Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Perfect Relationship - then vs. now

WOW, if I had the time to write all the crap that is rolling around on my mind, you guys would be reading for days on end.  I swear, I write the best blogs in my head at the most inopportune the shower, before I go to bed when I am half asleep, as I drive, you name it, and I probably blog during it...except well, BD.  ;)

So where to the 16 minutes I have left this morning of free time...I'm really trying hard to stick to a study schedule and thus far I think I am doing pretty good.  Totally shut down email and facebook, and it's amazing how much you achieve when those are gone!  

Ok, quick note about CFP: a couple days ago I told you guys that I got the books I wanted online for free (technically because we had already paid for them).  Well, they came in on Tuesday and it was way more than I had imagined.  I wanted 2 books, I got 9, plus the online question bank!  SCORE! Now the only thing that bugs a little is they didn't tell me that before we paid for the course in Phoenix, but at least I have a couple different people's material to study.  The CFP Board doesn't have a course you can take from them, so other companies create their own courses and hope for the best.  Anyway, savings of $395!  1 point for Nikus.

Now to start what I have been writing in my head for days.  The Perfect Relationship.  I am not saying that J and I have the perfect relationship or marriage in the least.  In fact, we are probably the opposite of that...imperfect.  But we fit really well together...more on that later.  Anyway, the other day I was watching a chick flick and it dawned on me that til I got married, that is what I pictured as the perfect relationship, but I sure as hell don't now.  So let me explain...

When I was a little girl, and I played with Barbies, and I created stories for them, it always involved romance.  Childhood romance anyway.  Ken was always taking Barbie on extravagant dates and bringing her flowers and carrying her around the house in his arms.  And it was all very fantasy like and lovely.  Barbie always needed new clothes for her man, and they never fought.  Real, realistic right?  Hey, I was a little girl and I loved happy endings.  

Fast-forward to high school.  I had boyfriends in high school, but more often than not, I was watching other people (friends or not) and their relationships.  How their boyfriend always brought them flowers or fawned over them, and I didn't have that.  I was a little overweight and a little underconfident.  So I lived vicariously through friends and their relationships.   Don't get me wrong, I came into my own, but they never met my expectations of romance...could it have been that I was underage and immature, yup.  Could it have been that I was unrealistic.  Yup.  Anyway, what was sweet back then to me is so very different than now.  Then, roses and dinners out at fancy restaurants were awesome and that's what mattered.  It was awful to have a fight and for a long time, that first fight was often the last because the relationship ended right there.  So let's move on to now...

Again, I say that J and I don't have the perfect relationship, but we do have respect, trust, commitment, love and adoration of each other.  We may not see each other every day or even spend every waking minute together, but I know that when I get home he will be some point.  I don't worry when he is late that he is out with someone else.  I know that he cares about me because I can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice.  So what is sweet in our relationship...and this could surprise you or you could agree, but here goes.  I love when he does things so I don't have to.  For instance, when I was in Phoenix last week, I knew that when I came home on Saturday I was gonna be tired.  I asked if we could go out to dinner with my parents, thus saving me from cooking.  Without question, he answered yes.  Then, we came home from that (to a house where I hadn't been for 5 nights) the house was pretty close to spotless.  We're not talking just tidy, we're talking clean.  (Side note - I have magnets on our calendar in the kitchen that tell me what chores I need to do that weekend, otherwise I let the cleaning get away from me.)  He had done every task, and a few that I hadn't posted, knowing that Sunday I needed a day to veg and it would save me time and energy.  To me, that is sweet now.  Thinking of how he can help me and make me happy. 

We do fight, but even that has respect.  We don't call each other names, and we try and not yell or cuss.  We've learned that getting the point across, doesn't involve as much yelling as we thought previously.  And throwing things (yes, there was some of that in the olden days) just makes more mess to clean up.  But fighting has its rewards!  

So what is romantic?  At this point, does it matter?  Sure, he gets me flowers when I goad him to on my birthday, but usually he tries to get something that won't our love (he says that, I swear!).  He is a little cheesy sometimes with his lines, but the things he says are so cute and do come out romantic.   Even on my worst day, he'll walk past me and pat me on my behind.  No words, just a little pat.  I know what he is thinking, but to me it means a lot more...adoration, acceptance (that I am not supermodel skinny) and love.  The greatest gift he has given me is support through this whole infertility crap.  When I blame myself, he shoots the thought down.  When I hate my body, he loves my body.  And when my hopes are in the toilet, he pulls them out.  Who needs perfect when you have that?  What is perfect anyway?

Our 7th anniversary is in April 2011, and the "7-year itch" sits in the back of my head.  I don't think we'll have that.  Cross my fingers, but I think we'll be just fine.  

So dear Bleaders, as my time wastes away to write, I ask you to reflect on your relationships and possibly what you hope(d) them to be and what they are.  Maybe what was perfect back then, isn't perfect for you now.  I wish you an imperfect day!


1 comment:

  1. Hey Nikus
    what do you know we are also approaching our 7th anniversary! I agree that romantic fluff isn't real, but what you wrote really made me go awww... that stuff is romantic.
    Well Brett and I are kinda different (he only cleaned in the begining to impress me, that faded fast..) but now he does take me out for meals or we have take aways when he knows I am too tired to cook. He also gets me out of debt!! He helps me when I need it - and that's what counts.


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