Friday, March 19, 2010

So many thoughts...where should I begin?!

(Disclaimer: I have a lot to say, so this blog could be lengthy.  Grab a glass of something to drink and have a seat.)

First off, I have to give a huge THANK YOU to every single one of you who called, texted, emailed, posted something on my wall at FB, or in some other way gave me some love yesterday.  While I hate to admit that I let yesterday get to me, I did.  I have to say that I haven't cried over not being pregnant for a while and even though I wouldn't let myself get excited over how late AF was, my heart was bursting and I would find that thoughts would slip into my mind every-so-often of how wonderful it would finally be to utter those two little words, "I'm pregnant!"  So when I returned to the office yesterday from giving my vial of blood and AF was sitting at my desk, with her stupid little cheshire grin, I was none too pleased.  But all the love I received through various means was truly awesome.  I not only adore hearing that people read my blog, but that they care that much about me and J and our situation.  I especially love when someone whose face I know, lets me know they read my blog.  I've always loved to write, so anyone reading what I scribble down makes me smile.

That said, in the midst of yesterday's craziness, I received some utterly awesome news that I have been allowed to share with you.  Through this process of infertility, I have met or been reintroduced to some awesome people.  One of those is a woman I knew when I was in high school, we'll call her Volleyball Queen.  I will call us acquaintances at best in high school.  We knew each other's names, face and that was about it.  

Anyway, we have reconnected over the last months over FB.  I saw one day that she had posted something about acupuncture one day and I messaged her asking what it was for, noting that I also did acupuncture for infertility.  She replied with the same, and from then on we have talked quite consistently.  She moved away from Arizona after high school, so when she has been back we often meet up.  Anyway, she's been through a lot of the same stuff I have.  And that has made us great friends.  I hadn't heard from her in a while so I was wondering what was going on, knowing they were taking a break over Christmas like we were.  Well, she sent me an email yesterday that was the sweetest email about why she has been absent and at the very bottom were the two words I have been longing to say, "I'm pregnant."  I seriously had this sense of incredible joy wash over me.  It was like I had stepped into the ocean and the water hit me, it was so intense.  I have known her story and to hear that she is with child is so ridiculously awesome, I can't even fully explain it.  Especially, to have her get pregnant while they had not visited the RE for a while was awesome.

So while I was sitting at the lab waiting for my blood to be taken, I texted her with my congratulations and we went back and forth for a bit.  I was finally able to talk to her this morning about how they found out because it wasn't your typical story.  And since I posted the other day about how I don't trust home pregnancy tests (HPTs), I asked if I could pass her story on to you dear Bleaders so you could see why I don't fully trust them.  She agreed.  So here is a quick synopsis...

Volleyball Queen and her hubby were kind of where we are...they had done IUI, drugs, acupuncture and were pretty tired of seeing their RE, so they took a break over the holidays to relax and regenerate.  When January rolled around, they had decided to do another IUI with more drugs this time (again, I think this is our next step).  AF came to visit her and she took an HPT and it was negative, they did an ultrasound, and everything said "no baby," so she began to take the injectible drugs prescribed to her.  After 7 days of doing the fertility drugs, which can be potentially harmful to a fetus, she went back for another ultrasound (standard procedure) and the doctor saw a "little white bean" - aka the amniotic sac.  The doc had never seen anything like that given their situation so she took a bunch of pictures and consulted with a few other docs about how to proceed.  It was decided that everything should be fine because she hadn't yet taken the drugs to induce her period (because to her she hadn't missed it!).  But the docs confirmed she was in fact pregnant, so she was to stop all the injectibles and she and hubby were overjoyed!!!  As they should be!!  Volleyball Queen also told me that it wasn't until she was 6 weeks along that the HPT showed up positive.  Now I know some of you are thinking, "why did she keep taking HPTs if she knew she was pregnant?"  And the reason is probably (at least it would be for me), I've never seen one turn pregnant, so I would not only want that for the baby book, but for my own two eyes to see that pregnancy tests do actually do something other than only give you one line!   Volleyball Queen told me she would never trust another HPT again.  This is proof that HPTs don't always work for every woman.  I hope this shows you the point I was trying to make the other day.  HPTs don't always hold the answer, only blood and ultrasound - and as Volleyball Queen showed me, even the ultrasound lied.  She didn't feel pregnant, so she never had another thought about it.  A-MAZING!

Not only does this situation make me so very overjoyed but it gives me hope.  It gives me hope that this will happen for us and that God works in mysterious ways.  It makes me over-the-moon happy that someone I have come to love as a friend is happy and cares so much about me, as was evidenced yet again this morning during our conversation.  And it makes me excited for all the new things she will be experiencing for the rest of her life!  I can't wait to hear about all of them.  Love you Volleyball Queen!

Next, (see, told you this would be long) I want to tell you about my fun visit to the lab again today to give blood.  Anyone who knows me will tell you I hate needles.  This is something that adds to this already difficult process.  To date, I have given myself 3 shots in the belly before each IUI - which many of you have read about, which turned out to be easier than I expected.  But getting a shot or giving blood are not on my list of exciting things to do.  My mother used to always say she didn't have to worry about me getting a tattoo because of my great hate for needles.  Well that went out the window freshman year of college when I got a tattoo on my back.  (Hey, it is a different kind of needle!  It doesn't feel the same.)  On a side note, my great hate for needles came from when I was a kid because my pediatrician's nurse was my Grandma (my Dad's Mom), so my Grandma was the one who did them.  She wasn't bad at them as far as I remember, but having your Grandma give you a shot, didn't make seeing Grandma very exciting or getting a shot any easier.  Okay, back to my story...

So went up to the lab after having not eaten or taken any meds, per doc's orders for the blood work up that was to be discussed at our meeting now scheduled for March 30.  Literally, 2 minutes before I walked out the door, my cell rang and it was Dr.H's office.  They hadn't called back with the results from the pregnancy test yesterday, but as AF had shown up yesterday afternoon, I figured I knew the answer.  Nurse Pamela tried to ease the news to me and I interrupted her saying AF had come, so I knew what she was going to say.  I even recall telling her I was on my way back to the lab for the blood work up for the meeting.  She acknowledged that and I was on my merry way.  Walked into the lab and it wasn't very full so figured it would be quick.  I had taken my new-fangled fertility binder with me, complete with the cover I made last weekend, because it had the notes in it the doc had given me to tell the lab.  They looked up my name and found the test and I even said to the check in lady, "I had a test yesterday, so it isn't that one."

Got called back and had a little conversation with the Phlebotomist, in which she actually complemented the cover on the binder and was surprised when I told her I had made it.  She thought it was professionally done!  YAY ME!  She starts to take my blood and tells me, "you'll have the results for this in 4 hours."  I stopped dead in my tracks...that was what they said to me yesterday.  I said, "excuse me?  What test are you taking?"  She looked and said, "HCG - pregnancy test."  My heart sank.  I told her that was the test I had had the day before and I was here for different testing now that AF had come.  She looked in the computer and confirmed that no other tests were requested.  So I got on the phone to Dr. H's office immediately and tried to figure out what was going on.  There was no way I was leaving that office without the correct test that was supposed to be on day 2 of AF.  After some holding and some intense discussion with the lady at Dr. H's office, I handed the phone to the Phlebotomist for her to talk to their office.  Maybe 15 minutes later, they had the issue figured out.  Even though Nurse Pamela had called to give me the results of yesterday's test, no one had told the front desk that my AF had come and the other tests had to be re-input in the computer system.  So it was done, and the Phlebotomist confirmed they were there.  She wasn't sure if she needed more blood or not (oh no, not another stick!), so she found someone who told her we were good to go with what she had taken.  Finally, about 45 minutes after I walked in, I walked out and got to come home and finally have breakfast and take pain meds for my lovely cramps!  No more needles for me please, at least not for a bit!!!

That about covers the eventfulness of the last two days for me.  I have some other thoughts to post about, but didn't want you to get tired of me blathering on, so will save those for another time.

Again my dearest Bleaders, I cannot tell you enough how much it means to me to have the outpouring of love you showed yesterday.  It truly was a God-send.  I needed a bump...because I was pretty low.

Oh, sorry, one more thing.  The last thing that I want from anyone is to have you feel sorry for us and our situation.  I am a very lucky woman in so many ways.
  • I have a wonderful and loving husband.  
  • I have two very incredible and loving parents, who have helped me in more ways than I will ever be able to count. I
  • have incredible in-laws that I love and love me and my husband very much. 
  • I have countless friends that have become adopted brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers that are my extended family that I think of every day and love every so dearly.  
  • I have a roof over my head.  
  • J and I are both gainfully employed doing jobs we sometimes bitch about but overall love.  
  • We have 3 beautiful albeit furry children that while always entertaining are teaching us how to be parents when the time is right and are always there with a paw when we are upset because that time was not this month.  
  • We mostly have the means to go through this process.  
  • We have had our skin toughened up by God and our previous experiences to deal with it and be able to heal from the not-so-good moments.  
So please do not pity us.  I hate that look that people give you when they pity you.  It just sucks.  Have faith that all you need to give me is love and that will be your donation to this process.  Oh, and those really good hugs!  I love really good hugs!

Once again, I THANK YOU FROM THE VERY DEPTHS OF MY HEART for all the love and virtual hugs that I received yesterday.  They were greatly appreciated and I cannot express my gratitude enough.  I hope to hear from all of you more in the future and I cannot wait for the day when I get to tell many of you face-to-face that we are in fact pregnant.  I'll be just as glad to blog about it too!

Love! <3


  1. Keep up the positive attitude! Hang in there!

  2. You sound like you are in such a good mental place! Keep it up! I pray it pays off for you soon, and you can get the answers you need. ...and Hooray for Vollyball Girl!

  3. I go back and forth ladies. This happened to be a good day, despite the happenings of the week before. It has a lot to do with the people around me who are SUPER supportive. If it weren't for a lot of them, I would be a puddle. You two are part of that group! Thanks!

  4. I'm so sorry I missed out on supporting you on your rough day :-( You are an amazing lady, and I'm so inspired by your strength. Please consider this a very belated hug, and hopefully I can make it up to you with a margarita very soon??


I love hearing what you have to say ... blog related or not! Dish away!