Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Taking IVF off the table

Hi folks or whoever is still out there.  I know I've been away a long time.  Having a baby, then a toddler, and now a 5-year-old does that to a person.  It's hard to believe Reese is already 5 years old and starting kindergarten in August!  August - that's next month!  Momma isn't ready for this.

So the reason for what may be the final blog of this my "infertility" blog is we have decided to donate our remaining embryos to an organization so they can be "adopted" by another couple.  I knew this day was coming.  The biggest factor was we were paying our fertility clinic annually to care for our eggs.  It's been $250 a year since 2011.  They had told us previously that at year 5 the price increases to $500 because at that point, in their experience anyway, if a couple hasn't done IVF again, they probably won't.  So I was expecting that as we passed Reese's fifth birthday in April and even last October when we were in Hawaii (back to this in a bit).  I played with the thought of paying for the first year (technically 6th year) and re-evaluating in the summer of 2018.  That abruptly came to a halt when we got the bill and instead of $500, it was for $1,000.  Guess it's time to figure this out!

Let me first say that I was also holding on to these embryos with the thought that if someday Reese needed something, maybe science and technology had progressed enough that the embryos could assist her (in my head like stem cells).  I asked my doctor friends and the response I got was that we'd have to grow a person from the embryos in order to have them help us in any way.  Ok, question answered.  Although I did just see something about a womb that sits in your living room and grows a baby with your "stuff"...nah, we're good.

The initial letter was just a bill and a letter about the next steps if we were ready to discard our embryos (we still have 7 in the freezer).  So I emailed Holly at Dr. H's office and asked for assistance, after of course updating her on Reese and sending photos.  She oohed-and-ahhed like she always does when I email her, and then answered my questions.  The "donation" process has changed a lot in the last 5 years, so it's a little bit more involved.  Dr. H's office (to my best recollection) would simply take the eggs off our hands, stop billing us and when they came upon a couple in need, would offer ours among the others they had.  Not so much anymore since the State of Arizona says that isn't ok.  So we have another agency to go through - the National Embryo Donation Center.

I filled out their extensive forms online (eye color, hair color, medical background for parents, so many questions) and submitted, then about a week later received an email back with a huge packet to also fill out.  Still have that sitting here.  The email also indicated that blood work would be needed and the center would pay for that or reimburse us.  For those of you who don't remember, J is not thrilled about needles.  I'm not either per se, but he is REALLY adverse to them.  So when I brought this up to him, he was not excited.  I'd already told him about the bill and my other thoughts.  He would throw the towel in just over a vial of blood work.  This is where Momma puts her foot down and says, "Man up, we are not simply discarding these embryos that I (technically we) grew because you are afraid of a little needle prick!"

So there you have it.  We have officially started this process - notarized the forms yesterday and in the mail they went.  We have taken IVF off the table and our infertility story is seemingly over.  Now there's always the possibility that God will surprise us down the road and bless us with a baby, that we'd be over the moon happy about.  But since it hasn't happened for the last 5 years and we haven't been "preventing" it, I'm guessing we will just have one kiddo in our lives and that is just fine.  And at 38 the window on that is rapidly closing anyway.


Now back to the Hawaii thing - 2 Christmases ago my folks gifted us with a trip to Hawaii to go with them.  Wonderful present!  Reese was a trooper on the plane and would have stayed in Hawaii if we'd let her.  She loved the beach and the pool and just being on vacation in a new place.  J and I had plenty of us time because the Gma and Pappy were seemingly always happy to entertain her, feed her, swim with her, and put her to bed.  If we weren't in a room that was connected, we could probably have gone most of the trip without seeing each other!  So knowing the above issue was coming, I deemed Hawaii a good time to discuss with J the situation and get his thoughts.  I was completely on the fence - didn't have my hopes up for another baby, but could have gone that way too.  As I suspected, he was (and continues to be happy) with just one bambino.  My feelings weren't hurt as I simply opened it up for discussion.  But we were away from the stresses of work and "real adult life" so that helped get a true discussion.


Oh, one possibility I forgot to mention that is on the forms I have yet to fill out is do we want an open adoption of our embryos or a closed one.  First we discussed donating embryos to friends who are struggling to get pregnant and have lost one child to a genetic disorder.  While that would be amazing....we both agreed that we probably couldn't handle watching dear friends raise what literally is our child.  Even if they did everything how we would of, something would be off.  And God-forbid they did something we didn't agree with, things could really go south.  So that went away.  I think we'll probably go with closed for the same reason as above, however the option is still there to know that someone used the embryos.  Have to read a little further to see if it stops there or if they tell me that it worked or not in the process.  But the journey is ending...not really sad about it because I got my miracle.  She's at dance camp right now in a hula skirt...and a couple weeks ago was there as a troll...and below was Vacation Bible School as a super hero.  Couldn't be happier about this little crazy girl!
So there it is Bleeps (is that what I used to call you all?)...WE. ARE. DONE.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

I'm still here - anyone else?!

Hello.....anyone out there?  I feel like this is the first line of so many posts in the last 2 years.  To be honest, I've blogged in my head over the past 2 years and INTENDED to capture it on the keyboard, but when (and if) I have found the time to sit down, my beautiful words that I captured in my head are now no where to be found.  Sadly, I wrote a blog probably last September about our first airline flight and left it as a draft until I could add the right pictures.  I still haven't.  Maybe sometime I'll publish it with or without pics.  I thought about closing the blog down but on the off chance I have looked back on it it still brings me joy and the occasional tear to my eye.  I recently re-read my post about when I finally could tell my blog-ily (that's blog and family put together) that I was pregnant (now more than 2 years ago) and I was overwhelmed with emotion and tears.  I could actually feel the happiness through my own words.  It was at that point that I decided I couldn't shut the blog down, but I still didn't know how to keep it up with a busy toddler on the loose in my house.  And I still refer people to it to show them they aren't alone in their struggle.  Can't take that away!

Early in January, I decided that keeping a page of notes within my phone in an app (who needs paper any more?!) about things Reese does on a monthly basis was getting harder and harder to track.  When something good (or bad for that matter) happened, I wouldn't write it down while the memory was fresh in my brain so those lists were getting shorter and shorter even when I knew she was (and continues) to grow and mature rapidly.  So the second week in January, I decided that each night I wanted to write down something that happened that day. I have a reminder in my phone to do this too so it doesn't get forgotten.  It's also a great ending to my day, especially if it was a hard day for whatever reason. 

Maybe a few weeks after I started doing that I got the notion that this would be how I kept up the blog.  I could post monthly (or more if time permitted) some of the fun stories that have happened in the past month.  There's a reminder in my phone for that too.  Are you beginning to see a trend blogites?!

So here's the first installment of that process.  Since I didn't post in January and February is nearly over, this one will have some catch-up in it since it covers January and February events.  Apologies in advance if the post becomes long. (Smile)  I will try not to talk about every post I have in my phone, but she does an awful lot of cute/sweet/funny/entertaining things.  And away we go....

January 7 - my first post.  I called J while I was home with Reese and he was at work.  She wanted the phone from me and walked around the playroom with it held to her ear, babbling incoherently to J or I.  She was mimicking me it seemed.  She doesn't talk a lot (even at 20 months) but she surely understands what we are saying.

January 8 (I know I promised not daily posts, but this day and two very sweet happenings that I must share) - When I dropped Reese off at daycare, her normal teacher wasn't in her room at the moment, but happened to be in a room that Reese could see thru the window.  I took Reese to the glass and she proceeded to knock on the glass as if to tell Ms. Teacher "Hey, come over here.  I need you!"  Ms. Teacher saw her and waved acknowledging her need.  That evening, Reese and J were laying on the floor in her room facing each other.  Reese would babble and J would imitate her back.  At one point, she got up, walked over to him, smacked him on the forehead (!) and then laid back down.  It was the kind of smack that said, "Dad, what the heck were you thinking saying that?" Almost like he had said a bad word or something.  I was laughing so hard.

January 16 - Reese's new favorite bedtime activity is to sit on Daddy's back while he does push-ups and she balances.  

January 19 - While putting Reese to bed, she was very cuddly.  I said, "are you ready for bed?" And she put her arms around me, squeezed and then tickled the back of my arms.  So simple, yet so sweet all in the same moment.

January 24 - Another bedtime sweet story.  While rocking her tonight, she leaned back away from me and made the sign for love (crossing her arms on her chest and turning from side to side) unprovoked, then leaned in again and hugged me tight.  Man, I love that little girl.

January 30 - Part of our morning routine at daycare now includes giving another little girl hugs.  I ask, "do you want to hug *****?" And both girls practically run at each other, huge smiles on their faces and hug/pat each other.  This process is usually repeated many times before I leave daycare in the morning.

February 1 - Reese has been going to a Mommy and Me gymnastics class for about a month now.  She has improved by leaps and bounds, not only knowing what to do but letting the coach help her do things. This morning, she let Coach K help her walk across the parallel bars on her hands and feet.  Then Reese actually held herself up for a few seconds on the rings and bar (which she's never done before) and jumped on the trampoline well with Coach K. 

February 2 (I know another successive day) - I painted Reese's toenails (a big deal to me) for the first time ever.  She held really still and then kept showing them to us and saying "pretty."  I think she loved them!

February 7 - Fairy Godmother (FG) came to visit today and brought Reese a bunny that allows FG to record her voice so Reese can hear it whenever she squeezes the bunny.  She loved it!  And she warmed up to FG almost right away even though she hasn't seen her since her 1st birthday almost a year ago.  Warms my heart to see her love Fairy Godmother like I do.

February 8 (sorry, another in a row - was a great weekend) - Reese did wonderful at gymnastics especially because her normal coach wasn't there, but went to Coach K2 easily.  And Fairy Godmother was there to watch it all and Reese kept waving to her and seemed excited to have more of an audience than just Momma.  After Reese's nap, FG went in to get Reese, change her diaper and rock.  FG was in there forever and as I watched on the monitor, they both looked so content just sitting, cuddling and rocking.  I kinda though they both fell asleep.  But they didn't.  Just enjoyed each other's company!  Then we Reese, FG and I went to the playground and Reese went down the big slides by herself probably 30 times, letting FG go with her and help too.  Here's a sweet pic.
February 17 - This morning after J walked out of the bedroom and Reese and I were still in there, she realized he was gone.  I told her to go find him and she proceeded to open the door and then started saying, "Da?! Da?" It got progressively louder.  He heard her in the garage which is across the house and out a door!

February 18 - I had a pretty easy day so I took Reese to open gym at the gymnastics studio.  She had a blast!  It's different from her gymnastics class because the kids can do whatever they want.  She walked on the beam with Coach K2's help, jumped on the trampoline with Coach S, did "cartwheels" on her own and ran in circles having a ball.  I was a proud mommy as we walked out because she let people help her without being scared.  And I had quite a few other Mommies comment on how cute and sweet she was.  Made my day! 

February 21 - As I was getting ready for the day, Reese was playing in our bedroom.  As I got ready to sit down and put on make-up, she came into the bathroom and pulled the stool out, then patted it for me to sit down.  Then, when I was doing laundry she was helping and had to make sure the clothes were all the way in the washer.  See below.
February 24 - Mom and I are at a work conference and J is home with Reese on his own.  We Skyped tonight with her.  She loved waving at me and blowing kisses.  J asked her, "What does Blazer (our dog) say?" and Reese howled!  That's exactly what he does and it was darn cute when she did it!

So now you have a look into our lives!  I love my little girl and all the joy she brings.  Toon in next time for more Reese-isms!

Thanks for sticking around!

Nikus out!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

A thankfulness for IVF

Hi folks.  I know it's been a while and I haven't updated you on how our trip to Iowa went (great, just so you know).  And that was my intent with a little down time today.  However (and I may still get there), something else sparked my creative side today.

As I cleaned up after Reese had breakfast and she entertained herself for a minute (literally, a minute), I turned the TV on get ready to turn on her Bubble Guppies (favorite show on Nick Jr.) and the channel was on The Today Show.  They were showing a live transfer of eggs out of a woman during an IVF cycle.  I was nearly in tears as I watched this happen and then looked at Reese. 

Without IVF, she may have never been born. 

I guess the first "test-tube baby" was born in 1978, just a year before me.  And at that time, the success rate was 2%. TWO PERCENT SUCCESS RATE!  Holy crap.  That's so little!  We thought we were taking a gamble with a 20% success rate.  Which is now apparently up to 60% - just under 2 years later. 

I began to feel VERY grateful for that first test-tube baby. 

Very grateful for the doctors that had perfected the IVF process and still are working to perfect it. 

Very grateful for our doctor (Dr. H) and his entire staff, especially Holly (his nurse and IVF Coordinator). 

Very grateful for my OB/GYN who put me in touch with Dr. H and then lead me through my almost flawless pregnancy and birthed our baby. 

SUPER grateful for all of our family and friends and bloggites who stuck by us through the whole process and consoled my tears, jumped for joy with me, and did whatever they could to show their support, including my Belly Mama offering her belly if we needed it - which in the end we didn't.  But she offered...as did a few others. 

And IMMENSELY grateful for my husband, J, who was my rock during the entire process.  He wanted to be a Dad just as bad as I wanted to be a Mom.  And we got thru everything together. 

And what do I have to show for it all?

THIS little wonder who is now walking, saying words, "shushing", singing, and laughing.  
And my life is now more joyous than I could ever imagine.


Thursday, August 29, 2013

Tips to a new Mom - from somewhat of a veteran

Hi folks.  I recently wrote an email to a friend who is pregnant with things I had known before I gave birth or early in Reese's life.  These may not apply to you, but I wanted them out there for anyone to see because I wish I had known them earlier in Reese's life.

I had been writing this to her in my head for a while, and I got to the point that I needed to send it to her because I was shopping at a huge baby store one Sunday and happened upon a cute pregnant woman and her husband.  They both looked bewildered by all the choices...we were in the safety aisle - I was looking at baby gates, they were looking at baby monitors - so I stepped in and helped them figure out some things.  Actually ended up walking around the store with them for a while pointing out "do's and don'ts".  They were very grateful.  

But it brought me back to my friend and I knew I needed to pass some knowledge on to her whether she wanted it or not.  So here's what I said.  (Mind you I prefaced my email with "you don't have to listen to me, but I'm going to talk."

1.) Find a diaper bag that you really like and make it a purse/diaper bag.  I started Reese's life carrying her diaper bag, my purse and her car seat with her in it.  After meeting a friend for lunch with her 1 year old and me taking up the whole side of the booth, I realized something had to change.  So maybe when Reese was 6-8 months old, I changed my purse into a diaper bag and was much happier.  I recently bought a new diaper bag for our trip to Iowa and I already love it.  It is the Skip Hop Grand Central Diaper Bag.  A little bigger than usual, but great pockets for our trip.  http://www.amazon.com/Skip-Hop-Central-Diaper-Cinnamon/dp/B008WNV52E/ref=sr_1_1?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1376933406&sr=1-1&keywords=skip+and+hop+grand.  I also have a Petunia Pickle Bottom that I use regularly as a purse and love, and a Bumble Collection purse too.  I love my bags!  Sometimes you can find these for cheaper on babysteals.com.

2. I found a baby app for my phone that I have been using since day 1 and it rocks.  It's free and it is called BabyCare.  It keeps track of all feedings, diapers, naps/night sleep, medicine, etc.  It rocks!  It is so much easier than writing it down.  It also times you when you are nursing which will be important because the nurses at the hospital will ask and your pediatrician may too.  I still use it to track how much Reese eats, diapers, etc.  Helps a lot when she is sick and not eating/having wet diapers/needs meds, etc.

3. We have a Motorola video baby monitor that I adore.  Can see what is happening and not have to go into her room to check on her.  This baby has everything.  You can move the camera from your room instead of having to go into her room when she moves.  You can talk to her thru the camera without going into her room.  You can play music for her.  You can zoom in to make sure she is breathing.  You can see the temp in her room.  Plus it comes with 2 cameras so you can have 2 different rooms covered.  And you can add 2 more cameras if you so choose.  LOVE IT!

4.  You may want to look for a little swing that is easily moved from room -to-room.  We had one in our bathroom for when we were getting ready in the morning when Reese was little.  She adored it!  And it let us be there with her but hands free.  I got it at Target.  http://www.target.com/p/fisher-price-swing-n-seat-forest-fun/-/A-14297074#prodSlot=medium_1_24&term=baby+swing

 5.  Also, and I wish they had this when she was little, they now have a swing that you can just hang the car seat on when you come in from driving around.  So many times Reese would fall asleep in the car, and as soon as I set her car seat on the counter, she would wake up because she wasn't moving anymore.  It is just a frame that you hang the car seat from but will swing.  SOOOOO wish that we had had this. http://www.amazon.com/Graco-SnugGlider-Infant-Swing-Frame/dp/B000M4K4BY
6.  As far as strollers go, don't get the gargantuan stroller that comes with the car seat.  We only used ours a couple times because it was so huge.  I just found a couple months ago a stroller that would take any car seat but was a lot smaller and also would take her after she is out of the carseat.  Here's the link.  http://www.amazon.com/The-First-Years-Indigo-Stroller/dp/B004FN1D5O/ref=sr_1_3?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1376935399&sr=1-3&keywords=first+years+stroller.  It rides great and Reese loves that she can face us or out and be reclined after she falls asleep.  The shade is a little small, but adding a blanket or shade you can buy separate fixes that issue.
7. Breastfeeding is challenging.  And a commitment.  But SOOOOOO worth it!  If you struggle for whatever reason, reach out to anyone.  Don't let it get you down.  My milk took 12 days to come in after Reese was born and there were many a tear in those periods for various reasons.  There is a great book out there someone turned me on to called The Nursing Mother's Companion.  http://www.amazon.com/The-Nursing-Mothers-Companion-Edition/dp/1558327207/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1376936223&sr=8-4&keywords=breastfeeding+book.  Helped me a lot.

8. Breast pump - If you want you can buy one now, but you might want to wait until you see how nursing goes.  Some women just can't nurse, so then you have spent your money and are stuck with a pump you can't use.  Many hospitals have pumps you can rent to see if things are working out, then go buy one once you know how it is all working.  I was lucky enough to be able to borrow a pump from a friend for almost a year.  It was awesome.  I could literally pump anywhere, which I did, even the car!  Here's the link.  http://www.amazon.com/Medela-Pump-Style-Advanced-Backpack/dp/B0011E75RK/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1376936350&sr=8-3&keywords=medela+breastpump

9. Ask for help.  It is hard.  Was really hard for me.  I got bad at hoping Jason would read my mind and just do things, then would get mad when he wouldn't.  Ask for help.  Hubby doesn't know what is going on in your brain.  Tell him.  If friends offer to bring you dinner or clean your house, say yes.  Don't say you don't need anything.  Ask for help!  This is a huge transition! 

10.  Enjoy this time.  Baby will only be this little once.  Hold her.  Cuddle her.  Get a Sling or some kind of baby carrier.  I love my sling because I could hold her when she was little and can still hold her as a toddler.  She could fall asleep on me and I could still do somethings.  Plus mine has pockets that sometimes I would just put my cell phone and wallet in and go into a store with just that.  Last link (I promise) http://www.rockinbaby.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=1006S.  This isn't the exact one I have, but it is the same company and gorgeous. I actually used to put Reese in the sling and go get my nails and toes done.  The ladies thought it was awesome because she would fall asleep on me and I could have down time while cuddling.  Plus my sling is pretty.

So there's my advice.  Take it.  Give it to friends.  Throw it away.  Whatever.  But now I feel better having passed wisdom on to someone! 

Nikus out!