Monday, March 21, 2011


When my mother was pregnant with me, my Grandpa (her dad) kept telling her that he was "too young" to be a grandfather.  I was the first grandchild and dang it, he wasn't ready.  When I finally joined the world and met Grandpa for the first time, he was overjoyed and those thoughts went out the window.  He was "ready."

I think J's parents have been ready to be grandparents ever since the day we moved home from Denver.  No, not the day we got married, but definitely since we are back in town.  His mom has started collecting Disney movies as they are released on DVD for just the occasion.  J's dad is a bit of a hard nut to crack sometimes, but it's become very apparent that he's excited for the prospect of being a grandfather.

My Dad has been ready for sometime too I think.  I watch him with kids of our friends and he is just drawn to them.  He adores babies and just looks ready to have one that came from his genes.  He gets this glazed/excited look on his face.  Like he's in heaven and it's meant to be for him to have kids in his life.

My Mom, is a different story.  Don't get me wrong, if I wanted to do something and it wasn't something bad for me (i.e. drugs, bad guys, whatever) she was behind me 100%.  But she took after my grandfather in the fact that when we started saying we were working on kids, she would say, "I'm too young to be a grandmother!" 

When I first went off BC, there was one time where I was LATE and she happened to be out of town.  The girls at my office knew what was happening (partly because I left one day for a blood test) and both were terrified of when I would tell her if we were.  Seriously.  They debated about not coming in that day.  I told them that she would be happy and part of it was for show.  But you know what they say, joking has some truth to it. 

When we started to "struggle" with conceiving, she wanted me to "relax" and just let it happen.  And after hearing that a few too many times, I lashed out at her saying that it was "more than that."  I think it was then, she knew we were serious and started to really get on board.  She took me to my HSG because J couldn't.  She has listened to me countless times on the phone whine/bitch/cry about not being able to get pregnant.  She started to get excited when we had IUIs.  And I knew she was supporting us, but I never really knew if she was READY.

Obviously, I couldn't have gotten this far in the process without a little help from her (mostly emotional), but I still kid her that she's too young to have a grand baby.  And, for the past year, we really haven't done anything extraordinary to help our baby making efforts.  I've been really focused on "big nasty".

On Thursday, before I left for Phoenix, we went to lunch.  I usually see her at least 3 times a week (at the office) and I really hadn't done that because I've been studying.  So it was great to catch up and get some last minute support.  And she said the funniest thing.  She said, "I'm ready!  I'm ready to be a grandma!"  And I knew she meant it because her eyes were sparkling.  Literally.  She even tried to count out the days until we might know that she is a grandma.  Determining how long I'd be on BC again, and when the implantation was, and how long we wait after, etc.  It was very sweet. 

Now I am kinda glad that she wasn't ready years ago, because I'm sure while she wouldn't have intended it to, it would have added a lot of pressure to our plight.  So now that the stage has been set with our Infertility battle, everyone knows that we don't just "look at each other" and get pregnant like some of our friends.  So we've all grown to be patient.  Plus, if we had sped this process up I don't know that I could have taken CFP pregnant, once or twice.  Hopefully we won't have to cross that bridge!

I've waited a long time to be a mother.  And now that all of us (J, his parents, and my parents) are ready...maybe God will finally listen.  Who knows what he has been waiting for all this time?  Maybe this was it!

Love you Grandma , I mean Mom! ;)

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If you want to start to see what our next steps will be (IVF), hop on over to my friend's blog, Womb for Improvement .  She's right in the middle of IVF, and I'm soaking up everything she is saying.  Her latest post was about injections and needles (pictures too!).  Don't read during breakfast if you are skittish.  She's a great writer and I am literally hanging on her every word with this one.  Enjoy!


  1. Sounds like the universe is all lined up for you, I sincerely believe this is your time. The CFP, I'm sure you passed, so check it off your list. Getting pregnant, I'm sure its your time, go for it!
    Cant wait to follow you on your journey!

  2. I could not read this without crying! I have been thinking about you so much lately. I know our schedules haven't meshed recently, but I miss you and I hope we can get together before I leave. Please know that even with the (physical)distance between us you are still one of my greatest friends. I love you always. xoxo

  3. Thanks for your comment on my blog! I also checked out your friend's blog (Womb for Improvement). Love blog recommendations! :)

    You're right, it isn't fair. I realize that it isn't productive to say so, but it's true. This is a long, scary, frustrating process. Hopefully IVF will be the answer for both of us! Good luck to you!


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