I am an Infertile. (part 2)

So where were we?  That's right, we had just met with Dr. H.  Everything was kopasetic...oh, except we weren't pregnant.  So went to the drug store right from Dr.'s office and got the Progesterone...and $182 later(!) we were feeling rather empty, monetarily that is.  Then headed to the grocery store for some fish and veggies.  And we needed to digest how we proceed.  The doc had also told me that I might have Endometriosis (Endo).  With all the pain I was having during AF, it was very probable.  I investigated the surgery that would look to see if I had it as we wouldn't know until they cut into me...doesn't that sound fun?  So after lots of Dr. Google research and talking to various people, I decided I wanted to try Acu first.  At some point - September 2008, there was also a Healing Mass that my parents recommended.  That was quite an experience.  Read about it here.

I interviewed many acupuncturists and finally found one who had dealt with Endo herself and infertility, was close by and somewhat affordable.  What a good place to be?  Scheduled my first treatment and was very skeptical and nervous.  But Debi completely put me at ease and I was "high" after my first treatment.  I literally felt giddy.  I went about every week for a while, then backed off to every other week once I was feeling better.  She would always ask me about my cycle and what else was bothering me.  She became my therapist and my acupuncturist. 

So another couple months of trying and negatives.  After researching the OV watch for quite some time, I decided it was worth the money.  I found one on Ebay that someone had and had gotten pregnant from and purchased for a lot cheaper.  Got it and used it for a month and lo-and-behold, it told me to BD the EXACT same days that Dr. H had - days 8-16.  Was a bit bummed the first month, so tried again.  The next month, OV watch was not so nice.  It wouldn't work, I switched sensors, I called the hot line, I did everything.  And then I gave up on the OV watch.  It was just adding more stress than it was worth, for the same diagnosis that Dr. H had given us.

We called Dr. H in August and asked to start an assisted cycle - meaning fertility drugs and doctor intervention.  I was prescribed Femara (better than Clomid, hopefully less side effects, but not nearly as cheap - $125 for 10 tiny pills).  On day 10 or 11 of my cycle, we would go in for an ultrasound to determine when to be inseminated.  That evening I would inject myself with another drug (name escapes me now) and 2 days later (always on day 14 mind you) we would go to the doc's office in the morning, with J's sample in hand and they would inseminate me and let me lay on the table for about 20 minutes.  Then I would go home and while the doc said it wasn't super important, would be horizontal for the rest of the day.

I was positive the first cycle would work.  So was J.  I think there is even a post about how the next one will be from a pregnant lady.  I took a test on day 32 (cycle was running a little crazy because of the Progesterone) and it was negative.  I didn't believe it.  I insisted I needed a blood test.  So went to the doc's office and had that done.  Later that afternoon, the doc's office called me to tell me the bad news.  We were not in fact pregnant.  I was destroyed!  Literally destroyed!  I was sobbing, screaming and so very angry!  I was angry at my body, I was angry at God and I was just hysterical.  I would be doing laundry and just start screaming and crying.  J was upset as well and I think I even saw some tears, he never cries.  We both wanted it so bad.

So we continued.  We tried again.  Same deal, same scenario.  Only this time we were skeptical.  We didn't know if it would work.  We tried not to get excited.  I ate right.  I did everything I could think of to help it along.  I refused to drink anything with caffeine or Stevia.  And it didn't work.  Negative.  I cried again, but not as hard.  And in October we did it again.  Third time is the charm right?  No luck.  So we determined that it was time to stop for 2010 after three IUIs (Interauterine Inseminations).  My 30th birthday was coming and we had a big party planned.  At least no pregnancy meant I could drink at my party and relax a bit. 


That was where we stopped.  I asked Dr. H if I could stop all meds, including Prometrium (of course after stock-piling because I had finally hit my drug deductible) and he agreed that was fine.  I was hoping the spotting would still be gone, on my own.  November, no luck.  December, no luck.  We had a relaxing holiday season, well, as relaxing as the holiday season can be.  But at least we didn't have the added stress of trying to procreate.  It was very nice.  And I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  The New Year came and I was ridiculously sick.  I had a sinus infection and an ear infection.  I was out of work for a week.  Then, we started fresh.  2010 was here and we were relaxing.  We talked about going back to the doc, but we were both enjoying the reduced stress level.  So January came and what-do-you-know, no spotting!  I was ecstatic!  Something was going right.  February came, NO spotting!  March, NO spotting.  It was great.

We decided we should have a visit with Dr. H and see what our next steps were.  I had been doing some research and knew some about IVF and other possibilities but I wanted to know what Dr. H thought.  I was supposed to go get blood work done before the meeting on day 2 or 3 of my cycle.  And of course, that was the ONE time AF was late.  I tried not to get excited, but I did.  1 day late. 2 days late. 3 days late. On day 4, I had had enough.  I had been taking HPTs the whole time and they were popping up negative.  But still no AF.  Called the doc and asked for a blood test again.  Went in and after I registered I started to feel cramps.  I still had the test done, but I was pretty sure AF would be waiting for me when I got out.  And she was.  So again, we weren't pregnant.  We had to reschedule the discussion with Dr. H because AF was late and we didn't have time to get the results before the meeting.  So two weeks later, we went in.

I had a list of questions for Dr. H.  J and I met at the office on a Tuesday afternoon and had an hour and a half discussion about our options, the success rate, the side effects, adoption, etc.  We discussed everything and Dr. H was very patient (as usual) and answered everything honestly.  Short story, IVF is our next step and we heard about the cost and the procedure.  You can read about that here. We both decided we weren't ready for that step yet.  But it was nice to hear Dr. H's opinion and be able to make an educated decision. 

And that brings you to where we are now.  We are relaxing.  We are drinking.  We are exercising.  We are eating better.  We are being us.  And we aren't waiting until...we are living in the now.  For any new readers out there, I urge you to nose around my blog and ask questions.  And for the old faithfuls, thank you for all the support you have given me in the past and I know will give me in the future. 

Love <3.