all you have to do is BD to your wife, I have to give myself a shot in the middle of the night! You've got it easy man!" So I was kinda getting annoyed, but I had to not let it show or he would get mad and then we wouldn't be able to BD and that would go against Dr's orders! So we did. And I laid with my hips elevated for 15 minutes like I am supposed to. By that time it was 11 pm and not really worth going to sleep to wake up in 45 minutes for my shot, so I read.
I'm reading an old book right now - Joy in the Morning. I read it every couple years. It was written long ago and is set even longer ago (i.e. dinner for the characters on an expensive night is .50!). It is funny to read about all the things that they don't know about sex, condoms, AF, and life in general. How we have changed! Anyway, read that for a while. I had set the alarm on my phone to go off at 11:30 pm, 11:35 pm and 11:40 pm, figuring if I was asleep then I would have back-up. Every time it went off (DH was asleep by now) would wake up a little bit. Finally the last one went off and I got out of bed. DH said, "Good luck and be careful." He had reiterated the Dr's instructions to me about 3 times already making sure I remembered what I was told. So I headed downstairs where the pre-loaded needle sat in the fridge.
I took it out and re-read the instructions with it that weren't as descriptive as the nurse at the Dr's office. I swabbed the area (on my belly, about 2 inches to the right of my belly button and down about the same distance. Then got the needle out of it's packaging and did all the things the nurse had told me to (mess with the plunger a bit so it gets unstuck, get the air bubbles out, and push the plunger so just a tiny drop of the meds comes out). I looked at the clock, 11:44 pm. I looked at the needle and positioned it. I looked at the clock again, 11:45 pm. Time to do this. I looked back at my belly, pinched about 3 inches of skin slightly and my hand just did it. Not fast, but good. I stuck it in (and it really didn't hurt, not anymore than a pin prick) and made sure the needle was straight and all the way in, released the skin, and slowly pushed the plunger down expecting some sort of sensation. Didn't feel a thing! Pulled it out, pressed on it for a couple seconds and no bleeding, so we were done. I was amazed I did it! But I guess when you want something as much as I do, this was nothing! Especially compared to the road ahead when we get pregnant.
So put it back in its packaging, and in the trash, turned the lights off and came back to bed. DH said, "that was quick, how'd it go?" I said fine and it really didn't hurt. Finished the chapter I was reading in my book, turned off the lights and to bed we went.
Now the instructions said that I might feel soreness at the injection site or a variety of other things. I don't know that I have soreness, but I do have that tightness that I have been talking about. I would love to believe it was from all the ab work I am doing at the gym, but I don't know that it is THAT much. It just feels like someone is stretching my skin, not a cramp of any kind, just tight. The follicules that were big were from the right ovary, so that could explain a little pain. Anyway, no adverse effects this morning. Just tightness and waiting. Now we wait. Tomorrow at this time I will be working out with my trainer, and then off to the showers, then off to the Acu, then off to the Dr.
7 am - work out with trainer
8 am - shower and freshen up
8:45 am - DH should be dropping specimen off, me at Acu ready for Debi to calm me down
9:45 am - both back at the Dr.'s office and ready to be inseminated!
What a crazy day that will be! Will report after it all goes down and it might be a novel!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Anyway, made it to the office with the needle! YIKES! And now need to get back to work, but didn't want to forget the events of this morning! Plus, when I walked into the office at 10:05 am, I hadn't yet had breakfast, so while I was meeting with the client (thankfully, it was an informal meeting) I am eating breakfast. What a morning!
So prayers would be nice and at 9:45 am (or there-abouts) on Friday I will be inseminated. Scary and exciting all at once! All prayers welcome!
UPDATE: So it is now 5:09 pm and I am still kinda freaked out by all of this! I just can't fathom that we are actually going to DO this, that it has COME to this, and that I have to STICK myself tonight at 11:45 pm - which is way past my bedtime! Meaning, that I actually have to wake myself up at 11:45 tonight to the joy of sticking myself in my tummy with an inch needle. I have been told it isn't that bad, but I also have never stuck myself. I don't even watch the nurses stick me when they do it, so am I just supposed to close my eyes and poke?! DH won't do it because his aversion to needles is far worse than mine, they usually give him a Valium before to calm him down! I've been concentrating on deep breathing all day and that has helped, but at the hours creep closer, I get more nervous. There may be a blog at 11:45 pm tonight, depending how it goes. Hopefully I can go right back to sleep when I am all done. Thankfully I am working at home tomorrow, so if there are any side-effects (as I have heard there are - fatigue, pregnancy like symptoms, etc.) at least I will be in a place where I can lay down. I am considering taking my test on Fri, but I also don't want to be so stressed out that little "eggie" doesn't attach, so may just be studying away. Maybe Sun? Because the following Fri we are going to Tempe and I would hate to not pass and then go see friends, well, might not be bad. Anyway, time will tell. Later folks!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Weighed in this morning at WW and was down from last week (when I ditched) but up from the week before. Knowing that we ate dinner last night about 8:15 pm because I got home from work at 7 pm, I figured it would be high. But will get it down this week.
On a happy note, I booked a hotel room in Tempe, AZ for next weekend. One of my BFFs from U of A is turning 30 and her hubby is throwing her a little party. DH and I talked about going up and he brought up the idea of just splurging a little and staying in a hotel. Upon which, I remembered we had a ton of air-miles and maybe we should make a weekend of it and just stay in a really nice hotel and have a semi-stay-cation! So I booked us at the Marriott Buttes Resort in Tempe today and now I can't wait! Get to see good friends and family, and have a vacation with my favorite person in the world - my hubby, after what could possibly be a very stressful week (I will probably be inseminated sometime next week). So happy end to a full week I am sure. Now to hit the books. Would be even better if I could pass this test before we went to Tempe and then have something else to celebrate!
Monday, August 17, 2009
The month went from non-busy to social butterfly time. We have a birthday dinner for one of my "brothers" this weekend, and next weekend we are going to Tempe for one of my best girl friend's 30th birthday. We have some air miles so decided to get a swanky hotel and make a little fun weekend out of it. Now just have to figure out which hotels take the air miles, and must figure it out tomorrow so they can get here in time! But that is kinda exciting to have a freebee weekend in a nice hotel and not have to worry about everything else for a while! Just get away and sleep in and lay by the pool!
Mom's birthday is on September 4th and I would love for her birthday present to be telling her she will be a Grandma, but I don't think we will know by then. So may try to delay until we know. Or maybe is better not to and just go on with our lives and figure out another fun way to tell her if we are pregnant!
I feel like I had a good day (i.e. good day at work, figured some big issues out, got along with co-workers, no stupid people at HO for the most part) but when I got home at 7 pm(!) to my husband, he made me mad. Not mad at one thing (not screaming, cussing mad, just annoyed), but he was sitting on the couch talking and I couldn't hear him in the kitchen and when I asked him to come to the kitchen so I could hear while I COOKED DINNER, he asked why?! And then it went bad from there...everything that came out of his mouth sounded like criticism or whining! Plus, football is on tonight so I am sequestered in my office studying at 10 pm, while he takes over the living room! See, went from great to annoyed, not bad, just annoyed. I'm going to go read and relax, and go to bed!
Night folks! Have a great week!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Got up and swam this morning and breakfast with my Daddy, then back to Target for more rugs. Now home to do chores and pay bills. Who said Sundays were relaxing days?
Nothing new on the IUI front. Just have the ultrasound scheduled for Wed, so need to come up with questions and get answers that day. Hopefully all goes well this week!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Got a lot of studying done yesterday and now just have to set a date to take this upcoming test.
Going to the Dr. on Wed and hopefully we'll figure out how the rest of this cycle goes then.
I may not write this weekend, unless something exciting happens. Just because the last few days have been pretty uneventful and I am afraid that is boring to read! Have a great weekend folks!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Took my pills this morning - second to last day. Only different things I am noticing (and could be un-related to them) is tightness in my lower abdomen (could be from working out) that kinda feels like cramps but kinda not and some tummy issues. But thus far that is all. I will say that I am sleeping awfully well, so that is nice.
Just got back from the hospital. One of the guys who DH works with's girlfriend had a baby today so we went to visit. He is very cute and DH actually held him! He doesn't like to hold babies, I fear he is a bit scared. He always says he worries he will "break them" but he did great and I think he actually kinda liked it. He said it was like holding our cat (who will only let him hold her like that)! I said, "well, the baby won't try to scratch you afterwards!" Anyway, very cute! If I figure out how to get the picture off the phone and on here, I will! Time for dinner - at 8:30 pm! YIKES!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Heading for bed now, and gotta get up tomorrow early to walk. Night all!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Took my second dose of Levatrol today and not noticing anything out of the ordinary today yet. I'm off to find lunch and study before class at 2:30! Later folks.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Got to the gym, and only did 15 mins on the elliptical instead of 30, then my regular weight routine and showered and everything, and done by 8:45 am! Just in time to stop off at Dunkin Donuts for my large decaf iced coffee with skim, then got to work right as my boss (my Mom) was getting out of her car. So I made it!
So then had my coffee, bran muffin and my fertility drugs - Levatrol. Yes, today is day 3 so the fertility drugs started today. I don't think I am feeling any effects of them yet - no hot flashes, no fatigue, just a few cramps, but that could be reminants of AF. Levatrol is supposed to have less side effects than Clomid did (which I still blame some symptoms on and wouldn't do again), so here's hoping. I was expecting a big bill when I went to pick up the drugs on Friday, but only got my normal copay of $25. I was elated! Especially when the reciept from the pharmacy said "Price = $144.50, Insurance saved you = $119.50". We had a $500 deductible for non-generic drugs I think, and I am pretty sure we went through that the last couple months with the Prometrium that cost $182 for 2 months worth, and will cost $182 per month for the first 3 months I am pregnant! Hopefully we'll only be paying $25 then too!
Dr's office called - I had called them yesterday to say AF came up and we need to schedule my first Ultrasound for Day 10 or 11 or 12. So it is scheduled for August 19th at 8:45 am. My boss (Mom) knows, the receptionists know, and I texted Jason to ask if he could make it. Got at text right back that said "Yes." Nice to feel support from the hubby. It felt to me like, "yes, of course! No question that I will be there." From then I am not quite sure if I have an ultrasound every day or every other day or never again. But probably around day 16 or 17, I will go back and they will do the procedure. And then we will wait for 2 weeks and test and pray.
So that is my excitement today. Tomorrow's will probably be that I am sore, because as I left the gym after a week off, I was already feeling it! Gotta love workin' out again! I do feel like I have more energy today though, so that is nice.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
We got up this morning and had a huge task at hand. We moved all the furniture (bed, desk, bookcase, nightstand and closet stuff) out of the North-facing bedroom (was the guest bedroom) into our bedroom, then all the stuff in our middle bedroom - which has been serving as my home office (big desk, trundle bed, tv and entertainment center with DVD player/VCR/stereo/Playstation/etc, bookshelf in the closet, weights, etc.), into the North-facing bedroom, then all the stuff in our bedroom from the guest bedroom into the middle bedroom. Then there was the re-hook-up phase and tidying to make it look nicer than before, then rehang pictures. It took us quite the while, but it was worth it! My office has more space and looks more professional I think, plus when I do workout at home there is more space, and when I work I can see the mountains! NICE!
Scale was up this morning but I know it is because of AF and drinking, last day of that was yesterday. Will start my fertility drugs tomorrow - oh joy! Then there may be more to write about. But for today, I've got a few loose ends to tie up and then make dinner. Have a great Sunday folks!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Anyway, we went to a surprise birthday party for my "sister's" hubby. It was great fun. Volleyball in the pool, Eegee's and rum, extended family and lots of friends, great weather. Couldn't have asked for a better day. Didn't really have many cramps either. And more than one person told me I looked skinnier, so I can't complain! I truly love the people I hung out with today! And tons of kiddies! Nothing better than watching my hubby play with my friends' kids, I know he will be such a good Daddy some day.
Have to call the doc's office on Monday to schedule my ultrasound on Day 10, 11 or 12 and continue the process. Will try to document how this all goes for my records. Should be entertaining at the very least, stay tuned!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
So this week has definitely been an eye opener as far as my fertility goes. I was upset yesterday when I got the negative pregnancy test, don't get me wrong. And I called the doc's office and they were helpful in determining what the next step should be, knowing that I really don't want a lot of intervention from the doctor's and I really thought we could do this without the doc, but apparently we need some help. DH was diagnosed with low motility a couple months ago, and the procedure we have decided to do should help with that issue. The procedure is called IUI and below is a little about it from a website I like called Fertility Life Lines:
Intrauterine insemination (IUI) can be performed using the woman’s partner's sperm or donor sperm.
When using the male's sperm, the male produces a specimen, either at home or at the clinic or doctor's office. The sperm is then prepared for IUI.
Sperm from the male partner or third-party donor are screened to choose only the active sperm from the man's ejaculate. They are then concentrated into a small volume. The sperm are "washed" to remove potentially toxic chemicals that may cause adverse reactions in the uterus.
The doctor then uses a soft catheter, which is passed through a speculum directly into the woman's uterus to inject the semen. Insemination is done when a woman is ovulating, usually within 24 to 36 hours after a luteinizing hormone (LH) surge is detected. Ovulation is predicted by a urine test kit or blood test and ultrasound. Ovulation-stimulating drugs are usually given to the patient beforehand.
IUI may be done in conjunction with ovulatory medications. If injectable ovulation stimulating drugs are used, it's essential to perform careful monitoring, including periodic blood tests and ultrasounds beginning around day six of the woman's cycle. Test results will show when eggs are mature, prompting the human choriogonadotropin (hCG) shot.
IUI is a quick procedure that is done in the doctor's office without anesthesia. It should not be painful, but some women experience mild discomfort.So in thinking about this procedure last night (a couple friends of ours did it and now have a beautiful little boy, and if I remember right, they tried for 3 years and she is quite a bit older than me) I figured that maybe God is leading us towards this, because before yesterday I was never ready for this. DH has some spermies that aren't in the best condition, so maybe this is God's way of showing us that we do need a little help because he wants us to have a perfect baby and not use any of the spermies that aren't just that. The doc says the procedure has about a 15% success rate (obviously our success rate has been less over the past 2 years) and it is upped a bit because of the fertility drugs I will be on. Now I checked into the drugs a bit as I did Clomid for 6 months and had awful side effects (extreme exhaustion, mood swings, hot flashes and added sweating). The new drug is called Letrazol and is supposed to have very few side effects, the only one being tiredness during the 5 days you take it (day 3-7) so I think I can handle that.
AF still hasn't come so when it does, I call the office and schedule my ultrasound for Day 10, 11 or 12. Then, go in on that day for the Ultrasound to see how many follicules there are. From there, what I understand is they will monitor me maybe every couple days and see when it looks like I am ovulating, at which point, DH needs to race to the doc's office to do his thing. They will then "clean" his sample, and put it where it is supposed to be. Then we start our waiting and praying.
I was also thinking that when I get pregnant, I don't think I will know what to do with myself. I've worked so hard on getting pregnant and done all the research there, so once we get pregnant, I won't know what to do with myself. Trust me, there are books gathering dust in my closet so I will be reading like a mad-woman, but still it is a little scary. But I am so ready!!! DH is too!
Every month in the past when we have found out that we aren't pregnant, DH has said, "should we get help like our friends did?" and I put it off. So now I am ready to do this. I'm a little sad that I've done so well on WW and I will have to start over, but I think I will be able to still follow it a little bit so I am keeping in the right portions and hopefully not gain a lot of wait, or reallocate what I have just to my belly! Wishful thinking!
DH is worried about the cost (which is about $700) but it is so much cheaper that IVF (about $15,000), and I think at this point it is worthwhile. That is why we have savings!
So pray that this will work and we only have to try it once. Thanks for all the love of those who read this and give me your support. And for all those women who are blessed to have children without any doctor's intervention, please know how blessed you are! I envy you all so much! And am thankful to have learned much from my friends who have already had babies out there!
Ok, enough rambling. Back to work!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
So called the doc's office this morning to get their take on the symptoms I have been having and see what they think. She explained the headaches could come from the drop in estrogen after there is no egg in the uteran lining. So I guess we start over yet again. Asked the nurse about the IUI and she said the drugs associated with it aren't as hard on the system as the Clomid, so Dr. H is calling later today to discuss. I think I am finally ready for this next step. Now just have to figure out how it goes.
And we go again!
I haven't worked out since Sunday because I haven't felt good at all. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and I can get back to it.
UPDATE: Got the new fertility drugs and start on day 3, but have to get to day 1 first. Hopefully this round works and we don't have to do it twice. This definetly isn't the cheap way to get prego, but the other drugs aren't that cheap either. Wish us luck, the doc will have a hand in it this month - we go for IUI now! Will keep you posted on all that happens! Should be entertaining at the very least.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
1) Headache - had one on and off for the last 4 days. Could be stress (I clench my teeth when I get stressed, thus induce a headache, although I don't think I have for the last 4 days), too tight hair tie, or I am Pregnant.
2) Tummy ache - again, on and off for the last 4 days. Could be eating badly or too much, or I am Pregnant.
3) Cramps - on and off for probably last week, not severe either. Could be AF is on the way, or I am Pregnant.
4) Nausea - just little bits for the last 4 days, not horrible either, just small inclinations. Again, could be AF on the way, or I am Pregnant.
5) Exhaustion - a lot over the last 4 days. (Fri - no energy after workout,; Sat - in Phx with In-laws, had to lay down after lunch - napped for about an hour and half; Sun - couldn't finish my usual 90 mins in pool, got out after 60 mins, came home and took 2-3 hour nap; Mon - just very tired in afternoon.) Could be working out too much, stress, AF coming or I am Pregnant.
You all know that I vote for the last one, but don't want to get my hopes up. Let's hope that I am Pregnant!!!!! Test day is tomorrow and I am trying not to focus on it, so once I close the blog, I am trying not to think about it until tomorrow morning! LUCK please!
On a different note, at WW this morning I was down 2.8 lbs from the last time I was at a meeting (2 weeks ago) which puts me at a total of 12 lbs!! YAY ME! At the meeting, they ask who hit a milestone and for the first time, I could raise my hand and say ME! Plus I got a blue ribbon saying "I lost 10 lbs"! So happy note there at least!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Woke up this morning and just wasn't feeling going swimming, but when I got on the scale it was high, so that meant I went. Did okay for a while then decided I was done. Tummy started hurting again and kinda felt like cramps, and just awful tired. So I swam an hour instead of 1.5 hours. Still swam. Hit Trader Joe's for some bran muffins and produce, then home and took a nap. Pretty lazy day, just didn't feel good and still don't. So I am heading to bad. Hoping this isn't a cold or flu, but something else better. Wednesday will tell I guess. Night!