Sunday, November 1, 2009

Cycle Day #28 - IUI Cycle #3 - FAILED again

So if you haven't seen my status on FB ("Nope, nope and nope. Three strikes and we're out, for this year at least!") then I will say officially that this cycle didn't work either. I am getting so sick of this. And this is why we have officially decided to take a break. No more drugs, no more docs, no more acupuncture, just BD...and drinking, probably lots of drinking.

Yesterday was a good day. We went and got new cell phones because Jason's had about had it and we got a smokin' deal because we knew the manager, so instead of paying $250 PER PHONE (yes Sprints sucks here) we only paid $100 each for fancy-ass phones. Went and saw Jenn, JT and new baby Marin at St. Joe's hospital and it became a party. I think there were 8 people there, not including Jenn, JT and baby Marin while we were there passing the littlest Ledford around. So adorable and so fun to hang out with those folks. I do love them. I even said to Marin, "you have no idea how big of a family you have!" So sweet. Now we even saw the video of the birth. Thankfully Jenn had a cesarean so it wasn't as personal as it could have been. I've never seen them pull a baby out so harshly (just goes to show you they are hard to break if the docs are that rough with them) and then after the doc cleaned off her uterus, she showed it to the camera, out of mommy's belly, and told us what everything was!!! I've seen the inside of my uterus more times than I can count, so that was actually quite interesting to me. Jason was not so much a fan.

Went and got lunch and then wandered around the mall, but didn't buy a thing! I still need a shirt and boots for my big 3-0 party, but no luck. Came close at Black House White Market (or is it White House Black Market? I can never remember), but no. Got home and Mom and Daddy came over for dinner and to help us hand out candy to Trick-or-Treaters. We had a slew and for the most party they were young and sweet. A couple that were too old to be doing it anymore, but for the most part even they were nice and polite. Watched Australia and then to bed.

Was supposed to go swim with Dad this morning, but when I got up and did the pee on a stick thing and it came back negative (at 5:15 am!), I really didn't feel up to it, so I crawled back in bed, but it doesn't really feel like I slept much. Finally got up about 8:30 am, quick shower and off to meet him for breakfast instead and drop jewelry off to a friend at the JCC. Surprised her when I walked into the locker room. She is such a doll, and while I hadn't spoken the words yet she could see something was up. So when she asked if I was okay, my eyes sprang a leak and she just hugged me and asked what and I told her I had tested and obviously she knew what the answer had been. She said the sweetest thing, "You deserve this more than anyone." But immediately in my head I thought, "then why is God punishing us and why is this taking so damn long?!" Force of habit I guess. I know He isn't punishing us, but I don't understand why he doesn't help us along. Anyway, scooted out of the locker room as the other women came in, I didn't want to make a scene. Got myself together by the time Dad came out and we went to a very nice breakfast. Stopped at the Farmer's Market on the way home and got homemade tamales and Green Chile Stew. YUM!

Came home and Jason was now awake. He had seen the test (I always leave them on the bathroom counter) so he knew. He let me just fall into his arms and cry a bit. He is adamant that this will work for us. And I told him that I feel like I am letting him down and he said that he doesn't feel that way at all. He says that God isn't ready for us to be parents quite yet and we just have to accept that. He knows we are both doing everything we can and right and now it is time for a break. He is so good about all this that sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky!!! I cried, because that is what I do. But he did point out that now I can drink at my 30th birthday party, and that is a plus!

So I guess that is my weekend. Off to wash the dogs, pay some bills, clean the floors, paint my nails and possibly start a new knitting project, but for me instead of someone else. I have made over 18 blankets (baby and adult) and nothing for me, so now is my turn! I'm excited and nervous all together, I've never made anything besides blankies!

I will continue to blog in our absence from formal TTC with docs help as we try and figure out what is going on, but won't be as knowing because we won't be going to the doc. I need to call them and get the next prescription for the injections because I think that is our next step, but I want to see if I can get them for cheaper from Canada or something. So I need some time. We both just need some time off, especially with the holidays in tow. Thanks for all your support, I really do appreciate it. You can't understand how this feels unless you have been there, and I hope those of you who haven't been there, never have to go! Love you guys!


  1. Hey do you have an ovulation watch? Do you recommend it? Which brand do you use?

    I'm so sorry to hear about your bad luck. Boooooo to Mother Nature I say. I'm keeping you in my prayers. Next year we will both be preggo together, and get together for alcohol free happy hours, and look back on these days. :-)

  2. I do have an OV watch and it works but I think it is bunk. It basically told me to have sex for 9 days in a row, well the doc told me that! Days 8-16. I'll sell it to you if you want, but I'm over it.

    Thanks sweetie. Even though we have never met face to face, I think of you often and am grateful January "introduced" us.

  3. I am sorry Niki. I hope the break helps you feel better in general, but I know it is not easy.

  4. I read your latest additions to your blog before leaving on our trip. Loving you always,

  5. I just nominated Niki for a blog award! If you're a fan of Niki, you should nominate her too. Check it out:

  6. You rock sista! Thanks for the up! Now I have tears tho! Told you I was emotional!!!


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