2nd Ultrasound and Blood Test

Hello again Bleaders...okay, let's wrap up our little catch up situation. But first, a HUGE shout out to My Kate over at Busted Plumbing. She did one little post about lil ole me and now I have 7 new readers!  Kate has P-O-W-E-R!  So welcome to my new readers and enjoy my little journey with me!

And a final note before we talk about the most recent doc appointment.  I got on the scale on Monday to see how bad I did in Pinetop, only to see that I lost almost 3 lbs.  I guess when you don't eat like normal, the weight just falls off...and you take out the alcohol, diet soda and sweet tea!  I just hope this keeps up.  But if my stomach is upset for the next few weeks, it just might.  Okay, on to the rest of my day!

Got up early to go to boot camp with Meanie Christinie on Tuesday, taking clothes to get ready at the gym because it's about 3 minutes from Dr. H's office, and the giant bowl-de-bribes fruit.  Informed Meanie Christinie that there would be no running and no jumping, per doc's orders.  So every time she had that on the docket, I did something else.  Still got a good workout, just no running or jumping.  Then off to the gym to shower and de-stink-e-fy and off to the doc's.  Literally, took me 3 minutes to get there and J beat me.  He was so worried he would be late that he got there at 8 am, but the office doesn't open until 8:30 am.  I got there about 8:27 am.  Dr. H got there first and saw us waiting out front, with more goodies.  I told him we had fruit today and while he said that sounded great, he also said, "but the other stuff was really yummy!"  SCORE!

He let us in and as we went to sit, the receptionist came in and eyed my bowl.  She opened the window and said, "Nikus right?"  I said yup, and then took the fruit to her so the doc's aren't having all the fun, knowing they would share it.  Another couple walked in and sat down too.  We got called back and first of course, is bloodwork.  So they stick me again.  (Let me interject here that where J got stuck a week ago had really bruised pretty badly, it looked like he was an addict or something.  We showed the nurse and she felt bad.  Also didn't help that SIL's dog scratched J along the biggest part of the bruise.  Poor guy!  I meant to have a photo, but I kept forgetting to take it and now it's practically healed.  Sorry folks.)  So I have my blood taken, yet again, and get a sparkly bandage. Then it's time for the show.

Again, to the same ultrasound room and this time Dr. H is really on time.  I tell him how boot camp went and he says the "no running and no jumping" is a great plan.  (SEE MEANIE, I TOLD YOU!) In goes the ultrasound probe and WOW, we've got follicules baby!  I think I maybe counted 6 on the right and 5 on the left that I could pick out, not including the little guys.  J even said that 2 years ago he wouldn't have known what we were looking at, but now, he was in the loop!  So Dr. H did all his measuring of the follicules and the uteran lining, and then patted me on the knee and said, "great job!"  I don't really know what I did, but yay me.  Oh, I also had to ask him if I could take my lovely cold sore medication because I woke up with the beginnings of one today...lucky me...I kind of expected it with all the hormones, and was cleared to take that prescription.  Hopefully it goes away quick!

Time to get dressed and then we need to go over my "protocol" again with nurse Pamela. I figure it hasn't changed, boy was I wrong.  Still taking Follistim, but now we get to add Ganirelix and Doxycycline.  According to Wikipedia, Ganirelix is "is an injectable gonadotropin-releasing hormone antagonist (GnRH antagonist). It is primarily used in assisted reproduction to control ovulation. The drug works by blocking the action of GnRH upon the pituitary, thus rapidly suppressing the production and action of LH and FSH. It is administered as a daily subcutaneous injection."  Won't start taking it until Thursday, with the Follistim.  Then will continue both until June 12th.  The Doxycycline is just an antibiotic to make sure we don't have any viruses, and both J and I get to take a pill in the morning and a pill in the evening.  He stops next Tuesday, I get to keep going until after my transfer is done.  Boy, am I glad we went over all this.

Head to the front to pay and then the pharmacy.  J headed for work because there wasn't much reason for him to be even later, when I was working at home.  The pharmacy was a bit difficult this morning, but we finally got everything figured out.  Also figured out that they would be closed on Sunday, and since that is my next appointment and would need more drugs, got those today...or at least thought I got those today...more on that later.  So while I am waiting, the lady I saw at Dr. H's office walks in.  I hear her conversation with the technician and realize that she's a newbie it sounds like.  After a few minutes of answering emails on my phone, I say to her, "what are you in for? IUI?"  She smiles and says, "artificial insemination?"  I say, "yup, same thing."  She asks what we are in for and I say IVF.  She does the scared face.  The "I-hope-I-don't-get -there-face" that I had years ago.  Anyway, that sparks a conversation and it's nice to actually talk to someone who's in a boat relatively similar to mine.  I tell her about the blog and she comments that that is a great idea, so you don't have to re-tell everyone the same thing all the time.  Finally, my drugs are ready and as I get up I say, "I sincerely hope that I never see you again!" and smile.  She understands and says the same thing, then her name is called.  After I am rung up and pay my $1,445(!), I write the blog address on a card and give it to her.  Always nice to have someone going through what you are.  Then, I'm out with my bag-o-tricks...more injectibles and now pills.

As the pharmacist went over some of the drugs, he gave me different information than nurse Pamela had, so I call her on my way home.  She says that he was wrong and she was right and to do what she said.  Then she asks me if I happened to get my HCG shot that is due on the 12th - again when the pharmacy is closed.  I reply, "no, I didn't think about that one."  So she says that I'll need to go back before the weekend and didn't have time to turn around and do it then.  Home to work, finally have breakfast, take my first pill, put the new drugs in the fridge and finally get some work done.  About 5 pm, my eyes demanded to be shut.  So I laid down for a little nap...felt so good.  Again, gotta love the side effects.

And with that, I'm off to find some dinner, do yet another shot and head for bed so I can hit the gym (lightly tomorrow).  Happy Thursday folks!

Catch-up

Wowee zowie Blogites, where have I been?  I tell you we started IVF and then I disappear into thin air!  So let's go back and let you know what has happened, because there is quite a bit!

June 1st - First ultrasound with Dr. H and my first blood draw.  Walked into Dr. H's office at 8:30 am sharp with pumpkin cake in hand and as I go to tell the receptionist my name, she says, "I know you, you brought the goodies yesterday!"  SCORE....my bribery worked! 

Sat for a little bit waiting to be called back and finally were.  Had my blood drawn for Estradol and STD (J's was at the Injection Class).  Easy, peasy.  Then into the room for the show.  Strip waist down and up on the table.  Dr. H came in WITH Holly H. I actually appreciated that very much.  Dr. H is always very gracious and optimistic.  Ultrasound begins and we're looking at ovaries.  No follicules to look at because I'm now off birth control and AF is supposed to show....dang it, I thought she'd be on a LONG vacation!  But Dr. H says the uteran walls look good and ready to shed.  Holly H. reminded him we were a bit early because we were going to the mountains and wouldn't be around on the 3rd.  Everything called great and they're done, taking the pumpkin cake with them and very excited about it. 

Walked out and paid our first of many fees, and asked for 2 additional purple folders that had the Doc's assessment of IVF and all the steps for the parents.  The receptionist looked at me like I had grown 2 heads.  "Why do you need 2 more?" I explained that they were for the parents to help them understand everything, especially J's since they don't read the blog.  She wasn't sure she was allowed, so I said we'd go to the pharmacy while she checked.  So much drama over two $2 books, with the amount of money we are giving them, this should be a no-brainer!  Headed for the pharmacy and got our first vial of Follistim, had brought home the "pen" to be used for injecting the day before.  Out the door having paid a whopping $784 for 4.5 shots!  YOWZA!  Back to the doc's for my folders and of course, not a big deal at all, but nobody had every asked that question!  Why not, I have no idea!  Anyway, got my books.

We headed home to finish packing and head for the mountains.  Still feeling a bit stomach-achy but made it no problems.  Got settled at the cabin and Holly H. called to tell me that my Estradol test (Estradiol is the most important form of estrogen found in the body. Most of it is made in and released from the ovaries, adrenal cortex, and the placenta, which forms during pregnancy to feed a developing baby.) level was 30, which was perfect.  Yay for starting off on the right foot!

For those of you who aren't Arizonans, Pinetop is a little town in Northern Arizona in the mountains.  It's probably 20-30 degrees cooler than Tucson, which was 100 degrees when we left and in Pinetop we went to dinner with Carl and Cheryl (my Mom's BFF) in long sleeves because it was a balmy 68 degrees!  Very nice evening to relax a bit before J's folks, sister and uncle showed up.  We were in Pinetop to spread Grandma Jo's ashes at her favorite spot which was Hawley Lake, where the family has spent many a camping trip.

June 2nd - Had a leisurely morning by ourselves, then out to explore the town a bit and find some food.  Met up with J's uncle, and then J's parents and sister.  Took them back to the cabin after hitting the grocery store and got settled.  Had a nice little dinner, then off to bed.  Fairly uneventful day.

June 3rd - Up at a decent hour, breakfast with the family, and loaded up in the cars to head to Hawley for the spreading of the ashes and some fishing.  Stomach was still a bit rocky, but we managed.  There were tears as we said our goodbyes again and picked the perfect spot.  Everyone fished and I just lounged and read a magazine for most of the day.  Stomach still feeling rocky, and finally when we got home I realized why...hello AF!  BOO!!! 

What else was significant about Friday, June 3rd?  Oh right, that was the day of my first shot of Follistim.  The Follistip pen is very interesting.  You load the cartridge and then put the needle on, and then stick yourself. 

We got back fairly late and by the time we were sitting down to dinner it was 8 pm.  My shot time is 9 pm, so about every 15 minutes I was asking J what time it was.  Finally, his uncle said, "what is so important about 9 pm?" and I said, "that's when I take my shot...my first shot."  The whole table did a kind of, "Oooohhhh!"  So dishes got done in a hurry and upstairs J and I went with the pen, the antiseptic wipes, and the sharps container (which is just an old water bottle).  I wiped the area and assembled the pen as Holly H. had shown me at my injection class, dialed up the appropriate amount, showed J to make sure I was right, and in the needle went.  I was kind of surprised how easy the needle went in, it's really small!  Hit the button to inject, and out she went.  Disassembled, and done!  Whew, first shot done.  And feel fine...headed downstairs for a little TV, and ouch...now I spoke too soon, my stomach has started to sting at the injection site and my abdomen feels like somebody filled it with foam!  So full!  Let the side-effects begin!

Finally off to bed and slept okay, but not great.  Just felt very bloated all night.  Could have been the shot.  Could have been AF.  Whatever it was, it wasn't fun.

June 4th, last day at the cabin - J woke up with kind of the same symptoms that I had last Tuesday, stomach upset and spending too much time in el bano.  But we got up and ready for another day with the family. 

MBM texted and asked if I was up, to which I replied, "yup, what's up?"  She then proceeded to tell me she had had a dream about me the night prior (remember, the night of my first shots).  The dream was that we were changing a child on a bed and it was a little boy with sandy blond hair.  She knew it was mine!  She said he was about 4 months old and she was showing me how to change him without getting peed all over!  That's all she could remember.  But she wanted me to know.  Love it!  Great omen again!  Thanks MBM!

I wasn't feeling too good either, so at breakfast I asked what was on the docket for today and everyone said, "more fishing" at which point I opted out due to the pain in my stomach and the moodiness-restlessness that I felt building up.  I love J's family, but I can only handle so much before I need a break!  So off they went, and off I went to do a little shopping, but really didn't feel much better and after lunch at my favorite place in Pinetop (Cafe Bocado) I raced as fast as the 35 mph signs would let me back to the house for a nap because my eyelids refused to stay open.  Had a nice nap, and then J texted to let me know they were on their way back and because I was really feeling much better, I started baking the potatoes and the corn his mom had brought up to eat with the steaks.  Dinner was great, and it was the very first time the whole trip that I was actually hungry...the whole rest my stomach was upset and I just really didn't have much of an appetite.

Later that evening, oh around 9 pm, it was time for shot number 2.  Same deal, J and I absconded upstairs.  He checked to make sure I had the right dose and in the shot went.  Still a little stinging later, and a little bloat, but not as bad as the night before.  I seem to get a little energy from the shot because I can't go to sleep right after, I need to wind down, possibly from the adrenaline?  Anyway, finally fell asleep and slept pretty good.

June 5th - Time to go home.  J woke up again, not feeling well at all!  But we needed to get loaded and out of the house to head for home, about a 4 hour drive.  He didn't want to eat breakfast because his stomach was not very happy at all, so he packed while we ate.  Left about 10 am and on the road.  J, again not feeling well finally asks if we can pull over and I can drive for half the trip.  I do and he's much better.  Stop in Globe, AZ (tiny town where J grew up) and have lunch at one of the favorite Mexican places, then hit the road again.  He felt a bit better and drove.  I took a minor nap, and then we were home to see the pups and kitty who were overjoyed!

After finishing the laundry, it was time for bed.  J had gone up before me but I still had to do my shot.  Since the drugs need to be stored in the fridge, they were downstairs.  And not wanting to take everything upstairs and then back downstairs to only go upstairs again, I simply did the shot by myself.  Came upstairs and J asked, "what about your shot?!"  I told him I had already done it and he looked kind of left out.  So will make sure he's a part of all future shots, and hopefully babymaking activities!

June 6th - I needed to go back to work, but J was still not feeling good so he stayed home.  A little side note here, remember a few posts back that I asked J to read the very small book and he hadn't yet, well he still hadn't and here we are almost knee deep in IVF.  I was just getting ready to bug him some more when he called me from home and told me he had read the whole thing and knew all about IVF now!  Ten points for J!   My day at work was pretty good, no immediate side effects, just a little headache around 4 pm.  Got groceries and instead of baking for Dr. H's crowd because I was just plain tired, I got a whole bunch of yummy fruit (read: healthy) and a fun dish and put it in that with some ribbon.  Again, bribery works!  Home, quick dinner, another shot and finally to bed. 


And with that I will stop.  Will update about today's Dr. appointment at another time...soon, I promise.

Night!

Injection Class

With the first step behind us, we moved onto the big second step on Tuesday afternoon...the injection class.

I woke up feeling downright awful on Tuesday morning, to the point of not going to boot camp.  Very severe stomach issues, quite possibly due to the lack of sleep from the night before due to the drama, and the nervousness of going to the doc Tuesday.  I was able to work some from home, but man was I in pain! Finally got a little sleep, some nourishment, and a shower.  Feeling a little (very little) better, and now the nerves are kicking in more as we start to drive to Dr. H's office - fertility binder and Orangies in hand.

We checked in and were told we were early for our 3:30 appt, which I swear was 3:15 but oh well.  Holly H. came to get us about 3:20 anyway and led us back to a conference room that I have never seen before.  I presented her with the Orangies saying, "This is a thank you for all the questions you have already answered and will in the future."  Then explained what they were to her.  She was very excited and gracious! Score one for us.  Then she sees "the binder."  The beautifully wrapped, exceptionally organized, fertility binder and asks what it is.  I tell her and she is impressed.  I say I would love to drop one off so people could buy if they want and she is all for it.  So will work on that later next week hopefully.  She was very happy I was so organized!

Now, time to get down to work.  She takes out this crazy looking pen thing (it's how I do my Follistim shots to grow my follicules) and shows me how to load it while I'm doing the same thing on another version.  J is watching intently, very happy that he doesn't have to do this to me, he hates needles...not that I'm a fan, but he faints at the sight.  So that process takes about 15 minutes, answering my questions along the way.  We start to go over the rest of the protocol and understand the process.

Then Holly H. goes through what happens after the eggs are taken out and hopefully create embryos.  Very intricate and interesting.  I'll probably describe that as we get there.  It finally seems like we're done and I ask what is happening tomorrow.  She says, "blood draw for Nikus and ultrasound."  I ask, "what about J's blood draw?"  (Let me remind you here that even though we both know we don't have any STDs we have to be tested before the start of the cycle just in case we have embryos that go in the freezer to be used later by a surrogate or adopted out once we use all the ones we want.  If we don't do this little blood test, we have to do the whole process again.  So we did the test.)  I can tell J isn't very happy to hear he has a blood draw because his heart is now thumping out of his chest!

Holly H. notices this too and says, "what if we just do it now so you don't have to stress about it until tomorrow?"  (Have I mentioned that I love her?!)  So he agrees and off we go for blood taking. He does great and the blood draw is over.  As J is waiting for Holly H., Dr. H comes in to drop off something for another patient and sees us.  Shakes both our hands and we say we'll see him tomorrow.

Finally we are done and we head for home, after a few quick errands.  My stomach feels a bit better, definitely some stress relieved, but still not back to normal.  Will be hitting the hay a bit early tonight.

Have a lovely short week Bleaders!

A note about the final step of IVF - the pregnancy test

Hi folks...

I've had a few questions about this...mostly because I have been so open about the whole process of IVF, what am I going to do about the last step?  The pregnancy test.

I've said it before but it bears saying again, PLEASE DON'T ASK ME IF I AM PREGNANT.  Trust me, when we know and are positive and are ready, we'll hire a sky writer!

Now here's why I can say that...a few reasons:

The pregnancy test that the doctor does will tell us that we are "chemically pregnant".  However, if we cross that barrier, then they'll continue to monitor me until they actually hear a heartbeat and finally pass me off to my OB.  So that said, I won't "officially" know on Day 28 that we are really pregnant.  I probably won't know for another month or so.  Grant me the serenity to deal with that as I will.  I will try my hardest not to go quiet altogether, but if you get so called "fluff" pieces, bear with me.

If I took a "pee test," it's very possible it could give me a false positive because some of the drugs that I will be on can create that outcome.  I haven't yet decided if we'll do this or not before the doctor's blood test.  What could be worse than having a $10 test tell you you are pregnant, celebrating, and then having a doctor tell you that you aren't.  (Besides, I don't trust pregnancy tests anymore anyway.  I don't think they work.)

And the big one I think takes a little bit more explaining....when a woman becomes naturally pregnant, without doctors and drugs and everything we have been through, it feels like most of them are "pregnant until proven otherwise," from my experience anyway.  For an infertile, that journey is very different.  It's probably backwards in fact.  We are non-believing until.....until the heartbeat, until the first ultrasound, until we know the sex, until the next ultrasound, ... until the baby is in our arms.  We've been through so much to get to that point that we often feel that it is easier to accept if we doubt the situation and are proved wrong, versus believing we actually are with child, and are proved wrong not to be pregnant.

So, there will not be a blog post on Day 28 exclaiming that "we are pregnant" or even that "IVF didn't work" whichever the case may be.  Both scenarios will be hard to swallow.  I know that sounds odd, but it's very true.  There will not be a huge text going out screaming we are with child on Day 28.  And there will be no happy phone calls, because even if the doc says we are preggers, it still has a chance to go away.  And then I have to call everyone back and tell them, "I know I said I was pregnant, but now I'm not."  That's 100 times more difficult than just saying, "nope, it didn't work this time" in the first place.

In addition, we've been waiting a long time to say those wonderful words and I'm not quite sure about J, but personally I have a slew of fun ways to tell our family and friends.  I want to be standing in front of them when I either utter those words, or show them a sign, or whatever I have locked in my brain (and no I will not tell you!).  I want to be there for the excitement.  I want to be there for the tears of joy.  And I want to be there for the hugs and jumping up and down.

I had lunch with Busted Kate over the weekend and she shared my sentiment.  Now she has something that I haven't had until yet, a full term pregnancy under her belt, complete with healthy baby boy and more miscarriages than she cares to recall (I'm imagining).  She said that up until Tucker was in her arms, and even now that he is 5 months old, she is still in shock that he is her child.  That she delivered a baby.  That she was pregnant and made it to the finish line.  She probably told people she was pregnant the first time.  And then the baby was lost, and she had to go back and tell them of that news.  The next time she probably waited longer, and the cycle repeated...each portion growing longer...waiting to tell longer that she was with child, and waiting to tell again that the baby wasn't going to be born.  I can't imagine the latter...literally, can't fathom how that feels.  I hope I never have to know.  But I might.

So.  Please.  I beg of you.  Don't ask.  You can pray.  You can tell me you are there for me.  But don't ask.  Let me tell you.  Let us tell you in our time.  Whether it be happy or sad.  We have to do it our way.

I'm grateful for you everyday folks.  You don't even know.  Now with that off my chest, I'm going back to bed.  This was writing itself in my head, and I needed to get it out for fear that I wouldn't sleep tonight.

Bless you for traveling down this road with me.  Hopefully our journey is taking a turn for the better straight ahead.