Thursday, December 31, 2009

My hubby is a hottie!

Finally, I can say that I am feeling better!  Not 100%, but if yesterday I was feeling about 25%, then today is maybe 70%!  So that is a vast improvement for me.  Was able to get a couple hours of work done from my bedroom on the laptop, so hopefully when I go back on Monday, I'm not underwater so much.  Anyway, on to my story!

So, if you have been reading the blog lately (obviously blogging a little more than usual these days due to lots of down-time), you read that I have been sick and besides the Dr. prescribed antibiotics, she also told me to eat lots of Eegee's (for those of you not in Tucson, AZ, this is a drink at a locally run restaurant all across Tucson that is basically shaved ice and flavoring that is to-die-for!) because they have lots of Vitamin C in them and would help with the pain from my sore throat and cough.  Well, after I told hubby this on Tuesday night after I had been to the Walgreens Take-Care Clinic up the street (for that experience, read Tuesday's post) he stopped at Eegee's on his way home to pick me up 2 quarts of the good stuff (1 strawberry and 1 pina colada).  I ate them slowly over Tuesday night and Wednesday, and learned that they also help reduce fevers!  Texted dear hubby yesterday afternoon and asked him to pick up more to help me get well.

When hubby came home yesterday, he told me he had gotten me not 2 huge (quart) Eegee's but 4!  When I asked why, he told me he had gone to the Eegee's by his work on his way home Tuesday and this girl had waited on him, then one of his buddies wanted to go there to lunch yesterday (Wed) so they did and the same girl waited on him - this time actually flirting a little bit.  After I texted him and asked for more, he went back and hoping to side-step her, went to the drive-thru, but who was there...correct, said girl! So he ordered the 4 Eegee's and she continued to flirt and even said something like, "You must really like Eegee's!  Or you are just coming to see me!"  Talk about being forward!  He responded with something like, "my wife's doctor told her to eat this to get over her sickness."  I guess the girl balked and said, "WIFE!"  He said yes, and then she said something about, "I've heard about Eegee's being good for colds too."  He paid and left.

A couple thoughts I have about this little situation:
1) I know my hubby is attractive...I think so every day!  Makes me feel good that young girls still hit on him!
2) That girl is really forward!  Man, talk about not playing hard-to-get.  In my day (I know, I am not that old!), we actually waited a little bit for the guy to make the first move, or if we did, we were damn sure about the situation!
3) Hubby and I obviously have a great relationship because he actually told me about this situation, instead of keeping it to himself.  And I think he wanted me to remember how lucky I am...which I have never forgotten!

Today being New Year's Eve and all, I feel that I should reflect on the past year and our struggles and achievements.  First, our achievements...we have dealt with the situation dealt to us and stuck together as a couple, with very few fights.  We have stood behind one another and for the most part, seen eye-to-eye on the decisions we decided to make.  And we have been able to do this, without throwing ourselves under the bus in debt.  For this we are very lucky!  Now for our struggles...yes, we have struggled with this little thing called infertility and have stressed ourselves sometimes to high heaven! That is probably my biggest struggle, stress.  I tend to take things on full force and blame myself for them, even though it's nothing I have done to create this situation.  J has been very supportive through all of this and while he tells me he doesn't understand why I blog, he also hasn't asked me to stop.  So as long as it calms me, he is fine with it.

I have also struggled with my weight, but that is part of my life story.  I am hoping this year will be a bit easier because I think I have a partner in the struggle this time...J.  He has decided that he wants to lose 10 lbs of fat and gain 20 lbs of muscle.  So that means we both need to eat healthier.  When I started WW, I would eat what I knew was good and still buy J whatever he wanted be it chips, cookies, etc.  So now that we both have the same wants, I am hoping it will be a little easier to not buy the crappy food and more of the good food.  We'll see how far he gets, but I think even if is just to lose the 10, we'll be in great shape.

That said, my stomach is growling and it is time for some more soup and Eegee's.  Hope you all have a great New Year's Eve and stay safe.  Love to you all and talk to you next year!  WOW, 2010 already?!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Hourly feedings?

After last night, I feel like a new Mommy.  I was up every hour due to the amount of congestion in my body.  It was not happy times.  Plus, I was running a fever most of the night and it felt like my skin was on fire!  I literally saw the clock turn 12, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8!  Talk about what my body doesn't need right now...I need sleep to kick this damn ear infection and the sinusitis that has set-in with it. I do not recall the last time I felt this sick.  Maybe when I had something similar to strep in CO, but that was years ago.  Funny how all night when I wasn't sleeping, I was blogging in my head and now I can't seem to find anything to blog about!  Maybe time for a nap!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Amoxacillian and Eegees

So last I blogged, I told you about AF showing up Christmas morning and a sore throat adding itself to the mix Christmas night.  Have stayed home from work yesterday and while I usually work from home on Tuesdays, today was maybe a max of 4 hours of work.  And feeling awful the whole time.  So finally dragged myself to Walgreens today (after calling my regular doc and asking for an appt with the nurse practitioner, only to be denied until tomorrow), to try out their little clinic.  Not a bad walk in, answer some questions on a computer along with name, email, etc., then wait.  There happened to be about 3 people in front of me, all who were there for flu shots, so their appts were pretty short.

Finally got in to see the nurse, and she was great.  She did all of the necessary tests...throat, nose, lungs, and ears.  Now when she looked in my right ear, she actually said, "WOW!  There it is.  You have an ear infection!"  So thankfully, she gave me Amoxicillian, some cough syrup to help me sleep, and an inhailer to help clear up my lungs, along with the Afrin at home and she said to eat lots of Eegees!  To which I replied, "excuse me?!"  She verified what she had said, because Eegees are good for the throat pain and have lots of vitamin C.  Nice prescription Doc!  Also said, no work tomorrow but hopefully Thursday. 

Then the hard part came, waiting for the prescription.  I must have sat there for 30 minutes or more, and finally walked up again to check and what-do-you-know, it was ready but nobody had called me!  Anyway, picked it up and finally made my way home.  Took my lovely prescriptions, and am now back in bed awaiting my Eegees delivery from my lovely hubby.  Hopefully this clears up quickly, and I can be back at work by Thursday.  All else is well and good, time to relax a bit more.  Have a nice night folks.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

I am a MOR-ON! (Again, TMI!)

(BEGIN TMI!) So knowing that AF was due on Christmas Day, I took a couple aleve Christmas Eve before bed in anticipation.  Anyway, woke up Christmas Day morning and was "pleasantly" surprised that there was nothing surprising me on the TP.  So I got in the shower and was having all kinds of thoughts rolling around in my head about "do I take a test to Phoenix - where we were spending Christmas with J's family?" or "do I wait until we get home?" and "don't get excited, maybe I miscounted days and am not due until tomorrow" and a multitude of other thoughts, while also trying not to get myself excited.  And as I am soaping and cleaning, I find "the string"!  (TMI - I warned you!).  Yes, I had awoken in the middle of the night with cramps, and taken another couple aleve, and added protection.  Well, then I just felt stupid!  So all the previous thoughts, went whooshing out of my head when I realized that my hoped for "Christmas miracle" was not so.  (TMI over!)

Christmas was mostly fine...we had a great Christmas Eve with my family and opened lots of presents.  Were able to go to Mass with my parents, picked up my Grandma, have wonderful pizza and champagne, then spend lots of time opening presents and enjoying each other's company.  Then woke up bright and way-too-early on Christmas Day and (after the above event) drove to Mesa, AZ to spend the day with J's family (12 total).  It was a generally un-drama-filled day, well except for a couple incidents, that will go un-discussed.  Ate way-too-much food and drank far-too-much champagne!  Went to bed on an air mattress in J's parents' office.  Was comfortable, for about 30 minutes!  I must have woken up every 30 minutes after the first 30 minutes of sleep.  I don't know if the bed wasn't big enough (we have a king at home), or if I was hot, or cold, or what, but about 2 am I woke up and my throat was on fire! Luckily, J had some throat drops in his bathroom bag, but that didn't get me very far.  Slept on-and-off again for the next 5 hours, at which point there was banging on the door when J's uncle left to drive back to Oregon. 

So I got out of bed, and went to hopefully find some medicine and maybe some hot tea, and a hot shower.  Had breakfast, drank lots of hot tea, and hoped for the best.  We left J's parents' house and stopped at Walgreens on the way home for medicine, and then I finally got some sleep in the car.  So slept after we got home and then slept some more. 

And now, we have just finished watching Terminator Salvation, which wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, and are now watching Made of Honor before I head for bed to hopefully ward off the sore throat that has persisted all day and has now added a cough.  Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and be back soon!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Eve 2009 (TMI alert!)

First, you know you have been dealing with infertility ends up in your Christmas letter to the masses!  Yup, I stuck a little something in there, hoping to offset the comments from friends and family this next year, but it may have upped them a little bit - which is yet to be determined.  Anyway...I said, "The question has come up from many asking when we will have kids. At this point, all we can say is we are working on it and things of this nature take more time for some than others" just after I talked about us celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary.  I am really hoping it stops the question, but looking back we may get more un-thought-of suggestions!  Oh well, it's out there!

Second, I need to preface this blog with the post that inspired it basically.  That comes from InfertileNaomi who writes 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility.   Her post yesterday hit home more than she will probably ever know!  (Although, I did leave her a little note about it!) 

Anyway, let me begin.  AF is due tomorrow (what a wonderful Christmas present right?!) and I have this thought in the back of my head that maybe we will have a "Christmas miracle" although I keep pushing it down, as to not get my hopes up and then dashed again.  So reading the post referenced above, not only made me laugh, but (sadly) be grateful that I am not the ONLY one in the world who feels this way.  Now last month, AF surprised me, which she hasn't done probably since she blessed me with her presence at age 13(?).  She was actually 3 days early in November, as if to say, "don't even second guess yourself this month ain't happening!"  But at least it wasn't on my birthday or Thanksgiving or the weekend of my birthday-extravaganza-party! 

So this month, I have been expecting her since about Monday.  And she is a no-show, which doesn't help my heart in thinking that she may not pop up at all (I can hope right?!).  But the symptoms, or what I believe to be the symptoms, of AF (or PG - seeing as how many are the same!) are there.  Very tender boobs, slight headaches, cramps, bloating, and hunger like no other!  I haven't been regulating my drinking (although I haven't been drinking every night or even every weekend for that matter), or my coffee (yes, caffeinated) or lately Pumpkin Spice Lattes (until Starbucks ran out yesterday!) this month either.  We've been eating semi-healthy, but with the holidays and all the goodies and parties and stuff, that is hard to!  Plus, more than a couple late nights at work due to my classes and then making up the work that I missed during my classes. 

Now lately (here comes the TMI - if the above wasn't enough for you - so skip this paragraph if you don't wanna know graphic stuff), about the day before AF shows her oh-so-ugly face, I begin to spot.  And that surprises me too!  Especially because I have no cramps, what-so-ever, and in my world of AF, that doesn't happen at all!  But then the spotting disappears by the end of the day, and the next day, AF strolls in merrily and wreaks havoc on my system and makes me want to stay in bed all day with about 4 Aleve down my gullet. Yet, thus far today and yesterday, nothing but the symptoms, but no "down-south" stuff. (TMI over!)

So when I read InfertileNaomi's blog the other day, I laughed out loud and long because I was going through what she was saying at that exact moment and she hit the nail on the head about 3 times!!!  I even warned J that AF is due on Christmas to which he lovingly replied "OH GREAT!  And we are driving to Phoenix that day!"  What a dear, sweet, sentiment right?!  But as of yet, I don't know what is happening.

I have already informed my MIL that there will be no "Christmas surprises" this year, and while she is always supportive and even defends us around her parents and in-laws, I could hear the disappointment in her voice.  And I would LOVE-LOVE-LOVE to give her and my FIL (and of course my parents too) a positive pregnancy test in a box, but I am 99.99% sure that won't happen this year.  However, God is keeping me guessing these days. 

So a quick question, then a wrap up and then off to make lots of fattening goodies for the next couple days.

Question: How do you prepare yourself for this?  Maybe prepare isn't the right word?  Survive?  What I mean is, how do you hope without hoping too much as to upset yourself when AF does show up, but hoping just enough that your body and God hear you?  I've been told to tell myself "I am pregnant" even to the point of writing it on an index card and looking at it every morning and night.  To kind of tell my body, "hey, this is our goal, now shape-up!"  But in doing that, my hopes raise and raise and raise, and then AF arrives and the disappointment is huge.  Whereas, months when I have told myself, "this isn't gonna work" I feel like I am just telling my body that I don't want it to work which is 100% false!  How do you reach the middle ground?

As my dear friend Kate at Busted Plumbing puts it, she is a "Pollyanna" and that means "always trying to make lemonade out of lemons, always trying to looks on the bright side."  And I am definitely that person!  Even a friend in CO, who I haven't seen since we moved dubbed me that when we started emailing a few weeks ago about the situation.  So we turn to Christmas and happy thoughts...I took today off from work (YAY!) and just got done with breakfast with one of my favorite people in the entire world (yes Ms. T, that's you!) and her awesome children.  After I finish writing my heart out, I will head downstairs and create 2 varieties of mashed potatoes, 2 separate appetizers of Spinach Artichoke Dip, Scalloped Corn and Homemade Pizza!  Everything but 1 of the Artichoke dips and the pizza is for our trip to Phoenix with the ILs tomorrow, and the Pizza (dubbed Arizona Pizza by my Grandmother in Iowa) is for tonight after Mass with my parents and before Christmas present opening with my parents, my Grandma here, and our zoo of animals!  I can't wait!

So I bid you all a fond farewell until after Christmas, and I hope you all have a lovely holiday whatever it is you celebrate!  I appreciate you reading my (sometimes) innermost thoughts and issues, and your support!  Love you guys - even if some of you don't tell me who you are - and Merry Christmas!


Tuesday, December 22, 2009

New face of Nikus' Road

So, obviously, something is different!  Yes, I went a little crazy last night with making the blog look different.  My friend Kate, at Busted Plumbing has a super-fancy blog and while I won't spend money on this to make it look that cool, I wanted to change it up a bit.  So here is what I came up with.  Hope you like!

In other news, I had the oddest thing happen to me this morning.  I worked out with my friend Anna, and then came up to check email and Facebook, before going to shower and get ready for the day.  When I did that, I got an instant message on FB from my swim coach - Mike.  Now, he and I aren't that close, but we are friends outside of swimming, but we have never chatted that way.  Well, he proceeds to tell me he is stuck in London, England and that he was mugged last night at gun point.  So I asked where Misty (his fiancee) is and he says there with him.  Then I ask who is running practice (knowing my Dad went yesterday and Sunday) and he said "no one" which is highly unlikely...and unlikely that Mike, who is 25 has time and money to jet off to London on a spur of the moment trip around Christmas.  He proceeds to tell me that their flight home is in a couple hours and he just needs cash to settle their hotel bill.  But wouldn't the credit card company get that info when you checked in?  He said he would pay me back when they returned.  I told him to call his Dad (who is the principal of the high school I went to) and he said he didn't want him to know.  What kind of Dad doesn't know their kid is in London and that they got mugged?  It just didn't sound like Mike.  So I kept peppering him with questions, and finally he got offline.  It sounds like someone hacked into his FB or did get his iPhone and is trying to scam on me via him.

So I emailed him outside of FB and Misty on FB, and my Dad to ask if he was at practice yesterday.  Hopefully one of them gets back to me soon.  I hope he is okay in real life and that wasn't really him, but why would he not tell his Dad he was in London? Why wouldn't he go to the Embassy?  Why wouldn't he call the credit card company?  Why would he ask me, of all people, for money because we aren't close at all?  I don't even have his cell number.  It was all just very odd!  I hope he is fine and I will hear from him soon, but how random is that?!

Yikes, watch your FB people!  Will keep you posted if I hear anything.

UPDATE: I heard from my "friend" from his outside address, and that was not from him as well as the FB messages.  Also heard from his fiancee, and she said they were in Tucson and safe!  Also heard from a couple people on my swim team that they received the same message and my coach was at practice yesterday (I was not!).  But the guy kept emailing me from my friend's email account...I was trying to get a location out of him so we could get him and prosecute him, but no luck.  He just wanted $1,690(first he told me 690 pounds - which I knew my friend would have emailed me in dollars) wired to him so he could pay his hotel bills!  I can't believe people will do this.  How SLIMY is that?!  I really wanted to email him back and tell him I knew it was a scam, but didn't want him to turn on me and try to hack me, and was hoping he was stupid and would give me more info so we could catch him!  Especially with the somewhat bad English (another indicator it wasn't my coach)!  Man, what a jerk! 

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Julie and Julia

I've been hearing great things about Julie and Julia so knowing my afternoon would be kind of empty, thanks to all the Christmas shopping, wrapping and decorating being done, I figured why not rent it and see.  So I did and it did not disappoint, but this post is about more than just watching the movie.

Did you know that Julia Child and her hubby, Paul, couldn't have kids?!  I did not expect to see that in the film, but there it was.  It was visible if you were more aware I think.  And I can only name two scenes where it was.  First, there was a scene where Julia's sister has recently gotten married, and mails her a letter telling her she is pregnant.  Julia tries to put up a bold front when telling her husband and says "of course I'm happy" but then she breaks down in tears and her hubby is gentle and loving toward her, and has that look that I have seen from J one too many times.  That was the point when I knew.  I don't know if it is because we are there, or if it would be apparent to anyone.

The second scene I saw but it didn't really ring clear to me, and it actually came before the scene described above.  But when I was watching the Special Features, they were talking about how the director put things in but didn't say anything about them, and that was when it hit me.  The second scene is Julia and Paul walking down the Paris sidewalk, very merrily, and a woman with a baby stroller walks by them.  Julia cranes her neck to see the baby and when she turns back towards the camera, there is a hint of sadness in her eyes.  First of all, glorious acting by Merrill Streep!  To capture that moment so quickly and perfectly.  Second of all, kudos to the director.  Those 2 moments probably drew the movie closer to me.

Now another story about Julie and Julia.  This movie has actually come up a couple times this week.  First, about 3 days ago, J said, "you LOVE Julia Child right?"  I don't think those words have ever come out of my mouth or done anything to lead him to that, so I looked at him with a screwed up face and said, "um no, not really."  He looked a little worried and said, "but you wanted to go see her kitchen when we were in DC at the Smithsonian!"  I said, " well she is an icon, but I wouldn't say I love her.  I don't hate her, but I definitely don't love her."  And the conversation ended there.  I thought nothing more of it.

Then, when I finished the movie today and he came in he asked how the movie was.
I replied it was great.
And he said, "but I thought you hated her!"  (Way to listen dear J! see above paragraph).
I said, "I don't hate her, I just don't love her.  I wouldn't buy her book!"
His face hit the floor like a ton of bricks.  "But you said you liked the movie!"
"I did like the movie!"
He says, "well, you are getting the book for Christmas, so sorry!"
I laughed, and said, "Julia Child didn't write the movie, or the book, she is just the inspiration.  I would buy the book the movie is based on, but not one Julia Child wrote!" 
"Oh, well now you know one of your presents.  I shouldn't have said anything!"  He was minorly upset that he had spilled the beans.

He tries so hard to get me things I like and he was so worried that this wouldn't be one of them.  I wondered why the subject had come up a couple times this week!  He's probably the reason I rented the movie.  Well, that and I couldn't find Four Christmases at Redbox.  So sweet that he wants to please and now I am excited to read the book to see how it is written.  So random, and so cute all the same.

If you need a good flick that has little to do with infertility, but will definitely make you hungry (tamales and green chile stew for dinner afterwards, as well as a croissant during the movie!) then see Julie and Julia.  It may have even intrigued me to look into Julia Child's life a bit more, just for the infertility bit.  Enjoy folks!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Overdue! (No, not that!)

I have discovered that ever since I started to blog, I do it in my brain and try to keep tabs on what I want to blog about.  But the list keeps getting longer and longer, so I have to get it down before I forget and I probably forgot something already.  So here goes...

Jason's Revelation - My dear husband is very lean, ever since I have know him, he has been.  Of course it isn't because he eats "clean" or perfect, in fact it is quite the opposite.  He is a beer drinker, loves places like Lucky Wishbone and now El Guero Canero, and doesn't do a bit of exercise (unless you count the 8-11 hours of manual labor every day at work!).  I try and slip in veggies when I cook so he gets some greens, but he won't do that on his own.  Anyway, after my 30th birthday party pictures he noticed he was gaining a bit of weight (20 lbs all told he said).  Now I couldn't tell you where, because he still looks good to me (love you hunny!) but he can and apparently his buddies can.  So he has decided (without me saying anything) that come January 1 he wants to eat healthier, and lose 10 lbs of fat and gain 20 lbs of muscle.  Talk about being blown away! 

Now it has probably been my resolution for the past 22 years of my life (yes, since I was 8) to lose weight in the New Year.  Some years it works, and some it doesn't.  But it is definitely nice to have him on the same page so no more chips in the house, cookies, candies, etc!  I had already decided (long before he said anything) that our eating habits needed a clean up, for our waistlines, but also with the hope that that would help our baby making process.  So I came up with some small things, in addition to heading back to WW, and to hopefully reduce our food bill a bit and eat cleaner by nature.  I'm talking heading to the Farmers Market instead of the grocery store for fruits and veggies and regulating our tortilla chip intake.  Tortilla chips are a staple in our house!  I can get buy without potato chips pretty easily, but tortilla chips are my love!  So regulating us to one bag a month or two, is a big deal. Also regulating how often we eat out is a big deal and concentrating on sticking to it.  So not to say that we are going hog-wild for the holidays eating-wise, but we are enjoying ourselves. 

Mind you, my husband is one of those guys who doesn't eat for a day and drops 5 lbs!  At one point, just for shits and giggles, he stopped drinking beer for a week and dropped 13 lbs!  Now he isn't an alcoholic by far, maybe has 1 or 2 a night and 2-3 on the weekends!  He just has this incredible metabolism!  However, that is slowing down, as is his consumption of spicy foods as his tummy doesn't like them as much as his 25-year-old stomach did.  So all has had an effect on him.  His dad has always told him this would happen about 31-32 and J turns 32 in January.  So now he believes his Dad and he wants to take action.  He told me at dinner tonight (Chili's while eating Skillet Queso - hey we had a gift card!) that he wanted to work on his abs and get his "guns" back.  Good motivation for me then!  He has never told me I was heavy and even in my hey-day at WW, he told me to stop losing weight for fear I would lose my curves that he loves.  Will be nice to have us both eating healthy though again!

Cookie baking drama - So a couple days ago I decided that I needed to bake some cookies.  Some for me and some for friends, but specifically Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Cookies.  Basically, they are a peanut butter cookie, that when it comes out of the oven, you shove a mini-peanut butter cup into it and it melts all together!  Talk about divine.  Finished work about 4 yesterday and decided to make them last night because today would be busy.  One batch.  Quick and easy.  Maybe took 30 minutes, including oven time of 8 mins each tray.  After looking at the 36 (supposed to be 40, don't know where the 4 went) I had made and adding more people in my brain about who I would give them to, I decided another batch was in store.  So figuring I had just done it, it wouldn't be difficult, I started batch #2.  Holy cow!  What drama with baking like never before!

The first batch I had done exactly like the recipe said - dry first and separate, then liquids in the mixer, then mix.  Well the 2nd batch, I was doing dry and liquids separately at the same time and my brain must have over loaded because I could not for the life of me remember what ingredients I had added to the wet.  And it didn't look right so I would add more vanilla, then more sugar, then more egg, then more milk and pretty soon I think I had re-added all the ingredients!  But it still looked too moist.  So figured I would add the flour and baking soda and salt and hope it thickened up.  No such luck!  So more flour, and mixing, and more flour and mixing and more flour and mixing.  And testing to see if it sticks to my fingers when I ball it up because the first batch hadn't.  So then more flour and mixing and testing and more flour and mixing and testing.  It went on for what seemed like forever! 

Finally got it to a consistency that I thought would be best and I was getting tired of all the flour, mixing and testing.  So tablespoon size balls went into the mini-muffin pan, and into the oven.  And I figured I would have way more than the 36 from the previous batch, possibly the 40 I was supposed to have!  The first batch came out fine and tasted fine, so whatever I did seems to have worked.  But how many do you think I ended up with?!  36!  What-the?!  I can't figure out where all the extra ingredients went, but only 36 cookies came out and I scraped that bowl clean!  OY VEY!

Wrong ornament - Every year since I was probably 16, I have made ornaments for the people in my life that mean the most to me.  I write on them with paint pens (used to be toothpicks and paint and that sucked) about the things that has happened in their lives over the past year and things we have experienced together.  Every year I say I will stop, and every year instead I add a couple more people to the mix.  This year was no different, with a whopping 28 done (just finished tonight)!  I have figured that I need to hand deliver them because they are breakable, but there are about 3 that absolutely must be sent out and packaging them is a feat in and of itself.  Anyway, went to lunch with one of the recipients today and brought her ornament along with her other present.  She gets all excited and starts to open it and as she starts to read it, I see the word "Colleen".  Now I put who that person has dated or is friends with, and this person had no real relation to Colleen with the exception of meeting her at my birthday party as the girlfriend of a friend of mine she dated shortly during the early part of the year!  It took about 3 seconds to realize I had given her the wrong ornament, and not only that, but the guy she had dated earlier this year!!  YOWZA!  Talk about being a moron!  Anyway, she thought it was funny and was glad to see his and see that yes, her name was on his.  And now she can anticipate hers, but oy vey!  How embarrassing is that?!  Thankfully she is a good friend and understood!

Week and Weekend wrap-up - Time for a quick wrap up of the week then off to bed to start a new book.  Had worked out with my trainer on Wed (something I do once a month) and he changed my routine up again to keep it fresh.  Thursday I was a bit sore, not dying like last month, but tender mostly in the hamstring and tricep area.  Friday, worked out again with the new routine but no trainer and after I was done I was more sore.  So figured out since I was working at home that day, I would fly home and jump in the spa while I had breakfast and coffee.  The whole way home I was so excited to ease my muscles and have a nice relaxing coffee and breakfast in the spa.  Come home, start the coffee maker and head outside to pop the top, only to see the temp gauge says 77 degrees!  77!  HOLY COW!  I won't swim rapidly in that cold of water in the summer!  I played with the buttons to see if I could get it to fix itself, but upon putting my hand in, it really was 77!  So much for the hot-tub!  Hot shower it was.  Probably okay though because my day got real busy real quick and I worked pretty much straight thru!  Finished work, made cookies (see above), made friend's ornament that I was seeing today for lunch (see above), and watched Polar Express in 3D that Jason had bought me for my birthday.  It wasn't that great.  The movie was, but the 3D, not-so much and wearing the glasses didn't help.  Anyway, off to bed we went.

Today, J had to work so he was gone by 8 and I couldn't go back to sleep.  So I finished my book and then got up to do a whirlwind cleaning of the house for the holidays, wrapped friend's ornament (or what I thought was), showered and dressed.  And was still late.  But made it to Eegee's to give her the wrong one, and then across the street for mani-pedis!  How I love those.  Currently my fingers have red tips with glitter overlay french-style and my toes are red as well with snowflakes on them!  Nice to sit and be pampered and another resolution is to do this every month instead of just once every 10 months!  Plus it was free today because friends had given me a gift certificate for my birthday!  NICE!  Left there in the hunt for dog beds for the puppies for Christmas, and then home to finish the rest of the 28 ornaments and wrap the rest of the presents that had taken my dining room table hostage. 

J came home in the middle of ornament finishing, so in the middle we went to Chili's for very tasty, albeit unhealthy, dinner.  Then home to watch White Christmas, (thought of you dear Kate during "Blessings") which is a holiday tradition and thankfully on DVD this year instead of dragging out the VCR that we really keep for only this reason and our wedding video!  And finished wrapping everything!  We are officially ready for Christmas!  And this week is short, so I not only get Friday off but I took Thursday off as well to cook and prep and have lunch with Ms. T, my dear friend and her kiddies!  The only thing that I am pretty sure is coming this week that I really could do without, is AF!  On Friday, of course!  Oh well, at least that means the champagne I take to the in-laws won't go bad because it will be in my belly!  (I did tell J we could have a "Christmas miracle" but I really doubt it at this point.  But you never know!  Just not setting my heart on it!)

So if I don't find time to write this week, please forgive but have a very happy Holiday, whatever you celebrate and will update you soon.  Love you all and Merry Christmas! 

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


So often after hearing our "saga" people ask if we have considered adoption and I always say, "we've got a lot more to try before going there."  And I believe this to be true!  And they, witty as they are, they say, "well my best friend's brother's mother's friend's daughter started the adoption process and then they got pregnant."  At which point, if I haven't scissor kicked them, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.  And then politely excuse myself.

Adoption is not something to be entered into lightly.  You can't do it to psych the gods out and know it will work.  That sort of stuff doesn't fly.  Your whole heart has to be in it and that takes a lot.  There is a ton of work and money involved in adoption.  And a HUGE amount of risk!  There's a new show that either just came out or is coming out called Find My Family and it scares the death out of me.  I know not all of it has to do with adoption and I don't know the back story.  But I think about my child, at 16 or 20 telling me they want to go find their "real" mom and I think it could possibly tear me apart!  Or all the stories you hear (well, maybe you don't, but I have) about people getting to the day when their baby is born, and then the mother decides to keep it...and this happening to them 2 to 3 times.  Trust me, I am super happy that Mom or Dad or Grandma or Auntie stepped up and kept the baby in the family.  But what about the poor couple who had been waiting the 9 months or 2 years as well for that child and now they must begin again!  Breaks my heart.

I've also heard that babies from overseas take less time (and by less I still mean 18 months) to adopt, while home-grown USA babies, are about a 3 year wait.  So I understand the perplexities of checking up on new parents and making sure they are sane, and nice, and loving, and will be good parents.  But 3 years!?!  Then there are all the commercials out there that show all these starving orphans in the States who I just want to go scoop up and save, but when I finally get to, that kid will be 10!  Something needs to be done to fix the adoption process, but who knows where to start?

So, to sum up...yes we have considered adoption, and no we won't be putting an application in any time soon.  All the docs tell me I am healthy and even have steered me away from a surrogate (although I have one in my back pocket if need be).  They believe we can do this and frankly, I do too.  I just hope God does, and hopefully before I am 40!

Happy Tuesday all...Christmas is just 10 days away!  REALLY?  Holy Cow, so much to finish!  Later.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Time for reflection

I know I have written about this before, but it needs to be said again.  I am very lucky.  We just watched Extreme Home Makeover (something we do every Sunday) and they were showing all these children in homes where 4 girls share one bed and don't have clothes that fit.  I never worried about that growing up, or hearing gunshots outside my window.  I am very blessed in so many ways...not fertilly(?) apparently, but so many OTHER ways.  I do have a job, and a roof that doesn't leak, and a husband who doesn't beat me - emotionally or physically, and family who come to my rescue if I need it, and friends who offer me gifts I could in no way pay them back for, and food on my table that is healthy, and love...and that is probably the greatest of all.

I know I struggle with to "make it" in the world how I want to, and how to lose the weight I battle with constantly, and how to be a good wife, and how to be an individual, and how to grow even when I want the world to swallow me up and make the pain of not being able to conceive WHEN I WANT TO go away.  Yes, I believe we will get pregnant at some point, but God apparently has other plans for us right now, and I've come to realize that is okay.  I may not like it, but that is okay.  But all in all, I have a good life. 

I had a funny thought today.  I was thinking about my CFP test ("big nasty") and I thought that long ago I had "planned" that I would finish it, and then get pregnant and that would be great because then I wouldn't have to study while I was pregnant and dealing with the issues that could arise there.  So my thought was, "maybe God said at the moment that I had that thought (years ago), "okay, that's what you want, that will be."  However since then, our plans have changed.  Work knowledge didn't come as seamlessly as I would have liked, and taking the CFP got put off until I had some experience with the practice.  So maybe now whenever I pray to God that we get pregnant, he looks down on me and says,  "ah ah aah, you said 'finish the CFP, then baby...' so that is what I am waiting for dear Niki.  That is what YOU said, YOU wanted to happen.  No take-backs!"  So maybe for some time, that needs to be my focus.  I know that takes me until July or even November next year, depending how well I get my butt in action, but maybe that is what needs to happen.  So maybe I start thinking about it that way.  I haven't decided if that is where I am going for sure, but it is something to consider.  And like I said, a funny thought.  I don't know that God thinks like that, but who knows.  He does know best, right?!

Quick wrap-up of the weekend and then off to bed for some Christmas novel that I picked up.  Saturday, I was meeting some dear old (not us, just how long we have known each other) friends for lunch and I had to finish their Christmas presents that I would give them (that I had bought before the verdict was not to do that, so too bad ladies) and I had asked Ms. T if she had clothes for a friend that I would see at lunch. Sorry, that's confusing.  Anyway, Ms. T called and said "yes have clothes, let's go to breakfast" - mind you, she called at 7:45 AM on Saturday.  Usually at that point I am not even thinking about getting out of bed, unless I am going to pee and then go back to sleep.  So I said no, and we hung up.  Well, 10 minutes later I was still awake and realized that seeing her was more important than sleep, so called her back and we planned breakfast.  So went to breakfast with Ms. T and the kiddies and it was very nice.  (Oh, and tamales and eggs is SUPER yummy!  Not healthy probably even with Egg Beaters, but damn tasty!)

Then rushed back home, to finish presents for lunch bunch and head that way.  Got to Oregano's (yummy!) 5 min behind schedule, but just as the rest of the club showed up.  Nice lunch and good food.  Remembered I had a gift card from long ago in my purse and expected $5 on it, but had $16 instead, so I think lunch cost me $2!  Nice!  Walked outside with the girls and gave them their presents and they loved them!  I gave them . . . oops, can't tell...might have a few more of the same.  Let's put it this way, I gave them time, love and nourishment! I hope I made their day and when they make what I gave them, hopefully that will make their day too.

Then went to Performance Footwear to get fitted for new workout shoes because according to trainer Andrew, you are only supposed to keep workout shoes for 6 months and mine were at a year.  They do this really cool thing at that store and put you on a treadmill and then video tape your walk for 2 minutes.  From there, they analyze what your feet are doing that they shouldn't be and fit you in the right shoes to fix the problem.  Nicole was my salesperson and she rocked!  She took time and explained so much and showed me all these shoes and let me walk on the treadmill with each to see which felt right and then again on the video treadmill with the ones I thought I liked most and you could see the difference.  Tomorrow will tell how things go!  Oh, and then tonight just for sh*ts and giggles, I googled the pair of shoes I bought to see if I could find them cheaper (gotta save where I can) and I found that I actually got them cheaper in the store than online!  That never happens and makes me trust the store that they aren't trying to rip me off!

Then, ran up to get bagels for a holiday party with my swim team today, but Einstein's apparently closes at 4 pm on Sat and I got there at 4:05!  Who closes at 4 pm on Sat really!?  Anyway, went to Foothills Mall because had another gift card from birthday and found new workout pants and shirts, and only had to pay $10!  NICE!  Found some other last presents and decided enough was enough, so headed home. 

Beat Jason back from riding (he went out on the quad all day with his best buddy) so decided to try to wrap his presents, and got that done.  Finished the laundry and then J came home and it was time to relax and eventually go to bed.

Sunday, up early sleeping in this weekend apparently.  Got ready for Swim Team Holiday Party, ran back up to Einstein's for those bagels, then down to the party.  Nice group of folks and some I haven't seen for quite sometime including our honorary member, Angie - she is 80! and swims every week day, rain/sleet/shine/whatever!  She is so sweet and I miss not seeing her because now I only swim on Sundays, and now I don't swim at all because it is freaking cold at 7:30 am!  So we always do a White Elephant exchange and my Dad had given me the idea of a Snuggie because when we get out of the pool, it is freezing sometimes (well not me, because I don't go then, but some).  So he bought a brown one and I bought a pink one!  Mind you, there are a bunch of guys on the team, so I thought that would be hysterical.  Our coach is a great guy - a guy's guy - and always cold during the winter while he stands outside of the water telling us what to do.  So we started White Elephant and Coach is 3rd to pick, and oh-yes-he picked the bright-pink-Snuggie!  Man, did those swimmers laugh!  And we all vowed to let him keep it so not to steal it!  Yes, Coach ended up with a bright pink snuggie and it was hy-ster-i-cal!  I love making people laugh.

Left there and went to the 4th Avenue Street Fair...something we do every year.  Walked for about 2 hours and bought salsa, a painting and holiday collar covers for the pups.  Nice weather and good turn-out.  But I was ready to be out of my shoes.  So we came home.

My latest knitting project is something I got out of a book series I love (The Friday Night Knitting Club, Knit Two and Knit the Season, by Kate Jacobs.  Oh and she wrote Comfort Food too).  Now the books aren't all about knitting, just a common theme but Mrs. Jacobs is an awesome writer so I highly recommend them.  Anyway, she always puts recipes she talks about in the book and knitting projects in the back with directions.  One of them sounded really cool and easy, so I decided that was next since for once I don't know 12 people who are pregnant and I need to make blankets for...only one and she is only about 8 weeks, so I have time!  Anyway, it is a garland for the Christmas Tree.  Remember the garlands we made as kids with construction paper where you cut strips of construction paper and then made them into rings and strung them together?  Well, same idea, just knitted.  Thus far I have about 7 rings and it looks really sweet.  Haven't decided if I am sticking with same colors in order or just random, but it will take me a while because I need a lot of garland.  Anyway, when I finish, will post pictures.  Alright folks, time for reading and then sleep.  Christmas is only a week and a half away!

Oh, and tomorrow our new hire starts!  Thank God we finally found one and I just have this feeling, she will be great!  YAY!  Here's to a great week for you and me!  Love...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I guess an update is in store

I wish I could say that I had more to say but I don't.  However, I just read through a bunch of blogs and now feel lazy having not published since last Thursday!  On the fertility front, we have been quite silent.  We don't even discuss it now, nor joke about "when we are parents" much.  Although, I truly believe that our youngest pup, Blazer, has a 3 year old inside of him.  He takes out his toys and has to take them ALL out and leave them exactly where he want them.  Very humorous and hopefully preparing us for something in the near future.

We are in the week where we are supposed to BD but as of yet have not.  I introduced hubby to FB and now I have created a monster...he says "five minutes" and thirty five or more later strolls into the bedroom where I have cuddled up under the covers and am passed out.  Sorry, I get up at 5:30 am, he gets up at 7:50 am.  Big diff!

I have realized this week that while we haven't been able to conceive, we are incredibly lucky.  I keep hearing about more and more of our friends that are getting laid off, struggling with income or just having a hard time with this economy.  While we may struggle with the fertility stuff, we do okay on the employment front and money and love.  So maybe that is what God is waiting for...everyone to get over their financial struggles, so he can focus on our fertility.  Oy vey...we are so blessed.  And even in all of that that my friends are going thru, they ask how I am doing...what awesome people I have in my life.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

An award, for little-ole-me?!

I have never won a blogger award!  So thanks Ms. Kate!  Here goes nothin!

The rules for this award:

  • Put the Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
  • Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
  • Link the nominees within your post.
  • Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
  • Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

 1. Gotta go straight back to Kate at Busted Plumbing.  She is hysterical and keeps me up on my down days.  Plus I know she checks my blog because she comments there and I love comments!
2. Amanda at Kismet's Fate.  This woman is the reason I blog!  She started it and has been very helpful since.  And I am happy to report, she is pregnant and just about ready to pop!  So she gives me hope!
3. Michelle at Meditation on Chaos.  One of my very good friends and constant support.  Her's isn't about infertility, but it reminds me that there are other things in this world to write about!
4. Shae at The Pages of Our Life.  Another helpful lady who blogs about her beautiful baby girl and again gives me hope.  She and I met while on a chat room somewhere about infertility and I'm so happy about that!
5. Shawn at Growing Pains.  She started following me so I started following her and it is nice to see that I am not the only one having thought that she writes about!
6. Jennifer at Ex-Hot Girl.  So not about infertility, but so hysterical and fun to read!  I'm always trying to lose weight, so this makes me appreciate the other journey I am on.
7. Margaret at Brucato Mania.  I love this lady!  I work with her and she goes on these oh-so-fabulous trips and blogs about all the fun stuff they do and eat and see.  You want some fun history and descriptions and stories, go here!
8. Beth at Beth's Baby Blog.  Again, a very good friend and if you want research, go here.  This lady blogs about her cutie of a kid and is one of the most researched moms I know!
9. Future Mama at Baby Makin(g) Machine.  She just found out she is pregnant and hearing her thoughts echo a lot of my own...well, once we get pregnant!
10.  Shopaholic D at Shopaholics Anonymous.  Who doesn't love fashion?!  I do and this blog talks and shows pictures.  Gotta love it!

Wow, that was hard!  Amazing blogs and all worth the time if you have it!  Thanks again all and hope you keep reading mine, because I will be reading yours!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Starting Fresh

So after about 2 weeks of eating whatever I wanted (started 11/20 when Michelle got here) thru Thanksgiving, it is time to go back to eating what I should instead of what I want.  So I am starting fresh as they say.  Got on the scale yesterday and wasn't as shocked as I thought I could be considering the past 2 weeks and that AF showed up on Saturday.  But I do know I need to go back.  Had a healthy breakfast this morning, although realized too late that we have NO fruit in the house.  The apples I was depending on have gone bad - go figure, 2 weeks...but they were cut.  So I was reduced to apple juice that I bought for Jason, thankfully it was super low sugar. 

But officially starting fresh.  Worked out this morning with Anna, albeit maybe half-heartedly.  Then, got back in bed, never a wise option because it was SO much harder getting out the second time.  But I finally did and am now half way thru my day.  Nothing more to say, just wanted record that I am starting fresh today and back on WW and plan to do great! Peace!