Sunday, December 12, 2010

The first Christmas party of the season

Hello my lovely Bleaders!  Even though I am not studying anymore for CFP, it still is difficult to blog a bunch lately with all this holiday stuff going on.  I've told many people that the holidays really blindsided me this year.  I was kind of in my own world from Halloween through Thanksgiving, and when I emerged it was time for Christmas shopping!  But I was just getting ready for Thanksgiving and birthday!  So I feel behind on everything...don't be upset if you don't get a Holiday card from us friends, you probably aren't the only one!  Anyway....

Last night was the first Christmas party of the season, followed by another this morning (yes, you read that right, this morning!) This morning's party was for my swim team that I have and love, but I don't participate in the winter because although I am in AZ and it's warmer than many places across the US, the pool is outside and at 5:30 or 7:30 in the morning, it's really not that warm out!  But they still invite me to the party, which I always laugh at because we swim at the Jewish Community Center (even though you don't have to be Jewish or a member to swim there) and we have had a Christmas party for about 4 years running now.  Who'd a thunk it?  So the party is in the morning because it is after the practice that I don't attend! ;)  It was and is always lovely.  But technically that was the 2nd party of the season...let's talk about the first, last night.

This party was supposed to be next weekend, but since so many people already had things going it looked like the turnout next Saturday was going to be very meager, so at the last minute they changed it to last night and oddly enough very MANY people showed up.  The people whose house it was at are great folks that we have known for a LONG time and kinda introduced J and me, so I gotta love them.  I wasn't too worried about this party and the fun questions that can cause Christmas parties to be not-so-enjoyable for us Infertiles because most of these folks know our situation and don't broach the subject with stupid remarks.  However, there is one person I was especially worried about that I had a hankering would be there.

(I thought I had posted about this situation, but I can't find it so I'll do a quick recount...I had been having a particularly hard day - maybe two years ago - AF showed up, I felt like crap, I had a long day at the office and I still needed to grocery shop.  I stopped at Walmart on the way home from work hoping to grab the few items I needed and get home for a glass of wine and to go to bed.  As I walked into Walmart, I saw a friend-of-a-friend whom I talk to close to never - in fact I recalled after this little scenario that the last time I had spoken to her had been at the Christmas party 10-11 months prior.  I was all set to be cordial and just say hi, etc.  She walked up and without even saying practically "hello" she said, "You're still not pregnant?"  Without even thinking, I looked her dead in the face and said, "no, we gave up.  We figured we'd be horrible parents!"  She mumbled something about having to get home to the kids and scedadlded.  Now I realize that that wasn't the nicest thing to say from me, but REALLY who walks up to someone you haven't seen in close to a year and without even saying "hello" and "how are you?" says, "You're still not pregnant?"  I was already feeling broken (and I realize she didn't know that) but really people, how insensitive are we?  She could have said so many other things..."how's the baby making going?" "What's happening in your life these days?" "How are you?" to name a few.  I went home absolutely fuming!  I actually felt my blood boil.)

So this lady was going to probably be at the party last night.  After the host called to tell me the party had switched, I realized this and texted her asking if she had talk to said lady and if they were coming.  She replied that she didn't know, but asked if I had a problem with her.  (Let me say here that very few people bug me...I'm a pretty friendly lady and I really try not to hold a grudge.  But that day said lady really rubbed me the wrong way with how brash and insensitive she was, and needless to say she's not high on my priority list to see.)  I reminded our hostess about what had happened with me and said lady and asked her to say something to said lady about not bringing up the subject of babies to us.  Not all of us procreate when our hubby looks at us.  So hostess texted back a few moments later having said the situation had been handled and I was very grateful.  Hostess said she had just asked said lady to not mention babies because we were very touchy on the subject, to which said lady apparently went off on a rant about how I won't accept her as a friend on FB and she wondered why.  Hostess asked if there was maybe said lady did that upset me and said lady could think of NOTHING.  Really, nothing comes to mind?!  Again, I do understand that not everyone's life revolves around me and our infertility woes, but NOTHING comes to mind?  Hostess, being the polite person she can be said something along the lines of, "well maybe you did something that you didn't realize upset her.  Just because it didn't upset you, doesn't mean it didn't upset her."  So, said lady was warned.

J and I went to the party and it was lovely.  Lots of old friends, good food and drink, laughs and memories.  Said lady seemed to be a no-show.  (DARN!)  Oops, I spoke too soon.  Her and her hubby wandered in about 10 pm I think.  My stomach immediately dropped into my toes.  She said hello and I tried my best to be nice and say hello back.  But I couldn't look at her.  I just couldn't.  I know the right thing to do is to forgive and forget, but I literally felt like I was gonna be sick with her standing beside me.  Let me say again that I am usually a very loving, outgoing and happy person.  (I swear I am!)  But try as I might, I can't let this one go.  I think it really bothers me that she has no freaking clue.  Anyhow, she left to go grab one of her kids to bring back to the party and we scooted out of there before she came back so I wouldn't have to have further agony.  I would call the party great times, except for those 15 minutes of torture.  But I do love Hostess, her hubby, their kids and many of the other folks that were there that we don't get to see enough.  And I'm very grateful Hostess did say something to warn said lady so we didn't have something else happen last night, although it kinda did anyway.

I do feel bad because I was rude and I am not a rude person.  I had the thought of emailing her to let her in on why I cold-shouldered her, but after a quick discussion with our Hostess, I decided that would create more drama than it was worth.  And as it turns out, our Hostess was again confronted after said lady returned with her child about my attitude, and our lovely Hostess tried to clue her in to her insensitiveness without recounting actual events and from what I hear, it sounds like said lady may not understand where we're at, but at least that there's a bigger problem going on than she is aware of - having gotten pregnant really quickly with both children.  I am hoping she got the picture and won't be insensitive to the next Infertile she meets, or me at next year's party.  Hostess and another friend handled it for me and that is a wonderful gift in and of itself (thanks ladies!!)!!  However, if said lady friends me again on FB, I may respond with the actual episode.  We'll see.

Okay, sorry for the vent.  I just hate the Insensitives!  Tomorrow, I'll post my letter to Santa...and it will be happy.

Happy Sunday Bleaders!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Nikus
    Had a good laugh at this story. Good for you for what you said! Wish I could have come up with it! Sorry she gave you such a hard time.


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