We haven't had snow like so much of the rest of the country, and if you look outside you would swear its at least 75 degrees. But it doesn't mean it is any less cold. J works outside mostly. I mean, there's a roof over his head but his shop is all open with no heaters, so he faces the cold ALL DAY LONG. Poor guy.
So I figured today, with my poor J being outside in the cold, I needed a post about why I love him so. And why he is the right one. Just as I was sitting down to write this, Ms. T posted this on FB and made me smile.
I won't say that J and I never fight because we do and most of the time we recover quickly, even if it takes 4 hours of discussion in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning. But we get through. As of late we haven't really fought, more discussed how to handle the situation. Again, don't get me wrong, there are days when I want to wring his neck repeatedly. And I am sure he wants to wring mine. But we get over that. :) We're human and like it or not, that's how it is.
J is not romantic in the sense that I come home to roses and candles all the time, he's more practical than that. He'll make a big deal of washing my SUV and making sure I know how he detailed every inch of it. He tries to save me time with little things so I have more time to relax. I know these are little things, but they do matter. There's a million more little things I could check off, but you'd get bored.
The biggest thing that has come to my eyes the last few weeks is his desire to be a father. Well, really the last 3.5 years.
And what a good father I think he'll be. His eyes light up when we see kids of friends of ours. He engages them by playing hide and seek, encouraging them to eat their vegetables or machaca as the case may be, and loves to hear them laugh. We have three animals and while he gets disgruntled with them at times, for the most part he is so tender with them and wants to make them happy. When Sierra got hurt more than a month ago, (read about it here) he was all over taking care of her. Looking at her wound every day and making sure she got her meds. And was so excited when she got her staples out (Tuesday, finally)!
He doesn't open up and talk about how much he wants a child a lot, but it does come out occasionally (like when we find out another one of our friends is pregnant, with their first or fourth). Or when we go to the doctor. Or when his parents visit and act like they can't wait for grand babies...and they know the situation with us well.
Quick story...when J's parents were here this last weekend to help us put a door up in our bathroom, the guys were upstairs working and the girls - myself, mother-in-law and sister-in-law - were downstairs gabbing. J's Dad kindly asked for a beer because he was getting stressed, mostly because our house isn't straight. MIL took it to him. Then, J asked for one and I said I would get it. MIL stopped me and had a glint in her eye. She ran to get the beer, then stuffed a balled up sweater in the back of the sweater she was already wearing and walked up the stairs dragging one foot behind her - a la the Hunchback of Notre Dame - slurring "As You Wish Master" all the way. I can only imagine the looks on the faces of J and his Dad, but sister-in-law and I were downstairs dying of laughter! So random.
Anyway, when I brought up the story to J and we laughed again, I asked him where that came from. I've never seen his Mom do anything like that EVER! He said that she did that kind of stuff a lot when he and his sister were little, and he thought she was gearing it up again for when we do IVF and get pregnant (or so we hope.) They are beyond ready for grand kids, as are my parents, I think. But when he told me this, his eyes glassed a bit and I started to cry. He told me to, "stop, or I'd get him started too!"
The realization is that I am not in this battle alone and he wants to be a Daddy just as much as I want to be a Mommy. That is a great feeling to know that my partner stands right next to me in this battle of infertility.
After our third failed IUI in 2009, we discussed the next step being IVF and the price tag being almost $9,000. He wouldn't even say it. Now, he can not only utter the words, but the price. (These are big steps people!) I know we're not happy to spend that money, but we're very hopeful that it gets us one step closer to being parents and that's our dream. He's accepting that this is our fate and we gotta do, what we gotta do. Again, HUGE progress.
This blog has definitely helped me build up some tough skin and express myself. J (as many men are) doesn't express a lot of feelings crap sometimes, so it takes him longer to wrap his brain around stuff. He definitely doesn't do research like I do, but I blame part of that on really everything happening to MY body, not his. I want to know exactly what is gonna go down. I'm glad he is finally embracing the ride we're on instead of ignoring our fate.
So yes, I love him very much and I truly believe I married the exact right man. And now I've got to go finish his nice hot dinner so I can thaw him out when he gets home.
Hug the ones you love Bleaders, man, woman or child! They're worth it! And stay warm, wherever you are!