No, I am not dead....

Hello....Bleaders?  Are you still there?  Have you given up on me yet?  I am still alive...just on hiatus I guess.  Well, mostly just sick and got sucked up by the holidays.  After Mission Christmas Tree, I woke up with a scratchy throat and things went a little haywire from there.  Here's how my illness went...
Monday (Dec 20th) - worked out with trainer, great day, no issues except for a little scratchy throat before bed which was treated with Nyquil
Tuesday - woke up with scratchy throat, day progressed to dizziness and exhaustion, worked from home
Wednesday - went to work, left a little early with little dizziness
Thursday - worked from home, dizzy, scratchy throat
Friday (Christmas Eve) - mostly good, lunch with BFF from San Fran, running around finishing Christmas stuff, Christmas Eve mass with J and the folks, home for homemade Arizona pizza (that's pizza where the sauce is on top instead of on the crust) and presents
Saturday (Christmas) - drive to Phoenix to see J's family, home pretty early (8 pm) and tired
Sunday - still wrapping up Christmas, movie and lunch with BFF from San Fran before she left, rest remainder of day
Monday - supreme dizziness, stuffy nose, sore throat and sick day from work (I don't take many of these!)
Tuesday -  super congested, overall yuckiness and dizzy, sick day from work
Wednesday - FINALLY beginning to feel half-a-step better
Thursday - a full step better and back on my feet, heading full-steam towards recovery (but SNOW in Tucson)
Friday (New Year's Eve) - Worked out with Meanie Christinie to make up for some missed boot camps, dinner with J at our favorite Greek Place, and somehow managed to stay awake until midnight
Saturday (2011!) - Extremely productive day (Christmas stuff put away, healthy treats baked, organization done), feeling much better except for a small bout of lightheadedness I think brought on by a lot of running around and working and very little nourishment.

So that brings us to today.  Sunday.  Day 2 of 2011.  I've slept in.  I've put pictures in the new frames that J's sis bought us for Christmas that is amazingly a good gift (she always is way off).  And I'm about to go clean.  But first, I wanted to remind you folks that I was alive...if you haven't abandoned me because you felt I abandoned you.  I am here.  Alive and much better than the last few weeks.   Also, wanted to catch up on a few things before January got too far underfoot.

Guiliana & Bill - the latest episode was quite a while ago but it was very infertility intensive.  They finally decided to do IVF round #2, and we saw that as well as the outcome that they were so excited to hear about, except that it was unsuccessful.  Now, J always fights me when I click to watch this on the DVR and sometimes I've previewed them to see if they are infertility intensive, because that's all I care that he watch.  Lots of the rest of it is just fluff.  I knew this one was, and I begged him to watch so he could understand what we might be facing this year.  I surely hope not, but we have to understand what may lie ahead.  That being said...what lies ahead for us this year?

First thing, I find out if I passed CFP.  How am I feeling about this?  Some days I have a glimmer that maybe because I think so badly, I did well...or everyone else did badly, thus bringing up whatever curve is built into the crazy scoring of this crazier test.  Other days I am positive that I will be retaking "big nasty."  I hate to think about that, but at least I have one under my belt and have an understanding of what to expect.  Let's just hope we don't go there.  I check the board's website every Monday for an update on where they stand in the grading process, and will again tomorrow.  Partly to drive myself mad, but also to have a continued discussion with my friend Anne in Scottsdale about how we're both coping. 

Next, we proceed with IVF (unless I miraculously become pregnant before then - and don't think for a minute that it hasn't crossed my mind recently with all the dizziness that has been going on around here lately - but again, doubtful.)  I anticipate this being very stressful, very expensive and very tolling on my body...if pregnancy weren't enough.  There's of course the strong hope that this works first go round, but always the chance that it won't.  Thankfully (or at least I hope) if we have to do a second cycle, it should be cheaper than the first cycle because if they get a good load of eggs, they don't have to go in and do a 2nd extraction (saving us $5,000). 

My friend who did the Angel reading suggested a clinic out in her neck of the woods (East Coast) that has a Shared Risk program.  Basically, you put in $20,000 (yes, you read that right) and it covers up to 6 IVF cycles.  If that doesn't work, you get your money back.  So basically the clinic is in it just as much as you are, however if you get preggers the first time, you have just really overpaid for that cycle and you don't get a dime back.  It is a great idea, especially for someone who has done this a few times.  Logically speaking, without even including the travel time and expense, and time off work, I could probably get 6 cycles here in Tucson for that cost if all goes well in the extraction department.  I was grateful for her recommendation and the information from the clinic (of course I researched it), but at this point, we don't need to go there and we couldn't afford it if we wanted to!

So what else does 2011 have in store for  J and Nikus? 

I have no clue.  Those are my two goals.  Well, I'd also love to be crowned the Elite Performer winner at the gym (if you have no idea what I am talking about, see this post), but we'll find that out in about 2 weeks.  I'm not holding my breath, but I feel like I'm a contender because I improved on myself in almost every category and that's really what the contest is about.  And improving on yourself more than anyone else!  So cross your fingers for that...however, that won't make or break me.  I don't think!

Oh, one more thing I would like to work on...expanding my Better Binders By Niki line and actually making a sale or two.  I'm going to create a wedding one, and a TTC one and who knows what else.  Obviously, this takes a backseat to CFP (if I have to go back to studying full time), but at some point, I'll get more created and hopefully up on Etsy.com.  Will keep you posted...don't worry!


New Year's Resolutions?  I don't make those.  When I did, it was always the same thing...lose weight.  Well, I'm working on that.  And being more positive.  But as Trainer posted the other day on Facebook, "A resolution is a goal without specifics.  That's why they don't work.  Define your goal.  Get specific.  Make yourself accountable and get things done."

So I leave you with that dearest Bleaders....oh, and I promise to blog more!  Happy 2011!