Sunday, February 28, 2010

Don't be afraid to speak up

A while ago, my new hairdresser asked me what I wanted done to my hair.  I said something along the lines of, "whatever you feel like."  She replied, not missing a beat, "why are you telling me to do what I want?  You have to live with it, not me!"  Now mind you, at that point I had had the same hairdresser for my entire life (22 years), so I was used to walking in and telling him to do the same ole thing every time.  I was scared going to a new lady (because we had moved to Colorado), but it was a necessity.  And it shocked me!  So I learned when I went to see her to take a picture of what I was going for and have a clear idea of what I wanted.  Can you bet that that moved to other areas of my life?

It happens a lot.  Now depending on the situation, sometimes I bite my tongue, and sometimes I don't.  It depends on the attitude of the person I am dealing with and what respect.  I was a waitress all through college, so I know about telling people something is wrong with their food and the scary things a pissed off server can do!  But I think it is a necessity, and it needs to be done tactfully.  After all, I am paying for that service, that meal, that product, that care.

For instance, you may have read about the lady who couldn't draw a heart on my big toe at the nail salon.  I posted about the fact that not only would she refuse to admit that what she had done was awful and continued, but that I finally had to speak up.  Well, I love that nail salon, so I went back on Saturday.  And what do you know, I had the same lady!  I cringed at the beginning, but tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. And this time, her pedicure was divine...I requested a design on the toe (that is included with the price) and it was hearts!! ;)  Then, we went to do the manicure and she was mostly perfect.  Mostly.  But the huge thing that was different this time was she asked if everything was okay!  And when I pointed something out, she fixed it without an eye roll, or a sigh.  And when I left, she gave me a beautiful smile and patted my knee, and told me she would see me next time.  I felt a little picky, pointing out little things to her that needed to be fixed.  But I will look at these every day and I am intense about my nails!  And it felt like she had learned from our past experience and knew that I was watching her every move!  Good for her, good for me.

So I have discussed my thoughts on how important giving criticism is, but I want to mention one other dire thing that has been brought to my attention greatly in the past couple weeks, not because of my lack of, but someone else's.  I try to be very careful about what comes out of my mouth and not hurt anyone's feelings while getting my point across.  Therefore, giving criticism with tact is muy importante.  It is very important to phrase your instruction to give your opinion and the solution, but without bearing down on the person's heart roughly.  Being open to constructive criticism is also very important.  I am not perfect, very far from it.  But I hope that when someone gives me a little advice, in a classy manor, I listen and hopefully adapt to what they are asking of me.  If someone is mean to me while giving me that advice, I can guarantee you, I don't hear their words, only their voice - and it bugs the hell out of me.  When they are patient and helpful, I hear the direction.  Being courteous and caring, goes so much further than being demanding and condescending.  Now, I can't say this was a new thing I learned, but my recent situation reminded me that everyone (old and young) needs a reminder once in a while.  Tact goes far...don't forget to have it!

A friend put a wonderful quote on Facebook the other day and I stole it (thanks again Morgan!) and it bears repeating here. 

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness... or...skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” - Charles R. Swindoll

Now, how does this all relate to our infertility situation?

At this point, asking the doctor for clarification is very important when I don't understand...even if it is two or three times.  Even if it means asking, researching, and then asking again.  I will say this about Dr. H's office...he has never appeared rushed with me.  He, and his staff, have always taken time with me so I understand the answer to my question, be it about medication, procedure, payment, process, whatever! This process is not easy and if you understand it completely the first time, you are miles ahead of me and should write a book!  Remember, the doctor may not always know best and s/he may have missed something. I often ask my doc if we need to be re-tested, despite that it is expensive, to see if things have changed.  I read blogs and books and watch anything I can on TV about infertility and take notes to ask my doc.  I have a notebook with questions, and when I ask them, I write the answers down, so they are all in the same place and I can refer back to them.  This process costs a lot of money and it is my body and my future.  I can't let anyone tell me how to handle the situation, that is all on my shoulders.  We are the ones paying for it and it is my body, and hopefully our future child.  I won't let someone else make the decisions for me, because I am the one dealing with the outcome, not Dr. H for the most part.

There is another doctor in Tucson that is an RE and we have friends who had luck with him, so every-so-often J asks me if we should switch.  I respond that I trust Dr. H and our friends didn't like that other doc, even though he got the job done.  But she is different than many aspects.  So I can't guarantee that if we went there, we would have their results.  I also know that the other doc is far less helpful and does rush (from what my friend and my OB tell me) and this situation is already stressful enough, I don't need that added with a doc who won't take time with me and answer my questions. So I am choosing to believe we have the best doctor for us and our situation.

It also really doesn't hurt that Dr. H was voted one of the Best Doctors in America 2009-2010 9see pictures below) by a jury of his peers and featured in Tucson Lifestyle magazine.  Plus, I always get the impression that he knows us (or has at the very least looked at our chart the moment before walking into our room, and the post-it on the door with my name on it - smart office!) and he has our best interest at heart. He is always calm with me, when I am not, and patient.  And positive that we will get this done.  Plus, he is open to other options...he has steered me towards acupuncture, meditation and healthy eating first, instead of drugs.  Don't get me wrong, (and if you have been reading this blog for very long you know this), I have had more than my fair share of drugs and I am sure there are more in our future, but he doesn't throw them at you to start.  It also makes me feel better that his wife is an OB and while I LOVE my OB, I am kind of wondering if when we get pregnant, we switch to her because she knows the situation...but then again, my OB suggested Dr. H and knows our situation as well.  We'll cross that bridge when we get there...I'm not crazy about my OB's nurse.  (If you click on the image, it will get bigger and you can actually read it.)

WOW, this blog got really long and went places I didn't think it would.  Sorry if I got too long winded for you or rambled a bit.  Lots on my mind these days.

2 small points and then I'll quit...

1. I recently added my blog to my Facebook page.  This is a huge step for me.  I'm out of the infertility closet, so to speak.  I did it this afternoon, and I have already had a friend from long ago post that she read and is praying for us.  If that is all that this does for me, get more people to pray for us, then that works for me.  But I hope it also brings to light what mothers who had it easy take for granted...being able to conceive, somewhat seemlessly.  And that this issue is out there and needs to be addressed by so many people...the government, health care, etc.  No, I don't expect my blog to do all that! ;)

2. Last week I posted that I wanted the Canadian Women's Figure Skater to win something after her awesome performance and losing her mother suddenly all in her week at the Olympics, and I am proud to report she took home the Bronze.  And yesterday, at the Champions Performance, she did a wonderful skate for her Mom.  She deserved to win and I had tears in my eyes when she finished.

I am so very lucky to still have my Mom with me and have a wonderful relationship with her.  My heart goes out to all those who don't.  I'm happy to share my Mom...she always says she chose to have one daughter and I chose to enlarge the family by "adding mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers," and I have some close friends that do call her Mom too.  But there is nothing like one's own mother, they can never be replaced.  I hope someday, I get to experience what she has when she raised me...and continues to raise me.

Alright, I'm done.  Thanks for reading Bleaders and be back soon!


  1. I've liked Dr. H. for the most part. You're right--he doesn't rush, and he does answer questions. My only little complaint is that when one test (Protein C) came back abnormal, he kind of waved it off as a fluke. But with my third loss, he prescribed the Heparin injections (which were painful and expensive at the time). After that loss and a change to my insurance, I asked that he retest the Protein C, which came back normal that time. Now with this pregnancy, he's still recommending the Heparin because he doesn't know which test is the "fluke". I wish he had suggested a third test to confirm which was the fluke and which was legit. But overall, I'll stick with him. Take care!

  2. Beautiful blog post! I think you have an important message in here about attitude and how it's really important. I completely agree! I still have trouble taking constructive criticism, but it's something I'm working on and we have to know what when the other person is giving us advice in a constructive, helpful manner, they're really just trying to help us, not hurt us.

    I'm also glad to hear your nail lady seemed to have learned from the last time she did your nails and she was a vast improvement this time! Congrats!

    I'm hoping for the very best for you and that Dr. H. gets your pregnant soon!

  3. Congrats on "coming out of the closet"! This is a draft post for me, so clearly I need to dust it off and bring it out soon. Its a big step, way to go.

    I love Dr. H too. He's a good man, and I trust him. That goes a long way, even though we haven't gotten *lucky* yet, I believe he had my best interests at heart. And he worked for Laura! (above)

    Hmmm... the beginning part of your post sounds like there is a story behind it... I'm quite curious! See you soon :-)

  4. By the way, I have nominated you for the Sunshine Award! Please visit for more info!


I love hearing what you have to say ... blog related or not! Dish away!