I know I have written about this before, but it needs to be said again. I am very lucky. We just watched Extreme Home Makeover (something we do every Sunday) and they were showing all these children in homes where 4 girls share one bed and don't have clothes that fit. I never worried about that growing up, or hearing gunshots outside my window. I am very blessed in so many ways...not fertilly(?) apparently, but so many OTHER ways. I do have a job, and a roof that doesn't leak, and a husband who doesn't beat me - emotionally or physically, and family who come to my rescue if I need it, and friends who offer me gifts I could in no way pay them back for, and food on my table that is healthy, and love...and that is probably the greatest of all.
I know I struggle with things...how to "make it" in the world how I want to, and how to lose the weight I battle with constantly, and how to be a good wife, and how to be an individual, and how to grow even when I want the world to swallow me up and make the pain of not being able to conceive WHEN I WANT TO go away. Yes, I believe we will get pregnant at some point, but God apparently has other plans for us right now, and I've come to realize that is okay. I may not like it, but that is okay. But all in all, I have a good life.
I had a funny thought today. I was thinking about my CFP test ("big nasty") and I thought that long ago I had "planned" that I would finish it, and then get pregnant and that would be great because then I wouldn't have to study while I was pregnant and dealing with the issues that could arise there. So my thought was, "maybe God said at the moment that I had that thought (years ago), "okay, that's what you want, that will be." However since then, our plans have changed. Work knowledge didn't come as seamlessly as I would have liked, and taking the CFP got put off until I had some experience with the practice. So maybe now whenever I pray to God that we get pregnant, he looks down on me and says, "ah ah aah, you said 'finish the CFP, then baby...' so that is what I am waiting for dear Niki. That is what YOU said, YOU wanted to happen. No take-backs!" So maybe for some time, that needs to be my focus. I know that takes me until July or even November next year, depending how well I get my butt in action, but maybe that is what needs to happen. So maybe I start thinking about it that way. I haven't decided if that is where I am going for sure, but it is something to consider. And like I said, a funny thought. I don't know that God thinks like that, but who knows. He does know best, right?!
Quick wrap-up of the weekend and then off to bed for some Christmas novel that I picked up. Saturday, I was meeting some dear old (not us, just how long we have known each other) friends for lunch and I had to finish their Christmas presents that I would give them (that I had bought before the verdict was not to do that, so too bad ladies) and I had asked Ms. T if she had clothes for a friend that I would see at lunch. Sorry, that's confusing. Anyway, Ms. T called and said "yes have clothes, let's go to breakfast" - mind you, she called at 7:45 AM on Saturday. Usually at that point I am not even thinking about getting out of bed, unless I am going to pee and then go back to sleep. So I said no, and we hung up. Well, 10 minutes later I was still awake and realized that seeing her was more important than sleep, so called her back and we planned breakfast. So went to breakfast with Ms. T and the kiddies and it was very nice. (Oh, and tamales and eggs is SUPER yummy! Not healthy probably even with Egg Beaters, but damn tasty!)
Then rushed back home, to finish presents for lunch bunch and head that way. Got to Oregano's (yummy!) 5 min behind schedule, but just as the rest of the club showed up. Nice lunch and good food. Remembered I had a gift card from long ago in my purse and expected $5 on it, but had $16 instead, so I think lunch cost me $2! Nice! Walked outside with the girls and gave them their presents and they loved them! I gave them . . . oops, can't tell...might have a few more of the same. Let's put it this way, I gave them time, love and nourishment! I hope I made their day and when they make what I gave them, hopefully that will make their day too.
Then went to Performance Footwear to get fitted for new workout shoes because according to trainer Andrew, you are only supposed to keep workout shoes for 6 months and mine were at a year. They do this really cool thing at that store and put you on a treadmill and then video tape your walk for 2 minutes. From there, they analyze what your feet are doing that they shouldn't be and fit you in the right shoes to fix the problem. Nicole was my salesperson and she rocked! She took time and explained so much and showed me all these shoes and let me walk on the treadmill with each to see which felt right and then again on the video treadmill with the ones I thought I liked most and you could see the difference. Tomorrow will tell how things go! Oh, and then tonight just for sh*ts and giggles, I googled the pair of shoes I bought to see if I could find them cheaper (gotta save where I can) and I found that I actually got them cheaper in the store than online! That never happens and makes me trust the store that they aren't trying to rip me off!
Then, ran up to get bagels for a holiday party with my swim team today, but Einstein's apparently closes at 4 pm on Sat and I got there at 4:05! Who closes at 4 pm on Sat really!? Anyway, went to Foothills Mall because had another gift card from birthday and found new workout pants and shirts, and only had to pay $10! NICE! Found some other last presents and decided enough was enough, so headed home.
Beat Jason back from riding (he went out on the quad all day with his best buddy) so decided to try to wrap his presents, and got that done. Finished the laundry and then J came home and it was time to relax and eventually go to bed.
Sunday, up early again...no sleeping in this weekend apparently. Got ready for Swim Team Holiday Party, ran back up to Einstein's for those bagels, then down to the party. Nice group of folks and some I haven't seen for quite sometime including our honorary member, Angie - she is 80! and swims every week day, rain/sleet/shine/whatever! She is so sweet and I miss not seeing her because now I only swim on Sundays, and now I don't swim at all because it is freaking cold at 7:30 am! So we always do a White Elephant exchange and my Dad had given me the idea of a Snuggie because when we get out of the pool, it is freezing sometimes (well not me, because I don't go then, but some). So he bought a brown one and I bought a pink one! Mind you, there are a bunch of guys on the team, so I thought that would be hysterical. Our coach is a great guy - a guy's guy - and always cold during the winter while he stands outside of the water telling us what to do. So we started White Elephant and Coach is 3rd to pick, and oh-yes-he picked the bright-pink-Snuggie! Man, did those swimmers laugh! And we all vowed to let him keep it so not to steal it! Yes, Coach ended up with a bright pink snuggie and it was hy-ster-i-cal! I love making people laugh.
Left there and went to the 4th Avenue Street Fair...something we do every year. Walked for about 2 hours and bought salsa, a painting and holiday collar covers for the pups. Nice weather and good turn-out. But I was ready to be out of my shoes. So we came home.
My latest knitting project is something I got out of a book series I love (The Friday Night Knitting Club, Knit Two and Knit the Season, by Kate Jacobs. Oh and she wrote Comfort Food too). Now the books aren't all about knitting, just a common theme but Mrs. Jacobs is an awesome writer so I highly recommend them. Anyway, she always puts recipes she talks about in the book and knitting projects in the back with directions. One of them sounded really cool and easy, so I decided that was next since for once I don't know 12 people who are pregnant and I need to make blankets for...only one and she is only about 8 weeks, so I have time! Anyway, it is a garland for the Christmas Tree. Remember the garlands we made as kids with construction paper where you cut strips of construction paper and then made them into rings and strung them together? Well, same idea, just knitted. Thus far I have about 7 rings and it looks really sweet. Haven't decided if I am sticking with same colors in order or just random, but it will take me a while because I need a lot of garland. Anyway, when I finish, will post pictures. Alright folks, time for reading and then sleep. Christmas is only a week and a half away!
Oh, and tomorrow our new hire starts! Thank God we finally found one and I just have this feeling, she will be great! YAY! Here's to a great week for you and me! Love...