Thursday, December 31, 2009

My hubby is a hottie!

Finally, I can say that I am feeling better!  Not 100%, but if yesterday I was feeling about 25%, then today is maybe 70%!  So that is a vast improvement for me.  Was able to get a couple hours of work done from my bedroom on the laptop, so hopefully when I go back on Monday, I'm not underwater so much.  Anyway, on to my story!

So, if you have been reading the blog lately (obviously blogging a little more than usual these days due to lots of down-time), you read that I have been sick and besides the Dr. prescribed antibiotics, she also told me to eat lots of Eegee's (for those of you not in Tucson, AZ, this is a drink at a locally run restaurant all across Tucson that is basically shaved ice and flavoring that is to-die-for!) because they have lots of Vitamin C in them and would help with the pain from my sore throat and cough.  Well, after I told hubby this on Tuesday night after I had been to the Walgreens Take-Care Clinic up the street (for that experience, read Tuesday's post) he stopped at Eegee's on his way home to pick me up 2 quarts of the good stuff (1 strawberry and 1 pina colada).  I ate them slowly over Tuesday night and Wednesday, and learned that they also help reduce fevers!  Texted dear hubby yesterday afternoon and asked him to pick up more to help me get well.

When hubby came home yesterday, he told me he had gotten me not 2 huge (quart) Eegee's but 4!  When I asked why, he told me he had gone to the Eegee's by his work on his way home Tuesday and this girl had waited on him, then one of his buddies wanted to go there to lunch yesterday (Wed) so they did and the same girl waited on him - this time actually flirting a little bit.  After I texted him and asked for more, he went back and hoping to side-step her, went to the drive-thru, but who was there...correct, said girl! So he ordered the 4 Eegee's and she continued to flirt and even said something like, "You must really like Eegee's!  Or you are just coming to see me!"  Talk about being forward!  He responded with something like, "my wife's doctor told her to eat this to get over her sickness."  I guess the girl balked and said, "WIFE!"  He said yes, and then she said something about, "I've heard about Eegee's being good for colds too."  He paid and left.

A couple thoughts I have about this little situation:
1) I know my hubby is attractive...I think so every day!  Makes me feel good that young girls still hit on him!
2) That girl is really forward!  Man, talk about not playing hard-to-get.  In my day (I know, I am not that old!), we actually waited a little bit for the guy to make the first move, or if we did, we were damn sure about the situation!
3) Hubby and I obviously have a great relationship because he actually told me about this situation, instead of keeping it to himself.  And I think he wanted me to remember how lucky I am...which I have never forgotten!

Today being New Year's Eve and all, I feel that I should reflect on the past year and our struggles and achievements.  First, our achievements...we have dealt with the situation dealt to us and stuck together as a couple, with very few fights.  We have stood behind one another and for the most part, seen eye-to-eye on the decisions we decided to make.  And we have been able to do this, without throwing ourselves under the bus in debt.  For this we are very lucky!  Now for our struggles...yes, we have struggled with this little thing called infertility and have stressed ourselves sometimes to high heaven! That is probably my biggest struggle, stress.  I tend to take things on full force and blame myself for them, even though it's nothing I have done to create this situation.  J has been very supportive through all of this and while he tells me he doesn't understand why I blog, he also hasn't asked me to stop.  So as long as it calms me, he is fine with it.

I have also struggled with my weight, but that is part of my life story.  I am hoping this year will be a bit easier because I think I have a partner in the struggle this time...J.  He has decided that he wants to lose 10 lbs of fat and gain 20 lbs of muscle.  So that means we both need to eat healthier.  When I started WW, I would eat what I knew was good and still buy J whatever he wanted be it chips, cookies, etc.  So now that we both have the same wants, I am hoping it will be a little easier to not buy the crappy food and more of the good food.  We'll see how far he gets, but I think even if is just to lose the 10, we'll be in great shape.

That said, my stomach is growling and it is time for some more soup and Eegee's.  Hope you all have a great New Year's Eve and stay safe.  Love to you all and talk to you next year!  WOW, 2010 already?!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Hourly feedings?

After last night, I feel like a new Mommy.  I was up every hour due to the amount of congestion in my body.  It was not happy times.  Plus, I was running a fever most of the night and it felt like my skin was on fire!  I literally saw the clock turn 12, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8!  Talk about what my body doesn't need right now...I need sleep to kick this damn ear infection and the sinusitis that has set-in with it. I do not recall the last time I felt this sick.  Maybe when I had something similar to strep in CO, but that was years ago.  Funny how all night when I wasn't sleeping, I was blogging in my head and now I can't seem to find anything to blog about!  Maybe time for a nap!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Amoxacillian and Eegees

So last I blogged, I told you about AF showing up Christmas morning and a sore throat adding itself to the mix Christmas night.  Have stayed home from work yesterday and while I usually work from home on Tuesdays, today was maybe a max of 4 hours of work.  And feeling awful the whole time.  So finally dragged myself to Walgreens today (after calling my regular doc and asking for an appt with the nurse practitioner, only to be denied until tomorrow), to try out their little clinic.  Not a bad walk in, answer some questions on a computer along with name, email, etc., then wait.  There happened to be about 3 people in front of me, all who were there for flu shots, so their appts were pretty short.

Finally got in to see the nurse, and she was great.  She did all of the necessary tests...throat, nose, lungs, and ears.  Now when she looked in my right ear, she actually said, "WOW!  There it is.  You have an ear infection!"  So thankfully, she gave me Amoxicillian, some cough syrup to help me sleep, and an inhailer to help clear up my lungs, along with the Afrin at home and she said to eat lots of Eegees!  To which I replied, "excuse me?!"  She verified what she had said, because Eegees are good for the throat pain and have lots of vitamin C.  Nice prescription Doc!  Also said, no work tomorrow but hopefully Thursday. 

Then the hard part came, waiting for the prescription.  I must have sat there for 30 minutes or more, and finally walked up again to check and what-do-you-know, it was ready but nobody had called me!  Anyway, picked it up and finally made my way home.  Took my lovely prescriptions, and am now back in bed awaiting my Eegees delivery from my lovely hubby.  Hopefully this clears up quickly, and I can be back at work by Thursday.  All else is well and good, time to relax a bit more.  Have a nice night folks.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

I am a MOR-ON! (Again, TMI!)

(BEGIN TMI!) So knowing that AF was due on Christmas Day, I took a couple aleve Christmas Eve before bed in anticipation.  Anyway, woke up Christmas Day morning and was "pleasantly" surprised that there was nothing surprising me on the TP.  So I got in the shower and was having all kinds of thoughts rolling around in my head about "do I take a test to Phoenix - where we were spending Christmas with J's family?" or "do I wait until we get home?" and "don't get excited, maybe I miscounted days and am not due until tomorrow" and a multitude of other thoughts, while also trying not to get myself excited.  And as I am soaping and cleaning, I find "the string"!  (TMI - I warned you!).  Yes, I had awoken in the middle of the night with cramps, and taken another couple aleve, and added protection.  Well, then I just felt stupid!  So all the previous thoughts, went whooshing out of my head when I realized that my hoped for "Christmas miracle" was not so.  (TMI over!)

Christmas was mostly fine...we had a great Christmas Eve with my family and opened lots of presents.  Were able to go to Mass with my parents, picked up my Grandma, have wonderful pizza and champagne, then spend lots of time opening presents and enjoying each other's company.  Then woke up bright and way-too-early on Christmas Day and (after the above event) drove to Mesa, AZ to spend the day with J's family (12 total).  It was a generally un-drama-filled day, well except for a couple incidents, that will go un-discussed.  Ate way-too-much food and drank far-too-much champagne!  Went to bed on an air mattress in J's parents' office.  Was comfortable, for about 30 minutes!  I must have woken up every 30 minutes after the first 30 minutes of sleep.  I don't know if the bed wasn't big enough (we have a king at home), or if I was hot, or cold, or what, but about 2 am I woke up and my throat was on fire! Luckily, J had some throat drops in his bathroom bag, but that didn't get me very far.  Slept on-and-off again for the next 5 hours, at which point there was banging on the door when J's uncle left to drive back to Oregon. 

So I got out of bed, and went to hopefully find some medicine and maybe some hot tea, and a hot shower.  Had breakfast, drank lots of hot tea, and hoped for the best.  We left J's parents' house and stopped at Walgreens on the way home for medicine, and then I finally got some sleep in the car.  So slept after we got home and then slept some more. 

And now, we have just finished watching Terminator Salvation, which wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, and are now watching Made of Honor before I head for bed to hopefully ward off the sore throat that has persisted all day and has now added a cough.  Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and be back soon!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Eve 2009 (TMI alert!)

First, you know you have been dealing with infertility ends up in your Christmas letter to the masses!  Yup, I stuck a little something in there, hoping to offset the comments from friends and family this next year, but it may have upped them a little bit - which is yet to be determined.  Anyway...I said, "The question has come up from many asking when we will have kids. At this point, all we can say is we are working on it and things of this nature take more time for some than others" just after I talked about us celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary.  I am really hoping it stops the question, but looking back we may get more un-thought-of suggestions!  Oh well, it's out there!

Second, I need to preface this blog with the post that inspired it basically.  That comes from InfertileNaomi who writes 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility.   Her post yesterday hit home more than she will probably ever know!  (Although, I did leave her a little note about it!) 

Anyway, let me begin.  AF is due tomorrow (what a wonderful Christmas present right?!) and I have this thought in the back of my head that maybe we will have a "Christmas miracle" although I keep pushing it down, as to not get my hopes up and then dashed again.  So reading the post referenced above, not only made me laugh, but (sadly) be grateful that I am not the ONLY one in the world who feels this way.  Now last month, AF surprised me, which she hasn't done probably since she blessed me with her presence at age 13(?).  She was actually 3 days early in November, as if to say, "don't even second guess yourself this month ain't happening!"  But at least it wasn't on my birthday or Thanksgiving or the weekend of my birthday-extravaganza-party! 

So this month, I have been expecting her since about Monday.  And she is a no-show, which doesn't help my heart in thinking that she may not pop up at all (I can hope right?!).  But the symptoms, or what I believe to be the symptoms, of AF (or PG - seeing as how many are the same!) are there.  Very tender boobs, slight headaches, cramps, bloating, and hunger like no other!  I haven't been regulating my drinking (although I haven't been drinking every night or even every weekend for that matter), or my coffee (yes, caffeinated) or lately Pumpkin Spice Lattes (until Starbucks ran out yesterday!) this month either.  We've been eating semi-healthy, but with the holidays and all the goodies and parties and stuff, that is hard to!  Plus, more than a couple late nights at work due to my classes and then making up the work that I missed during my classes. 

Now lately (here comes the TMI - if the above wasn't enough for you - so skip this paragraph if you don't wanna know graphic stuff), about the day before AF shows her oh-so-ugly face, I begin to spot.  And that surprises me too!  Especially because I have no cramps, what-so-ever, and in my world of AF, that doesn't happen at all!  But then the spotting disappears by the end of the day, and the next day, AF strolls in merrily and wreaks havoc on my system and makes me want to stay in bed all day with about 4 Aleve down my gullet. Yet, thus far today and yesterday, nothing but the symptoms, but no "down-south" stuff. (TMI over!)

So when I read InfertileNaomi's blog the other day, I laughed out loud and long because I was going through what she was saying at that exact moment and she hit the nail on the head about 3 times!!!  I even warned J that AF is due on Christmas to which he lovingly replied "OH GREAT!  And we are driving to Phoenix that day!"  What a dear, sweet, sentiment right?!  But as of yet, I don't know what is happening.

I have already informed my MIL that there will be no "Christmas surprises" this year, and while she is always supportive and even defends us around her parents and in-laws, I could hear the disappointment in her voice.  And I would LOVE-LOVE-LOVE to give her and my FIL (and of course my parents too) a positive pregnancy test in a box, but I am 99.99% sure that won't happen this year.  However, God is keeping me guessing these days. 

So a quick question, then a wrap up and then off to make lots of fattening goodies for the next couple days.

Question: How do you prepare yourself for this?  Maybe prepare isn't the right word?  Survive?  What I mean is, how do you hope without hoping too much as to upset yourself when AF does show up, but hoping just enough that your body and God hear you?  I've been told to tell myself "I am pregnant" even to the point of writing it on an index card and looking at it every morning and night.  To kind of tell my body, "hey, this is our goal, now shape-up!"  But in doing that, my hopes raise and raise and raise, and then AF arrives and the disappointment is huge.  Whereas, months when I have told myself, "this isn't gonna work" I feel like I am just telling my body that I don't want it to work which is 100% false!  How do you reach the middle ground?

As my dear friend Kate at Busted Plumbing puts it, she is a "Pollyanna" and that means "always trying to make lemonade out of lemons, always trying to looks on the bright side."  And I am definitely that person!  Even a friend in CO, who I haven't seen since we moved dubbed me that when we started emailing a few weeks ago about the situation.  So we turn to Christmas and happy thoughts...I took today off from work (YAY!) and just got done with breakfast with one of my favorite people in the entire world (yes Ms. T, that's you!) and her awesome children.  After I finish writing my heart out, I will head downstairs and create 2 varieties of mashed potatoes, 2 separate appetizers of Spinach Artichoke Dip, Scalloped Corn and Homemade Pizza!  Everything but 1 of the Artichoke dips and the pizza is for our trip to Phoenix with the ILs tomorrow, and the Pizza (dubbed Arizona Pizza by my Grandmother in Iowa) is for tonight after Mass with my parents and before Christmas present opening with my parents, my Grandma here, and our zoo of animals!  I can't wait!

So I bid you all a fond farewell until after Christmas, and I hope you all have a lovely holiday whatever it is you celebrate!  I appreciate you reading my (sometimes) innermost thoughts and issues, and your support!  Love you guys - even if some of you don't tell me who you are - and Merry Christmas!


Tuesday, December 22, 2009

New face of Nikus' Road

So, obviously, something is different!  Yes, I went a little crazy last night with making the blog look different.  My friend Kate, at Busted Plumbing has a super-fancy blog and while I won't spend money on this to make it look that cool, I wanted to change it up a bit.  So here is what I came up with.  Hope you like!

In other news, I had the oddest thing happen to me this morning.  I worked out with my friend Anna, and then came up to check email and Facebook, before going to shower and get ready for the day.  When I did that, I got an instant message on FB from my swim coach - Mike.  Now, he and I aren't that close, but we are friends outside of swimming, but we have never chatted that way.  Well, he proceeds to tell me he is stuck in London, England and that he was mugged last night at gun point.  So I asked where Misty (his fiancee) is and he says there with him.  Then I ask who is running practice (knowing my Dad went yesterday and Sunday) and he said "no one" which is highly unlikely...and unlikely that Mike, who is 25 has time and money to jet off to London on a spur of the moment trip around Christmas.  He proceeds to tell me that their flight home is in a couple hours and he just needs cash to settle their hotel bill.  But wouldn't the credit card company get that info when you checked in?  He said he would pay me back when they returned.  I told him to call his Dad (who is the principal of the high school I went to) and he said he didn't want him to know.  What kind of Dad doesn't know their kid is in London and that they got mugged?  It just didn't sound like Mike.  So I kept peppering him with questions, and finally he got offline.  It sounds like someone hacked into his FB or did get his iPhone and is trying to scam on me via him.

So I emailed him outside of FB and Misty on FB, and my Dad to ask if he was at practice yesterday.  Hopefully one of them gets back to me soon.  I hope he is okay in real life and that wasn't really him, but why would he not tell his Dad he was in London? Why wouldn't he go to the Embassy?  Why wouldn't he call the credit card company?  Why would he ask me, of all people, for money because we aren't close at all?  I don't even have his cell number.  It was all just very odd!  I hope he is fine and I will hear from him soon, but how random is that?!

Yikes, watch your FB people!  Will keep you posted if I hear anything.

UPDATE: I heard from my "friend" from his outside address, and that was not from him as well as the FB messages.  Also heard from his fiancee, and she said they were in Tucson and safe!  Also heard from a couple people on my swim team that they received the same message and my coach was at practice yesterday (I was not!).  But the guy kept emailing me from my friend's email account...I was trying to get a location out of him so we could get him and prosecute him, but no luck.  He just wanted $1,690(first he told me 690 pounds - which I knew my friend would have emailed me in dollars) wired to him so he could pay his hotel bills!  I can't believe people will do this.  How SLIMY is that?!  I really wanted to email him back and tell him I knew it was a scam, but didn't want him to turn on me and try to hack me, and was hoping he was stupid and would give me more info so we could catch him!  Especially with the somewhat bad English (another indicator it wasn't my coach)!  Man, what a jerk! 

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Julie and Julia

I've been hearing great things about Julie and Julia so knowing my afternoon would be kind of empty, thanks to all the Christmas shopping, wrapping and decorating being done, I figured why not rent it and see.  So I did and it did not disappoint, but this post is about more than just watching the movie.

Did you know that Julia Child and her hubby, Paul, couldn't have kids?!  I did not expect to see that in the film, but there it was.  It was visible if you were more aware I think.  And I can only name two scenes where it was.  First, there was a scene where Julia's sister has recently gotten married, and mails her a letter telling her she is pregnant.  Julia tries to put up a bold front when telling her husband and says "of course I'm happy" but then she breaks down in tears and her hubby is gentle and loving toward her, and has that look that I have seen from J one too many times.  That was the point when I knew.  I don't know if it is because we are there, or if it would be apparent to anyone.

The second scene I saw but it didn't really ring clear to me, and it actually came before the scene described above.  But when I was watching the Special Features, they were talking about how the director put things in but didn't say anything about them, and that was when it hit me.  The second scene is Julia and Paul walking down the Paris sidewalk, very merrily, and a woman with a baby stroller walks by them.  Julia cranes her neck to see the baby and when she turns back towards the camera, there is a hint of sadness in her eyes.  First of all, glorious acting by Merrill Streep!  To capture that moment so quickly and perfectly.  Second of all, kudos to the director.  Those 2 moments probably drew the movie closer to me.

Now another story about Julie and Julia.  This movie has actually come up a couple times this week.  First, about 3 days ago, J said, "you LOVE Julia Child right?"  I don't think those words have ever come out of my mouth or done anything to lead him to that, so I looked at him with a screwed up face and said, "um no, not really."  He looked a little worried and said, "but you wanted to go see her kitchen when we were in DC at the Smithsonian!"  I said, " well she is an icon, but I wouldn't say I love her.  I don't hate her, but I definitely don't love her."  And the conversation ended there.  I thought nothing more of it.

Then, when I finished the movie today and he came in he asked how the movie was.
I replied it was great.
And he said, "but I thought you hated her!"  (Way to listen dear J! see above paragraph).
I said, "I don't hate her, I just don't love her.  I wouldn't buy her book!"
His face hit the floor like a ton of bricks.  "But you said you liked the movie!"
"I did like the movie!"
He says, "well, you are getting the book for Christmas, so sorry!"
I laughed, and said, "Julia Child didn't write the movie, or the book, she is just the inspiration.  I would buy the book the movie is based on, but not one Julia Child wrote!" 
"Oh, well now you know one of your presents.  I shouldn't have said anything!"  He was minorly upset that he had spilled the beans.

He tries so hard to get me things I like and he was so worried that this wouldn't be one of them.  I wondered why the subject had come up a couple times this week!  He's probably the reason I rented the movie.  Well, that and I couldn't find Four Christmases at Redbox.  So sweet that he wants to please and now I am excited to read the book to see how it is written.  So random, and so cute all the same.

If you need a good flick that has little to do with infertility, but will definitely make you hungry (tamales and green chile stew for dinner afterwards, as well as a croissant during the movie!) then see Julie and Julia.  It may have even intrigued me to look into Julia Child's life a bit more, just for the infertility bit.  Enjoy folks!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Overdue! (No, not that!)

I have discovered that ever since I started to blog, I do it in my brain and try to keep tabs on what I want to blog about.  But the list keeps getting longer and longer, so I have to get it down before I forget and I probably forgot something already.  So here goes...

Jason's Revelation - My dear husband is very lean, ever since I have know him, he has been.  Of course it isn't because he eats "clean" or perfect, in fact it is quite the opposite.  He is a beer drinker, loves places like Lucky Wishbone and now El Guero Canero, and doesn't do a bit of exercise (unless you count the 8-11 hours of manual labor every day at work!).  I try and slip in veggies when I cook so he gets some greens, but he won't do that on his own.  Anyway, after my 30th birthday party pictures he noticed he was gaining a bit of weight (20 lbs all told he said).  Now I couldn't tell you where, because he still looks good to me (love you hunny!) but he can and apparently his buddies can.  So he has decided (without me saying anything) that come January 1 he wants to eat healthier, and lose 10 lbs of fat and gain 20 lbs of muscle.  Talk about being blown away! 

Now it has probably been my resolution for the past 22 years of my life (yes, since I was 8) to lose weight in the New Year.  Some years it works, and some it doesn't.  But it is definitely nice to have him on the same page so no more chips in the house, cookies, candies, etc!  I had already decided (long before he said anything) that our eating habits needed a clean up, for our waistlines, but also with the hope that that would help our baby making process.  So I came up with some small things, in addition to heading back to WW, and to hopefully reduce our food bill a bit and eat cleaner by nature.  I'm talking heading to the Farmers Market instead of the grocery store for fruits and veggies and regulating our tortilla chip intake.  Tortilla chips are a staple in our house!  I can get buy without potato chips pretty easily, but tortilla chips are my love!  So regulating us to one bag a month or two, is a big deal. Also regulating how often we eat out is a big deal and concentrating on sticking to it.  So not to say that we are going hog-wild for the holidays eating-wise, but we are enjoying ourselves. 

Mind you, my husband is one of those guys who doesn't eat for a day and drops 5 lbs!  At one point, just for shits and giggles, he stopped drinking beer for a week and dropped 13 lbs!  Now he isn't an alcoholic by far, maybe has 1 or 2 a night and 2-3 on the weekends!  He just has this incredible metabolism!  However, that is slowing down, as is his consumption of spicy foods as his tummy doesn't like them as much as his 25-year-old stomach did.  So all has had an effect on him.  His dad has always told him this would happen about 31-32 and J turns 32 in January.  So now he believes his Dad and he wants to take action.  He told me at dinner tonight (Chili's while eating Skillet Queso - hey we had a gift card!) that he wanted to work on his abs and get his "guns" back.  Good motivation for me then!  He has never told me I was heavy and even in my hey-day at WW, he told me to stop losing weight for fear I would lose my curves that he loves.  Will be nice to have us both eating healthy though again!

Cookie baking drama - So a couple days ago I decided that I needed to bake some cookies.  Some for me and some for friends, but specifically Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Cookies.  Basically, they are a peanut butter cookie, that when it comes out of the oven, you shove a mini-peanut butter cup into it and it melts all together!  Talk about divine.  Finished work about 4 yesterday and decided to make them last night because today would be busy.  One batch.  Quick and easy.  Maybe took 30 minutes, including oven time of 8 mins each tray.  After looking at the 36 (supposed to be 40, don't know where the 4 went) I had made and adding more people in my brain about who I would give them to, I decided another batch was in store.  So figuring I had just done it, it wouldn't be difficult, I started batch #2.  Holy cow!  What drama with baking like never before!

The first batch I had done exactly like the recipe said - dry first and separate, then liquids in the mixer, then mix.  Well the 2nd batch, I was doing dry and liquids separately at the same time and my brain must have over loaded because I could not for the life of me remember what ingredients I had added to the wet.  And it didn't look right so I would add more vanilla, then more sugar, then more egg, then more milk and pretty soon I think I had re-added all the ingredients!  But it still looked too moist.  So figured I would add the flour and baking soda and salt and hope it thickened up.  No such luck!  So more flour, and mixing, and more flour and mixing and more flour and mixing.  And testing to see if it sticks to my fingers when I ball it up because the first batch hadn't.  So then more flour and mixing and testing and more flour and mixing and testing.  It went on for what seemed like forever! 

Finally got it to a consistency that I thought would be best and I was getting tired of all the flour, mixing and testing.  So tablespoon size balls went into the mini-muffin pan, and into the oven.  And I figured I would have way more than the 36 from the previous batch, possibly the 40 I was supposed to have!  The first batch came out fine and tasted fine, so whatever I did seems to have worked.  But how many do you think I ended up with?!  36!  What-the?!  I can't figure out where all the extra ingredients went, but only 36 cookies came out and I scraped that bowl clean!  OY VEY!

Wrong ornament - Every year since I was probably 16, I have made ornaments for the people in my life that mean the most to me.  I write on them with paint pens (used to be toothpicks and paint and that sucked) about the things that has happened in their lives over the past year and things we have experienced together.  Every year I say I will stop, and every year instead I add a couple more people to the mix.  This year was no different, with a whopping 28 done (just finished tonight)!  I have figured that I need to hand deliver them because they are breakable, but there are about 3 that absolutely must be sent out and packaging them is a feat in and of itself.  Anyway, went to lunch with one of the recipients today and brought her ornament along with her other present.  She gets all excited and starts to open it and as she starts to read it, I see the word "Colleen".  Now I put who that person has dated or is friends with, and this person had no real relation to Colleen with the exception of meeting her at my birthday party as the girlfriend of a friend of mine she dated shortly during the early part of the year!  It took about 3 seconds to realize I had given her the wrong ornament, and not only that, but the guy she had dated earlier this year!!  YOWZA!  Talk about being a moron!  Anyway, she thought it was funny and was glad to see his and see that yes, her name was on his.  And now she can anticipate hers, but oy vey!  How embarrassing is that?!  Thankfully she is a good friend and understood!

Week and Weekend wrap-up - Time for a quick wrap up of the week then off to bed to start a new book.  Had worked out with my trainer on Wed (something I do once a month) and he changed my routine up again to keep it fresh.  Thursday I was a bit sore, not dying like last month, but tender mostly in the hamstring and tricep area.  Friday, worked out again with the new routine but no trainer and after I was done I was more sore.  So figured out since I was working at home that day, I would fly home and jump in the spa while I had breakfast and coffee.  The whole way home I was so excited to ease my muscles and have a nice relaxing coffee and breakfast in the spa.  Come home, start the coffee maker and head outside to pop the top, only to see the temp gauge says 77 degrees!  77!  HOLY COW!  I won't swim rapidly in that cold of water in the summer!  I played with the buttons to see if I could get it to fix itself, but upon putting my hand in, it really was 77!  So much for the hot-tub!  Hot shower it was.  Probably okay though because my day got real busy real quick and I worked pretty much straight thru!  Finished work, made cookies (see above), made friend's ornament that I was seeing today for lunch (see above), and watched Polar Express in 3D that Jason had bought me for my birthday.  It wasn't that great.  The movie was, but the 3D, not-so much and wearing the glasses didn't help.  Anyway, off to bed we went.

Today, J had to work so he was gone by 8 and I couldn't go back to sleep.  So I finished my book and then got up to do a whirlwind cleaning of the house for the holidays, wrapped friend's ornament (or what I thought was), showered and dressed.  And was still late.  But made it to Eegee's to give her the wrong one, and then across the street for mani-pedis!  How I love those.  Currently my fingers have red tips with glitter overlay french-style and my toes are red as well with snowflakes on them!  Nice to sit and be pampered and another resolution is to do this every month instead of just once every 10 months!  Plus it was free today because friends had given me a gift certificate for my birthday!  NICE!  Left there in the hunt for dog beds for the puppies for Christmas, and then home to finish the rest of the 28 ornaments and wrap the rest of the presents that had taken my dining room table hostage. 

J came home in the middle of ornament finishing, so in the middle we went to Chili's for very tasty, albeit unhealthy, dinner.  Then home to watch White Christmas, (thought of you dear Kate during "Blessings") which is a holiday tradition and thankfully on DVD this year instead of dragging out the VCR that we really keep for only this reason and our wedding video!  And finished wrapping everything!  We are officially ready for Christmas!  And this week is short, so I not only get Friday off but I took Thursday off as well to cook and prep and have lunch with Ms. T, my dear friend and her kiddies!  The only thing that I am pretty sure is coming this week that I really could do without, is AF!  On Friday, of course!  Oh well, at least that means the champagne I take to the in-laws won't go bad because it will be in my belly!  (I did tell J we could have a "Christmas miracle" but I really doubt it at this point.  But you never know!  Just not setting my heart on it!)

So if I don't find time to write this week, please forgive but have a very happy Holiday, whatever you celebrate and will update you soon.  Love you all and Merry Christmas! 

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


So often after hearing our "saga" people ask if we have considered adoption and I always say, "we've got a lot more to try before going there."  And I believe this to be true!  And they, witty as they are, they say, "well my best friend's brother's mother's friend's daughter started the adoption process and then they got pregnant."  At which point, if I haven't scissor kicked them, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.  And then politely excuse myself.

Adoption is not something to be entered into lightly.  You can't do it to psych the gods out and know it will work.  That sort of stuff doesn't fly.  Your whole heart has to be in it and that takes a lot.  There is a ton of work and money involved in adoption.  And a HUGE amount of risk!  There's a new show that either just came out or is coming out called Find My Family and it scares the death out of me.  I know not all of it has to do with adoption and I don't know the back story.  But I think about my child, at 16 or 20 telling me they want to go find their "real" mom and I think it could possibly tear me apart!  Or all the stories you hear (well, maybe you don't, but I have) about people getting to the day when their baby is born, and then the mother decides to keep it...and this happening to them 2 to 3 times.  Trust me, I am super happy that Mom or Dad or Grandma or Auntie stepped up and kept the baby in the family.  But what about the poor couple who had been waiting the 9 months or 2 years as well for that child and now they must begin again!  Breaks my heart.

I've also heard that babies from overseas take less time (and by less I still mean 18 months) to adopt, while home-grown USA babies, are about a 3 year wait.  So I understand the perplexities of checking up on new parents and making sure they are sane, and nice, and loving, and will be good parents.  But 3 years!?!  Then there are all the commercials out there that show all these starving orphans in the States who I just want to go scoop up and save, but when I finally get to, that kid will be 10!  Something needs to be done to fix the adoption process, but who knows where to start?

So, to sum up...yes we have considered adoption, and no we won't be putting an application in any time soon.  All the docs tell me I am healthy and even have steered me away from a surrogate (although I have one in my back pocket if need be).  They believe we can do this and frankly, I do too.  I just hope God does, and hopefully before I am 40!

Happy Tuesday all...Christmas is just 10 days away!  REALLY?  Holy Cow, so much to finish!  Later.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Time for reflection

I know I have written about this before, but it needs to be said again.  I am very lucky.  We just watched Extreme Home Makeover (something we do every Sunday) and they were showing all these children in homes where 4 girls share one bed and don't have clothes that fit.  I never worried about that growing up, or hearing gunshots outside my window.  I am very blessed in so many ways...not fertilly(?) apparently, but so many OTHER ways.  I do have a job, and a roof that doesn't leak, and a husband who doesn't beat me - emotionally or physically, and family who come to my rescue if I need it, and friends who offer me gifts I could in no way pay them back for, and food on my table that is healthy, and love...and that is probably the greatest of all.

I know I struggle with to "make it" in the world how I want to, and how to lose the weight I battle with constantly, and how to be a good wife, and how to be an individual, and how to grow even when I want the world to swallow me up and make the pain of not being able to conceive WHEN I WANT TO go away.  Yes, I believe we will get pregnant at some point, but God apparently has other plans for us right now, and I've come to realize that is okay.  I may not like it, but that is okay.  But all in all, I have a good life. 

I had a funny thought today.  I was thinking about my CFP test ("big nasty") and I thought that long ago I had "planned" that I would finish it, and then get pregnant and that would be great because then I wouldn't have to study while I was pregnant and dealing with the issues that could arise there.  So my thought was, "maybe God said at the moment that I had that thought (years ago), "okay, that's what you want, that will be."  However since then, our plans have changed.  Work knowledge didn't come as seamlessly as I would have liked, and taking the CFP got put off until I had some experience with the practice.  So maybe now whenever I pray to God that we get pregnant, he looks down on me and says,  "ah ah aah, you said 'finish the CFP, then baby...' so that is what I am waiting for dear Niki.  That is what YOU said, YOU wanted to happen.  No take-backs!"  So maybe for some time, that needs to be my focus.  I know that takes me until July or even November next year, depending how well I get my butt in action, but maybe that is what needs to happen.  So maybe I start thinking about it that way.  I haven't decided if that is where I am going for sure, but it is something to consider.  And like I said, a funny thought.  I don't know that God thinks like that, but who knows.  He does know best, right?!

Quick wrap-up of the weekend and then off to bed for some Christmas novel that I picked up.  Saturday, I was meeting some dear old (not us, just how long we have known each other) friends for lunch and I had to finish their Christmas presents that I would give them (that I had bought before the verdict was not to do that, so too bad ladies) and I had asked Ms. T if she had clothes for a friend that I would see at lunch. Sorry, that's confusing.  Anyway, Ms. T called and said "yes have clothes, let's go to breakfast" - mind you, she called at 7:45 AM on Saturday.  Usually at that point I am not even thinking about getting out of bed, unless I am going to pee and then go back to sleep.  So I said no, and we hung up.  Well, 10 minutes later I was still awake and realized that seeing her was more important than sleep, so called her back and we planned breakfast.  So went to breakfast with Ms. T and the kiddies and it was very nice.  (Oh, and tamales and eggs is SUPER yummy!  Not healthy probably even with Egg Beaters, but damn tasty!)

Then rushed back home, to finish presents for lunch bunch and head that way.  Got to Oregano's (yummy!) 5 min behind schedule, but just as the rest of the club showed up.  Nice lunch and good food.  Remembered I had a gift card from long ago in my purse and expected $5 on it, but had $16 instead, so I think lunch cost me $2!  Nice!  Walked outside with the girls and gave them their presents and they loved them!  I gave them . . . oops, can't tell...might have a few more of the same.  Let's put it this way, I gave them time, love and nourishment! I hope I made their day and when they make what I gave them, hopefully that will make their day too.

Then went to Performance Footwear to get fitted for new workout shoes because according to trainer Andrew, you are only supposed to keep workout shoes for 6 months and mine were at a year.  They do this really cool thing at that store and put you on a treadmill and then video tape your walk for 2 minutes.  From there, they analyze what your feet are doing that they shouldn't be and fit you in the right shoes to fix the problem.  Nicole was my salesperson and she rocked!  She took time and explained so much and showed me all these shoes and let me walk on the treadmill with each to see which felt right and then again on the video treadmill with the ones I thought I liked most and you could see the difference.  Tomorrow will tell how things go!  Oh, and then tonight just for sh*ts and giggles, I googled the pair of shoes I bought to see if I could find them cheaper (gotta save where I can) and I found that I actually got them cheaper in the store than online!  That never happens and makes me trust the store that they aren't trying to rip me off!

Then, ran up to get bagels for a holiday party with my swim team today, but Einstein's apparently closes at 4 pm on Sat and I got there at 4:05!  Who closes at 4 pm on Sat really!?  Anyway, went to Foothills Mall because had another gift card from birthday and found new workout pants and shirts, and only had to pay $10!  NICE!  Found some other last presents and decided enough was enough, so headed home. 

Beat Jason back from riding (he went out on the quad all day with his best buddy) so decided to try to wrap his presents, and got that done.  Finished the laundry and then J came home and it was time to relax and eventually go to bed.

Sunday, up early sleeping in this weekend apparently.  Got ready for Swim Team Holiday Party, ran back up to Einstein's for those bagels, then down to the party.  Nice group of folks and some I haven't seen for quite sometime including our honorary member, Angie - she is 80! and swims every week day, rain/sleet/shine/whatever!  She is so sweet and I miss not seeing her because now I only swim on Sundays, and now I don't swim at all because it is freaking cold at 7:30 am!  So we always do a White Elephant exchange and my Dad had given me the idea of a Snuggie because when we get out of the pool, it is freezing sometimes (well not me, because I don't go then, but some).  So he bought a brown one and I bought a pink one!  Mind you, there are a bunch of guys on the team, so I thought that would be hysterical.  Our coach is a great guy - a guy's guy - and always cold during the winter while he stands outside of the water telling us what to do.  So we started White Elephant and Coach is 3rd to pick, and oh-yes-he picked the bright-pink-Snuggie!  Man, did those swimmers laugh!  And we all vowed to let him keep it so not to steal it!  Yes, Coach ended up with a bright pink snuggie and it was hy-ster-i-cal!  I love making people laugh.

Left there and went to the 4th Avenue Street Fair...something we do every year.  Walked for about 2 hours and bought salsa, a painting and holiday collar covers for the pups.  Nice weather and good turn-out.  But I was ready to be out of my shoes.  So we came home.

My latest knitting project is something I got out of a book series I love (The Friday Night Knitting Club, Knit Two and Knit the Season, by Kate Jacobs.  Oh and she wrote Comfort Food too).  Now the books aren't all about knitting, just a common theme but Mrs. Jacobs is an awesome writer so I highly recommend them.  Anyway, she always puts recipes she talks about in the book and knitting projects in the back with directions.  One of them sounded really cool and easy, so I decided that was next since for once I don't know 12 people who are pregnant and I need to make blankets for...only one and she is only about 8 weeks, so I have time!  Anyway, it is a garland for the Christmas Tree.  Remember the garlands we made as kids with construction paper where you cut strips of construction paper and then made them into rings and strung them together?  Well, same idea, just knitted.  Thus far I have about 7 rings and it looks really sweet.  Haven't decided if I am sticking with same colors in order or just random, but it will take me a while because I need a lot of garland.  Anyway, when I finish, will post pictures.  Alright folks, time for reading and then sleep.  Christmas is only a week and a half away!

Oh, and tomorrow our new hire starts!  Thank God we finally found one and I just have this feeling, she will be great!  YAY!  Here's to a great week for you and me!  Love...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I guess an update is in store

I wish I could say that I had more to say but I don't.  However, I just read through a bunch of blogs and now feel lazy having not published since last Thursday!  On the fertility front, we have been quite silent.  We don't even discuss it now, nor joke about "when we are parents" much.  Although, I truly believe that our youngest pup, Blazer, has a 3 year old inside of him.  He takes out his toys and has to take them ALL out and leave them exactly where he want them.  Very humorous and hopefully preparing us for something in the near future.

We are in the week where we are supposed to BD but as of yet have not.  I introduced hubby to FB and now I have created a monster...he says "five minutes" and thirty five or more later strolls into the bedroom where I have cuddled up under the covers and am passed out.  Sorry, I get up at 5:30 am, he gets up at 7:50 am.  Big diff!

I have realized this week that while we haven't been able to conceive, we are incredibly lucky.  I keep hearing about more and more of our friends that are getting laid off, struggling with income or just having a hard time with this economy.  While we may struggle with the fertility stuff, we do okay on the employment front and money and love.  So maybe that is what God is waiting for...everyone to get over their financial struggles, so he can focus on our fertility.  Oy vey...we are so blessed.  And even in all of that that my friends are going thru, they ask how I am doing...what awesome people I have in my life.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

An award, for little-ole-me?!

I have never won a blogger award!  So thanks Ms. Kate!  Here goes nothin!

The rules for this award:

  • Put the Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
  • Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
  • Link the nominees within your post.
  • Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
  • Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

 1. Gotta go straight back to Kate at Busted Plumbing.  She is hysterical and keeps me up on my down days.  Plus I know she checks my blog because she comments there and I love comments!
2. Amanda at Kismet's Fate.  This woman is the reason I blog!  She started it and has been very helpful since.  And I am happy to report, she is pregnant and just about ready to pop!  So she gives me hope!
3. Michelle at Meditation on Chaos.  One of my very good friends and constant support.  Her's isn't about infertility, but it reminds me that there are other things in this world to write about!
4. Shae at The Pages of Our Life.  Another helpful lady who blogs about her beautiful baby girl and again gives me hope.  She and I met while on a chat room somewhere about infertility and I'm so happy about that!
5. Shawn at Growing Pains.  She started following me so I started following her and it is nice to see that I am not the only one having thought that she writes about!
6. Jennifer at Ex-Hot Girl.  So not about infertility, but so hysterical and fun to read!  I'm always trying to lose weight, so this makes me appreciate the other journey I am on.
7. Margaret at Brucato Mania.  I love this lady!  I work with her and she goes on these oh-so-fabulous trips and blogs about all the fun stuff they do and eat and see.  You want some fun history and descriptions and stories, go here!
8. Beth at Beth's Baby Blog.  Again, a very good friend and if you want research, go here.  This lady blogs about her cutie of a kid and is one of the most researched moms I know!
9. Future Mama at Baby Makin(g) Machine.  She just found out she is pregnant and hearing her thoughts echo a lot of my own...well, once we get pregnant!
10.  Shopaholic D at Shopaholics Anonymous.  Who doesn't love fashion?!  I do and this blog talks and shows pictures.  Gotta love it!

Wow, that was hard!  Amazing blogs and all worth the time if you have it!  Thanks again all and hope you keep reading mine, because I will be reading yours!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Starting Fresh

So after about 2 weeks of eating whatever I wanted (started 11/20 when Michelle got here) thru Thanksgiving, it is time to go back to eating what I should instead of what I want.  So I am starting fresh as they say.  Got on the scale yesterday and wasn't as shocked as I thought I could be considering the past 2 weeks and that AF showed up on Saturday.  But I do know I need to go back.  Had a healthy breakfast this morning, although realized too late that we have NO fruit in the house.  The apples I was depending on have gone bad - go figure, 2 weeks...but they were cut.  So I was reduced to apple juice that I bought for Jason, thankfully it was super low sugar. 

But officially starting fresh.  Worked out this morning with Anna, albeit maybe half-heartedly.  Then, got back in bed, never a wise option because it was SO much harder getting out the second time.  But I finally did and am now half way thru my day.  Nothing more to say, just wanted record that I am starting fresh today and back on WW and plan to do great! Peace!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

December begins,,,and other things do to.

First, let me say that I cannot believe Tuesday begins December and that begins the LAST MONTH of 2009!  That is insane to me!  Speaking of beginnings, AF showed up on Saturday night, a little early.  I was actually surprised by this which hasn't happened for quite some time with all the drugs, timing and testing.  Actually, first thing Sat I noticed some spotting (sorry, TMI) but no cramps - very not how my cycle goes.  This was the issue I was having that brought on the Progesterone tabs.  How quickly the body forgets what the drugs do.  So later Sat night the cramps showed and realization set in that we begin again.  Cramps have been bad, but not nearly what I have had in the past.  I'm hoping that they stay small because that means I may be over the endo, or at least I hope so.

Other than that, no real excitement on this end.  After the hubbub of Thanksgiving (way too much food and wine and more eating), things calmed down a lot.  All the Christmas decorations are up and now the shopping must begin.  Won't be a lot, but will be enough.  Now before I go, I need to count my blessings and reflect on something.

I am very lucky.  I have a family that loves me and that I love dearly.  Through the joy of friendship, that family continues to grow.  How many of my friends leave me or get off the phone with me and we exchange "I love yous"?  Quite a few.  I am blessed.  I have a house and a job and some spare cash - less this year due to all the fertility stuff.  But I still have some.  I can put food on the table and buy necessities and sometimes non-necessities.  There are so many people out there in need now, so I must be grateful for what I have.  Mostly I am grateful for the people in my husband, my parents, my in-laws (well, most of them), and my friends (aka adopted family).  I would do anything for them and I know they would and already have done anything for me.  I love you guys for all your support.

Now here is a reflection that you may or may not agree with.  I look at the world these days and the people without jobs or homes or food (i.e. things that are NEEDED to survive) and I think about my wish for the year, to have a child.  This is not needed to survive.  Sure it would make us happy, but it isn't necessary.  I look at all we have done to help this process along and all that we have spent and sometimes think that we brought this on ourselves.  No, I don't mean we brought the infertility on ourselves, but the situation.  This isn't coming out right...what I mean to say is we don't need to do this now.  Sure I am now 30 and my infertility only goes downhill fast from here, but if we had to go a year without doing anything about this, we could deal.  Someone out there can't go without food or shelter for a year.  It just doesn't work.  But going to the doctor and spending all this cash, could wait and sometimes I wonder if it should. 

Should it wait until Jason finds his perfect job where people respect him and pay him what he is worth?  Should it wait until we find a different/better/bigger/smaller/other house?  Should it wait until I pass my CFP (aka "the big nasty" - Certified Financial Planner) test?  I don't know.  I don't know that I can wait thru all that stuff.  But I definitely consider it.  We have time before we decide to go forward again, and to research and wait and talk.  I don't know that I could go another year without...but I may have to.  But could I go another year without trying and testing and doctors?  I don't know. 

I thought we were ready for a baby.  But it seems God has other plans.  As the year comes to a close, it also makes me realize that January 1, 2010 marks 2 and  half years for us, and that is scary.  It's not supposed to be this hard.  So now we need to reflect on what we have been thru and how we go on...and if we wait or if we continue.  No answers tonight, just thoughts.  Night folks.  I'm off to read about Santa!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


So Monday was the big day and I can't believe that I have been wandering this Earth for 30 years.  But what changed?  Nothing.  I still am very happy where I am in life and relationship with my hubby, family and friends.  I have grown my family (only by creating family from close friends who I consider sisters and extra parents).  I am very happy in career (albeit REALLY hard somedays to want to study for my CFP - aka "the big nasty").  And I am really happy with how far I have come in life and matured.  Yup, I said it...I have matured, mostly. 

Let's recap.  Thursday night, I picked up Michelle from the airport about 11:30 pm...way past my normal bedtime.  It was AWESOME that she flew in this weekend and great to see the face that I talk to on the phone so much.  Friday, I worked in the morning and let her sleep in.  Things went kind of haywire at the office because the computers started freaking out, but I took it to mean that the Universe was ready for me to have vacation and Michelle and I hit the mall.  Me to return stuff, her to purchase.  Friday night was pretty chill and that was great.

Saturday, the fun began.  Michelle and I got up (letting Jason sleep in) and headed over to my friend Heather's house where we frosted my birthday cake (Coconut - SO YUMMY!) which Heather and I had made Wed night.  On the way home we stopped at the Mall to return more things and when I came back to the car where Michelle was with the cake on her lap, the battery had died.  Couldn't find hubby and finally Mall Security (later referred to as small security - after drinking) jumped us and we were great.

Came home and got in the spa for a bit with coffee and just chatted.  Jason left to "run errands" and eventually we started getting ready for the PARTY at Blanco Sat night.  I curled my hair like you wouldn't believe - took FOREVER, and tried to look my prettiest.  Then another great thing happened, my BFF Kirstin was ringing the doorbell.  Now I would love to tell you that was a surprise, but it wasn't.  I knew she was coming and the anticipation of that was even better.  So pretty soon Jason was home and we were all ready to head to the party place.

Got there in perfect time.  Blanco's employees had arranged tables in a long table, and that really wasn't what I wanted, so the next half hour was spent re-arranging them to let people mingle and eat.  We decorated with tape that said "Caution 30th birthday in progress" and things of that nature.  About 5:15 pm our first guests arrived and from there it was a blast.  I think all in all, about 50 people showed up.  I have never felt so loved.  The things people were saying (how I looked, how they loved me, how they were so happy to be there, etc) really made my day.  The food was fantastic - nachos especially! (now let me say, if you have never been to Blanco Tacos and Tequila at La Encantada, you are MISSING OUT!  The food is phenomenal!  As is the manager and the staff and the atmosphere!)  and the drinks weren't half bad either.  But the company had to be the BEST!  I just enjoy watching my friends enjoy each other so much.  I know I looked at my watch a hundred times, not because I wasn't having fun, but because it felt so late - again, I am old!  Cake came out, people sang, wind blew the candles out, more drinks, more hugs.  Finally, it was clearing out and U of A was losing (only bad thing that happened that night) and we decided to call it a night.  Here's the best part - the bill was less than HALF what we were expecting!  Doesn't get better than that.  So of course we tipped well because they took extremely good care of us!

I know I was very tipsy because of the 7 White Peach and Hibiscus Margaritas and hardly any food (yes, despite all the food we ordered, I don't really think I ate much).  I know upon recounting the story of the stalled battery in the car with Michelle and Kirstin I said, "I called the house phone and the home phone and he still didn't answer" and "Small security saved us at Smacy's!"  That shows what a great night it was.  Once we lugged all the presents in - my friends are TOO generous!  The girls hit the jacuzzi, wine in hand, and Jason relaxed on the couch.  Finally hit the hay about 2:30 am!  WAY WAY past my bedtime.

Sunday, I couldn't sleep in despite the amount of alcohol consumed and the late bedtime, so I was up at 9 am.  Kirst joined me about 9:30 and we had breakfast and coffee.  Michelle joined not too much later and we decided to take a trip down memory lane for Kirst and me and a sightseeing tour for Michelle so went down to University (Frog and Firkin) for lunch and then wandered around the campus.  Great day!  Home again and was allowed to open a few presents, then dinner with Michelle and Jason and to bed kind of early.

Monday, up at 5 am - yes 5 am on my birthday - to drive Michelle to the airport, then back home and back to bed.  Jason and I both had the day off so we slept in and then had breakfast in bed, along with lots of presents - I will write thank yous, I swear!  Then time to hunt for a new TV since ours was on the blink.  After lots of shopping, we found one and ordered.  Then dinner with the parents (their 35th anniversary is the same day as my birthday) at Famous Dave's and home to assemble the TV and entertainment center!

WOW, what a weekend.  Today was spent studying even though I was "on vacation" duty still calls.  And tomorrow will be spent with friends and children, always fun.  Then lots of cooking on Thurs for Thanksgiving and Christmas decorating on Friday.  Probably lunch with another friend on Sat!  WOW again.

So thank you to EVERYONE who sent a card or a text or an email or a FB message or came the party or gave me a hug or took me to lunch or gave me a present or just thought of me.  My 30th was great and I can't wait to plan the 35th party...I know where it will be!!!  Love you guys!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Stopping the insanity

So obviously my blogs are becoming few and far between...sorry 'bout that.  I'm trying to not "think" about things so much, and since the blog is based on fertility or in my case, lack there of, this falls to the wayside and I have to come up with actual topics instead of what is happening with my body since I am "not paying attention" to it, well mostly anyway.

So today would be day 16 (if I were counting, which I am not really) and we haven't BD'd as much as we should have.  So there might have been a minor-in-house-freak-out last night when I realized all this.  By in-house, I mean, in my brain and there alone.  We BD'd on day 8 and 11, but then things got crazy and sick and tired, not the BDing, the partner.  Jason was sick last week so that counts out BDing for us, then the weekend got us out of whack and all of the sudden day 14 had come and gone. 

So last night as I laid in bed after realizing this, I had to calm myself down.  But it is hard to just "turn it off"!  After all, this process wasn't started with a jump, but rather a gentle roll where more and more things got added every month that we didn't get pregnant.  First it was not even understanding the biology of it all, then there was lots of studying involved to understand the biology, then the temping, then the blood testing and SA, then the first visit to the OB and the first Clomid, and the second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth Clomid, (interchanged with more visit to the OB), followed by the recommendation to go to the RE and the waiting for that and then canceling that and waiting for 2008 holidays to pass, then waiting again to be ready, then joining WW and losing 10 lbs, then starting the different drugs and adding more drugs, and then starting the IUIs which added MORE drugs.  Not to mention the blogging and constant research and finding old and new friends dealing with this, and the crying and screaming and praying and testing associated with all of this.  Let me tell you, not a walk in the park!  So going "cold turkey" (for lack of a better term) isn't the easiest thing.  Especially when I am so in touch with my body that it is frightening!!!  In fact, the thing that invoked the freak-out (yes it was rather minor because not a word came out of my lips) was the little pain in my belly that lets me know something is happening or has already happened or is about to happen - yes we're talking OV here. 

So I breathed deep and reminded myself that the purpose of this month and at the very least December was to TAKE A BREAK.  That meant that it was okay not to BD on day 8, 10, 12, 14, 15 and 16.  That means it is okay to have a glass of wine, or 4!  And it is okay to NOT think about the thing that has plagued my life for the past 2 years and 4 months.  (Side note - it amazes me that we have been going at this that long!)  It is really hard to stop.  And we aren't even about stopping something bad for me, at least mostly!  So I eventually got it out of my mind that life would go on if we didn't BD and probably be for the best because I will be drinking (probably heavily) on Saturday at my 30th birthday party, and that wouldn't be good if there were a baby.  But the thought still lingers in the back of my head.  Probably about the time it disappears, I will be ready to start again and re-learn all the tricks of the trade again.

Alright folks, gotta jet to start dinner and do some things around the house.  Kind of sad day tomorrow, so must prepare.  Funerals are never fun.  No one in the family, but close enough to warrant going.  Love ya!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Why do I want to be a Mommy?

I have had this question more than I can remember and usually I just brush it off with, "I have always wanted to be a Mommy." But lately, I have been thinking about it more and trying to come up with definitive answers. Plus some of the reasons I have have surprised people I think. They think of them as reasons not to have kids, and I think it is the best reason.

I don't know how this will sound so I am just gonna say it. Some people hate the thought of another person relying on them SO much, as a child does, but I think it sounds wonderful. I love many things that are expected of me. I went to a birthday party in another city for one of my BFFs in August and her husband looked at me and said, "as soon as we sent out the invite, we knew you would be here hell or high water!" I think that is the greatest complement someone could give me. It tells me that I am reliable, I love them, and they can count on me! So what is greater than a child NEEDING me for everything?! In my eyes, nothing. (Now ask me again after he/she has been born and I may retract that statement, but for right now, it is the greatest thing to me.) I think this also makes me feel needed. And in a world where people can fall by the wayside, being needed is a big deal! I had one job where I never got any recognition and I was scared for my job and it felt awful. Turns out I got laid off...hmm, connection?

I know my husband needs me, and were I to disappear somethings would be forgotten or missed, but he would make it because he is a smart man and would figure them out. A child would not be as resilient, depending on age of course. But even a teenager, needs their parents. I like being needed and expectations. Why did I do so well in school? Because everyone expected me to and I expected to! Why have I succeeded in life and love? Because it was expected and I expected to! Why are we not pregnant yet? I don't have an answer for that one. I expected that as soon as we decided it was time, we would be expecting. That one perplexes me.

Why else do I want to be a Mommy? Hmmm...some of our friends think we have it so great without kids. We don't have to worry about babysitters and diapers and tantrums. But when you want something badly (be it a promotion, a lover or a baby) the longer you go without it, the more you want it! Sometimes I look at our life and realize it is kinda boring (don't get me wrong, there are times when it isn't). Don't hate me because I am going to compare having a puppy to a kid, it's all I have to go on. When we got our puppies, and we have 2, and they learned to climb the stairs or pee where they should, it was exciting! We had taught this creature something good! So I can only expect that passing along greater knowledge to a child will be even better. Especially when they begin to say Mommy and Daddy. Passing on the things I have learned throughout my life and hopefully making the world a greater place, is a big deal!

I look at the kids of my friends and I see how they are compassionate, loving, polite and happy, and it makes me happy. Their actions also reflect on their parents and the very nature of their parents. And it shows me that my friends are great people - if they weren't, I wouldn't love them like I do! I admit I do have a favorite child of my friend's kids, probably because she was the first and whenever I see her she runs at me full force and hugs me til I can't breathe! What is better than that? Very few things come to mind. So having that in my own household, instead of once a month when I see my friend's child, can only be better. To be loved unconditionally!

So my question comes to you dear readers...why do (or did you before you had kids) want to become a parent? And, if you are already a parent, what are you grateful for now? Can't wait to see your answers folks! Ta ta for now!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Another blog and happyness

Hello my dears! I have two main points for today's post. Take that back, three.

First off, I reference another blog quite often and I think you might like it, so the address is Kate is a wonderful writer and has been going thru this a little longer than us unfortunately. But for the most part, her spirit is amazing. She has her down days (who wouldn't going thru this?) but she doesn't let them beat her! Anyway, her issue is seemingly different than ours and her blog is 9-times-outta-10 hysterical!!!! I steal many things from her blog, so I figured I better plug it! Anyway, for those of you who haven't experienced this lovely voyage except thru my eyes, you may want to pop over there for a different perspective. Another cool feature is that her hubby sometimes blogs, and especially for me because sometimes Jason clams up, it is nice to hear the male perspective of this all.

Second, so I know last week I was kinda down stemming from the negative test and the little cold or whatever that I had. By Thursday, I was back at work and figured out that I really like when people rely on me (probably why I want to be a Mommy so much). I had a very productive, albeit busy day, but very accomplished at the end. Even went to see a client in Hospice and while I was sure I would end up in tears, I didn't (quite the feat for me!). He was in great spirits and I will go back to him again soon. Anyway, Friday a very good friend and her very adorable son went to lunch with me and that was awesome! Thanks Ms. Katie! It is always nice to just have girl time and catch up with great friends. Plus, who doesn't love watching a little boy fall asleep - so cute! Friday evening, Jason and I took a drive to Casa Grande (not the most exciting place to go) to see some friends in from CO for dinner and their 3 year old daughter. Very fun, even if the food at Mimi's was just okay and the drive was boring. Came home and passed out by 11 pm. On a Friday, I know - we are super exciting!!

Saturday was a LONNNNGGGG day! Up at the crack of dawn (well, for a Sat anyway) - 6:30 am. Jason was headed to Benson for a quad race, and I was going to the gym (since I hadn't been in a week and a half!) followed by a hair cut and color (THANK GOD! It was so bad, I needed help!), visiting my BFF in from San Fran, a little shopping, some U of A homecoming game (which they kicked ass at! 48 to 7 against Washington!), another meal out with friends - but with drinks now (there are some good things about not being on fertility drugs and taking a break) and finally home with the hubby.

The cut and color of hair was awesome. Kayla, my hairdresser is a rock star. Funny how a little thing like 3 hours in a chair with someone making you beautiful again really ups your self-esteem. Got a little Eegee's (if you haven't had this, you are missing out!) on the way to see my BFF in from San Fran and hang out with her before she headed off to a wedding with her BF. There again, there is nothing like hanging out with someone who knows all your secrets and won't judge you because of them and you can tell anything to, to brighten my day. Especially when I don't get to see her all that often because she lives in CA. On the way to dinner with more friends, found my boots for my birthday party - 2 pair actually. Met up with another best friend and his GF on University Blvd after U of A rocked the football game. Now I remember why I don't want to be in college anymore. College kids are stupid!!! Holy cow, never goin' back there! But it was fun to hang out and actually have a drink again!

Okay, so I won't give details (because ewww) but BD is so much different when there isn't anything "riding" on it. (No pun intended! ;) ) It's actually fun again! Nuff said.

Sunday, lazy morning with the hubby...hasn't happened for a while. Then doing stuff around the house before heading to another BFF's birthday party for her kids. Relaxing, fun and just nice all around. Home, dinner and then into the spa - again, haven't done that FOREVER! So nice once more.

So my weekend was great, albeit busy! But great to know that I have so many friends and because of that, so much to do!

Third, Kate posted this quote and she has yet again started me thinking:

“Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?”

This really hit home for me. One of my friends a while ago asked me, "when you pray, do you ask God what he wants from you?" Well, I started that and I do get an answer. It is so glorious. Now it isn't, "go give money to this charity" but usually one word. For instance, "patience." And that is all I get. So the above quote makes me think "how would God give one patience? or courage? or closeness to the family?" So giving the opportunity to have patience, etc. makes a whole lotta sense. Usually when I pray I think something along the lines of, "help us thru this process so whatever child we end up with is healthy whenever that may be, and help it be soon." Many times I pray for loved ones who need a boost (a friend sick or in the hospital or waiting to birth a baby or dealing with loss of job or loved one, etc.). I try not to pray for us a lot, but rather the people we love, however the prayers for us get in there too. But mostly they revolve around how to deal with this situation without going completely insane! When it gets close to testing time, I do pray that we are pregnant and if we aren't, that God helps me heal from that. But this quote has started to change how I pray and even how I think about this.

But now I need to pray that my class today will go quickly and I won't fall asleep. So talk to you later folks and love you all!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Bootstraps bitches!

Alright, so I admit to feeling down. This has happened the last three months...the week before AF I get nervous and a little weary. The negative tests shows its UGLY face and then I get a little depressed. I think the first time was the worst because we were both so sure it would work and now that we have hit round number three and that stupid line eludes us, it should be easier? But it isn't. I hit bottom and I just want to be in bed, but I can't because even though I don't have kids I still am an adult and have responsibilities.

This time was hard too. Add in the fact that I haven't been feeling myself lately, and while I was hoping it was the p-word, it was really a little cold or whatever. Monday was brutal. Woke up feeling awful and then when I finally start feeling better up top, AF comes barreling down the road and smacks into me like a mack truck! Well, at least that is a reason not to work out!

I know working out brings up my endorphins, but I have been so exhausted all week long. I just want to curl up and sleep...and sleep...and sleep it all away. But I work, and I study and chat with hubby and friends. I need to get back to the gym and I need to get back to eating healthy, and I need to get ready for my 30th birthday party and the people that will bring. I just need to pick myself up by my bootstraps and go...go! For today, I am good where I am. Class in about an hour and a half, study til then. Then relax and be there for someone else tomorrow. I will get thru this and I need my time off from this.

Thanks folks. Sorry if this post was a little crazy, but that is where I am at now. Later!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Cycle Day #28 - IUI Cycle #3 - FAILED again

So if you haven't seen my status on FB ("Nope, nope and nope. Three strikes and we're out, for this year at least!") then I will say officially that this cycle didn't work either. I am getting so sick of this. And this is why we have officially decided to take a break. No more drugs, no more docs, no more acupuncture, just BD...and drinking, probably lots of drinking.

Yesterday was a good day. We went and got new cell phones because Jason's had about had it and we got a smokin' deal because we knew the manager, so instead of paying $250 PER PHONE (yes Sprints sucks here) we only paid $100 each for fancy-ass phones. Went and saw Jenn, JT and new baby Marin at St. Joe's hospital and it became a party. I think there were 8 people there, not including Jenn, JT and baby Marin while we were there passing the littlest Ledford around. So adorable and so fun to hang out with those folks. I do love them. I even said to Marin, "you have no idea how big of a family you have!" So sweet. Now we even saw the video of the birth. Thankfully Jenn had a cesarean so it wasn't as personal as it could have been. I've never seen them pull a baby out so harshly (just goes to show you they are hard to break if the docs are that rough with them) and then after the doc cleaned off her uterus, she showed it to the camera, out of mommy's belly, and told us what everything was!!! I've seen the inside of my uterus more times than I can count, so that was actually quite interesting to me. Jason was not so much a fan.

Went and got lunch and then wandered around the mall, but didn't buy a thing! I still need a shirt and boots for my big 3-0 party, but no luck. Came close at Black House White Market (or is it White House Black Market? I can never remember), but no. Got home and Mom and Daddy came over for dinner and to help us hand out candy to Trick-or-Treaters. We had a slew and for the most party they were young and sweet. A couple that were too old to be doing it anymore, but for the most part even they were nice and polite. Watched Australia and then to bed.

Was supposed to go swim with Dad this morning, but when I got up and did the pee on a stick thing and it came back negative (at 5:15 am!), I really didn't feel up to it, so I crawled back in bed, but it doesn't really feel like I slept much. Finally got up about 8:30 am, quick shower and off to meet him for breakfast instead and drop jewelry off to a friend at the JCC. Surprised her when I walked into the locker room. She is such a doll, and while I hadn't spoken the words yet she could see something was up. So when she asked if I was okay, my eyes sprang a leak and she just hugged me and asked what and I told her I had tested and obviously she knew what the answer had been. She said the sweetest thing, "You deserve this more than anyone." But immediately in my head I thought, "then why is God punishing us and why is this taking so damn long?!" Force of habit I guess. I know He isn't punishing us, but I don't understand why he doesn't help us along. Anyway, scooted out of the locker room as the other women came in, I didn't want to make a scene. Got myself together by the time Dad came out and we went to a very nice breakfast. Stopped at the Farmer's Market on the way home and got homemade tamales and Green Chile Stew. YUM!

Came home and Jason was now awake. He had seen the test (I always leave them on the bathroom counter) so he knew. He let me just fall into his arms and cry a bit. He is adamant that this will work for us. And I told him that I feel like I am letting him down and he said that he doesn't feel that way at all. He says that God isn't ready for us to be parents quite yet and we just have to accept that. He knows we are both doing everything we can and right and now it is time for a break. He is so good about all this that sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky!!! I cried, because that is what I do. But he did point out that now I can drink at my 30th birthday party, and that is a plus!

So I guess that is my weekend. Off to wash the dogs, pay some bills, clean the floors, paint my nails and possibly start a new knitting project, but for me instead of someone else. I have made over 18 blankets (baby and adult) and nothing for me, so now is my turn! I'm excited and nervous all together, I've never made anything besides blankies!

I will continue to blog in our absence from formal TTC with docs help as we try and figure out what is going on, but won't be as knowing because we won't be going to the doc. I need to call them and get the next prescription for the injections because I think that is our next step, but I want to see if I can get them for cheaper from Canada or something. So I need some time. We both just need some time off, especially with the holidays in tow. Thanks for all your support, I really do appreciate it. You can't understand how this feels unless you have been there, and I hope those of you who haven't been there, never have to go! Love you guys!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

10/27/09 - Cycle Day #23 - IUI Cycle #3

I know I haven't written for a while because I go from things to publish and things to not until later. This is a not until later publish.

So about 6 days from now I test. I've been having symptoms that I would love to associate with pregnancy, but also could be do to stress (headaches, cravings, fatigue, etc) as last week was crazy stressful. I think about taking that next test and hoping it says yes, but also thinking it won't because it never has before, but then this time could be different. I'm really trying to be optimistic, but now it is hard.

We've decided (and I may have already said this) that if this month doesn't work, we are going to take a break for the holidays. There is too much going on and that way I can drink for my 30th birthday party and we don't have to worry about scheduling things around holidays or the doctor's vacation. I figure we'll take at least Nov and Dec off and possibly a couple months in 2010 to recharge our checking account and ourselves and not concentrate on it.

I also have decided to stop all the drugs, even the Prometrium because it really is a pain! But, I will continue to order it as much as I can until the end of the month so that I can stock up and only pay $25 per bottle instead of $182 per bottle. It may seem like a waste of money when we don't have to, but that kind of savings is important before the end of the year comes and the deductible starts over. Plus the doc has told me I will need to take it for the first 3 months of pregnancy (which will really suck because now I only take it for 2 weeks and it is annoying), but we gotta do what we gotta do. If I can get another bottle and possibly a third, then I will be set for either 3 months of pregnancy or 6 months of trying for $75! Works for me!

Nothing else here, just trying to stay positive and sane (work has been a little hellish) and eat right. And study! I start my CFP 4 next week and I am not where I want to be. But life gets in the way of our plans sometimes. Looking forward to my 30th birthday party and seeing great friends and getting dressed up. But for now, off to find some lunch.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Last baby on the shelf

So I have a friend also going through this sucky process, and she has just started a blog. One of her first comments was something someone said to her a while back and it really stuck with me:
"Your friend (whoever just told you they are pregnant) did not take the last baby on the shelf. She didn't cut in line. And she didn't take a baby away from you."

Now I know for all you people out there who get pregnant in the blink of an eye, this seems uber-logical and normal. But it really put this in perspective from me. I have had that thought before. "Oh, she's pregnant now, there goes our chance this month." What is happening to "her" has nothing to do with what is happening to me. God isn't laughing at me by making all my girlfriends pregnant and me not. (Trust me, there are times I have thought it!) It really sunk it with that comment.

Now, I will say that when a friend has told me she is pregnant, I have NEVER been mad at her. NEVER! I have been sad for us. Sad that we can't experience what they have or are or will. I have been upset that the pregnancy fairy seems to see our house and high-tail it to Mexico or Europe, as far away as she can get. But I have NEVER been mad at a friend for her good fortune and the excitement that her life has become. (So don't be thinkin' that ladies!)

This process is really hard. You watch your close friends, co-workers, Facebook friends, and even complete strangers get pregnant in a heartbeat, all the while counting your days until OV, taking fertility drugs, visiting doctors, trying not to think about it, and paying bills that insurance won't even consider cover so why ask.

Thankfully, I am surrounded by friends who have learned to let me come to them to tell them of my tale of woe. They ask and if I don't elaborate, they can tell I don't want to talk about it. If my eyes tear up, then they let me fall into their arms and just hold me. They don't let go until I do. And they never say, "can we talk about something other than you infertility?" They listen, they ask questions, and they research so they can have a taste of what we go thru month-in and month-out, for 2 years and 3 months. They tell me I look great and beautiful and in-shape. And if I don't say it enough folks, thank you. It does mean a lot. (I love you guys!)

Now, for the not-so-close friends who I may have mentioned we were trying to when we started or the random guy at the kid's party we are at that bugs us with why we don't have kids yet, SHUT UP! I know that seems like an easy conversation starter, but you have no idea what is going on behind the scenes. Be a little bit more contientous (sp?) and lay off. It's like bugging a recovering alcoholic to have a drink. So when someone says, "we're trying." Say "good luck" nicely and talk about the weather instead. We won't take it as rude, we are happy you aren't asking how long we have been trying, and "has she tried standing on her head after sex" or "getting drunk and doing it" or "forgetting about trying?" (The answers are yes, yes and yes, and yes to anything else you may think of that you think we have NEVER heard for the last 2 or 5 or 10 years of trying to conceive a child.) So just don't say it okay, it only makes you look like an insensitive moron. And makes me want to glue your car doors shut (sorry Kate, had to steal it, so good!). But those people don't read this blog, so tell your friends and co-workers and the random lady in the grocery store.

Alright, now that I have that off my chest, it is time for a shower. Oh, and if you are someone who follows the blog, but isn't a designated "follower", please let me know. I really like knowing who I am talking to. So please click the "follow" button so I can think of you as I write. Thanks! Later folks!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

10/18/09 - Cycle Day #14 - IUI Cycle #3

So today was the day. Well, let me start with last night. Wildcats beat Stanford in a nail biter of a game, and it came down to the last 30 seconds, literally! But they did it and it rocked! Afterwards, we went out to dinner with Will and his parents at Old Chicago. It was very nice but very late for this old girl - finished dinner about 9:30 pm! YIKES! Yummy italian nachos tho! Had to BD just for safety and then off to bed, early morning today.

No swimming today, had to be at the doc's at 8:15 am. So up about 7:15, checked email, got dressed and started waking DH up - let me tell you, it can be a process. Plus he had "work" to do. Finally got him up and I headed downstairs to wait. Pretty soon, ready to go. Got there, no worries, I even thought (because we were running late) that if we got pulled over for speeding, I would tell him to follow us to the doc's office and ticket us there. But we didn't! :)

Got everything squared away - I had taken the office staff some cookies (Snickerdoodles) that I made for the jewelry party. Figured it couldn't hurt to have good juju, right? They were appreciated. Waited, and waited, and waited. Finally called back to our room, changed and more waiting. Doc finally comes in, thanks us for the cookies, and we begin. No nurse for whatever reason, so after showing us the vial with our names on it and our stuff in it, and asking us if we wanted to keep it (EWW, once again), we begin. However, he preps the catheter that is used to do the procedure, and hands it to DH to hold, so DH actually had a "hand" in it all. Anyway, nurse finally comes in and takes the thing back from DH and begins. Usually it is just a little pressure, but today was some serious cramping, maybe not SERIOUS, but moderately serious. And it seemed to take a long time, longer than usual. So I am choosing to take that as a good thing. Doc said everything went great, and there could be spotting, but thus far nada. So he leaves, and we wait, knees up, for about 10 minutes, then the timer (kitchen timer) goes off, I get dressed and we leave. Asked Doc on the way out when to start Prometrium, and he said Tuesday so will do.

Stopped at Starbucks in Basha's on our way home and got a iced green tea latte, decaf - well I think it was, but the box on the cup wasn't checked, but I didn't get a buzz from it either. I sure hope it was! Had a minor discussion with the barista about pregnancy because I was rubbing my belly and had asked about decaf. She asked, I said no, we just got inseminated and she said that she did that for an aunt, offered her eggs that is. Anyway, got my drink and wandered to the bakery for a croissant, but ended up with the other guy's 2 sugar donuts. Oh well. Came home, laid down for a while and watched "White Chicks." Finally, up for a bit to pay bills and do grown-up stuff, then make some lunch and surprise, surprise, it was healthy (turkey sandwich, fruit and carrots). I impressed even myself. Spent the next couple hours on the couch watching shows from the week that we had taped but had no time to watch, making sure to keep my uterus elevated.

Finally, made some dinner and relaxed some more. Now off to watch Desperate Housewives. Have Acu after the gym tomorrow, before work, to hopefully help with the whole thing. And then we pray.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

10/17/2009 - Cycle Day #13 - IUI Cycle #3

So today was the jewelry party and it was a blast. Just nice to hang with the girls and have some girlyness! Lots of food, conversation and trying on gorgeous jewelry. I finally got my ring that I had been pining for since the party in June or July and it is some kind of prettiness! Plus, I saw a necklace that Cori had that I loved but wouldn't buy, mentioned it and she just gave it to me! I now have a huge list as far as ordering goes, but I figured it out, I will get about $800 worth of Jewelry for $190! That is insane! That is with all my orders from my girls and my freebees, rock on!

Kinda let it slip that tomorrow is IUI day at the party. Michele (who I swim with) had asked if I would be at swimming tomorrow and I said no. She asked why and I said I had a doc's appt, well all the girls looked at me and said "On a Sunday?!" I replied, "yeah, doc comes when body says to." They got it, so it isn't much of a secret this month. Won't post this until after the fact, but some people know.

Tomorrow bright and early - and I mean early - we need to be there, sample in hand at 8:15 am! On a Sunday, for DH, that is early. I am usually up and gone by 7:15 am for swimming, but he usually sleeps in until I get home about 11 am, after breakfast with Dad, showering and swimming. IUI is at 8:45 am, and then the 2 ww begins. Hope your fingers are crossed, even though you don't know it is happening. Alright, need to go watch the rest of the U of A and Stanford game, then head to dinner with DH, Will and his dad.

Oh wait, cutest thing at the party - well 2 -
1. We each had to read this paper that was in our little bag of jewelry to try on and show off, and I helped Ryann (who is 5) read hers. I would read 4-5 words, and she would repeat it after me. She did so good and it was so cute!

2. At the end of the party, I had taken off my shoes (Jessica Simpson heeled - high - sandals) and I walked away to clean up. Talia was still there with her 2 kids and MIL Connie. Her daughter, Ava (age 3) slips her tiny feet in my heels and attempts to walk around. I came over and held her hands so she wouldn't break an ankle, but she was in heaven! It was so cute! A diva in the making for sure!

Alright, peace out!