Ways that you know you are an infertile:
When you take a urine pregnancy test because you are 99% sure you aren't pregnant, but the test is about to expire and to let it expire would be a waste of money. (And it still comes out negative, so you may choose not to believe it because it expired 9/2010 - which could mean 9/1/10 or 9/30/10 and today is the 21st, so WHO REALLY KNOWS?).
When you take a blood pregnancy test, JUST TO BE SURE you can have a drink to recover from the BFN you are anticipating from the blood test (that you took to hopefully offset what the Gods had in store for you - but it still turns out to be a BFN).
When every symptom you are having could be related to pregnancy OR stress, but somehow you relate them more to pregnancy? (I mean, who has ever heard of stress causing you to be clumsy, have hot flashes and be nauseous?)
When you believe that AF isn't showing up because you are so stressed out over other stuff, un-infertility related, that AF shows up when you are even more stressed out, the day before the doc said you need a $300 ultrasound to see WHY AF is late. (or at least, you think she does!)
When life seems so incredibly full of activities COMPLETELY unrelated to infertility, that when something actually happens that sparks a call to the RE, you get upset that you are back on that cycle and have to call someone to talk about the issue instead of just believing you will get pregnant on your own or continuing to "not think about it."
When you text your other infertile friends, and instead of replying with just a sad face, they pepper you with questions that even the RE didn't ask, and probably give you more answers (or at the very least - more questions) than you had when you hung up with the RE.
AND FINALLY, when you don't cry when the doctor's assistant calls to tell you the blood test was negative, but only when after texting your husband to clue him in, and he responds with "Thanks for letting me know...I love you!" (This is when you again realize that you married the perfect man and you are more grateful than you can believe.)
And this was just part of my week...more to follow hopefully tomorrow.
That last one did it for me too. It was more painful telling my husband our first IUI didn't work, but knowing he was there to support me was the best thing he could have done. All of your other points were true/funny/right there with ya also. :)
ReplyDeleteIt has been a heck of a week for you - but I'm glad you were able to kick back a little bit last night...and for your other revelation! :) And I'm happy we got to talk every night this week! Love ya!!
ReplyDeleteHey girlie! Sorry life's been tough for you lately. I have been following on my Blackberry and cant figure out commenting from there. I have been sending good thoughts and prayers to you. May life get easier and your body start cooperating soon.
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