Friday, September 11, 2009

Cycle Day #6 - IUI Cycle #2 - I love my trainer!

I have a unique trainer, in that I don't meet with him multiple times a week. I only meet with him once a month and the rest of the month I am on my own to work hard and get better. At our meeting, he critiques what I am doing, helps me with what I am feeling, pushes me to work harder and at times changes up my workout, among other things. Now he knew about the IUI - in fact, the last time we worked out was the morning of my IUI. So he knew. I had emailed him earlier this week confirming our appointment and letting him know our news, and asking him not to bring it up. Well, this morning he did anyway, realizing (after I said the last couple weeks have been difficult) that the result was partly due to the events of Friday. And he understood that it made me upset (I cried a little bit), but he gave me a hug and then he became my cheerleader for the day. He picked me up off the floor and pushed me to laugh and to think about working out because that will help us get pregnant. He answers my questions and is a genuinely good guy.

I need to get over this upset-ness. You would think by now I am over it! But the thing I realized this morning on my way home from the gym was that I am over the fact that I am not currently pregnant and we have to do it all again. What gets me upset is that look people give you...they care and they love me, but it is an "I'm sorry" look. And while I love the emotion and the love behind it, I hate that look. That is what gets me tearful. It could also be knowing that these people care so much about us that when we hurt, they hurt. So in a way, these tears are happy tears for all those people I depend on and who support me. I just don't want people to feel sorry for us or pity us or anything like that. That's all. But I am also grateful that they care enough to give me a hug...I just have to figure out how to get over this point, because crying every time someone brings it up sucks. Thus is why this month we aren't telling anyone when things are happening. Sorry won't know until after the fact. Kind of like when I take one of my hard-ass tests, the only people who know are my hubby and my mom. So not telling when we IUI, when we test or anything of that sort. I will still blog, but may not post them until after.

By all means, keep the prayers coming, you just won't know the specifics. Also helps whenever we do find out we are PG that I get to surprise people and have them hear it from me, rather than the blog. Alright, back to studying for the next hard-ass test that you guys won't hear about until I pass it! Later folks!

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