Hello my lovely Bleaders! Even though I am not studying anymore for CFP, it still is difficult to blog a bunch lately with all this holiday stuff going on. I've told many people that the holidays really blindsided me this year. I was kind of in my own world from Halloween through Thanksgiving, and when I emerged it was time for Christmas shopping! But I was just getting ready for Thanksgiving and birthday! So I feel behind on everything...don't be upset if you don't get a Holiday card from us friends, you probably aren't the only one! Anyway....
Last night was the first Christmas party of the season, followed by another this morning (yes, you read that right, this morning!) This morning's party was for my swim team that I have and love, but I don't participate in the winter because although I am in AZ and it's warmer than many places across the US, the pool is outside and at 5:30 or 7:30 in the morning, it's really not that warm out! But they still invite me to the party, which I always laugh at because we swim at the Jewish Community Center (even though you don't have to be Jewish or a member to swim there) and we have had a Christmas party for about 4 years running now. Who'd a thunk it? So the party is in the morning because it is after the practice that I don't attend! ;) It was and is always lovely. But technically that was the 2nd party of the season...let's talk about the first, last night.
This party was supposed to be next weekend, but since so many people already had things going it looked like the turnout next Saturday was going to be very meager, so at the last minute they changed it to last night and oddly enough very MANY people showed up. The people whose house it was at are great folks that we have known for a LONG time and kinda introduced J and me, so I gotta love them. I wasn't too worried about this party and the fun questions that can cause Christmas parties to be not-so-enjoyable for us Infertiles because most of these folks know our situation and don't broach the subject with stupid remarks. However, there is one person I was especially worried about that I had a hankering would be there.
(I thought I had posted about this situation, but I can't find it so I'll do a quick recount...I had been having a particularly hard day - maybe two years ago - AF showed up, I felt like crap, I had a long day at the office and I still needed to grocery shop. I stopped at Walmart on the way home from work hoping to grab the few items I needed and get home for a glass of wine and to go to bed. As I walked into Walmart, I saw a friend-of-a-friend whom I talk to close to never - in fact I recalled after this little scenario that the last time I had spoken to her had been at the Christmas party 10-11 months prior. I was all set to be cordial and just say hi, etc. She walked up and without even saying practically "hello" she said, "You're still not pregnant?" Without even thinking, I looked her dead in the face and said, "no, we gave up. We figured we'd be horrible parents!" She mumbled something about having to get home to the kids and scedadlded. Now I realize that that wasn't the nicest thing to say from me, but REALLY who walks up to someone you haven't seen in close to a year and without even saying "hello" and "how are you?" says, "You're still not pregnant?" I was already feeling broken (and I realize she didn't know that) but really people, how insensitive are we? She could have said so many other things..."how's the baby making going?" "What's happening in your life these days?" "How are you?" to name a few. I went home absolutely fuming! I actually felt my blood boil.)
So this lady was going to probably be at the party last night. After the host called to tell me the party had switched, I realized this and texted her asking if she had talk to said lady and if they were coming. She replied that she didn't know, but asked if I had a problem with her. (Let me say here that very few people bug me...I'm a pretty friendly lady and I really try not to hold a grudge. But that day said lady really rubbed me the wrong way with how brash and insensitive she was, and needless to say she's not high on my priority list to see.) I reminded our hostess about what had happened with me and said lady and asked her to say something to said lady about not bringing up the subject of babies to us. Not all of us procreate when our hubby looks at us. So hostess texted back a few moments later having said the situation had been handled and I was very grateful. Hostess said she had just asked said lady to not mention babies because we were very touchy on the subject, to which said lady apparently went off on a rant about how I won't accept her as a friend on FB and she wondered why. Hostess asked if there was maybe said lady did that upset me and said lady could think of NOTHING. Really, nothing comes to mind?! Again, I do understand that not everyone's life revolves around me and our infertility woes, but NOTHING comes to mind? Hostess, being the polite person she can be said something along the lines of, "well maybe you did something that you didn't realize upset her. Just because it didn't upset you, doesn't mean it didn't upset her." So, said lady was warned.
J and I went to the party and it was lovely. Lots of old friends, good food and drink, laughs and memories. Said lady seemed to be a no-show. (DARN!) Oops, I spoke too soon. Her and her hubby wandered in about 10 pm I think. My stomach immediately dropped into my toes. She said hello and I tried my best to be nice and say hello back. But I couldn't look at her. I just couldn't. I know the right thing to do is to forgive and forget, but I literally felt like I was gonna be sick with her standing beside me. Let me say again that I am usually a very loving, outgoing and happy person. (I swear I am!) But try as I might, I can't let this one go. I think it really bothers me that she has no freaking clue. Anyhow, she left to go grab one of her kids to bring back to the party and we scooted out of there before she came back so I wouldn't have to have further agony. I would call the party great times, except for those 15 minutes of torture. But I do love Hostess, her hubby, their kids and many of the other folks that were there that we don't get to see enough. And I'm very grateful Hostess did say something to warn said lady so we didn't have something else happen last night, although it kinda did anyway.
I do feel bad because I was rude and I am not a rude person. I had the thought of emailing her to let her in on why I cold-shouldered her, but after a quick discussion with our Hostess, I decided that would create more drama than it was worth. And as it turns out, our Hostess was again confronted after said lady returned with her child about my attitude, and our lovely Hostess tried to clue her in to her insensitiveness without recounting actual events and from what I hear, it sounds like said lady may not understand where we're at, but at least that there's a bigger problem going on than she is aware of - having gotten pregnant really quickly with both children. I am hoping she got the picture and won't be insensitive to the next Infertile she meets, or me at next year's party. Hostess and another friend handled it for me and that is a wonderful gift in and of itself (thanks ladies!!)!! However, if said lady friends me again on FB, I may respond with the actual episode. We'll see.
Okay, sorry for the vent. I just hate the Insensitives! Tomorrow, I'll post my letter to Santa...and it will be happy.
Happy Sunday Bleaders!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Guiliana & Bill UPDATE (SPOILER ALERT) & More Media Coverage
Hello my lovlies...it's been a little bit hasn't it? Time to catch up....
J and I watched Guiliana & Bill the other night (technically, I did because he recently commandeered my old laptop and discovered Facebook while sitting in his lazyboy....I may never see him again!) and while WE had learned about Guiliana's miscarriage weeks ago on the show, in the time frame of the show, the general public wasn't yet informed for obvious reasons. So this show was about them telling the general public and Guiliana's speech to her E! public. I couldn't find the speech she gave, but suffice to say, it was appreciated by me that she wasn't keeping it a "dirty little secret" as infertility seems to be and she was very open about the situation, despite how difficult her speech was to make. She did great and I'm very proud of her. I did find a couple other clips of G&B talking about their issues:
Guiliana & Bill on CNN
Guiliana & Bill on Fertility Lifelines
This one is an article I came up on my search for the clip of Guiliana's speech on E! that I wasn't able to find:
Guiliana & Bill in Self
My point is, and has been a lot lately, that infertility isn't a "dirty little secret" anymore and it is okay to talk about IF YOU WANT TO. I understand there are people that keep this kind of thing private and I do understand why. I can only speak for myself when I say that I felt like I was broken and nobody wanted to hear me talk about that, however more often than not when the conversation switched to infertility, all kinds of stories came up about the person I was talking to or their sister/mother/brother's wife/friend/etc. that I was blown away. Once you open the gate, it all comes tumbling out and you don't feel so alone. That's the big thing for us Infertilies...we aren't the ONLY people in the world that this is happening too. That may sound silly to someone not in the situation, but at 31 with so many preggos popping up (sometimes it seems like daily - I have 5 baby blankets on back-order to make!), it is hard to handle being the only one that doesn't get to say those blessed two words ("I'm pregnant!).
And my parents' generation is ready to ask me "when we're having babies" because we've been married 6 years (7 in April, together for 9!) and in their minds "it's time." I can't just say it is my parents' generation because even for me that is the question I ask to my friends when they have been married for a bit...maybe less-so now because of where we stand, but definitely not the rest of the world....especially that one guy at that one party that is just trying to be nice, but doesn't get the hint that he either needs to walk away or let the subject drop because his advice of "getting drunk and doin' it" is getting old and has been said to us, as if we didn't think of it WAY long ago.
Now last night, J and I were watching $#*! My Dad Says on TV, which is becoming one of our favorite shows (and J did put the computer down to watch this show), and I won't say it was all about infertility, but there definitely was a splash of it. Totally blindsided me and I was really proud of the show producers. For those of you who haven't seen this show, it is your run-of-the-mill sitcom with William Shatner as the Dad who says random things and is just an odd, old, army guy who seems to be unfeeling with his 2 sons living in the house or close-by and one son's wife. The son and wife wanted to get a dog "not because they wanted a baby" as was made blatently clear in the first few moments of the show. They end up not being granted the rescue dog they wanted because the reviewer also decided they wanted a dog for the wrong reasons, so Dad (William Shatner) gives the wife a bulldog and in a very uncommon moment at the very end while she is loving on the dog, he puts his hand on her shoulder and visually squeezes, to which she puts her hand on his. Now given the nature of the rest of the show, this was just very sweet and hit me head on. Not the place that I would expect to see a little infertility, but very happy that it is becoming more mainstream so Infertiles like me don't feel so alone in this battle.
To close, once again modern media is making me very happy with their recent change in discussion of infertility and hoping that it is becoming less of a "dirty little secret" and more openly discussed. That's not to say that everyone should think their advice will get me pregnant! But don't be afraid to open your mouth and say, "I know someone struggling to conceive too. Good luck with whatever you do, let me know if you ever want to talk." That goes much further than telling them to get drunk and "do it!"
Now at 2 pm almost, I'm off to find lunch! Have a wonderful weekend folks!
J and I watched Guiliana & Bill the other night (technically, I did because he recently commandeered my old laptop and discovered Facebook while sitting in his lazyboy....I may never see him again!) and while WE had learned about Guiliana's miscarriage weeks ago on the show, in the time frame of the show, the general public wasn't yet informed for obvious reasons. So this show was about them telling the general public and Guiliana's speech to her E! public. I couldn't find the speech she gave, but suffice to say, it was appreciated by me that she wasn't keeping it a "dirty little secret" as infertility seems to be and she was very open about the situation, despite how difficult her speech was to make. She did great and I'm very proud of her. I did find a couple other clips of G&B talking about their issues:
Guiliana & Bill on CNN
Guiliana & Bill on Fertility Lifelines
This one is an article I came up on my search for the clip of Guiliana's speech on E! that I wasn't able to find:
Guiliana & Bill in Self
My point is, and has been a lot lately, that infertility isn't a "dirty little secret" anymore and it is okay to talk about IF YOU WANT TO. I understand there are people that keep this kind of thing private and I do understand why. I can only speak for myself when I say that I felt like I was broken and nobody wanted to hear me talk about that, however more often than not when the conversation switched to infertility, all kinds of stories came up about the person I was talking to or their sister/mother/brother's wife/friend/etc. that I was blown away. Once you open the gate, it all comes tumbling out and you don't feel so alone. That's the big thing for us Infertilies...we aren't the ONLY people in the world that this is happening too. That may sound silly to someone not in the situation, but at 31 with so many preggos popping up (sometimes it seems like daily - I have 5 baby blankets on back-order to make!), it is hard to handle being the only one that doesn't get to say those blessed two words ("I'm pregnant!).
And my parents' generation is ready to ask me "when we're having babies" because we've been married 6 years (7 in April, together for 9!) and in their minds "it's time." I can't just say it is my parents' generation because even for me that is the question I ask to my friends when they have been married for a bit...maybe less-so now because of where we stand, but definitely not the rest of the world....especially that one guy at that one party that is just trying to be nice, but doesn't get the hint that he either needs to walk away or let the subject drop because his advice of "getting drunk and doin' it" is getting old and has been said to us, as if we didn't think of it WAY long ago.
Now last night, J and I were watching $#*! My Dad Says on TV, which is becoming one of our favorite shows (and J did put the computer down to watch this show), and I won't say it was all about infertility, but there definitely was a splash of it. Totally blindsided me and I was really proud of the show producers. For those of you who haven't seen this show, it is your run-of-the-mill sitcom with William Shatner as the Dad who says random things and is just an odd, old, army guy who seems to be unfeeling with his 2 sons living in the house or close-by and one son's wife. The son and wife wanted to get a dog "not because they wanted a baby" as was made blatently clear in the first few moments of the show. They end up not being granted the rescue dog they wanted because the reviewer also decided they wanted a dog for the wrong reasons, so Dad (William Shatner) gives the wife a bulldog and in a very uncommon moment at the very end while she is loving on the dog, he puts his hand on her shoulder and visually squeezes, to which she puts her hand on his. Now given the nature of the rest of the show, this was just very sweet and hit me head on. Not the place that I would expect to see a little infertility, but very happy that it is becoming more mainstream so Infertiles like me don't feel so alone in this battle.
To close, once again modern media is making me very happy with their recent change in discussion of infertility and hoping that it is becoming less of a "dirty little secret" and more openly discussed. That's not to say that everyone should think their advice will get me pregnant! But don't be afraid to open your mouth and say, "I know someone struggling to conceive too. Good luck with whatever you do, let me know if you ever want to talk." That goes much further than telling them to get drunk and "do it!"
Now at 2 pm almost, I'm off to find lunch! Have a wonderful weekend folks!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Do you believe in Angels?
Hi Bleaders, I know it's been a bit since I wrote. Just can't get my head straight on with the holidays hitting me in the face. I swear they snuck up on me...probably because from October to Thanksgiving I was in a hole studying for CFP! So I'm now ready for Thanksgiving (even though my belt will tell you we need-ent go back there) instead of Christmas! Back to my belt for a second, on my first week of back at WW, I'm down 5 lbs! 5.2 to be exact! YAY me! I know the rest won't come off that fast, but that's what happens when you eat out for about 9 days straight around Thanksgiving and birthday! Okay, now on to the angels.
I have a friend who I met through Sparkpeople.com a couple years back. Ash is a wonderful presence in my life even though I have never met her. Sparkpeople.com is a fitness website, similar to WW but free and just counts calories. Anyway, she lost a lot of weight and looks awesome and is just a little firework. She just had a precious baby girl - Annabelle. She and I have emailed a lot over the years with inspiration and talking of our situations, so she's up to date on all my happenings. Anyway, she is awesome. Back in March when I was some days late with AF, she asked if she could do a reading with my Angels for me. I was a little skeptical, but said sure, just as I left for the doc to get a blood test upon which as I sat there, AF showed up...big waste of $28 for a blood test! Anyway, upon my return to work, she had my reading waiting for me. Man, it was dead on. Dead on! I was already weepy because of what had happened that morning, but this put me over the edge, full fledged tears and at the office, lovely. It's hard to read something that is so true and not believe, especially because I have never met Ash personally.
Well, recently, I asked her to do another one for me and I've asked if I could post it. Yet again, it's dead on. So here's what she said (know that I may or may not have pulled things out that are just a little too personal). Be skeptical, but I am not.
Reading began...I'll comment in red about how things are relevant.
**While I have interpretations and words that come to me while doing readings, your interpretations are VERY important since this is YOUR reading. Make sure you listen to your thoughts, ideas, and body messages, as they will often give you thoughts and clues.**
12/2/10 at 12:12 EST I started your reading and those numbers are significant. 1s mean think positively and only about what you want, not what you don't want, as your thoughts are shaping your future. 2s mean keep the faith. (I always think "I don't want to not get pregnant" guess I need to change that.)
As soon as I called upon your angels, two male angels appeared. (When I read this, what are we 4 sentences in, I was done. Both of my grandfathers have passed and I think about them often - my Mom's Dad loved trains and every time I hear the whistle blow in the morning, I tell him hello. I was on the other side of town a couple weeks back and happened to drive past the cemetery where my Pappy is buried. I don't know what came over me, but I needed to find him there, even taking my heels off and wandering through the cemetery barefoot for about 20 minutes til I found him. So you could say we're close.) They wanted you to know that you are safe, protected, and they are always with you, so never feel alone. They also love you very much. (Ash made this comment after I told her who I thought the angels were....And the fact that the two men really wanted me to emphasize that they love you and are always with you makes me believe you are right...they most likely are your grandfathers.)
Ok, now to the cards.
COUNSELOR- you are being counseled in your sleep, so make sure you are getting enough sleep, as this is the time your angels are working with you the most. You may need to seek help from a counselor, if you feel it necessary, but know that you are a natural counselor for yourself, all you have to do is trust yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings. (I am constantly telling myself I am okay...whether I am working out or attempting the CFP.)
PROSPERITY- financially you are okay, just remember to think positively.
CAREER TRANSITION- you are going to have a career change soon that will help you to meet your life's purpose. *The woman on the card had these piercing eyes that made me feel like you've been LOOKING for this career change for a while* (I really hope this means that I passed the CFP because that will change my career vastly and it makes sense if I have been LOOKING for it for a while.)
***Are Nikus and J ready for baby?***
When I asked this, your angels told me "no, net yet, there is 1 more step to take in the next year." And then I pulled these cards. (IVF is slated for this year, could this mean it will work?)
YOUR WISH IS GRANTED- Yes, you are ready and your wish will be granted, but not until (see you below)
BUSINESS VENTURE- your career/business change is complete. Follow through on your thoughts and ideas about changing careers, they will bring about great change. After that (see below) (Again, this goes back to me asking God to let me get pregnant after CFP)
PREGNANCY- wahoo! There will be the birth of a child. (!)
SPRING- Your wish will manifest itself in the spring time. (In my head, I have anticipated beginning after I know the answer to CFP, and that happens in January but then means 2 months of birth control which puts us at mid-March....hello spring! I realize this could also mean the baby is born in the spring, which would mean we're pregnant next summer. I'm good with that too! Anytime, I'm good with it!)
***Will it happen naturally?***
READY, SET, GO- NOW is the time to go after your desires.
REST- relax and take care of yourself (believe me, you won't have time to take care of you for a VERY long time) (Ash just had a baby so she kinda knows about not having time to take care of yourself, and I just rejoined WW so am taking care of me).
YES- :) (!)
TIME TO MOVE ON- it is time to let go of those old emotions, old disappointments, and just let this happen on it's own time with no strings to the past. (I do this so much and it's hard to get over having no real progress on the baby front, with the exception of no spotting. Hopefully beginning IVF and taking care of myself will help with this.)
***Will she need help?***
YES- (I thought this counteracted the previous question, so I asked the question below)
***What kind of help?***
VACUUM AWAY FEAR- get rid of fear, you are holding yourself back by your fear of not conceiving and the fear of all the past 'failed' attempts (though they weren't truly failed attempts, as it will all happen at the right time) (Refer to above question...I am very fearful and that's hard to get rid of. But apparently I need to do just that)
INDIGO CHILD- the child that is waiting to come to you is VERY sensitive and can feel all your emotions. So make sure they are all positive. (Again, hard to do. On some things I am very positive, on others I am positively negative, conception being one of those.)
CANCEL, CLEAR, DELETE- when you do think of something negative, you need to cancel, clear, and delete that thought. A good way to do this is by saying "cancel, clear, delete" and sweep your wrists with your other hand's fingers. Then think of what you really do want (replace the negative with a positive). (Interesting!)
***What does she need to know about money?***
ALL IS WELL- money is exactly as it should be
CLEAR YOUR SPACE- it is time to de-clutter your life and home though, so if you have things you don't want or need, sell them for extra income. (I swear I said to J the other day that we needed to clean out the closet in the guest bedroom because that will become the nursery and there isn't room for baby stuff. Guess after the holidays, that is what I'll do!)
***Is there anything else she needs to know?***
DIETARY CHANGE- make sure you are eating healthy and taking vitamins (Hello, do you not remember my post about hating my prenatals...guess we better get re-acquainted. I am eating healthy on WW, so good there, but just recently)
CONNECT WITH NATURE- we all come from this great Earth, so take time to connect with it. Go outside, enjoy the weather, dig your feet in the dirt, PLANT A SEED. (I am not an earthy person, except for boot camp, then I get real close...can't say I enjoy it, but I get real close. Although, I can't live without my AZ sunsets! THE BEST EVER! And I have a black thumb, maybe we'll have J plant a seed. No pun intended, okay, maybe a little bit!)
LET GO- let go of the past, move on (Again, very hard to get over all the failure...I'm not used to failing at things)
(The next couple of cards are from a deck of cards that I am making to sell and am still working on. They are meant for children, teenagers, and those people who don't have much experience with oracle cards).
STRENGTH- be strong and have strength
PRESERVE- hold onto the things that are important to you and don't let disappointments bring you down (need I repeat? Are we seeing a trend?)
KINDNESS- be kind to yourself, in your thoughts and actions (Meanie Christinie is always telling me that I need to accept who I am, I know she is talking weight, but I have days where I am mean to myself, especially lately.)
SPEND- this card can mean many things, including it is okay to spend money on things you need and want, but since FAMILY came after it, I believe it means to spend time with your family (Ummm....Christmas is here and this weekend is Christmas shopping time!)
FAMILY- :)
End of the Reading
So, now who doesn't believe? Again, this really hit home for me and I am hopeful that I can do many of the things Pappy and Grandpa E told Ash. I will continue to talk to them always and believe that their hands are at my back. If you want to know more about these wonderful men in my life (and now my angels) here is the blog about Pappy and Grandpa E. Ash is now starting to do readings for people for a small fee. If you are interested in contacting her, you can email me at nikusroad@gmail.com and I'll forward your info to her. She is truly blessed and so am I to know her and have this little insight from above. Incredible!
Now another quick note...I know, this one is getting long, sorry....I have a dear friend who is struggling this holiday. I've known her since high school and she is truly great. Her hubby and kid aren't bad either... ;) . Anyway, there are about 6 of us from high school that still hang out quite often and we've decided that it isn't okay that they don't have a Christmas tree nor presents for their almost-3-year-old son. These people are truly struggling to stay afloat (she's a teacher and he runs his own handyman business and photography business), but despite that, this past weekend he held an all day photo shoot with all the proceeds going to a family from their church that is trying to adopt (this hits especially close to my heart because I realize we may need this some day, some help raising money for IVF or Adoption and I love that there are people out there willing to do that - my heart swells). How can you not love someone who does that?! Especially many of the people in this group understand what a costly process that is.
So since yesterday we've been trying to get people to donate things to help them have a great holiday. If there are any big hearts out there who want to help, please let me know. We're hoping to do a big Santa-drop next weekend! And all help is welcome....I've posted on FB and had good response, also dropped a box at my gym and my office building, while the other ladies are doing the same. I know the holidays are rough, but who doesn't have a toy at home their kid doesn't play with or a gift card in their purse that they forgot about and can donate (I just discovered one the other day that I forgot about!). Like I said, any help is welcome. Just let me know if you are able.
Have a wonderful day and week folks, and remember, tell your Angels you love them, they are with you whether you believe it or not....I do every day!! Love you Pappy! Love you Grandpa E!
I have a friend who I met through Sparkpeople.com a couple years back. Ash is a wonderful presence in my life even though I have never met her. Sparkpeople.com is a fitness website, similar to WW but free and just counts calories. Anyway, she lost a lot of weight and looks awesome and is just a little firework. She just had a precious baby girl - Annabelle. She and I have emailed a lot over the years with inspiration and talking of our situations, so she's up to date on all my happenings. Anyway, she is awesome. Back in March when I was some days late with AF, she asked if she could do a reading with my Angels for me. I was a little skeptical, but said sure, just as I left for the doc to get a blood test upon which as I sat there, AF showed up...big waste of $28 for a blood test! Anyway, upon my return to work, she had my reading waiting for me. Man, it was dead on. Dead on! I was already weepy because of what had happened that morning, but this put me over the edge, full fledged tears and at the office, lovely. It's hard to read something that is so true and not believe, especially because I have never met Ash personally.
Well, recently, I asked her to do another one for me and I've asked if I could post it. Yet again, it's dead on. So here's what she said (know that I may or may not have pulled things out that are just a little too personal). Be skeptical, but I am not.
Reading began...I'll comment in red about how things are relevant.
**While I have interpretations and words that come to me while doing readings, your interpretations are VERY important since this is YOUR reading. Make sure you listen to your thoughts, ideas, and body messages, as they will often give you thoughts and clues.**
12/2/10 at 12:12 EST I started your reading and those numbers are significant. 1s mean think positively and only about what you want, not what you don't want, as your thoughts are shaping your future. 2s mean keep the faith. (I always think "I don't want to not get pregnant" guess I need to change that.)
As soon as I called upon your angels, two male angels appeared. (When I read this, what are we 4 sentences in, I was done. Both of my grandfathers have passed and I think about them often - my Mom's Dad loved trains and every time I hear the whistle blow in the morning, I tell him hello. I was on the other side of town a couple weeks back and happened to drive past the cemetery where my Pappy is buried. I don't know what came over me, but I needed to find him there, even taking my heels off and wandering through the cemetery barefoot for about 20 minutes til I found him. So you could say we're close.) They wanted you to know that you are safe, protected, and they are always with you, so never feel alone. They also love you very much. (Ash made this comment after I told her who I thought the angels were....And the fact that the two men really wanted me to emphasize that they love you and are always with you makes me believe you are right...they most likely are your grandfathers.)
Ok, now to the cards.
COUNSELOR- you are being counseled in your sleep, so make sure you are getting enough sleep, as this is the time your angels are working with you the most. You may need to seek help from a counselor, if you feel it necessary, but know that you are a natural counselor for yourself, all you have to do is trust yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings. (I am constantly telling myself I am okay...whether I am working out or attempting the CFP.)
PROSPERITY- financially you are okay, just remember to think positively.
CAREER TRANSITION- you are going to have a career change soon that will help you to meet your life's purpose. *The woman on the card had these piercing eyes that made me feel like you've been LOOKING for this career change for a while* (I really hope this means that I passed the CFP because that will change my career vastly and it makes sense if I have been LOOKING for it for a while.)
***Are Nikus and J ready for baby?***
When I asked this, your angels told me "no, net yet, there is 1 more step to take in the next year." And then I pulled these cards. (IVF is slated for this year, could this mean it will work?)
YOUR WISH IS GRANTED- Yes, you are ready and your wish will be granted, but not until (see you below)
BUSINESS VENTURE- your career/business change is complete. Follow through on your thoughts and ideas about changing careers, they will bring about great change. After that (see below) (Again, this goes back to me asking God to let me get pregnant after CFP)
PREGNANCY- wahoo! There will be the birth of a child. (!)
SPRING- Your wish will manifest itself in the spring time. (In my head, I have anticipated beginning after I know the answer to CFP, and that happens in January but then means 2 months of birth control which puts us at mid-March....hello spring! I realize this could also mean the baby is born in the spring, which would mean we're pregnant next summer. I'm good with that too! Anytime, I'm good with it!)
***Will it happen naturally?***
READY, SET, GO- NOW is the time to go after your desires.
REST- relax and take care of yourself (believe me, you won't have time to take care of you for a VERY long time) (Ash just had a baby so she kinda knows about not having time to take care of yourself, and I just rejoined WW so am taking care of me).
YES- :) (!)
TIME TO MOVE ON- it is time to let go of those old emotions, old disappointments, and just let this happen on it's own time with no strings to the past. (I do this so much and it's hard to get over having no real progress on the baby front, with the exception of no spotting. Hopefully beginning IVF and taking care of myself will help with this.)
***Will she need help?***
YES- (I thought this counteracted the previous question, so I asked the question below)
***What kind of help?***
VACUUM AWAY FEAR- get rid of fear, you are holding yourself back by your fear of not conceiving and the fear of all the past 'failed' attempts (though they weren't truly failed attempts, as it will all happen at the right time) (Refer to above question...I am very fearful and that's hard to get rid of. But apparently I need to do just that)
INDIGO CHILD- the child that is waiting to come to you is VERY sensitive and can feel all your emotions. So make sure they are all positive. (Again, hard to do. On some things I am very positive, on others I am positively negative, conception being one of those.)
CANCEL, CLEAR, DELETE- when you do think of something negative, you need to cancel, clear, and delete that thought. A good way to do this is by saying "cancel, clear, delete" and sweep your wrists with your other hand's fingers. Then think of what you really do want (replace the negative with a positive). (Interesting!)
***What does she need to know about money?***
ALL IS WELL- money is exactly as it should be
CLEAR YOUR SPACE- it is time to de-clutter your life and home though, so if you have things you don't want or need, sell them for extra income. (I swear I said to J the other day that we needed to clean out the closet in the guest bedroom because that will become the nursery and there isn't room for baby stuff. Guess after the holidays, that is what I'll do!)
***Is there anything else she needs to know?***
DIETARY CHANGE- make sure you are eating healthy and taking vitamins (Hello, do you not remember my post about hating my prenatals...guess we better get re-acquainted. I am eating healthy on WW, so good there, but just recently)
CONNECT WITH NATURE- we all come from this great Earth, so take time to connect with it. Go outside, enjoy the weather, dig your feet in the dirt, PLANT A SEED. (I am not an earthy person, except for boot camp, then I get real close...can't say I enjoy it, but I get real close. Although, I can't live without my AZ sunsets! THE BEST EVER! And I have a black thumb, maybe we'll have J plant a seed. No pun intended, okay, maybe a little bit!)
LET GO- let go of the past, move on (Again, very hard to get over all the failure...I'm not used to failing at things)
(The next couple of cards are from a deck of cards that I am making to sell and am still working on. They are meant for children, teenagers, and those people who don't have much experience with oracle cards).
STRENGTH- be strong and have strength
PRESERVE- hold onto the things that are important to you and don't let disappointments bring you down (need I repeat? Are we seeing a trend?)
KINDNESS- be kind to yourself, in your thoughts and actions (Meanie Christinie is always telling me that I need to accept who I am, I know she is talking weight, but I have days where I am mean to myself, especially lately.)
SPEND- this card can mean many things, including it is okay to spend money on things you need and want, but since FAMILY came after it, I believe it means to spend time with your family (Ummm....Christmas is here and this weekend is Christmas shopping time!)
FAMILY- :)
End of the Reading
So, now who doesn't believe? Again, this really hit home for me and I am hopeful that I can do many of the things Pappy and Grandpa E told Ash. I will continue to talk to them always and believe that their hands are at my back. If you want to know more about these wonderful men in my life (and now my angels) here is the blog about Pappy and Grandpa E. Ash is now starting to do readings for people for a small fee. If you are interested in contacting her, you can email me at nikusroad@gmail.com and I'll forward your info to her. She is truly blessed and so am I to know her and have this little insight from above. Incredible!
Now another quick note...I know, this one is getting long, sorry....I have a dear friend who is struggling this holiday. I've known her since high school and she is truly great. Her hubby and kid aren't bad either... ;) . Anyway, there are about 6 of us from high school that still hang out quite often and we've decided that it isn't okay that they don't have a Christmas tree nor presents for their almost-3-year-old son. These people are truly struggling to stay afloat (she's a teacher and he runs his own handyman business and photography business), but despite that, this past weekend he held an all day photo shoot with all the proceeds going to a family from their church that is trying to adopt (this hits especially close to my heart because I realize we may need this some day, some help raising money for IVF or Adoption and I love that there are people out there willing to do that - my heart swells). How can you not love someone who does that?! Especially many of the people in this group understand what a costly process that is.
So since yesterday we've been trying to get people to donate things to help them have a great holiday. If there are any big hearts out there who want to help, please let me know. We're hoping to do a big Santa-drop next weekend! And all help is welcome....I've posted on FB and had good response, also dropped a box at my gym and my office building, while the other ladies are doing the same. I know the holidays are rough, but who doesn't have a toy at home their kid doesn't play with or a gift card in their purse that they forgot about and can donate (I just discovered one the other day that I forgot about!). Like I said, any help is welcome. Just let me know if you are able.
Have a wonderful day and week folks, and remember, tell your Angels you love them, they are with you whether you believe it or not....I do every day!! Love you Pappy! Love you Grandpa E!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I'm born again...and it pisses me off when...
Hello folks! I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and a great couple of days off from work - if you are in the US that is! If you aren't in the US, I hope you just had a wonderful weekend.
Last week was a bit ridiculous, eating wise anyway. Besides 2 Thanksgiving meals, both which had to be around the 2000-3000 calorie range, there were also a slew of birthday celebrations which all circled around food or drinking! Therefore, I rejoined Weight Watchers this morning, with the beginning of their new program and the ability to go to as many meetings as necessary in a month for one low monthly cost, as well as online use! Here I come...some would say I didn't need to do that, but I feel I did. When I told J, his response was, "why?!" I told him I wasn't happy with how I looked and felt. I can workout with the best of them, but I can also eat anything and everything in sight! So, here we go again. WW has changed their program a bit and their pay structure (making what I like to do - online and meetings CHEAPER!) and I'm all in. I'm welcoming anyone who wants to join me. So that was why I am born again! Born again to be slimmer!
Now for "It pisses me off when..."
I think I am a pretty cool-headed person, usually. I mean, I do get mad about things, but not nearly what I used to. Anyway, just like anyone, there are a couple things that will ALWAYS rub me the wrong way.
1. People who spell my name wrong
I have a VERY simple name. Four letters for the first name and four for the last. I have never seen people spell a simple name, so very wrong, friends and new acquantinces alike. The correct way is "N...I...K...I." In incorrect ways I have seen it are as follows:
Nickie
Nikki
Nickey
Nikky
Nickiey
Nicci
---really, need I go on? It is really quite simple. And the fact that it gets spelled wrong on Facebook (under the correct spelling) and in emails (of which my name is PART OF) really irks me. Also, people I have known for a long time who spell my name wrong. To me it is just disrespectful. Many people are good, but some I just want to smack. Especially if they are trying to get back into my good graces because we've lost touch or whatever...come on. Four letters!
2. People who forget my birthday (and birthdays in general)
Now, I admit I have done this in the past and probably will upon occasion in the future. But this is really bad. I've dealt with it my whole life because not only does my birthday fall on my parents' anniversary (which makes their date get forgotten) but it is also right around Thanksgiving. So as a child when we tried to plan my birthday party, it would always have to be before or after, and then it wasn't fun. As a teenager when all my friends were getting balloons at school from friends on their birthdays, my friends typically forgot because they were excited they wouldn't be in school or would be out of town. I spent my 21st birthday with one of my guy friends' girlfriends at the time, because no one else was around to celebrate. When people showed up at our house for Thanksgiving, they would automatically say, "Happy Thanksgiving" and maybe hours later remember that it was my birthday too, or quite possibly my parents' anniversary, but mostly not at all. So am I sensitive about people remembering my birthday, especially close friends? Absolutely. And do I try my damndest to not forget others birthdays because I know how it feels and it sucks? You better believe it. And how annoyed do you think I am when some well-meaning person sends me a birthday message a week late, with my name misspelled? Let's just say I grit my teeth and respond, all-the-while mistakenly spelling their name wrong, to prove a point, which many times goes right over their head. Sorry, touchy subject. (For future reference, my birthday is November 23rd...mark your calendar now!) Now I realize that people's lives don't revolve around me, but it's not that hard for friends and family to put a reminder somewhere and send a card, give a call or even shoot a text. I'll take anything! Just feels good to that person and should feel good to the person sending because they made that person's day!
3. People who think they are entitled.
We covered this a while back, but to reiterate...you need to earn what you want. Every breath you take, every success you want, earn it and then I believe you deserve it. But don't tell me you are entitled to it because you put in the time, but not the effort. Nuff said.
Alright folks, it's taken me all day to write this because I've been working (read: not studying!) and now I need to eat some low points dinner and go to my WW meeting. Have a wonderful evening and eat well!
OH - if you want to subscribe via email, go to the top of the page and on the left hand side, enter your email address and click subscribe. I just always forget to say that. Night!
Last week was a bit ridiculous, eating wise anyway. Besides 2 Thanksgiving meals, both which had to be around the 2000-3000 calorie range, there were also a slew of birthday celebrations which all circled around food or drinking! Therefore, I rejoined Weight Watchers this morning, with the beginning of their new program and the ability to go to as many meetings as necessary in a month for one low monthly cost, as well as online use! Here I come...some would say I didn't need to do that, but I feel I did. When I told J, his response was, "why?!" I told him I wasn't happy with how I looked and felt. I can workout with the best of them, but I can also eat anything and everything in sight! So, here we go again. WW has changed their program a bit and their pay structure (making what I like to do - online and meetings CHEAPER!) and I'm all in. I'm welcoming anyone who wants to join me. So that was why I am born again! Born again to be slimmer!
Now for "It pisses me off when..."
I think I am a pretty cool-headed person, usually. I mean, I do get mad about things, but not nearly what I used to. Anyway, just like anyone, there are a couple things that will ALWAYS rub me the wrong way.
1. People who spell my name wrong
I have a VERY simple name. Four letters for the first name and four for the last. I have never seen people spell a simple name, so very wrong, friends and new acquantinces alike. The correct way is "N...I...K...I." In incorrect ways I have seen it are as follows:
Nickie
Nikki
Nickey
Nikky
Nickiey
Nicci
---really, need I go on? It is really quite simple. And the fact that it gets spelled wrong on Facebook (under the correct spelling) and in emails (of which my name is PART OF) really irks me. Also, people I have known for a long time who spell my name wrong. To me it is just disrespectful. Many people are good, but some I just want to smack. Especially if they are trying to get back into my good graces because we've lost touch or whatever...come on. Four letters!
2. People who forget my birthday (and birthdays in general)
Now, I admit I have done this in the past and probably will upon occasion in the future. But this is really bad. I've dealt with it my whole life because not only does my birthday fall on my parents' anniversary (which makes their date get forgotten) but it is also right around Thanksgiving. So as a child when we tried to plan my birthday party, it would always have to be before or after, and then it wasn't fun. As a teenager when all my friends were getting balloons at school from friends on their birthdays, my friends typically forgot because they were excited they wouldn't be in school or would be out of town. I spent my 21st birthday with one of my guy friends' girlfriends at the time, because no one else was around to celebrate. When people showed up at our house for Thanksgiving, they would automatically say, "Happy Thanksgiving" and maybe hours later remember that it was my birthday too, or quite possibly my parents' anniversary, but mostly not at all. So am I sensitive about people remembering my birthday, especially close friends? Absolutely. And do I try my damndest to not forget others birthdays because I know how it feels and it sucks? You better believe it. And how annoyed do you think I am when some well-meaning person sends me a birthday message a week late, with my name misspelled? Let's just say I grit my teeth and respond, all-the-while mistakenly spelling their name wrong, to prove a point, which many times goes right over their head. Sorry, touchy subject. (For future reference, my birthday is November 23rd...mark your calendar now!) Now I realize that people's lives don't revolve around me, but it's not that hard for friends and family to put a reminder somewhere and send a card, give a call or even shoot a text. I'll take anything! Just feels good to that person and should feel good to the person sending because they made that person's day!
3. People who think they are entitled.
We covered this a while back, but to reiterate...you need to earn what you want. Every breath you take, every success you want, earn it and then I believe you deserve it. But don't tell me you are entitled to it because you put in the time, but not the effort. Nuff said.
Alright folks, it's taken me all day to write this because I've been working (read: not studying!) and now I need to eat some low points dinner and go to my WW meeting. Have a wonderful evening and eat well!
OH - if you want to subscribe via email, go to the top of the page and on the left hand side, enter your email address and click subscribe. I just always forget to say that. Night!
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