Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Race for a Cure

Hello dearest Bleaders...I can hardly believe April is literally right around the corner!!  Like, tomorrow even!  Holy schmoly! 

April around our house is insane!  Completely and utterly insane.  Let me just list off a few things for you... 3 baby birthdays (that I can recall right now), 3 anniversaries (including J's and mine - #7 baby!), 4th Avenue Street Fair (it's this really cool event in Tucson where they shut down 4th Avenue and a whole bunch of small vendors set up in the street with art, food, whatever, and we walk up and down the street buying and eating until our wallets are empty, and watching the crazies come out - I kid you not!), J's annual camping trip with about 75 other friends, Easter, 3 adult birthdays, TAX SEASON comes to a close (AAHHH!!!), and the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Race for a Cure. 

So every weekend is jam packed - for instance, this weekend I have 3 separate events on Saturday alone, and 4th Avenune on Sunday with MBM!  It's a fun month, but also a tiring month. 

The Breast Cancer Race for a Cure has become near and dear to my heart.  I know there are a lot of cancers out there and I do hate them all, but this one hits way too close to home and here's why. 

One of my Mom's BFF's beat it, but we watched her go through it and it was hard.  This woman is one of the healthiest people I know.  She's hysterical, a Pilates Instructor, I think never eaten pizza in her life and she's a spitfire.  Double Mastectomy and she's still kickin' baby!!!  Sad to say I don't have a photo of her to share!

BFF in Phoenix's Mom beat it and I watched them both go through it, that is BFF in Phoenix and her Mama.  It was very scary hearing what BFF in Phoenix was watching her mom deal with, and even scarier realizing that these woman that I dearly love were suffering and there was not a damn thing I could do to help, except show them that I loved them dearly through cards, or calls or whatever.  And so I did just that.  And when BFF in Phoenix's Mom beat it, boy did we celebrate.  I create Christmas Bulbs every year for those I love and have spent time with over the year.  Basically, I write on a different colored bulb things we did together or milestones of the year.  Wanna know what the biggest one was on BFF in Phoenix's Mom's?  It said...Kicking Cancer's ASS!  She told me it was the first thing she saw and she loved it!!!  Man do I love this lady!!

 Me and Mom Ryan in 2009.  How ridiculously beautiful is she?

And lastly, my Mom had a small brush with Breast Cancer.

My Mom and me a couple years back at a work conference in Toronto.  Again, I have great genes thanks to this lady!

When I was in college, she found a lump.  They did a biopsy and thankfully it wasn't cancerous, but man was it scary.  When my Dad called me and told me I needed to come home that day, I literally drove home in a fog.  I even ran into my roommate's car on the way home...really, backed into her.  Small dent in me and her.  (Yup Mom, that's where that dent came from...I hit Sara's car...didn't I tell you that?!)  But the cars got fixed and so did Mom.  So very thankful!! 

So a couple years ago, MBM and another friend and I decided we would do the race.  No, it's not super challenging, but it is worthwhile.  We even made shirts that showed who we were walking for and everything.

 This is me, MBM and Becky.

Last year was kind of a bummer.  I had a whole bunch of people I was going to walk with, and everyone seemed to bail at the last minute.  SOMEONE slept in, someone got sick, etc., etc.  I ended up walking with a neighbor, and it was great, but not as great as the previous year.

This year, Trainer has enrolled the gym.  The gym is contributing another $5 per enrollee from the gym, and a member is matching that contribution.  Trainer is also having shirts made.  I'm pretty sure they are going to say, "Big or Small, Save 'Em All!"  That's what you get when you are a gym primarily of men!  But I think it's cute.  I've gotten some people to join the team and Trainer sent me a very nice email the other day thanking me for my support.  So Robot from boot camp is coming, as is Lobster (but with a different team), Meanie Christinie and Bethie!  Busted Kate will be there too, so we'll go to breakfast afterwards! 

Anyway, if you are in T-town, it's on April 10th at Reid Park.  Go to Trainer's website and sign up (QUICK!) or you can enroll on race day.  And if you can't make it, you can always donate to Trainer's site. 

And something funny that links this all to infertility is that the drugs that cost me an arm and a leg that I take to induce lots of eggs, also treat Breast Cancer.  Isn't that weird?!  Who knew all these people fighting Breast Cancer might also be really fertile!!! :)

I'll post photos after Race day!  Happy Friday LOVELIES!

You know you are an Infertile when...

AF is 5 minutes late and you can't stop counting down the minutes until you can take a pregnancy test, knowing that it will probably be negative, but secretly hoping THIS IS IT!

Yup, happened this week.  AF was due Tuesday morning and lately she's been a day or even two early, so when I actually hit day #28 and AF was a no-show, you know my heart did flip flops.  Couldn't talk myself out of Boot Camp because no cramps.  Still nothing after all that work.  Whoo hoo...maybe, maybe?

And then, finally at lunch it was like I was hit by a freight train.  I was expecting it, but that very small piece of me believes that maybe we won't get to IVF.  Even my Mom is now 100% convinced that with CFP behind me (hopefully for good), we'll get preggers on our own and not need to spend the $9k to TRY!

I was definitely feeling weird Sunday and Monday too.  I was s-t-a-r-v-i-n-g all day.  Literally, finished lunch and could have eaten another WHOLE meal.  So I figured it was AF, but again, no cramps, etc.  So very odd and annoying!  So again...you know you are an Infertile when you chalk every little thing wrong with your body up to being a pregnancy symptom!  "What's that, I have something in my eye?  I must be preggers!"

Anyway, who has another "You know you are an Infertile when..."?

Discipline or Regret?

Hello dear Bleaders! WOW, ask and you shall receive!  I asked for opinions and boy did I get them.  WOWIE-ZOWIE!  Thank you for your input.  Yes, it's a decision I have to make, but I wanted other opinions.  At this point, we won't be doing number 3 (which was basically drop everything and start NOW).  I'm still considering #2 (start end of April) and #1 (wait until May after have grades).  I've got some time to mull it all over and determine how to proceed with this.  

Now on to the real post for today, but wanted to reiterate my thanks not only for your opinions, but your constant support.  You guys are with me on the good, the bad and the ugly days.  It's appreciated more than you know.  I'm very happy I started the blog just about 2 years ago, despite the fact that it wasn't under the happiest of circumstances.  I'm grateful for the people I have connected with through this (hear me My Kate?!) and the support you give, on and off the blog.  If someone had told me when we started trying to conceive about 4 years ago (yes, 4 years in July) that this would be our journey, I might have given up then and there.  But no one had that foresight.  Now looking back, I can realize that this happened for a reason and while I'm not really sure what that reason is (although I've come up with a ton in my head), I feel like I've grown and possibly can handle parent-hood better now than had I gotten knocked up on the first try and not really had to determine if I wanted this or not.  (No offense to any Fertile Myrtles out there).  So if I haven't lost you yet, here we go...

We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. - Jim Rohn

This was my "weekly quote" from Quoteland.com.  It probably fits today well.  I wasn't very happy when I weighed in at WW this morning, up a little bit.  I understand why (ahem...Daddy look away), AF is on her way.  (Okay, you can continue to read Daddy!)  But I worked hard last week at staying on track and doing things right.  It's really annoying.  So this quote hit home with me this morning.  I can't say I regret last week when I worked out almost every morning that I am slated too (discipline).  I'm just angry and annoyed that Mr. Scale doesn't want to go downhill, only uphill!  BOO!  

Now moving on to CFP.  I was very disciplined with my study so even if I don't pass, I don't think I can look back at the situation and say I didn't give it my all.  I was bustin' ass to cram everything I could in my brain.  We'll see if it paid off.  I hope so.  I seriously don't believe there is anything further I could have done to make this experience any better.  

And lastly, our infertility journey.  This one is a bit of a toughie.  As I said up top, I have grown from this whole experience.  I feel like I am a natural Mom.  It's just there, ingrained in me.  Can't help it.  Every baby I see on the street makes me gaze a little longer, just to see them and fantasize that someday that will be us.  But do I regret not starting earlier?  Probably a little bit.  Do I regret all the money I spent on BC when I probably didn't need to?  Yes and no.  Yes, because I could have done plenty of other stuff with that $20 a month and it's quite possible that all those years on it have something to do with our current situation.  No, because we weren't ready to be parents then.  We could have split up (I doubt it) or been disgruntled parents because a child came to us too soon.  We've had time to enjoy each other and figure ourselves and our marriage out.  We just weren't ready.  Now we are.  

I don't quite know how discipline weighs into all this, except that maybe I try to be more disciplined with myself as far as taking care of me and our finances, knowing what lies up ahead.   Let's go with that.  I definitely try to eat healthier and make J eat healthier.  Working out really isn't a chore most mornings.  Part of that is because I have found workouts I love, or at the very least, people I love that encourage me to workout with them or because of them.  I watch our money closely, knowing that big expenses are coming up, and don't spend as wildly as I did in my youth, knowing that a child will be expensive after they are born as well as before.  

But seriously, I don't regret where we are.  Sometimes I hate it, but I don't regret it.  

So I agree with the above quote.  I'd much rather have the pain of discipline, than the pain of regret!  

What does this quote mean for you?

It pains me to leave you all, but I must!  Happy Tuesday!

Now what do I do?

So CFP is over.  Everyone is on board.  Now what do we do?

I won't get grades for the test until probably mid-May.  I had figured that since last time it took 8 weeks and there were 3 holidays in there, this time should be quicker.  But U of A AFA threw that theory out the window when she told me her test in  July also took 8 weeks for results, no holidays included.  Bummer.  I was really hoping to start IVF near the end of April. 

So here's my thoughts and I'd like some opinions (no guarantee that I will listen, but give advice!):

1. Wait until grades come in and start BC at the end of May if I pass.
2. Start BC at the end of April as originally planned, with or without grades.
3. Start BC at the end of this month when I have AF as directed by doc to get the ball rolling earlier. 

Let me reiterate the following:
1. IVF is uber-expensive, stressful and needs my full attention. 
2. CFP is uber-important and needs my full attention if I have to take it again.
3. Whichever one has to happen, I need to be able to stress less (which is difficult for me to begin with).
4. CFP is practically mandatory for my job and I would really prefer not working through another CFP test and IVF at the same time.
5. I want a baby and I'm almost to the point of not caring if I passed CFP before we start or not.  (ALMOST, I still really care that I passed, my patience is just running really thin!)
6. The condensed version of the IVF process is BC for at least 3 weeks, injectible drugs for 2 weeks, extraction, wait for a few days, eggs go back in, wait for another few weeks, determine if we're pregnant.  All in all, about 8 weeks.  And BC has to start about day 2 of AF which put me near the end of the month per my cycle.

So what do you think Bleaders?  What are the pros and cons of waiting or jumping ahead?  Where do we go from here?

The comments are OPEN!

Ready?

When my mother was pregnant with me, my Grandpa (her dad) kept telling her that he was "too young" to be a grandfather.  I was the first grandchild and dang it, he wasn't ready.  When I finally joined the world and met Grandpa for the first time, he was overjoyed and those thoughts went out the window.  He was "ready."

I think J's parents have been ready to be grandparents ever since the day we moved home from Denver.  No, not the day we got married, but definitely since we are back in town.  His mom has started collecting Disney movies as they are released on DVD for just the occasion.  J's dad is a bit of a hard nut to crack sometimes, but it's become very apparent that he's excited for the prospect of being a grandfather.

My Dad has been ready for sometime too I think.  I watch him with kids of our friends and he is just drawn to them.  He adores babies and just looks ready to have one that came from his genes.  He gets this glazed/excited look on his face.  Like he's in heaven and it's meant to be for him to have kids in his life.

My Mom, is a different story.  Don't get me wrong, if I wanted to do something and it wasn't something bad for me (i.e. drugs, bad guys, whatever) she was behind me 100%.  But she took after my grandfather in the fact that when we started saying we were working on kids, she would say, "I'm too young to be a grandmother!" 

When I first went off BC, there was one time where I was LATE and she happened to be out of town.  The girls at my office knew what was happening (partly because I left one day for a blood test) and both were terrified of when I would tell her if we were.  Seriously.  They debated about not coming in that day.  I told them that she would be happy and part of it was for show.  But you know what they say, joking has some truth to it. 

When we started to "struggle" with conceiving, she wanted me to "relax" and just let it happen.  And after hearing that a few too many times, I lashed out at her saying that it was "more than that."  I think it was then, she knew we were serious and started to really get on board.  She took me to my HSG because J couldn't.  She has listened to me countless times on the phone whine/bitch/cry about not being able to get pregnant.  She started to get excited when we had IUIs.  And I knew she was supporting us, but I never really knew if she was READY.


Obviously, I couldn't have gotten this far in the process without a little help from her (mostly emotional), but I still kid her that she's too young to have a grand baby.  And, for the past year, we really haven't done anything extraordinary to help our baby making efforts.  I've been really focused on "big nasty".

On Thursday, before I left for Phoenix, we went to lunch.  I usually see her at least 3 times a week (at the office) and I really hadn't done that because I've been studying.  So it was great to catch up and get some last minute support.  And she said the funniest thing.  She said, "I'm ready!  I'm ready to be a grandma!"  And I knew she meant it because her eyes were sparkling.  Literally.  She even tried to count out the days until we might know that she is a grandma.  Determining how long I'd be on BC again, and when the implantation was, and how long we wait after, etc.  It was very sweet. 

Now I am kinda glad that she wasn't ready years ago, because I'm sure while she wouldn't have intended it to, it would have added a lot of pressure to our plight.  So now that the stage has been set with our Infertility battle, everyone knows that we don't just "look at each other" and get pregnant like some of our friends.  So we've all grown to be patient.  Plus, if we had sped this process up I don't know that I could have taken CFP pregnant, once or twice.  Hopefully we won't have to cross that bridge!

I've waited a long time to be a mother.  And now that all of us (J, his parents, and my parents) are ready...maybe God will finally listen.  Who knows what he has been waiting for all this time?  Maybe this was it!

Love you Grandma , I mean Mom! ;)

*  *  *

If you want to start to see what our next steps will be (IVF), hop on over to my friend's blog, Womb for Improvement .  She's right in the middle of IVF, and I'm soaking up everything she is saying.  Her latest post was about injections and needles (pictures too!).  Don't read during breakfast if you are skittish.  She's a great writer and I am literally hanging on her every word with this one.  Enjoy!

The Wrap-Up

Hi folks, I made it.  I took the CFP again.

Was it hard?  You betcha.  Was it stressful?  Uh-huh.

It was a bit different feeling than last time.  First off, we were in 1 huge room (Ballroom at a hotel) instead of about 6 smaller rooms at the University of Phoenix.  That had it's challenges.  Lots more distractions with people sneezing, coughing, muttering to themselves (sorry fellow test-takers), the air conditioning blasting.  It took longer to pass out tests, gather up tests, etc.  If more than one person had to take a bathroom break, a proctor had to go with you.  Talk about treating us like we're little kids.  But I understand why.

The first day was a doozy, but I actually walked out feeling like I got a good portion of the questions right (or at the very least knew what they were talking about and could make an educated guess on the subject).  I was exhausted, but not ready to drive home and give up.

I was meeting U of A AFA (Anne) for dinner and finding the place was a bit of a challenge because while I had been proactive and mapquested it from the hotel, I hadn't done so from the test figuring I'd be done at 5 pm and could easily drive the 10 minutes to my hotel and back to dinner before 5:45 pm.  Little did I remember that the test didn't get out until 5:30 or so.  Ooops!  And then my phone decided it didn't know how to run it's navigation software so I was stuck.  Finally made it to dinner and had a wonderful time with U of A AFA.  We talked a bit about the test, how she felt on the one she passed, how I was feeling, her recent nuptials and honeymoon, and business.  She was so sweet and not only insisted on buying me dinner, but she brought me a "study goodie bag" full of things like licorice, Vitamin Water, a banana, Reeses, to help me through the next day.  So sweet!  And I heard that my Wildcats beat Memphis (sorry Josh Pastner) in the NCAA tourney, so that made me happy.

J called just as I was leaving U of A AFA and was a bit frazzled.  In all of the drama of finding dinner and U of A AFA, I hadn't called him or my parents and dinner had run a little long.  I got out of the test at 5:30 and here it was 8 pm.  Oops.  They were a little panicked about my whereabouts.  Got them settled and headed for home.

On my way back to the hotel, I stopped at Subway to get lunch for the next day so I wouldn't have to scramble and find lunch in our hour break.  So glad I did because the next day we had to wait for someone who was late and ended up with only about 30 minutes for lunch.

Second day was hard and I'm not gonna lie, there were some questions where I was thinking, "Where did that come from?!" but there were also some that the answer came so easy, I was a bit worried I had missed something.  So that meant re-reading and possibly recalculating to make sure.  I think I did okay.

I've always said that this test doesn't just test your knowledge, but also how well you actually TEST.  And it cracks me up because we have to know tax stuff and law stuff, but in real life we aren't allowed to even really comment on those things.  So know it, and then tell the client, "Please check with your tax adviser or attorney."  Anyway.

I finished strong, I think, and was ready to be out of there.  Chatted with the guy who had been sitting behind me about what he thought and he's sure he didn't pass.  Then headed for home.  I called J to tell him I was done and on my way home, and then chatted up a few others...Schelle, my prof from the first cram course, Meanie Christinie, U of A AFA, and finally my Mom.  She and Dad picked up J and met me at BJ's Brew House for dinner and had a Long Island Iced Tea and Avocado Egg Rolls waiting for me.  (Have I got a great family or what?!).  Finally back home where the dogs and kitty were happy to see me and I was happy to sit and have another drink!

All and all, I think I may have squeaked by this time.  I hope I do anyway.  Angel Ash said to expect a miracle and I keep reminding myself of that fact.  Let's just hope that passing was my miracle!

Now we wait...6-8 weeks.  Possibly worse than the 2ww!

Have a wonderful week Bleaders...I'll blog more, I promise!

What an amazing day!

Hello my dearies!  I know I said I might not be able to blog until after the test, but now I have a reason to!

Today has truly been an amazing day, honestly.  Here's why...

First, at boot camp this morning with Meanie Christinie she made us run our weekly mile and I ran my fastest ever.  Not only my fastest this year.  My fastest in my ENTIRE life.  Everyone probably remembers running the mile in PE.  I loathed those days!  Absolutely loathed those days.  I was a bit overweight and not really athletic so I was lucky if I ran in under the demanded 15 minutes, mostly because I didn't really care.  And I usually ended up having to re-run it at some point.  But the last few weeks, Meanie Christinie has been making us run a mile once a week in order to prepare us for Boot Camp to Beat Cancer that is this Saturday.  Obviously, I won't be there, but I still got  to run the mile weekly.  When we first started it was about 13-14 minutes.  Last week I somehow dropped it to 11:40 which was a new record for me.  But today...today, I dropped my time to 10:20!  For whatever reason, I decided to try and keep up with one of the girls who I know is faster than me.  She usually does a mile and a half, so I figured when I turned around and she continued on, I'd slow down a bit.  But dang it if she DIDN'T continue on. She turned around and then I still had to keep up with her.  But I came in at 10 minutes and 20 seconds.  Definitely, a new personal best for me!  

And you think that was the end of our workout?  Ha!  No way, no how.  We still had 4 circuits to do for 5 minutes each which were just as difficult.  But we did those too.

The second reason today was such a great day was when I went to WW, I was actually down in weight by 3.5 lbs!  Technically, 2 weeks ago, I thought I had had a great week I thought I had done really well, but the scale didn't agree.  Wednesday, of course it showed up.  But then I had to sustain it this week and add to that loss.  And I did!  That was happy for me!

Third reason that today was a great day?  I had a wonderful day of studying.  I was flying through my flashcards and when I took my practice exam this afternoon, I got a 78%!  That is a very good score!  So am feeling lots of confidence!

Now I hope you'll stay with me for this last piece of why my day was so wonderful.  I understand if you don't agree with the next statements I'll write, but I do very much.  And I believe with all of my heart that I couldn't have made it this far in life, and especially in our trials with Infertility if I didn't have a hand at my back helping me stay on my feet and continue on this path.  

The last reason that I had such a wonderful day is because a couple days ago I asked Angel Ash if there was anything she wanted to tell me from my Angels as my test loomed this weekend.  This was her response...

okay...two things you need to know in general.

The angels want you to spend some time OUTSIDE taking in the fresh air. It will relieve stress and help you to center yourself.

They also want you to see and realize your INNER GODDESS, knowing you are powerful. Take care of yourself and do not be afraid to FLY!


Things to know about the test:

GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY: This is your opportunity to shine. New doors are opening, as we speak.

UNDYING LOVE: Regardless of this situation, you are loved unconditionally by your angels and the Divine.

EXPECT A MIRACLE: Expect a miracle!!! :)

HELLO FROM HEAVEN: Your deceased loved ones are with you, supporting you, and offering you peace and love.

GENTLENESS: Be gentle with yourself. Do not be too hard on yourself and let go of stress!

Good luck friend! ♥ 

As usual, her words brought me to tears because they were what I needed to hear.  They are dead on and things I know deep within me, but sometimes cannot verbalize.  And I believe that they came from my Angels, via Angel Ash.  She is truly a blessed woman and I am lucky to have her in my life.  I urge you to contact her if you would like to hear from your Angels. 

I feel like this is a great lead up to my test.  I'm so grateful for these words and the help, courage and support they will bring to me when I need it on Saturday.

I wish you all peace and love.  I'll see you on the other side!

PS:  If you would like to receive this blog via email, you can subscribe to it in the upper left corner of this page.  Type in your email and you'll receive my blog emailed to you whenever I write a new one.  I don't mind you coming here at all, but would love to make it easier for you to keep up on my journey.  Thanks for travelling with me!

Why does Friday and Saturday suck?

Hello Bleaders, how are you?  I'm still breathing, for the most part.

No, don't listen to me.  I'm doing fine.  I've got a lot of energy and for the most part feel pretty good about this test. 

So what does my title refer to you say?

Yes, my test is Friday and Saturday, so that's reason number 1. 

But to add insult to injury, my best guy friend is getting married (in June) and his and his fiance's joint wedding shower is Saturday (in Phoenix no less) and there's no way I can go.  Just not gonna happen. 

And finally, let's add that the NCAA basketball tournament is playing both those days and my beloved Wildcats are currently in the tournament!  There's also games playing IN TUCSON for the first time I have ever heard of, but none of them will be the Arizona Wildcats.

Bummer.

On the testing front, I'm feeling good.  Taking lots of tests and reviewing lots of flashcards and doing pretty well.  Need to pack to go to Phoenix on Thursday.  We've all been told that Thursday we shouldn't study.  We should let our brains recover before the test Friday.  But I know me and I need to keep reviewing the information so it is top-of-mind.   But it will be a shorter study session because I need to drive 2 hours to Phoenix and get settled in my hotel.  Will also have dinner with BFF in Phoenix (early, don't worry - we won't be partying it up for St. Patty's Day - again bummer) and study a bit before hitting the hay. 

Friday the test doesn't start until 12:30 pm (but feel free to send prayers my way long before that).  That doesn't mean I am sleeping in though.  My plan is to get up and work out because it gets my blood flowing and typically helps me start my brain functioning (I'll do flash cards while I walk or ride or elliptical).  Then have breakfast and get ready, and run some questions to get my brain going in the right mode.  Quick lunch and off I go.  4 hours of REALLY hard questions.  YUCK!  But I will make it through.

After that am meeting my friend (Anne) that I made when I was at the test last time for dinner (yes, I'll be socializing! I need a break after all that testing!) to talk about her recent wedding and honeymoon, and try not to talk about CFP.  Off to an early bed, is the plan.  Hopefully this hotel has thicker walls!

Saturday, I get to get up earlier because the test starts at 8:30 am and I still want to get in the workout/study time beforehand, plus need to check out of the hotel.  Then, 3 hours of testing and an hour for lunch and checking if AZ won their game (if they play that morning).

Quick funny story: I tried to book my hotel at the hotel where the test was being held - seriously, how great would that be? Walk downstairs to test, upstairs to eat lunch and review, and back downstairs to test.  But the hotel kept saying no availability until May 1, 2011.  I couldn't figure that it would have booked that fast, but found another hotel anyway.  A few days later, I get an email saying that the testing site has MOVED because the hotel they booked won't be BUILT by test time.  Hello folks!  Who booked this place?  Someone from the CFP Board organization even called my office to ensure I knew the new address.  My staff forwarded me the message.  How much do you think I would freak out to drive up to a place that wasn't BUILT the morning of my test?!  I think that would be an automatic pass!

So then there's another 3 hours of testing and a 2 hour drive back to Tucson (and checking to see if the Wildcats won their game, if they play), if the traffic isn't too bad that is.  Could be longer.  Now doesn't that sound fun?!  Who wants to join me?!

And when I get home, what do you think I'll be doing?!  Anyone, anyone?

If you said "nachos and wine" or "Mexican food" you are probably right!

Talk to y'all soon and keep my sanity in your prayers!

It's official...there's a week until "big nasty" takes over AND babies on the brain

I must write quickly so I can hit the books again...the countdown has begun.  A week from today, I'll be driving to Phoenix to take "big nasty" (aka CFP) again. 

How am I feeling you ask?  I would say I am mostly good.  A professor told me that half the battle is attitude.  If you go in feeling like you will be steamrolled, you WILL be steamrolled.  So I've been really focusing on beefing up my confidence in myself.  Telling myself that I am smart enough.  I can do this.  I will do this.  I know I can.  Things like that.  (I also looked at the calendar and realized that I just plain don't have time to do this again this year!)

As far as practice tests go, I am doing pretty well on them.  I spent all of Monday going through all my notes and creating MORE flashcards with the things I know I struggle with.  In reviewing them this week, I've really felt better about the topics.  "Flashcard day" was a great idea! 

I'll try to post next week either before or after, but if I don't, please don't hate.  Saturday after 6 hours of testing and 2 hours of driving home, it's very likely that I'll dive into a margarita with some nachos on the side when I finally make it home!

Quick randomness this morning and then it's back to the books....I've totally had babies on the brain this morning.  I don't particularly know why. 

I just found out that MBM's sister is pregnant with #2.  I'm very happy for her and it gives me a little hope that if IVF doesn't work for us, I know that the right ladies have offered up their bellies and they're very fertile!  So hopefully, if it comes to that, our chances will be good if we need to borrow a belly.  But that's not where my thoughts were this morning.  Also talked to another friend last night who is preggers with #4 and about a friend of ours who is pregnant with #1.  I'm surrounded!  Believe me...the blankie list continues to grow!

This morning, for whatever reason, I was thinking about how I would tell my boot-camp girls when I get preggers.  (And no, I'm not gonna tell you.)  Yes, I daydream about telling those I love that I'm "with child."  No, am not yet.  Maybe these thoughts (that I really haven't allowed myself to have the last few months) are allowed to creep back into my brain because I know that I WILL PASS BIG NASTY!  After all, that's what I told God I wanted years and years ago.  Apparently, that's the plan now.

Oh, and for those of you who don't know about my little angel (Angel Ash) you need to visit her website (http://angeleyesandmonkeytoes.weebly.com/) and her Facebook page .  She tends to offer up readings here and there and when I request, she hits a home run for me every time.  Telling me what I need to hear from my Angels to get me over the hump.  Go visit her, it's worth it!

And on that note...the books are calling my name...later Blovlies (that's Blog-Lovlies!)

Quick and cute...promise!

Hello dearies...trying not to be gone too long again.  :)

Here's a quick story that happened while I was in Denver that I wanted to recount (mostly, so I can look back on it and smile, but sharing is caring...okay, I don't know).

After I had finished unpacking my gargantuan suitcase at the hotel the first night, I was putting way my travel docs in this pocket of my suitcase that I never put stuff in because it's on the back of the suitcase and rather flat, (i.e. doesn't hold very much) - don't know why it was okay this time, but as I tried to shove this plastic envelope that I always create for travel (has itineraries, hotel info, etc) into THAT pocket, it wouldn't go in.  I thought to myself, "self, what the heck?  No wonder I never put stuff in this pocket!"  So I reached into the pocket and pulled this out...

 Baby girl jammies!

Have I lost you yet?  :)  This suitcase was loaned to Ms. T eons ago!  Literally.  The baby-girl jammies were 18-month size and Ms. T's daughter is now 4 going on 5!  I laughed to myself and shoved them into the big part of the suitcase and continued unpacking wondering, "how many places have these jammies been with us over the past years because we never knew they were there?!"  And the jammies were forgotten.

Until, I was packing up the suitcase to go home.  Again, smiled and shoved them in the suitcase to give to Ms. T the next time I saw her.  As I sat on the delayed plane later that day waiting for the last passenger to get on I texted Ms. To tell her what I had discovered and to ask if she wanted them back, then proceeded to turn my phone off because we were getting ready to take off.

When I landed in Tucson and turned my phone back on, the message waiting for me from her was, "No, keep them.  It might be a sign of things to come. ;)"

Ms. T is pretty spiritual and very aware of the signs of the world.  So I had a little smile and said a prayer that she was right.  On the car ride home, I told J of what happened and his response was, "Well, there ya go."  Followed by a smile.

Let's hope Ms. T is right!

The jammies have now been washed and reside in the "wish" drawer with all the other little things I have acquired for a little one for sometime in the future.

Have a great day Blears (that's Blog-Dears).

Oh Mylanta, I have fallen off the planet!

Ahem...anyone there?  I'm so very sorry Bleaders, I haven't forgotten you.  Does it make you feel better to know that everyday I write at least one post in my head, and when I sit down to write it 2 hours or 4 days later, it not nearly as eloquent as it was in my head, if I can remember any of it at all.  However, I've learned that blogging while in the shower doesn't make the computer very happy.  AnYwAy, I'm here now.  That's all that matters right?!

Okay, so where have I been?  I believe I blogged the night before my last class in Denver.  Friday was a big day for me.  We were reviewing Case Studies and that was something that I have struggled with a lot in the past, so I was excited to actually get a couple hours with professors of how to attack those angry beasts.  (Side note: this class was AMAZINGLY upbeat which is very helpful.  I even had a fellow student from Alaska high-five me after we determined how to get amortization numbers for mortgages on more than just the first year!  Big deal for us, probably doesn't even make a bleep in your world!)  Anyway, Friday's classes were pretty great if I do say so myself.  We plowed through case studies, took our lunch and then went right back to the beginning with insurance.  The guy doing insurance was quite possibly my favorite prof.  He ended early and gave us a pep talk...which I so needed( I just may call him a day or two before the test for another)...and told us not to study for the weekend and have a drink - my plan exactly!  And we were let out early by about an hour.  Ooops, hotel shuttle wasn't due to get me until 5 pm, but thankfully I had figured another couple people from my class who were at my hotel and one offered to give me a lift back.

I'd already checked out, but thankfully the hotel held my bags so when I got back to the hotel and had some time...Schelle wasn't coming to get me for about an hour.   I reorganized my books and laptop into my bags and freshened up.  Schelle was pretty on time and we set off to find dinner and margaritas.  We found a place I hadn't been before and ate ourselves silly and 1 had 2 margaritas...something I never do because they are about 10 points EACH!  Schelle was a good girl and didn't drink, as she was taking me to the airport and then driving up North to ski over the long weekend.  We headed for the airport and made pretty good time.  Sadly, said our good-byes and had hugs and then she was off and I was on my own.

Check in was a breeze, with the exception that my bags weighed in at 54 lbs, not the allowed 50 lbs, so I had to pull out some things so I wouldn't owe the $75 fee.  Good gracious Frontier!  Got all fixed up at 50 lbs, and left them with my bag.  Now for security...dun dun DUUN!  If you have never been to Denver Airport, count yourself lucky.  Security there is a nightmare if I do say so myself.  Got through and no flags, so finally able to find my gate.  It was incredibly full, so that meant the flight was too.  So full, that they offered to gate check rolling bags for FREE just to get them out of the overhead compartments and would allow those who did so to get on first.  Sign me up!  I pulled books, crossword puzzles, water and mp3 player out of my bag and handed it over.  Boarded a moment later and when I looked down at my watch, realized we would be late as the plane was supposed to be leaving at 9:10 pm and it was already 9:15 pm and we weren't even half boarded.  Young lady sat in the window next to me, but no middle seater...hmm...who said full flight?  Finally, door was shut and we were off....sans middle seater.  YAY for space.  Texted J to let him know we were probably 30 minutes late and into my book I dove.  (Remember the last time I flew home from Denver, Ryan Phillippe was on my flight...and we took a picture!)

I never get tired of sharing this photo!  But I do not know why he doesn't ever smile in photos!

Back to our story...landed, got bags, met J and home about midnight where the animals were a bit overjoyed that I hadn't deserted them and we headed for bed immediately...long day for both of us and way past bedtime.  J had told me he had another present waiting for me at the house for Valentine's Day on the way home, so  I was looking around as I headed up the stairs.  The carpets were vacuumed, the wood dusted, the bathrooms cleaned...."Honey, is my present that you cleaned the house?"  "Yes dear!"  What a man!  I do love him so.  I gave him the other present I had for him...a Kenneth Cole watch I had found at the outlet store in camo (he adores camo - we even have camo wrapping paper!) for a low-low price and he loved it.  End scene.

Saturday was spent paying bills, doing laundry, rejoining my life and we went to dinner with Trainer and Trainer's wife who is pregnant.  She's freakin' adorable and it's ridiculous.  She's one of those lovlies that from the back you wouldn't know she is pregnant....I have a feeling, I won't  be so lucky.  The guys talked a lot and Trainer's wife and I didn't much...mostly because we couldn't get a word in edgewise.  Anyway, it was a lot of fun and happy times.

Sunday, was a chill day.  Literally.  Caught up on the DVR and watched movies.  Did NADA!  Except that night I had a little tickle in my throat, so took some Nyquil and prayed that kicked it out.

It didn't.  Monday morning I woke up and felt like I had been hit by a steam engine locomotive.  I was supposed to meet with Trainer so texted him and told him there was no way in hell that was gonna work and apologized for the late notice (we rescheduled for next week) and emailed my staff to let them know I wouldn't be in.   J went off to work and after drugging myself as best I could I slept most of the day away...couldn't even see my books for school.  So sick.  Tuesday was more of the same and so came Wednesday.  The rule in my house growing up was if you spent 2 days home sick and the 3rd morning didn't feel better, you went to the doctor.  It was great for getting me to go to school when I was only "half-sick" as a kid.  Anyway, that rule still applies in our house and Wednesday, I begged to go to the doctor!  J had to go to work but my Mom offered to have my Dad come get me because my voice sounded so weak when I called her.  So we went to the Walgreens Clinic and after about an hour and a half, it was determined that I had the flu and needed $130 worth of prescriptions!  YOWZA!  Also got some Gatorade and chicken soup to replenish our stock.  The nurse said if I wasn't feeling significantly better by Saturday, I'd need a chest x-ray because it was probable that I had pneumonia! Okay body, time to get better.

Dad dropped me at home and away to bed I went, after a little breakfast and text J with the verdict who responded back that he felt like crap and thought he was getting sick too.  Oh joy!  J picked up some Eegee drinks (it's kind of a slushie drink with lots of Vitamin C and feels great on the throat that is only made in Tucson) for us and we both were in bed early.  As the week wore on, the books stayed closed, although some days made it to the bed but never got cracked and J continued to feel sick.  Finally, Friday afternoon I had a glimmer of feeling good enough to study for a bit so took the easiest book and did what I could.  J had to work Saturday (poor guy - still sick) and I took it easy, but studied some more.  Another round of Eegee's on Saturday night, followed by real food (sandwiches and fries) and again, early to bed.

Sunday, I was finally feeling more like myself and not coughing myself into oblivion.  J was in PJs all day for his much needed "sick" day and I babied him as best I could.  But now I was way overdue on studying and working was pretty much out of the question....it's all CFP from here kids.

Monday was rough.  It was like I was in a fog with my books.  I would literally read something two or three or four times and just not get it.  I began to panic.  I had all this good energy from the cram course and was it suddenly gone down the drain?  I reminded myself that the test isn't "tomorrow" and the brain is a muscle...when not used, it needs to warm up again.  So I pushed through and hoped Tuesday would be better.  And it was.  The End. 

Whew...what a week.  So Tuesday was better and today was better as well.  Even attempted my first case study apres cram course and only got 2 wrong out of 11!  Have a couple friends who took other courses so I have their material to review as well.  I feel we're on the right track...even went back to boot camp yesterday.  Only did a portion of the workout, but I did it.  And then what happens today....bitch AF shows up!  Oh well, at least she is out of the way now. 

All in all, I feel better.  J is better.  My brain has been defogged.  I'm headed back to boot camp tomorrow and the gym on Friday.  And the path from here leads to passing CFP and starting IVF as soon as we can this year.  Went back to WW on Tuesday and while I had an inkling I might lose weight, I didn't think about the 3 lbs I probably gained in Denver...but still ended up an lb less than before the trip and a stomach that feels that much smaller...turns out the flu is a great diet, although not sustainable.

In conclusion...it's Busted Kate's birthday today!  Go visit her and send her happy wishes.  Night folks!