Tuesday, December 15, 2009


So often after hearing our "saga" people ask if we have considered adoption and I always say, "we've got a lot more to try before going there."  And I believe this to be true!  And they, witty as they are, they say, "well my best friend's brother's mother's friend's daughter started the adoption process and then they got pregnant."  At which point, if I haven't scissor kicked them, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.  And then politely excuse myself.

Adoption is not something to be entered into lightly.  You can't do it to psych the gods out and know it will work.  That sort of stuff doesn't fly.  Your whole heart has to be in it and that takes a lot.  There is a ton of work and money involved in adoption.  And a HUGE amount of risk!  There's a new show that either just came out or is coming out called Find My Family and it scares the death out of me.  I know not all of it has to do with adoption and I don't know the back story.  But I think about my child, at 16 or 20 telling me they want to go find their "real" mom and I think it could possibly tear me apart!  Or all the stories you hear (well, maybe you don't, but I have) about people getting to the day when their baby is born, and then the mother decides to keep it...and this happening to them 2 to 3 times.  Trust me, I am super happy that Mom or Dad or Grandma or Auntie stepped up and kept the baby in the family.  But what about the poor couple who had been waiting the 9 months or 2 years as well for that child and now they must begin again!  Breaks my heart.

I've also heard that babies from overseas take less time (and by less I still mean 18 months) to adopt, while home-grown USA babies, are about a 3 year wait.  So I understand the perplexities of checking up on new parents and making sure they are sane, and nice, and loving, and will be good parents.  But 3 years!?!  Then there are all the commercials out there that show all these starving orphans in the States who I just want to go scoop up and save, but when I finally get to, that kid will be 10!  Something needs to be done to fix the adoption process, but who knows where to start?

So, to sum up...yes we have considered adoption, and no we won't be putting an application in any time soon.  All the docs tell me I am healthy and even have steered me away from a surrogate (although I have one in my back pocket if need be).  They believe we can do this and frankly, I do too.  I just hope God does, and hopefully before I am 40!

Happy Tuesday all...Christmas is just 10 days away!  REALLY?  Holy Cow, so much to finish!  Later.


  1. I am completely with you 1000%, its like you are inside my brain (yet again). People always ask soooo flippantly, "Have you considered adoption" like its the easiest thing in the world to do, like going to a store a picking a kid out.

    I always try to explain to people that adoption, for starters, is very expensive. The agency fees, attorney fees, etc. And still there is always the risk of the birth mother showing up and demanding her kid back. Its complicated, its messy, and it something I am completely willing to go... but as you said, that is a huge step you take very seriously, not just flippantly.

    I hate it when people suggest without understanding.

  2. Girl, you really need to get on Twitter. We have a great IF community there! Plus, you really really need to join our happy hour (virtual happy hour, that is, lol).

  3. Oh dear Kate, I am in your head!! ;)

    I am afraid of Twitter to be honest. FB is so addicting for me, I am afraid that I would never get anything else done! Can't you start an IF community on FB for me?! I just don't tweet...I can't! Plus it is too many things to control! I have myspace and it took me forever to get convinced to switch to FB! OY VEY!


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