Nikus' Road

A poem and 2 updates

2012-01-29T17:10:00.001-07:00

I know I said I would try and not be so tardy this week, but I am. Today I am 29 weeks, but I have yet to post the 28 week post. Sorry folks...it's been a busy couple of days.

But first, here is a poem that one of the invitees to my shower wrote in her card. She's also a client, and mentions the name of my company, so sorry, but I have omitted that. Such a great poem and will always be treasured!

Untitled
Whether a girl or boy,
So much love, so much joy!
Will fill our hearts with years of glee
Until the wee one reaches three.

Look out mom, look out dad
Can it be a genius we've had?
This darling child, to our remorse
Will chat endlessly (in sentences of course).

Speaking Spanish, German, French
before the 16th year,
Playing Chopin, Bach, Beethoven
and has a perfect ear!

Graduate from Harvard
before age 21
Not surprising us at all
while having lots of fun!

Suma Cum Laude in Economics
before age 25
Now CEO and owner of:
(you guessed it) _________!

Such a fun poem from a great lady!!! I've contemplated writing it up and putting it up in Baby Girl's room, however don't want to overwhelm her at such a young age!

And now for the 28 week update....
Week 28 of Pregnancy: Fetal Brain Activity
Your developing baby, who this week weighs in at about two and a half pounds and stands — or rather lies — at almost 16 inches (measured head to toe) has added blinking, coughing, and more intense sucking to his or her growing bag of tricks.

Are you dreaming about your baby? At 28 weeks pregnant, your baby may be dreaming about you, too. Brain wave activity measured in a developing fetus shows different sleep cycles, including the rapid eye movement phase, the stage when dreaming occurs.

By now, your baby, who weighs in at about two and a half pounds and stands — or rather lies — at almost 16 inches (measured head to toe) has added blinking to his or her growing bag of tricks. (Outside in the real world, blinking is necessary to help keep foreign objects out of the eyes.) Other impressive new talents being added to your baby's roster in the womb include coughing, more intense sucking, and, perhaps most important, better breathing. Of course, it's still best if a baby doesn't check out of that uterine hotel just yet — there's still a lot of growing and maturing to do over the next 12 weeks.

It's a short one! So we'll go straight to the 29 week update and get me caught up! And I've commented in blue this time.
Week 29 of Pregnancy
Your baby's packing on the pounds, which look so cute on her. If only you could say the same for your varicose veins….

Your Baby in Week 29 of Pregnancy

How big is your baby this week? She weighs nearly three pounds now and measures about 17 inches. Though she's getting pretty close to her birth length, she still has to chub out a bit. In fact, over the next 11 weeks, she'll more than double — or even come close to tripling — her weight. And as she grows and the room in your womb gets tighter, you'll be less likely to feel those big kicks and more likely to get poked by an elbow or jabbed by a knee.

Your Body in Week 29 of Pregnancy

Unsightly yet harmless, varicose veins are simply swollen blood vessels that often surface on your body for the first time during pregnancy, especially if your mom or grandma had them. You may have a mild case (minor achiness and swelling) or you may be unlucky enough to experience real pain and bulging blue veins, usually from the ankle to the upper thigh. There are things you can do to alleviate this veiny situation, including watching your weight, keeping your blood flowing, and avoiding heavy lifting. None to speak of, let's hope that continues!

Week 29 Pregnancy Tip: Counting Baby's Kicks

Have you counted your baby's kicks today? Once you've passed week 28, you should be counting them every day. To make sure that you do — and to make sure that everything's A-OK in your belly — make a habit of counting your baby's kicks twice a day, once in the morning and once at night. Best to do your counting lying down (since babies are more likely to kick up when Mom's lying down — a pattern they tend to continue after they're born). If you can't lie down, sit. Count any and all movements (even swishes and rolls) until you hit ten. If you haven't reached ten within an hour (your little Rockette may just be on her break right now), have a light snack and try again — that blood-sugar rush is likely to get baby on the move again. Just remember that fewer than ten movements within two hours warrants a call to your practitioner. Chances are everything's fine, but it's always better to be safe than sorry. I keep saying she's very active, guess it is time to find out for sure.

Week 29 Pregnancy Symptoms

Constipation: Pregnancy hormones cause your muscles (including those in your bowel) to relax, which can cause your system to get backed up. One way to get on track is to eat yogurt with the probiotic acidophilus (look for yogurt brands that contain “live active cultures”) since these beneficial bacteria can aid in digestion and help get things moving. I feel like I head for the bathroom numerous times a day - yesterday it was 9! I think I'm okay!

Occasional headaches: When a headache (even a migraine) hits, alleviate pain by lying down in a quiet, dark room with a cold compress on your neck or forehead. I did have a migraine last week, bummer, they might be back for the long haul.

Hemorrhoids: If the veins in your rectum have begun to bulge and pop out (as a result of increased pressure and blood flow to the pelvic area), reduce discomfort and irritation by using gentle wipes or warm water on soft toilet paper after bowel movements and, of course, drinking lots of fluids so your stool isn't hard. Again, thankfully NO!

Forgetfulness: No wonder your brain feels especially foggy these days — hormones are wreaking havoc on your memory and your brain-cell volume actually decreases during the third trimester. Try not to take this temporary pregnancy symptom to heart — stressing about it will only cloud your pregnancy brain even more. What were we talking about? Yup, this is full force. See Mom, I'm not making it up!

Itchy abdomen: Your stretched-out belly can cause your skin to become dry and itchy. Apply moisturizer regularly and consider soaking in a warm oatmeal bath to ease the itch. I lotion the belly every morning and every night, and I still itch occasionally.

Skin, hair, and nail changes: Even though your nails may be growing faster than ever, pregnancy hormones may also cause them to become dry and brittle. Trim them regularly. Mani-pedi time!!

Difficulty sleeping: If heartburn is keeping you up at night, avoid eating too much and chowing down too close to bedtime. Also, avoid coffee or chocolate in the evening since these energizers will make it harder for you to get to sleep. Caffeine used to not affect me, but I am seeing that if I have tea before bed I have trouble sleeping. So am opting not to do that. Usually, I sleep pretty well, especially after a busy day, but sometimes when I wake up to go to the bathroom, going back to sleep is difficult. Guess I should get used to that huh?

Whew! That's a lot of info! Chew on that and I'll post later in the week...PROMISE!!

Showering me with love

2012-01-24T15:45:00.000-07:00

Hello my Lovelies! How are you doing? We've had quite the exciting weekend!!

First off, Sunday was the beginning of my third trimester. I'm amazed! I swear, and I'm not just saying this, that every day I still can't believe I have a baby girl in my belly. I also am starting to get a little bit more scared at the thought that in just about 12 weeks I will be somebody's mother!!! I'm very much looking forward to our Childbirth classes with the hopes that they'll give us enough info to get us over the hump!

And before I forget, here's the photo I eluded to a few posts ago from my friend's shower with all the preggos. I'm on the far right, 2nd in (red and black). We are in order of most preggo (right) to least preggo (left).

Now for the events of the past week...

Thursday - my Grandma (soon to be Great-Grandma) came over (she is in town from Iowa visiting my parents for a month) since my parents were at a convention. She hadn't ever seen our house before and fell in love with it just like we did. We had a nice dinner and got some rest in preparation for the busy weekend ahead.

Friday - Grandma and I got up early and went to the gym to work out - she's very active! She walked on the treadmill and I did my normal routine. We came home, I worked for a while while she prepped some of the food for J's diaper party on Saturday. She also vacuumed my house and cleaned up a bit (THANKS GRANDMA!!) Ran an errand early on and hit the grocery store on the way home for flour and canned beans - two items I had missed on the day before's big shopping trip. Back home to work on creating potato salad and 60 (yes, 60!) deviled eggs only to discover we didn't have enough mayo or mustard. So back to the store again (and J would go back the next day for bottled water!) and finally home to finish our prep work. Grandma and I made a huge bowl of potato salad, 60 deviled eggs, 35 cornbread muffins, pulled chicken and beans! That evening my cousin was flying in from Cali for the following day's shower...and there was yucky weather so instead of being here at 5 pm, she ended up here at 7:30 pm. Long day for all of us. Picked her up, grabbed some Eegee's on our way home and finally made it home for some down time. Big day the next day!!

Saturday - A lot to do! Up early to get final things ready. J threw the ribs in the smoker and we made final preparations. We (Grandma, Cousin, and I) left the house about 10:30 am to go to Mom and Dad's house for my shower, while my Dad made his way to my house for J's Diaper Party. All the food came out (I assume) at my house and nine-tenths of it was eaten up...boys eat A LOT! J smoked 8 racks of ribs in addition to all the stuff listed above and when we got back from my shower the only things left was one-third of the bowl of potato salad, 4 (out of 60) deviled eggs, and a few ribs. Everything else was obliterated!!! It looked like the guys had a great time and J had a stack of diapers and wipes to prove it. I'd also asked the guys to sign a page for the scrapbook around the invite for our keeping and possibly give a bit of advice. MBM's bro-in-law (who has 2 very young daughters of his own and is a cop) had the best advice of the day, "It's a girl, keep the guns loaded!" So very sweet?

Back to my shower.... Mom had already set up most of the house with little outfits hung here and there, balloons, etc. and it looked great. People started arriving about noon and in came the presents! Mom had also arranged a little craft for everyone to do. My aunt (my visiting cousin's mom) is a quilter. So Mom and Grandma had cut out a variety of squares for shower guests to decorate, which my aunt will then make into a quilt. Isn't that a great idea?! So one more present on the way!

We had Eeegee's again (but not the same thing we'd picked up from the airport) for lunch and as always, it was yummy! Then the present opening began....and continued...and continued. Here's a few of my favorites.

This is a homemade knitted blanket from my pediatrician's wife (no I still don't go to him as my doc, but they are clients and good friends of the family). She also made a hat and booties! So sweet.

This is a homemade quilt from J's Mom's best friend. Totally a shocker to me since I've only met her at our wedding, but so gorgeous! He was blown away too!

A little U of A hat and outfit made by my Mom's BFF (seen in the pic as well as she was taking notes for me). So cute!

A purple, girly piggy bank from surrogate Aunts and friends and clients of ours! So very cute! Gotta start baby girl's college fund sometime!

And a onesie from my cousin that says "Miss April!" How adorable is that?!

We also played a game where all my guests wrote down advice for me and I had to guess whose advice it was. I failed miserably at guessing, but the advice was great! I had made a page for safe keeping in my scrapbook with the invite and everyone signed around it so I remembered who was there. All in all, a very fun party and so much appreciated for all the stuff! We've still got a lot to get, but at least I feel a little better about all we got.

And here's a 4 generation picture of the family that was at the shower. Grandma is far left, I'm next (with baby girl in my belly), then cousin Gail, then Mom.

So after all was said and done, presents somewhat put away and relaxed a bit, we headed to J's best friend's house for his birthday party celebration. Three parties in one day. I was spent and apparently so was J, because he came to find me for once at the party and wanted to go home...usually I have to drag him out, but he was beat! Great day with so many people we love very dearly!

28 week update to come soon....hopefully before we hit 29 weeks!

Way late - 27 week update

2012-01-22T16:38:00.000-07:00

Hi folks, I know this is way late (since I am 28 weeks today!) but I didn't want to miss out on posting it. So here is my 27 week update. Will blog later with 28 week update and baby shower deets! Again, my comments are in red.

Week 27 of Pregnancy
Your baby moves on to a whole new growth chart this week, while your swollen feet and ankles may need a growth chart of their own. (Sadly, I think we are on our way to this one!)

Your Baby in Week 27 of Pregnancy
For a baby, it's time to trade in the old crown-to-rump measurement for a new head-to-toe standard. So what are your baby’s stats this week (which, coincidentally, is the end of the second trimester)? Fifteen inches — more than a foot long — and triple (or even quadruple) what it was in week 12. His weight is creeping up the charts as well, coming in at just over two pounds. More big news: Your baby may recognize your voice by now, so feel free to serenade your belly (start learning those lullabies!). (There's no singing here, but there is plenty of talking to baby girl by many people!)

Your Body in Week 27 of Pregnancy
Puffy? That's to be expected — about 75 percent of soon-to-be moms experience edema (mild swelling of the hands, feet, and ankles) around this point in pregnancy. That's because fluids build up in your body tissues thanks (or no thanks) to increased blood flow and uterine pressure on the vena cava (the large vein that cycles blood from your lower limbs to your heart). So while you may have a hard time squeezing into shoes or getting your rings on (or off), keep in mind that the puff factor is completely normal and temporary. (I have noticed this a bit in my ankles, and am worried they are beginning to look like cankles. So if you don't see me baring the ankle-to-calf portion of my legs these days, this is probably why.)

Week 27 Pregnancy Tip: Your New Navel
Has your innie been outed? Is it poking straight through your clothes these days, like a timer on a well-cooked turkey? Don't worry: There's nothing novel about navels that pop during pregnancy — just about every belly button does at some point. Still, two questions may now come to mind as you glance down at your bulging belly: One — what can you do now that your protruding navel has taken on a larger-than-life life of its own? And two — will your button ever be…cute as a button again? On the first, there's not much you can do (though this is a great opportunity to clean out all that lint). As your baby grows bigger and bigger, so will your belly button. If you find that the outie look doesn't quite work with the fashion statement you're trying to make, consider taping your protruding navel down with a Band-Aid. As far as what will happen postbaby? Your navel will revert inward after you give birth — though it might be a bit wider and looser than before. My advice: Wear your reconfigured belly button proudly. (Nope, we aren't here yet. I've always felt that I had a very deep belly button and now it is less of a cavern and more of a small dip. So I anticipate the "pop" could happen at any time. MBM calls it the turkey baster and says, "when it pops, baby is done!" No popping here just yet!)

Week 27 Pregnancy Symptoms
Flatulence: Your growing uterus may be putting extra pressure on your rectum, causing you to lose some control over the muscles in your rear. Add your sluggish digestive system to the equation (thanks to pregnancy hormones that relax intestinal muscles) and you may find that you’re particularly gassy. Try to eat six small meals a day (instead of three large ones) so you don’t overtax your digestive system. (I'm still Burpy Magee, but thankfully, that's where it stops!)
Occasional faintness or dizziness: If you thought your days of feeling light-headed were over after your first trimester, think again; for some women, that bulging belly puts pressure on blood vessels, which reduces blood flow to the brain and causes dizziness. Keep blood circulating and pumping to your brain by drinking plenty of water each day. (Thankfully no, just hard to get out of chairs and off the ground at this point.)
Possible nasal congestion: High levels of estrogen and progesterone increase blood flow to the mucous membranes in your nose, causing them to swell. If your stuffy nose is making it hard for you to breathe at night — or making you snore — try wearing a nasal strip at bedtime to open up your nostrils. (In the morning when I just get up, you betcha. Rest of the day isn't so bad. I try to sleep propped up a bit and that seems to help. No complaints from J just yet, although he's been snoring an awful lot lately!)
Restless legs syndrome (RLS): For some expectant women, it may feel as if their legs take on a life of their own — tingling and jittery — especially when they lie down at night. Talk to your practitioner about this (in some women RLS is linked to iron-deficiency anemia or a sensitivity to certain foods), and consider yoga or other relaxation techniques, which may help. (The only tingling I get is in my feet when I've been on the elliptical machine at the gym and Trainer says this is perfectly normal - preggo or not!)
Symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD): This weird pregnancy symptom develops when the hormone relaxin makes the ligaments in your pelvic joint too relaxed and stretchy, causing the pelvic joint to become unstable. If this is causing you pain, ask your practitioner about wearing a pelvic support belt (available online), which stabilizes the ligaments and helps keep the pelvic joint in place. (Again, haven't noticed this lately at all thankfully.)
Bleeding gums: Inflamed and irritated gums are quite common during pregnancy since ramped-up hormones may cause gums to swell and leave your mouth more vulnerable to bacteria and plaque. When you brush your teeth, remember to brush your tongue as well to minimize the amount of bacteria in your mouth. (I actually did witness this the other day and a few times since. I have a dentist appointment next week, so we'll see how that goes.)
Skin, hair, and nail changes: Pregnancy hormones can cause hyperpigmentation of the skin — particularly if you have darker skin to begin with. This can result in darker freckles or moles, a dark line down the center of your tummy (linea nigra), or patches of darkened skin on your face (called chloasma). Don’t worry, most discolorations fade a few months after giving birth — just do your best to stay in the shade since sunlight can intensity hyperpigmentation.(I have a couple places on my face that I think have darkened and I definitely have the line down my belly.)

Okay, back to me. Every time I read these updates, I am truly amazed! I can't believe 1) I am actually pregnant, 2) I am this far along pregnant, and 3) in a few short months J and I will be parents. Even though I am technically beginning my 3rd trimester today (28 weeks, even this says 27 weeks - told you I was late) I'm still amazed each and every day.

Alright, will post later about my shower that was yesterday, J's diaper party that was also yesterday and my 28 week update. Have a wonderful week Bleeps!

Holy cow...

2012-01-15T16:56:00.000-07:00

Hello my Blogettes (that's a new one!). I hope you have had as great a week as I. It's been crazy, but awesome. Where to begin?

On Tuesday, we got notification that the closing for our old house that we were trying (but failing) at renting out was coming up on Thursday and we had to scramble a bit to get our affairs in order. Everything ended smoothly and I can happily say that we now own only one home! YAY! Huge burden off our shoulders as you can imagine. Whew!

Thursday after closing, I called Dr. OB's office with a few questions, namely "What are my glucose test results?" I was happily informed that after all my worry and strife, my test came back normal and I do not have gestational diabetes. Double Whew!

Friday, J and I were notified that the house had officially recorded as the new owners and we were free and clear! Hip-hip-hooray! Friday, I also learned that my cousin in Cali is coming to my shower next weekend! Haven't seen her in ages and am so excited she'll be here next weekend for some great cousin fun!

Saturday, J and I met with two women who are Doulas. We learned a lot. Wait, should I explain what a Doula is? First off, there are 2 different types of Doulas: prenatal and post-natal. Prenatal is the Doula who is in the labor room with you, coaching you through breathing, etc. Post-natal is the Doula who helps you figure out how this baby thing works and how to care for it and keep your sanity. These two ladies are Post-natal Doulas. Very nice ladies and interesting to learn about. One of the ladies said it best when explaining themselves by saying, "We're grandmothers without the baggage." I keep telling people that "this is my first time and we'll figure out (whatever they are asking me) when we get there." This is one of those things we'll figure out. Should we use them or not? Not sure, but definitely on the radar if we want/need them.

Saturday afternoon, J and I began to assemble the baby furniture. We had 3 huge boxes taking up all the room in the nursery, so we began opening them and putting them together. We started a bit late on Saturday, maybe 3 or 4 pm, so we only finished the 4-drawer dresser. But this morning (Sunday) we got up and finished the 3-drawer changing table and crib. We re-organized the room, put in the pieces like the bookshelf my grandfather made for me as a kid, as well as the table and chairs for a child, and baby-doll crib, and now the room actually looks like a room instead of a storage unit. Soon, it will be full of more baby stuff than we can ever imagine, but at least now, there's room for that and we can begin decorating. And, we didn't kill each other in the process. Got a little frustrated sometimes with shoddy directions, but got it all figured out. What number whew am I on? Triple Whew!

Next weekend will be a busy one. J has his Diaper Party at our house (yet another reason the nursery had to look somewhat nice), my cousin flies in from Cali for my shower which is happening at the same time J's party is but at my Mom's house, and there will be a bunch of cooking for J's party that has to get done, as well as a mani-pedi for me before my party! But it will all be fun!

Alright kiddos, I'm out for now. Have a lovely week and I promise to post pics of the nursery, when it is done, but not yet!

26 week update - WOW, 6.5 months!

2012-01-10T13:49:00.003-07:00

Holy cow, I am six and a half months pregnant. That's amazing. And I feel like we've done nothing to prepare. This month and from now on will be all about preparations for Baby Girl. Here's this week's update on her progress - the notes in red are my take on the subject:
Week 26 of Pregnancy
Major excitement: Your baby opens her eyes! On the flip side, you might wish yours would stay closed so you could get some sleep.
Your Baby in Week 26 of Pregnancy
What's up with your baby? She now weighs a full two pounds and measures nine-plus inches. And this week, her eyes, which until now were developing under fused eyelids, start to open. Of course, there's not much to see in there, but if your baby spots a bright light (or hears a loud noise) near your belly, you may notice an increase in fetal activity. (“Hey, I'm in here, Mommy! Where’s the party!”) What accounts for that response? Her brain is more developed and sophisticated.
Your Body in Week 26 of Pregnancy
If a full night's rest has become elusive, welcome to the (sleepless) world of pregnancy insomnia. Between heartburn and leg cramps, bathroom runs and that big beach ball (with its protruding navel!) beneath your nightie, it's no wonder your body's having trouble calming down and drifting off. But there are lots of tactics to try that should help keep you in bed (and asleep!) instead of pacing the floor; these include daytime exercise, a daily dose of fresh air, and limiting fluids before you hit the hay. I'm okay as far as sleep goes. I might wake up once a night to go to the bathroom or roll over because I'm uncomfortable, but otherwise, sleep does not ellude me!
Week 26 Pregnancy Tip: Baby's Movements in the Womb
Feel like you're carrying the Karate Kid with all the kicking going on? Your baby is actually practicing all kinds of movements that will eventually be used in life on the outside — including pedaling against your belly, a sort of prewalking skill. As your baby's nervous system becomes more developed, the movements will become much more coordinated. And as the baby gets bigger and stronger, the movements will become much more powerful…and occasionally, even painful to you. If your baby lands a good one, that tiny left hook might hurt — a lot. Another trick she may try — stretching that leg out so far that the foot becomes lodged between your ribs (ouch). Next time you come under attack, try changing positions or doing some stretches of your own. You can also gently push your baby back with your hand when your knee-jerker jerks a little too hard. You just might be able to send your slugger back into the corner of the ring! I have told many that Baby Girl will be a gymnast, dancer, or acrobat when she comes out with all the moving she does. I wish I could share it with more people by grabbing a hand and letting them feel, but I think Baby Girl knows when I am alone and can enjoy it because it seems that that is the most often time she moves.
Week 26 Pregnancy Symptoms
Bloating: Your expanding uterus continues to put more and more pressure on your stomach and intestines, resulting in the bloating you probably feel. Minimize the problem by eating several small meals a day instead of three large ones so that you don’t overload your digestive system. I'm very burpy (as J noted to the doc last Tuesday), so that might be a symptom of bloating, but I don't feel bloated.
Increased vaginal discharge: If you’re tempted to use special washes and wipes marketed to keep the vagina clean or odor-free, don’t bother. They can be irritating and change the pH in your genital tract. Instead, bathe frequently and wear panty liners (if you like) to stay clean and dry.
Occasional headaches: Some women who have a history of migraines have them more often when they’re pregnant (some lucky ducks experience fewer of them), so don’t be surprised if yours flare up more these days. Since strong migraine medications are probably off-limits for you now, consider holistic therapies such as acupuncture, biofeedback, massage, meditation, and yoga (these techniques can also help reduce stress, which is a migraine trigger). Thankfully, I haven't had any migraines since the first trimester (knock-on-wood).
Forgetfulness: Has “pregnancy brain” caused you to forget some crucial meetings or bits of information lately? While this decrease in memory is temporary and totally normal, try writing key things down in a trusty notepad or your PDA to help you stay organized for the rest of your pregnancy. I don't think I have forgotten anything....have I?
Clumsiness: Your loosened joints, shifted center of gravity, and added weight are just a few of the factors that cause you to slip, trip, and fall more often than usual. This clumsiness is temporary, but for now, be extra careful in the tub, shower, and on other slippery surfaces. I still feel pretty stable on my feet. I am not really wearing my heels anymore unless it is for a special occasion (showers, parties, etc) but not to work anymore. So I don't think I'm very clumsy.
Lower abdominal achiness: If the “growing pains” caused by your expanding uterus (technically called round ligament pain) are feeling particularly achy lately, get off your feet when you can and get as comfortable as possible. Also, remember to shift positions slowly so as not to aggravate the pain. Not too bad. We seem to be out of this stage for now.
Vision changes: If your eyes are feeling irritated, that’s probably because pregnancy hormones decrease tear production, which leads to dry eyes. Use eye drops to ease the discomfort, and be sure to tell your practitioner if you develop serious vision problems since this could be a sign of gestational diabetes or high blood pressure. I have always had extremely wet eyes. Even when I had LASIK surgery years ago, the doc was amazed how wet my eyes were and took me off the prescribed drops ahead of time. No vision changes either.

Well, that's about it folks. Have a wonderful week and talk to you soon! And a very happy birthday to Meanie Christinie whose birthday is today! Love you chica!

Baby showers have new meaning

2012-01-08T09:48:00.000-07:00

Hello Bleeps. Even with the new year and the holidays ending, our activities still have us finding little time for ourselves. The nursery furniture sits in there, in boxes, un-put-together. We'll get there as soon as a couple things get handled.

Yesterday, was my first baby shower since we found out we are pregnant. And it was a completely different experience than ever before. Besides the fact that I had an excuse not to be in the best shape of my life amongst the beautiful girls, I was all ears for advice and products that would make pregnancy and child rearing a little easier. Before we were pregnant, baby showers could be a bit disarming and depressing. Every woman was talking about their children, their children's achievements, their pregnancies, etc. I didn't have any stories to share, except trial and failure. Not the brightest star to talk to at the shower. Especially in showers where I randomly knew the honoree, I was sometimes left by myself to the side to watch and wait for the end of the shower when I could dash out and breathe a sigh of relief.

Yesterday's shower was for a friend of mine from high school, Joyous (not her real name, but what I've always called her). She is a gorgeous lady, especially 7 months pregnant. She and I shared the same doctor and while we when through IVF, she suceeded in her second or third attempt of IUI (which we had tried 3 times as well in 2009). We had lost touch a bit over the years and randomly run into one-another at my gym when she bought a Groupon to participate in a special Trainer was running. Joyous is a pharmaceutical rep and was asking me who my docs were and if I liked them, then Dr. H's name popped up and she said that he was her doc too, but not for sales. Thus began the Infertility conversation and our friendship got stronger. It was awesome having the face of someone with Infertility that I could touch (not that you Bleeps aren't my salvation), but it's so different when you have someone in front of you that can "share your shoes." Ever since, we've compared notes and kept up with each other to see where we stood on progress, etc.

Her shower was yesterday and was a whole different ballgame. Besides learning new tricks and products, I got awed over. And this wasn't even my shower. There were other women we'd gone to high school with there who are Facebook friends of mine or read the blog that I haven't seen in forever, who were excited to see ME and rub MY belly. Strangers at the shower would ask me questions about when I was due and how I was feeling, offer advice for different aspects (I took notes!), and as Joyous opened her mountain of presents, I took notes of what she got that I didn't register for and heard what other mother's said as she opened those, and decided to register for them or not. Probably my favorite thing that she opened (and I registered for the minute I got home) were Rock-a-Bye Baby CDs. They are CDs of music by artists that the parents like (U2, Metallica, The Beach Boys, etc....and there are a lot) toned down to "baby-lullaby mode." The raves about them are out of site, but parents can listen to them instead of children's music and they still calm or relax the baby. LOVE THIS IDEA! I had made Joyous a blanket (my 36th! - I had to look it up). It was the only handmade present and she loved it to pieces. Always makes my day there too!

Plus, I wasn't the only other preggo at the shower. There were probably 7 of us and there was a photo taken of all of our bellies. We stood in order of most-pregnant to least and I'm hoping the picture will go up on Facebook soon so I can share it. So there were others to oooh and aaaah over and get advice or compare notes with. All in all, after a bit of a slow start as people got there and I knew more and more guests, it was great. But now I am really looking forward to the two showers I have coming up because they'll be honoring ME for once. Something I have dreamed of for so very long.

Before the shower I had my first stranger touch my belly. We're trying to sell some lamps we have on Craigslist and I was meeting with someone to sell her one. I had told her I could meet her a before a baby shower I was going to. When we found each other (in the Blockbuster parking lot), I popped out of the car and her first words were "Is it your shower you are going to?!" I smiled and said no, and before anything else was said her hand popped out and rubbed my belly. She was very sweet and surprisingly enough, it didn't bother me one bit. She wasn't completely random as we'd been texting over the last two days to figure out where to meet to get the lamps, but it still was great. I guess I'm just so excited to be pregnant, that I don't care who rubs my belly and I'm very happy that they now know I am pregnant and not just "hefty."

On an entirely different note, J said something the other night that I need to document. We were sitting and I asked him if he still found me attractive now that I have my "great big fat belly". He said the greatest thing back. He said, "Of course. And it's not a fat belly, it's a beautiful little girl." He may not be a romantic in the movie-type sense of the word, but boy does he say the right thing...and a lot.

Alright folks, will update with 26 week progress Tuesday. Have a wonderful Sunday!

PS: One year ago today in Tucson was a very tragic day. Here's the post I did last year. However, today we are remembering those who survived and persevered that day, and the heroes that were born. Please take a minute to thank God that there were people brave enough to take down the crazy monster that started the shooting, that many of the people who were wounded were too strong to be taken down by an insane man's bullets, and that justice will be served to him very soon!

First post of the new year and 25 weeks pregnant to boot

2012-01-03T16:51:00.000-07:00

Hello my lovelies and a most-happy-new-year to you all! It's been a very busy weekend and I'm still wondering what day it is because of the days off from work. But here we go with a quick (I hope) synopsis of the holiday, where we stand after Dr. OB's appointment today and the 25 week update.

First off, our holiday events. J and his buddies always go camping on New Year's Eve. Many friends ask me why I am okay with that and I just say that we never have anything huge planned, and it's tradition. I'm surely not going camping when the low temp is 30 degrees, and doubly sure not going camping when there is no indoor plumbing and I am 6 months pregnant. Not-gonna-do-it. So he left Saturday morning and came home Monday afternoon. He always comes back tired and dirty ... not my cup-o-tea either. But he says he had fun and he knows this may be the last trip before Baby Girl comes. Saturday, after he left, I hit the gym. I hadn't gone Friday (as I usually do) because for some reason I was just exhausted. So I opted for Saturday to try and change my workout a little bit and add some more cardio. Trainer always tells me that "labor is cardio" so I need to build up my endurance. Worked out, hit the grocery store for New Year's Eve party fixin's, home to make stuff to take to MBM's in-laws' NYE chill-party, showered and picked up by MBM's parents. We had a grand time eating, laughing and just hanging out. Of course, with the knowledge of Baby Girl's initials the topic of conversation became what her name would be. If I thought my parents and J's parents were bad, they were nothing compared to 9 people doing it all at the same time. After what felt like forever (maybe an hour!) of guessing, they finally figured the names out and I had promised I would tell them when they hit it. Sorry to say folks, they ALL ARE STILL SWORN TO SECRECY THOUGH! Watched the ball drop and the highlight of my evening was MBM's sister's 2 year old walking around with a champagne flute partially full of apple cider clinking glasses with everyone at midnight, and then-after, every time she took a sip! So cute! Or "Oatmeal Man" but you had to be there to understand that joke. Got home about 1 am and to bed about 1:30 am.

Sunday, slept in a bit, then showered and headed to Mom and Dad's for a New Year's Day brunch with friends of the family. Very low-key, but fun. My Mom's Mom (Grandma E) flew in that day to spend a month at Mom and Dad's, so she was picked up that afternoon and I think a little excited to actually SEE me pregnant (as she walked in the door, she dropped whatever she was carrying to give me a huge hug!). Caught up with her a bit, then home to rest and head for bed earlier than the night before.

Monday I really slept in and dawdled. Finally up and ready to attack taking down decorations, organizing and getting ready for 2012. To say it was a busy day is underestimated. I did a lot...took down all the Christmas decorations in the house, washed all the linens on our bed, organized the pantry and refrigerator (getting rid of things opened that we haven't eaten/don't like/passed their expiration date), swept, vacuumed, put all the important (birthdays, anniversaries, etc) dates on new calendars and put them up around the house, took out trash from all the rooms, and probably 3 other things that I can't remember. J got home about 2 pm and unloaded, then cleaned the yard. By 9 pm, we were both in bed, however I couldn't fall asleep until maybe 11 or 12. BOO.

So that wraps up our holiday events. Today we had our monthly visit at Dr. OB's and J was able to come with me this time. Blood-pressure check and weight (ugh). Blood-pressure is great, as usual. Weight, not bad, but still gaining more than I'd like. Doc says nothing to worry about for the baby, but I just have to lose it afterwards and that is the battle. I'll get it done, don't you worry! We talked about my burping (which happens like 20 times or more a day) and she explained it is normal and nothing to worry about, but not much can be done to fix it. She asked if I had any more incidents like 2 weeks ago and I said no and still taking Zantac every day twice. Got our 30 week ultrasound scheduled (this is to monitor the cyst in Baby Girl's brain) and next appointment with her, then we'll start going twice a month. New insurance has kicked in so the doc's office can finally bill us and get their money, haven't paid them a dime all the time as they patiently waited for the better insurance. Talk about awesome people! I can't believe we are almost to the 3rd trimester folks! Oh, and I need to go in for my glucose test to see if I have gestational diabetes...yuck. Pray that I don't!

And with that, I give you our 25 week update....
Your Baby in Week 25 of Pregnancy
Your baby is growing by leaps and bounds, reaching nine inches in length and passing the pound and a half mark. Under his skin, capillaries are forming and filling with blood and by week's end, air sacs (also lined with capillaries) will develop in his lungs, getting them ready for that first breath. Mind you, those lungs aren't ready for prime time just yet — but they are developing surfactant, a substance that will help them expand after birth. And speaking of breathing, your baby's tiny nostrils, which have been plugged up until now, are starting to open, and his vocal chords are getting ready to roar.
Your Body in Week 25 of Pregnancy
Let's face it, some pregnancy ailments are a real pain in the butt, especially hemorrhoids! More than half of all pregnant women experience swollen, itchy veins in the rectum due to that big old uterus pressing down — as well as to increased blood flow to the area. And while they're not dangerous to your body, hemorrhoids can be downright painful — so try your best to avoid them by eating right (and avoiding constipation, which aggravates those pesky piles), doing pelvic-floor exercises (Kegel exercises), and trying not to strain when you poop. With any luck, they’ll go away after delivery (and yes, you probably are getting tired of hearing that phrase!).
Week 25 Pregnancy Tip: Dental Health
Want to keep your baby safely inside you until term? Put your dental floss where your mouth is. Surprisingly, research links good dental health and oral hygiene with longer pregnancies. Sounds crazy — doesn't it? Crazy, but true. Something as simple as brushing your teeth at least twice a day and flossing regularly can reduce the risk of gingivitis — a common condition in which your gums become inflamed, red, and even begin to bleed. Untreated gingivitis (that's where the regular dental checkups come in) can progress to periodontitis — a more serious infection of the teeth — which has been linked to premature birth and even an increased risk of preeclampsia. Keep on top of your teeth, and that old (untrue) wives' tale — the one that claims that a woman loses a tooth with each pregnancy — can finally be put to rest.
Week 25 Pregnancy Symptoms
Heartburn or indigestion: Does it feel as if stomach acids are burning up your esophagus and setting fire to your chest? Always have some Tums or Rolaids nearby so you can cool your heartburn as soon as it strikes. (Taking Zantac every morning and night to avoid future occurences of this)
Snoring: Snoring is quite common during pregnancy since increased blood flow to mucous membranes in your nose can cause congestion. But if you find your snoring is seriously interfering with your sleep, this could be a sign that you have sleep apnea (which can deprive you of oxygen) — so ask your practitioner about it. (J hasn't woken me up complaining of this, more me complaining of his!)
Tingling hands (carpal tunnel): Increased blood volume during pregnancy can cause swelling that puts pressure on nerves in the wrists, resulting in carpal tunnel syndrome. Ask your practitioner about wearing wrist braces, or consider trying acupuncture to alleviate the pain and tingling.(I have noticed this more, and it takes more time for it to go away.)
Varicose veins: The extra blood volume you produce during pregnancy also puts pressure on your blood vessels and causes them to bulge, resulting in varicose veins. Help keep blood circulating by avoiding clothes that are binding. (Thankfully no)
Symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD): If you’re feeling pain in the pelvic area, you may be experiencing SPD, caused by relaxed and stretchy ligaments that normally keep your pelvic joint (the symphysis pubis) aligned. Stay on top of your Kegel exercises and pelvic tilts, which will strengthen the muscles in that region, and if pain is severe, ask your practitioner for a referral to a physical therapist.(A little bit, but I'm working on the kegels).
Restless legs syndrome (RLS): As if you didn’t have enough to worry about with tingling hands, you may also feel a tingling in your legs accompanied by an urge to move them. Ask your practitioner to test you for iron-deficiency anemia since some experts think it’s linked to RLS; keep a food journal too — some women find that a sensitivity to certain foods makes symptoms worse.(Again, thankfully not yet).
Skin, hair, and nail changes: Because normal daily hair loss is suppressed by pregnancy hormones, you may notice that your hair feels thicker and more lustrous than ever before. Enjoy it now — after delivery, all the hair that didn’t fall out during pregnancy will shed.(I do think my hair is thicker these days. We'll see what my stylist says this week).

Alright folks, that completes my update. I hope you all had a great holiday and welcome to 2012. When I say it's gonna be different than ever before, I truly mean it!

24 week update - We made it to 6 months!

2011-12-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

A few more little tidbits about Christmas, and then I'll post the next update.

On Christmas day, I turned 24 weeks pregnant. That's right folks, I've made it to the 6 month mark. I've made it past the blood tests, the ultrasounds, more ultrasounds, feeling my uterus stretch, feeling the baby move (which she does every few hours at this point) and we've got less than 4 months ahead of us. I'm amazed!

At Christmas Eve Mass when we were singing the Lord's Prayer, Mom had my hand in one of hers and the other on my belly, and what do you know, Baby Girl moved right under her fingertips and she felt it for the first time. What a wonderful Christmas gift that I couldn't have planned better if I tried!

The following day at J's parents house while we were standing around talking, Baby Girl started to move around and looking for the closest grandparent I could, J's Dad was right next to me and I quickly asked him if he'd like to feel her move. He agreed and hand to belly, he too felt her move. Now just to get my Dad and J's Mom to feel her is the next step. It will come, I hope.

And here's our 24 week update:

Your Baby in Week 24 of Pregnancy

Your baby is about eight and a half inches long and weighs one and a half pounds, gaining steadily at a rate of six ounces per week. Much of that weight comes from accumulating baby fat, as well as from growing organs, bones, and muscle. Those little ears of hers are getting sharper and can hear very loud sounds, from a yapping dog to a jackhammer. Also by now, that fabulous face is almost fully formed, complete with eyelashes, eyebrows, and hair. Is your baby a brunette, a blonde, or a redhead? Actually, right now her locks are white since there's no pigment yet.

Your Body in Week 24 of Pregnancy

If your former innie is now an outie, welcome to the club. Almost every expectant mom's pregnant belly button pops at some point as her swelling uterus pushes on everything in its path. Things should return to normal after delivery, though your navel (and some other parts of your body) might look a bit, well, stretched. Just think of it as one more badge of honor that only moms get to wear. What other pregnancy woe is pushing your buttons? Well, probably your uncomfortably numb wrists and fingers, thanks to carpal tunnel syndrome. (Don’t worry — the sensations will disappear when you give birth.)

Week 24 Pregnancy Tip: Red, Itchy Palms

Sure, you'd heard that pregnancy comes with a variety of symptoms, most of them not very pleasant (actually, none of them very pleasant — unless you count fast-growing hair, nails, and breasts). But maybe you didn't expect so many seemingly random symptoms — such as the red, itchy palms that have nothing to do with the amount of dishwashing you're doing. The red may spread, too, to the soles of your feet (though you're less likely to notice that once your feet become more difficult to see). Though this is a relatively normal symptom (especially this far into pregnancy) be sure to mention it to your doctor — there's a chance it could indicate a rare pregnancy complication called cholestasis. Along with virtually all the stranger symptoms you'll be experiencing as the months go by (such as the metallic taste in your mouth, skin tags appearing out of nowhere, bigger feet, increased saliva — am I drooling? — and vision changes, to name a few), you can blame your hormones (and throw darts at them, if you like — take that, progesterone!). As for getting the red out, there are no sure solutions — besides delivery. Until then, avoid anything that makes the red redder — such as being overheated, taking long, hot baths or showers, or wearing too-warm or too-tight gloves or socks. You might even try going on a dishwashing strike while you're expecting (good luck with that plan!). Just tell your spouse it's doctor's (and Heidi's) orders!

Week 24 Pregnancy Symptoms

Constipation: There is a good reason for pregnancy constipation — pregnancy hormones cause intestinal muscles to relax in order to keep food in your digestive system longer so you and your baby can absorb more nutrients. But just because it's for a good cause, that doesn’t make it pleasant. Drink lots of water and fruit and vegetable juices to get things moving faster through your system and to soften your stool, making it easier to pass.
Occasional headaches: If you find that your headaches last for days, are severe, and are sometimes accompanied by nausea or vision changes, you may have migraines. Let your practitioner know about your migraines and keep a journal recording what you ate, where you were, and what you were doing before you experienced a migraine so that you can pinpoint your migraine triggers — and start to avoid them.
Lower abdominal achiness: As your uterus continues to expand, the ligaments that support your uterus continue to stretch — and may cause some pain. Occasional achiness in this area is normal, but if the discomfort is accompanied by symptoms such as fever, chills, or bleeding, see your practitioner.
Backaches: Back pain is quite common during pregnancy, but if your discomfort is severe, ask your practitioner to refer you to a specialist such as a physical therapist or acupuncturist.
Leg cramps: When leg cramps start to cramp your style, try straightening your leg and gently flexing your ankle and toes up toward your shins several times. This can stop the spasm.
Vision changes: Are your contact lenses bothering you lately — or is your vision sometimes blurry? Pregnancy hormones can decrease tear production (causing eye irritation) and increase fluid buildup in the eye, temporarily altering your vision. This should pass shortly after delivery, so don’t go out and get any new eyeglass or contact-lens prescriptions while you’re expecting.
Mild swelling of ankles and feet: Don’t be alarmed if the swelling in your feet has caused you to “grow” out of your favorite shoes. Simply do what you can to avoid letting body fluids (which increase during pregnancy) pool in your legs — so that means elevating your legs when you’re sitting.

At this point I don't have a lot of these symptoms that I am seeing. I did read in one of my books that my uterus is the size of a soccer ball right now! WOW! There's a visual for you! My innie belly button is not yet an outie, however, the cavern that once was my belly button is far less deep than it was. I could see in the next few weeks, my belly button becoming an outie easily. No red itchy palms, no headaches (I had those in the first trimester), a little bit of lower abdomen achiness and backaches, no leg crams, no vision changes and no swelling of the ankles and feet. Am still trying to eat a bit healthier, although was definitely hard over the holidays. But preggos can still make New Year's Resolutions to go back to eating right! And this one will!

Happy Last Week of 2011 Bleeps!

The Name Game ... literally

2011-12-27T17:52:00.000-07:00

Hello dear Bleeps...after the on-slaught of posts last week from me, I figured we all needed a little break. But now I have more fun stories to tell, so I can't hold my tongue any longer.

Ever since Thanksgiving, both sets of parents have been hounding us about Baby Girl's name. It's in almost every phone call from my mother-in-law (MIL) as she slips in "and the baby's name is what again?" Or the emails from my Dad reminding me what time we are having dinner on Christmas saying "what was the baby's name?" They think they are so sneaky, but we never gave in because we had a surprise in store.

After we were sure we were happy with the name we had picked out for Baby Girl and based on the fact that J's parents said we shouldn't spend money on them for Christmas because every dime we had should be going towards the baby, we decided our big present to them both this year would be to give them Baby Girl's name. But it wouldn't be given, they'd have to earn it. (We sound like parents already huh?!) I used some scrapbook paper and made 3 game sheets - 1 for our keeping, 1 for my parents and 1 for J's parents. The sheet said at the top, "If you want to know your granddaughter's name, you have to figure it out. Open presents to find pieces to spell it out. Good luck and Merry Christmas!" Then further down it said, "Baby Girl Rowe's name will be..." and three lines about the size of each of her 3 names. Then at the bottom it said, "So now you know, but we'd still like to keep it a secret from the masses."

I wrapped that up in a big box and then cut up the three names into two or three letter pieces and put them into different presents, or just empty boxes and wrapped those up. We had Christmas Eve with my parents so they got to go first. The first gift they opened was the big paper with the game on it. As my Mom figured out what was going on, her eyes began to twinkle...she LOVES puzzles. So then they started to unwrap other presents and find letters. It was absolutely hysterical watching them try to figure out the names. They got the middle name right away, but the first name gave them trouble. The last name of course was easy, but it threw some wrenches in there because there were extra letters they weren't expecting I think. Anyway, once it was all said and done they loved the name we picked out and the way we let them figure it out. But they still can't tell anyone!!!

Christmas Day we drove to Mesa (about 2 hours away from our home) to spend Christmas with J's parents, sister and her boyfriend, and his grandparents on his Mom's side. We got there before everyone so started the gift giving before the rest of the family showed up. First, I gave Debbie the Christmas bulb I made her (I make bulbs every year fro loved ones with events we shared together during the year written on them) and what popped out of her mouth? "Where's the baby's name?!" So I knew we needed to get the game going because I didn't think we could handle a full day with the family and the pestering of these questions. So we went and got the presents and they protested seeing about 10 boxes from us, but we asked them to open the big one first and then see if they wanted to protest further. Here comes the placard with the name game rules and then they understood and started tearing through presents. They would literally open a present, look for letters, and if it was an actual present, throw it over their shoulders to add the letters enclosed to figure out more of the name. They too figured out the middle name first, and then moved on to the first name...completely forgot that the last name was in there too so got a little confused with the extra letters, but eventually figured it out. They too liked the name we had chosen and the way we presented it to them.

But the funniest thing may have happened later in the day. After the rest of the family had arrived and we had settled down for dinner, J's Uncle called to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. J's Dad told him that we had gifted the name to them for Christmas and let J reveal the name. Well, he popped out the WRONG first name. He said as soon as it left his lips he knew it was wrong, but he had just heard it on the radio that had been playing! He turned red, corrected himself and said the correct full name. J's Uncle was very pleased to hear it too. The right one that is!

Now I would love to reveal it to you folks too but I just can't. The family knows, and they are pretty much all who know. I will leave you with initials though...R.J.R. But I won't answer questions about if you are right in your guessing or not.

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas (if you celebrate it) and a little R & R along the way too! And on Christmas Day we hit our 6-month mark! Amazing!

The first stranger

2011-12-22T20:48:00.002-07:00

Ever since I got pregnant, I have wanted to "look" pregnant and not fat. I've never been able to see my belly button by just looking down my front, but now I can. Not only that, at some point I believe I'll be able to see the inside of my belly button because it is slowly beginning to become less of a cavern. Yes, my belly reaches out further than my breasts...something I always wished for but wasn't sure I would achieve thru pregnancy. Obviously, our prayers have been answered. All of our friends and family know (and if they didn't before now, it was said yet again in this year's Christmas card), but I always wonder what strangers think when they see me. I've always been told you are never supposed to ask a woman when she is due unless you are ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY SURE they are pregnant. And I think there is a point where it's obviously a baby and not just not watching your caloric intake for everyone.

Well, I think I've hit it. (silent yay and jumping up and down, or at least slightly bouncing as to not jostle Baby Girl). I went to the post office on Tuesday to mail out the final packages, however didn't have the right boxes at home to mail the ornaments I had made. So walked into the line at the post office with printed address labels, printed return labels and wrapped presents, ready to box up while I waited in the line I knew would be there. However, there weren't boxes. As I got closer to the front I finally had the opportunity to ask one of the desk clerks for more of the size boxes I needed and got them as I was the first person in line. The elderly gentleman behind me was kind enough to hold them closed so I could tape them with the provided packing tape. We finished in perfect time and even enough time for him to say, "You gonna make it to Christmas?" It took me a second to think about what he was asking and as I saw him sideways glance at my belly, I said, "I surely hope so! This baby isn't due until April!" He smiled and laughed a bit. And then I was called up to send my packages.

It was quite funny and not at all upsetting, until my Mother remarked upon hearing the story that I've said everyone says I am small and now this man thinks I'm gonna pop any day. I replied that the people that say I am small are young and have seen more preggos than this man may have! Silly G-ma! I still say I am small...despite the fact that the doc says to watch my weight gain. I swear that I carry my weight differently than others. When I have said my weight to peeps in the past, they don't believe me! They think it is less! (yay!)

Another little funny...I worked at home on Tuesday and J came into my home office when he got home. He was looking at the pictures I have hanging up, and there was one from a few years back when we went to Denver to visit Schelle and we visited the Coors Brewery. He said, "you look really different in this photo!" I said, "you mean not pregnant?!" He laughed and said, "yeah, exactly." He went on to explain that he sees the progression and forgets what I look like in the past, so it's weird to see the photos. The same evening when I went to say goodnight to him (because he was working in the garage), he put his hands on my belly and said, "guess there's no denying it now huh?!" He's a funny man!

Okay folks, your Christmas present was 3 posts in one week, but there probably won't be anymore before Christmas. I hope everyone has a great holiday, whatever you celebrate and will catch you on the flip side I'm sure with stories from our Christmas adventures with both sets of Grandparents-to-be!

And if I haven't said it for a while, let me reiterate that I appreciate all of you taking this journey with me and helping me when times are tough! I probably don't say it enough, but this really has made a difference in this whole process! Thanks SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays,
Nikus

23 week update...

2011-12-20T18:33:00.000-07:00

Holy blogs Batman...is this number 3 in just one little week? I don't know that this one really counts because I'm just going to post what is happening this week in my belly.

How your baby's growing:

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.

How your life's changing:

You may notice that your ankles and feet start to swell a bit in the coming weeks or months, especially at the end of the day or during the heat of summer. Sluggish circulation in your legs — coupled with changes in your blood chemistry that may cause some water retention — may result in swelling, also known as edema.

Your body will get rid of the extra fluid after you have your baby, which is why you'll pee frequently and sweat a lot for a few days after delivery. In the meantime, lie on your left side or put your feet up when you can, stretch out your legs when you sit, and avoid sitting — or standing — in one place for long periods. Also, try to exercise regularly to increase circulation, and wear support stockings (put them on first thing in the morning) and roomy, comfortable shoes. You may be tempted to skimp on liquids to combat swelling, but you need to drink plenty of water because staying hydrated actually helps prevent fluid retention. While a certain amount of edema in your lower extremities is normal during pregnancy, excessive swelling may be a sign of a serious condition called preeclampsia. Be sure to call your midwife or doctor if you have severe or sudden swelling of your feet or ankles, more than slight swelling of your hands, swelling in your face, or puffiness around your eyes.

So now for my update... compared to yesterday, A LOT better. Taking my Zantac and eating less carbs and feelin' fine. Tomorrow is the first day back at the gym after Monday's ordeal and I will be eating my protein bar (or at least half of it) before I go in. Other than that, I guess no news is good news right?

Happy rest of Christmas week Bleeps, I'm off to make some supper!

Well, today was entertaining, to say the least...

2011-12-19T17:13:00.000-07:00

Feel lucky, you get two posts in two days! Holy cow what has become of me?!

To what do we owe this occurrence you ask? A little bit of a scare. (Before I go any further and get your blood pumping like I got way too many people's today, let me say that baby and I are both fine and we were all day long.) But this morning was less desirable than usual.

Woke up before the alarm and headed to the gym. I had taken Friday off due to being really tired and just not feeling up to it. Everyone says, "listen to your body" so I did just that. Had a fine workout, nothing more intense than usual and was even done a little early. Popped into the shower and as I was getting out I started to have some pain in my chest (literally, between my boobs). I said to myself, "I wonder if this is what heartburn feels like." Seeing as I was in a towel and my cell phone was in my car, there wasn't much I could do at the time, so I opted to sit for a few minutes and try and lotion up. The pain started to get worse and I found that leaning over was harder and now it wasn't just my chest hurting, but the upper part of my ever-growing belly. I tried to hurry through my dressing routine....clothes, make-up and drying my hair. I ventured to the restroom wondering if that would alleviate some of the pain and nothing helped. So as I was exiting the locker room I knew I was heading straight for my phone to call Dr. OB's office, knowing they didn't open until 9 am which was about 15 minutes in the future.

Got her answering service and they couldn't seem to hear me or I them. On the 4th phone call, I finally got someone who wasn't the gentlest soul. She informed me that the office didn't open for another 10 minutes and she could connect me with the hospital, at which point I said, "I don't care who I talk to but I need someone, I am in extreme pain!" A minute later, Dr. OB's receptionist Annie picks up and immediately transfers me to Nurse Shari who asks what I'm feeling. I tell her that from about my belly button up to my chest is hurting and it hurts to breathe. She asks if I have shortness of breath or can't breathe. I tell her no a couple times, just that it hurts and then I start to cry. My panic has set in and I'm starting to think something is really wrong. She tries to calm me down and says to come in and doc will see me when she gets there about 9:15 or 9:30 (It's now about 9 am).

I hang up with Shari, and call my office to tell them I won't be in on time, and again the tears come. I try to call J, but his phone goes to voicemail, so I send him a text saying, "in extreme pain in belly and chest, going to doc's now." Surprise, surprise, that provokes a phone call from him wanting to know if I need him to come and who is driving me. At that point, I was driving, so he wasn't happy to hear that, but also understood that I just needed to get to the doc's. MBM called at some point too to see if I wanted her to come because she was that much closer than J was and had heard the news at the office. I told her no too, again through tears. (Now here's something that is kind of odd, after I had called the office, I got 4-6 phone calls back saying they were my office, but the people on the phone obviously weren't. Phone issues apparently, but having just told J I would stay off the phone while driving, I was getting a little perturbed.)

Got to Dr. OB's office and knowing she wasn't there yet, sat in the car trying to get my composure. I don't think I have to say what was running through my head at this point, do I? Phone rang again and this time it was my Mom freaked out about what the office had told her, she too offered to come meet me, and I said no yet again through tears. Still having pain, but less so. Finally, no more calls and sitting in the doc's office, not moving, started to feel a bit better. Nurse Shari called me in and weighed me, blood pressure-d me, etc. Then into the room.

A few minutes later, Dr. OB walks in and asks what is going on. I tell her where my pain is and immediately she is looking for baby and the heartbeat, which she finds quickly. (I had felt baby girl move in the waiting room so that helped calm me down a bit). She's telling me what she thinks it is after I explain my morning - what I did for workout, what I ate, etc. Essentially...it's gas and heartburn mixed together. And because my internal organs are moved around because there's a baby inside, it feels like I'm having a heart attack. She wasn't happy about me only eating an apple on my way to the gym (like I do every morning) and wants more protein in my diet and less carbs. She said my weight gain is okay, but it's getting more towards the heavier side and she doesn't like that. Then she looked at my shoes and again wasn't pleased with the heeled boots I had chosen saying that puts more strain on my back and balance, even though for 90% of the day I am sitting.

So the verdict: 1) take a Zantac every morning and night to help with heartburn, 2) eat less carbs to help with the gas and heartburn and hopefully not up my weight so much, 3) no more heels, 4) eat more than just an apple on the way to the gym and try to work more protein into my diet, and 5) take the day to rest and recover.

Left the doc's and called J to give him the verdict, called my Mom to assure her that baby and I were fine, and then headed for Walgreens to stock up on Zantac and protein bars. Came home and was absolutely exhausted. So after some eggs and toast (sorry, I needed it!) and taking a gaz-x and Zantac, I headed to bed for a nap. Woke up about an hour later, worked a bit and then off to find lunch...now what can I eat?! Oy, this will be challenging. Finally, rested a bit more on the couch and tried the doc's office again which was busy for 30 minutes (that never happens - what is up with phones today?!). Finally got thru and told Annie that I was still really sore and how long should I expect this to continue. Nurse Shari called me back and said it could last 24 hours and to take Tylenol if need be for the pain...I was just really sore. So did that.

Am finally feeling a little bit better, but am now scared to eat almost anything! Managed soup for lunch and a protein bar this afternoon. Emailed Trainer with what was going on and for some tips since he is the nutrition guru, and got some answers there. But oy, what a day this has been. Please let this be the last one like this.

I'll post about our 23 week progress tomorrow, if I have the energy. Love folks...love!

Naked belly buttons and baby kicks

2011-12-18T18:11:00.000-07:00

I seem to do a lot of apologizing when I blog lately. With the holidays AND the pregnancy, things are just so busy. I try to blog on Tuesdays after I've received my weekly "baby is now the size of a ..." email from WhatToExpect.com, but I missed it last week. So have a bit of catching up to do.

When last I wrote, I was in the process of taking out the belly button ring. Well, it's officially gone now. I was very sad after the fact. I had to actually have it taken out by a professional at a tattoo place because I couldn't get the blasted thing out. The piercer thought I was the cutest thing I guess, and he kept saying, "I can't believe you are already 5 months, you look so small...my wife was huge!" I wonder, does J say these kinds of things to his friends?! So they came at me with these plier looking things and literally gave the ring a little pressure in the right places and the bead fell into the cavern that is now my belly button. Fished it out, cleaned it up and put it in a little baggie for me, gave me tips on how to clean the hole that once held the ring and told me to come back after the baby and they'd re-pierce it. I'm sorry, REPIERCE?! I do not thing so! I remember getting over that in my 20s and now with a new baby, I won't be repiercing the thing! However for the next few days my belly button looked awfully naked to me! I'm officially over it now, but I was rather sad for a few days.

Okay, next big thing. I'm not the only one feeling baby girl kick these days! We were laying in bed about a week and a half ago and she was really doing a tumbling act and I could finally feel it from the outside. So I asked J for his hand and put it on my belly where she was kicking. She would do little movements and I would look at J and ask if he felt it and he would shake his head now. About kick number 4, baby girl was evidently getting sick of Daddy not feeling her because she packed a real punch (I think if his hand hadn't been there, we would have seen this karate chop). J's eyes got all big and I took his hand away saying, "that's weird!" But it was very special and somehow I had a couple little tears slip out of my eyes. This morning it happened again. I swear we either have a gymnast or a soccer player on our hands here. She was going crazy this morning as we laid in bed watching TV. Again, his hand on my belly and a few little kicks, and then a H-U-G-E kickboxing jump-kick it felt like. Freaked him out a bit, but at least he knew what it was. It was really funny! It's almost like she knows that it is his hand there and she puts more effort into it to say, "I'm right here DADDY! Believe that!"

A final little note and then I'll try to sum up the last 2 weeks of baby updates. After my last blog, I got an email from BFF in Phoenix's Mom (who reads the blog) and she thought it was so funny that I mentioned her. Well, unbenounced to me on December 4th, 2011, she was cancer-free for 3 years! What an incredible feat! She's an incredible lady and I'm so happy to call her one of my "other-mothers". Love you Mom Ryan! And congrats again!

So here's the 22 week update, and 23 will come tomorrow so I'll post that hopefully Tuesday.

How your baby's growing:

At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some

How your life's changing:

At this point, you may find your belly becoming a hand magnet. It's perfectly okay to tell folks who touch your tummy that you'd rather they didn't. And if people are telling you that you look smaller or bigger than you should at this point, remember that each woman grows — and shows — at her own rate. What's important is that you see your practitioner for regular visits so she can make sure your baby's growth is on track.
You may start to notice stretch marks on your abdomen as it expands to accommodate your growing baby. At least half of all pregnant women will develop stretch marks by the time they give birth. These small streaks of differently textured skin can range from pink to dark brown (depending on your skin color). Although they most commonly appear on your tummy, stretch marks may also show up on your buttocks, thighs, hips, and breasts. There's no proof that lotion helps prevent stretch marks, but keeping your skin moisturized may help with any itching.

Surprising Facts: Body changes beyond your belly

You expected your belly to grow — and perhaps your breasts, too — but the following physical changes may take you by surprise. As with many pregnancy changes, hormones play a role in most of these alterations in your looks.

Thicker, more lustrous hair You're not actually growing more hair, just losing less than normal. During pregnancy, your body sheds hair much more slowly than it did before. What to do: If thicker hair is a boon for you, enjoy it. If it's making your mane more unruly than ever, ask your stylist to do some thinning at your next cut. These changes won't last forever. After your baby's born, you'll start to lose this excess hair, sometimes in clumps.
Increased body hair Sex hormones known as androgens can cause new hair to sprout on your chin, upper lip, jaw, and cheeks. Stray hairs can also pop up on your belly, arms, legs, and back. What to do: Tweezing, waxing, and shaving are all safe ways to manage these temporary changes.
Faster-growing fingernails Your fingernails may grow more quickly than usual, and you may notice changes in texture. Some women's nails get harder, while others' get softer or more brittle. What to do: Protect your nails by wearing rubber gloves when you're cleaning, and using moisturizer on them if they're brittle.
Skin changes Some pregnant women report that their skin has never looked better. If that's you, enjoy the proverbial "glow." Others find the hormones of pregnancy aggravate skin conditions such as acne. What to do: Wash twice a day with a gentle soap or cleanser, and make sure that any moisturizer or makeup you use is oil-free.
Stretch marks As your belly expands to accommodate your growing baby, you may get tiny tears in the supportive tissue that lies just beneath your skin, resulting in striations of varying color. These marks will begin to fade and become considerably less noticeable about six to 12 months after you give birth. There's not much you can do besides trying not to gain more than the recommended amount of weight. Heredity is responsible for the natural elasticity of your skin and plays a role in determining who will end up with stretch marks.
Skin discolorations Increased melanin can cause splotchy patches of darkened skin on your face. These pigment changes may become intensified if you spend time in the sun. What to do: Protect your face by using a sunblock that offers both UVA and UVB protection with an SPF of 30 or higher, wearing a hat with a brim, and avoiding the sun during peak hours of the day (10 a.m. to 2 p.m.).
Larger and darker nipples and areolas You may find that your nipples and the pigmented area around them (the areolas) are getting bigger and darker. The little bumps on your areolas, known as Montgomery's tubercles, may also be more pronounced. These bumps are oil-producing glands that help fight off bacteria and lubricate the skin. Some women also notice more pronounced veins in their breasts. What to do: Nothing!
Larger feet Your feet may go up half a shoe size or more. Lax ligaments may make your feet spread a bit — permanently. Swelling can make your shoes feel tight as well, although it will go away after delivery. What to do: Buy comfortable shoes to accommodate your growing feet.

Okay, that's all my excitement for now. Have a wonderful week Bleeps and I'll update soon, I swear!

Of belly rings and other things...

2011-12-06T19:18:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry I am slacking Bleeps, it's a busy time with the holidays, and showers coming up. A couple little things and the 21 week update may have to wait for another day - we'll see!

Had my monthly check-up today with Dr. OB and she says everything is fine. Asked about the cyst in baby girl's brain and she said it was nothing to fret over, however we would do another ultrasound in about 8 weeks to see if it has disappeared or what-not, so that's just another chance to see baby girl! Otherwise, heartbeat was good, my weight was good (although I thought it wasn't gonna be, but I'll get to that), and everything else was normal. YAY!

J really wanted me to ask about my belly button ring and if it should come out. Yes, I was that generation in college that got pierced. Some opted for noses and tongues, but I went with the belly button. Anyway, that was 12, yes 12, years ago and I still have my ring. I've thought about taking it out a few times but never really had a reason. I'm kind of attached to it, literally speaking, and it's not hurting anything. Well, Dr. OB said that it could tear the skin as my belly gets bigger, so out she comes. I was surprisingly sad about this revelation. Really sad in fact. I texted J with the answer (since he couldn't go to the appointment) and I think even though he was jumping for joy, I will miss my ring. So I had him take this picture to commemorate my ring, because right not it's down right adorable (to me anyway) on a preggo belly.

I promised him I would take the ring out after he took the pic, and both will get put in the pregnancy scrap book that BFF in Phx gave me months ago. She understood my pain, as she got one too when we were in college, and she had to take it out earlier this year per doc's orders for something else! Boo....booo.....booooo! I doubt it will go back in after baby girl is born...so there goes my youth I guess! I'll get over it, but I'm still very upset that I can't keep it! However, upon trying to take it out, I couldn't get it to unscrew, so will have to have a piercer take it out after work tomorrow.

So the weight thing. Dr. OB told me last time that I was up too high and to weigh myself every week. Well, seeing as my toes are quickly slipping away, I haven't been weekly, but did right before Thanksgiving and I was up just about 2 lbs, which was perfect for my gaining 1 lb a week per doc's orders. Then my birthday happened. And then Thanksgiving happened. And now we're smack-dab in the middle of the holiday season. So when I got on the scale on Monday, in anticipation of today's visit, I was shocked to see I was up another 5 lbs! This cannot be true! So I fretted all day yesterday about the lecture I would receive at the doc's this morning. Well, just in case something crazy was happening, I got on the scale this morning only to be surprised that I was suddenly down 2 lbs! YAY! That means I'm okay. And Dr. OB said I was too! Whew!

I feel like I am gaining weight, but the only place I really see it is my belly and boobs. Call me crazy, but I think my legs, arms and butt, are staying the same. Most people that see me tell me I am "small" for this stage of the game. And last week a lady I have begun to see more and more at the gym and I were talking and she said that she didn't even KNOW I was pregnant. I retorted back, "I think - rather hope - if you had seen me before, you would be noticing a change now. I used to not be able to see my belly button when I looked down my front, and now I can!" Maybe that's why I am so attached to my ring right now, I can see it more often!!! Before I could only see it in the mirror because my belly was relatively flat!

I have found possibly the greatest invention known to man! It's called a pregnancy pillow and it rocks! It's this crazy candy-cane-with-a-tail shaped thing. But it is awesome. I've always slept on my side or belly, and now obviously belly is getting less and less comfortable, I'd need multiple pillows just lay my head down. So you can sleep on your side and it can support your belly, or go between your legs, or help you sit up a bit on your back. And for later you can fold it so you can nurse. It simply rocks! I think I am not getting up as much at night because of it. It might even be helping me not pee in the middle of the night so much...no waking up, no having to go to the bathroom! WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER!

Belly rubbing has begun. Not only do friends kind of lunge for my belly, but other people are noticing it now too. I have yet to have the random person come up and rub it, thankfully. Have had people I kind of know ask to touch it, which I don't mind at all. I think it's sweet. And now I am amazed at the wonder of it all, but I totally had that when I wasn't pregnant. And still do. I rub my belly all the time. Sometimes because it just plain itches, but sometimes just because it is there!

Then there is J. He has slowly come to do the belly rubs. It used to only be occasionally when I was still laying in bed and he was leaving, but now it's a regular thing. And the other night we went to a humorous musical show (The Gaslight Theater for you Tucson-ans) and he was all up-in-my-grill! He was rubbing it like crazy! I think since we have determined the baby's sex, he is more prone to be hands on and protective. It was very sweet and I loved every minute of it! I can tell he is very excited about this whole thing! And the night we went to Gaslight, my wedding ring absolutely refused to fit, but Monday morning (2 days later) it fit just fine. So apparently was just a little bloated last weekend!

Okay, I guess I haven't rambled on too much so there's room for my Week 21 update. Here goes...

Your Baby in Week 21 of Pregnancy

How big is your baby? About the size of a large banana — and speaking of bananas, if you eat one this week, there's a good chance your baby will get a taste, too. That's because he swallows a bit of amniotic fluid each day (for nutrition, hydration, and to practice digesting), so he eats whatever's on your menu — and gets to put those developing taste buds to good use. So go ahead and nosh on those nachos (or crunch those crudités): Your baby may develop a taste for them when he’s older.

Your Body in Week 21 of Pregnancy

You may start to notice some stretch marks as your body expands and your belly and breasts just keep on growing. These pink, red, or purple streaks appear when the supporting tissue under your skin gets torn as skin stretches (and stretches and stretches) during pregnancy. Not every woman gets them, though you're a likely candidate if your mom had stretch marks during her pregnancy or if you've gained weight rapidly. So go ahead and slather the cocoa butter — at least it’ll keep your skin from drying out, even if it won’t keep those marks at bay.

Week 21 Pregnancy Tip: Anxiety

No, that's not the beach ball you lost last summer — there's really a baby in there! Now that you're starting to look pregnant (and not just like you were spending too much time with the Ben & Jerry's) and those kicks can no longer be mistaken for gas, the reality of pregnancy is probably beginning to sink in. And with it, you may find, a few ambivalent feelings you're even ambivalent about admitting. Don't worry — and hang on. At some point in pregnancy (and usually once that pregnancy becomes a very visible reality) just about every expectant mother (and father!) begins to feel anxiety and fear as though she's on a runaway train — with enormous changes coming round the bend. And not only is it completely normal to feel anxious — it's especially healthy to acknowledge it. Talk your feelings over with your friends who've had babies — they’ll reassure you that they experienced the same kind of anxiety. (Me a mom? There must be some mistake!) Most important, discuss your fears with your partner, who's probably just as in need of a good heart-to-heart.

Week 21 Pregnancy Symptoms

Fetal movement: By now you may be able to feel your baby twisting, turning, and kicking in the womb (though many new expectant moms mistake the feeling for gas). Enjoy these first gentle love taps — soon enough your growing baby’s kicks will get more aggressive.
Hearty appetite: Are you always in the mood to eat? Carry healthy snacks with you (such as nuts, raisins, trail mix, or granola bars) so that you’ll have nutritious fuel to keep you and your baby-to-be nourished even when you’re on the go.
Flatulence: The increasing pressure your uterus is placing on your rectum can mean that you’re having a hard time containing yourself (your gas, that is). Drink plenty of water and eat fiber-rich foods to avoid becoming constipated, which can make gassiness worse.
Varicose veins: The extra blood volume and weight you’re carrying around can put pressure on your circulatory system and lead to the swollen blood vessels called varicose veins. Do your best to keep your weight gain to a healthy minimum to avoid putting undue stress on your circulatory system.
Backaches: Not only is your center of gravity shifting and putting extra strain on your back, but the hormone relaxin is also causing your ligaments and joints to stretch and loosen, which means additional achiness in your back. If you can, splurge for a prenatal massage from a trained professional.
Bleeding gums: If your inflamed, bleeding gums are turning your toothbrush pink, avoid eating sticky candies, especially when you can’t brush afterward. The sweet stuff increases bacteria in your mouth and further irritates your gums.
Skin, hair, and nail changes: Have you noticed that your hair and nails are growing at record speed? Pregnancy hormones are partly the cause — as is the increased circulation in your body, bringing extra nutrients to your hair and nails (and to your baby, of course).

Now for my update:
Body Temperature - I am always warm, or really cold! Literally walked into the doc's office today in a tank top (I had a sweater for outside) but in the office I was immediately burning up! I have my own little furnace it seems. Even Dr. OB was surprised! But baby girl keeps me warm!
Appetite - I was really worried about the weight this morning and glad doc said I was fine. Had mentioned to Trainer that I eat and then can be immediately hungry again and I said I don't know what to do about it, so he said, "EAT!" But now that doc is okay with weight, I'm not so nervous. Although the half pie left over from Thanksgiving needs to be tossed.
Workouts - still getting to the gym at least 2-3 times a week and doing well. Trainer keeps trying to up my weight on things, but I'm naturally adding my own extra weight as I grow, so weight upping is not okay. Ran through my whole workout with Dr. OB today and she said it was all great and I could do most anything that I felt okay doing.
Tiredness - overall I am not super tired, however when I get tired, I get tired F-A-S-T! I mean sitting up chatting one minute and ready to pass out the next. So have learned more and more to listen to my body.

And on a final note, most of you know how I love Guiliana Rancic for speaking out about infertility. She had very sad news a few months back when she announced that she had breast cancer. Well, Mama K alerted me to an announcement she made on the Today Show yesterday that was very sad, but hopeful. She is going to get a double mastectomy in the next few weeks which will hopefully get all the cancer and help her get back to trying to get pregnant. I watched BFF in Phx's Mom go through that and it ain't easy. But Mom persevered and kicked Cancer's ass and I have every faith that Guiliana will too. But please put it out in the universe to help this wonderful lady!

Alright folks, I'm out!

I'm very thankful we are half-way!

2011-11-29T15:00:00.000-07:00

Holy Schmoly! We are half way thru this pregnancy! I cannot believe it...really, I can't. Last year at this time I was drinking heartily to help ease the pain of the holiday season without a child and this year I can't and for a fabulous reason! I almost want to throw a party to celebrate our half-way-ness! It's really still very hard to believe.

I guess I might have neglected to mention that the day after we found out we are having a baby girl was my 32nd (or 23rd - you are only as old as you feel right?!) birthday. What a great present it was to find out about baby girl! Wednesday, after work I treated myself to a mani-pedi at a great little shop, then came home to presents from J.

Thursday was Thanksgiving and I guess I need to update you on how the reveal went with J's parents. Since there were only 6 of us (myself, J, my parents and J's parents) for dinner, we opted to have turkey breast instead of a full turkey. J also wanted to smoke some turkey outside, so I cooked 2 three pound breasts and he smoked 2 three pound breasts. His parents (driving from Mesa - about 2 hours away) got to our house about 10:30 am. House was clean, turkeys were cooking, potatoes were mashing...and they hadn't yet seen our finished house. Got them in and unpacked their contribution - two pumpkin pies and iced tea, then showed them the house. I had some little girl headbands sitting on the kitchen counter, as well as some pink baby shoes sitting on a shelf in the living room. I saw J's Mom look directly at the slippers, or so I thought, but she didn't say anything. We showed them the living room (which again had pink booties sitting on the coffee table), and nothing was said. Then we walked to my office (directly across from the nursery) which had nothing in it baby-related. J's Mom wandered over to the nursery (no baby furniture yet, but 4 very apparent girl outfits strewn about) and I saw her eyes wander to each item and questions rolling through her head. She finally said something to the effect of "what the...? You told me not to buy clothes yet!" We both smiled and revealed that we'd had the sonogram two days prior and had learned we were having a little girl! There were no tears, but both parents were definitely very excited. I think J's Dad had the same thoughts that J had at the sonogram (thinking about his Mom - J's Grandma), but he turned away from me so I couldn't see quick enough to be sure. Finished showing them the rest of the house, then showed them the sonogram pictures.

My parents arrived about an hour later and final preparations for dinner at 1 began. Turkeys came out of the oven and the smoker, all the other goodies went in, and pretty soon it was time to eat...and boy were we hungry! We sat and had a lovely conversation, but soon the topic turned to names. I think I've told you folks, but we will not be sharing the name of baby girl until at least the month of her due date (April 2012) or at the very last her arrival day. Well, that didn't fly too well with J's parents and the questions began..."is it an old name? is it a new name? is it a family name? is it a crazy name? is it a celebrity name? how many letters in the name?" and on and on. It became quite humorous after a while. And even after the conversation had finally passed and other topics were being discussed, someone would pipe up with a new question about the name. I have a feeling this will continue through April! I gave up one hint saying that "yes it is a celebrity name, but nothing crazy" and J gave up a hint (kind of) saying he would tell one part (so everyone waited with baited breath) and he said "Rowe" - which is our last name. Hardy har har....

All in all, a very good Thanksgiving day with the folks. I got booted out of the kitchen when clean-up came round, much to my dismay (yeah, right!). We relaxed for a bit and then it was time for J's parents to head home. They'll probably be back next month for Christmas and we'll do it all over again!

J had to work Friday and Sat - boo. So Friday, Volleyball Queen (who was in town to visit the fam) took me to a lovely breakfast and oohed and ahhed over my baby belly. It was wonderful to catch up with her and show off sonogram pics again. Saturday, Mama K took me to lunch and we had a lovely "Mommies only" conversation. Then it was home for some movies that J doesn't like (The Family Stone and Love and Other Drugs) while I caught up on some knitting. Sunday, we put up all the Christmas decorations in the new house, and it looks just lovely. A great weekend to be sure!

Okay, time for the 20-week update according to WhatToExpect.com:

Your Baby in Week 20 of Pregnancy

Curious about whether that melon-sized belly contains a boy or a girl? (IT'S A GIRL!) Now's your chance to take a peek! Your second trimester ultrasound, scheduled for anytime between 18 and 22 weeks, gives your practitioner a chance to see how things are going in there. And, wow, are they going! If you're having a girl, her uterus is now fully formed and her ovaries are holding about seven million primitive eggs. And while your baby is definitely getting bigger (weighing in at about ten ounces and measuring six and a half inches), there's still plenty of growing room in there, which allows her to twist and turn (and allows you to feel his acrobatics!).

Your Body in Week 20 of Pregnancy

Now that you’re at the midpoint of your pregnancy (20 weeks down, 20 more to go!), that little cantaloupe (aka baby) you have in your belly is becoming more of a reality as you feel his movements and draw smiles from passersby who see your baby bump. You might also be noticing that your nails are stronger (though they could also turn dry and brittle) and your hair (all over your body) is thicker and fuller than usual — all thanks to pregnancy hormones and increased circulation, which furnish extra nutrients to hair and nail cells. But while the hair on your head may be lovelier than ever, you might not be digging those sprouts on your chin. This situation is indeed temporary, but feel free to tweeze!

Week 20 Pregnancy Tip: Appetite

Are you in the Hunger Zone? With weeks of nausea and food aversions behind you, you may be more than ready to make up for lost eating time (move over crackers, hello four-course meals!). But before you dig into that all-you-can-eat buffet at lunchtime, here's something you might want to consider. The grazing approach that was your mealtime MO during those queasy months is still the best way to feed yourself and your baby now that food's no longer a four-letter word. Not only does it help fend off pesky second-trimester tummy troubles (like the heartburn and indigestion that's sure to set in by your second trip to the buffet), but it also ensures that baby's getting a steady supply of calories when he needs it the most. In fact, studies show that moms who eat at least five or six small meals and snacks a day are more likely to carry to term. So bring on the grub when pregnancy hunger hits, and lots of it — just bring it on a little at a time.
Learn more about the pregnancy diet.

Week 20 Pregnancy Symptoms

Heartburn or indigestion: If you’re looking for a simple heartburn fix, try chewing a piece of sugarless gum after meals. The increased saliva it produces neutralizes gastric acids and helps force fluids back into the stomach.
Increased vaginal discharge: As your pregnancy progresses, you’ll notice an increase in vaginal discharge. While it can be uncomfortable, this discharge actually helps protect the birth canal from infection and maintains a healthy balance of bacteria in the vagina.
Occasional headaches: Do you find that your headaches crop up when you’re overheated, in windowless, stuffy spaces, or under fluorescent lighting? Be sure to take fresh-air breaks outside a few times a day, and dress in layers to avoid getting too hot, which could trigger a headache.
Occasional faintness or dizziness: Stuffy, hot rooms can be the cause of light-headedness (not just headaches), especially when your body is already generating lots of heat with that little bun you’re cooking in your oven. Stay cool by taking frequent breaks for fresh air and wearing loose-fitting clothes.
Leg cramps: Experts aren’t clear on what causes leg cramps during pregnancy, but one theory is that they are caused by compressed blood vessels in the legs (a consequence of extra weight and swelling). Help the blood circulate throughout your body more easily — and minimize cramping — by putting your feet up when you can and drinking plenty of fluids.
Mild swelling of ankles and feet: If water retention in your ankles and feet is causing you pain, be sure to wear comfy (not tight!) shoes while you’re out, and switch into slippers when you get home. Also, avoid tight socks or pantyhose that can cut off blood flow — you want to keep fluids flowing freely to minimize swelling in your lower extremities.
Protruding navel: Your cute little innie belly button may suddenly morph into an outie as your uterus pushes your abdomen forward. If you don’t like the new look, don’t worry — your navel will go back to being an innie after delivery.

Now for my version:
I do admit that I am hungrier. It seems like I just finish eating and then my stomach rumbles like it hasn't been fed in days! I still have my energy and have been going to the gym three times a week (well, except for last week with the holiday). I feel good and am really good at getting things done right now. We're ready to start a brand new year, definitely on the right foot! My next doc appointment is next Tuesday and I'm sure we'll hear more about what happened at the ultrasound then.

I guess that is really all for now! Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (those in the States that is) and to everyone a very happy rest of the week!

My Mom was right, and boy is she happy about it!

2011-11-22T14:37:00.000-07:00

Hello Bleeps! Wow...let me take a breath! It has been quite a morning. So let's start at the beginning....

We had our 20 week ultrasound today (even though I am only about 19 weeks along). For those of you who have never been (like me - until today), this scan looks at a lot of the baby's body and looks for specific things (but we'll get to that). I was excited but I did manage to sleep most of the night except for the normal trips to the bathroom. Until about 5 am that is....I woke up and for the life of me, no matter how I turned, couldn't go back to sleep. Finally about 6 am, knowing my alarm was set for 6:15 am, I got up, showered and got ready. Woke J up about 6:30 am, so he could get ready. Out of the house by 7:15 am and on our way (in separate cars so he could go straight to work afterwards) to the ultrasound place, which is not my doc's office. Mom and Dad beat us there. I got checked in, got my lovely little hospital bracelet, sat down and sure enough we got called in.

Very nice technician who kind of walked us through what the procedure would detail (EVERYTHING!) and then we began. Mom, Dad and J sat in chairs and I laid on the bench, with J's hand holding my hand on my shoulder while she spread the jelly goo on my belly. Oh, and she asked if we wanted to know the sex - which of course got a resounding "Yes" from all parties. So she began...looked at the baby's head, hands (made sure they both opened and closed like they should), feet, measured limbs, heart (saw all 4 chambers - amazing!), profile, kidneys, basically if the baby had it we saw it. Finally little Monkey was positioned correctly and she said, "alrighty folks, looks like we have a GIRL!" Mom asked how sure the tech was and she said "she doesn't say anything until she is 80% positive" then later she became 98% positive after showing us how she could tell it was a little girl. J kept squeezing my hand ever so tightly and I think a couple little tears may have escaped my eyes. Mom yelped I am pretty sure! (Mind you, it would have been the same for a boy, we just want a healthy baby!)

The one thing the technician went back to was a little spot in baby girl's non-thinking part of the brain. It's called a cyst and they are seeing more and more of them because technology is getting better and better. The technician made sure we understood it was nothing to worry about because all of the other tests she did to ensure nothing was wrong (making sure baby girl's hands opened and closed for one - which they did) and comparing to my last ultrasound (with the crazy blood test) and said that was very normal, also looking at baby girl's length and weight (length is about the size of a watermelon slice, with overall weight about as heavy as a can of soda), and that was good too because she measures a bit larger and usually babies with problems measure smaller. So all in all, something to be aware of but nothing to worry about. Although we did need to come back to talk to the doc and essentially hear the same thing from her in a few hours.

Clean me up and walk out with our crowd. As soon as we were outside I think Mom did a little dance. She's thrilled! Dad said good-bye and went off to work, thrilled as well. Mom stepped away so J and I could have a little moment. And I looked at him and his eyes were glassy. I kind of did a double take and asked him if he had cried (it had been dark in the room after all so I couldn't see if he had) and he just kind of gave me a funny look. So I reached in to hug him and remembered us talking about how when Grandma Rowe (who died last November) got to heaven we would have an extra angel watching out for us and we'd probably get a girl if she had her say-so. And that's what had brought him to tears. It was so sweet to see him so excited about our little girl. I think that is the first time I have seen him cry happy tears...so you know what is to come. This little girl may just be spoiled rotten! Oh well....if that's what happens, that's what happens. After a good few minutes of hugging, we finally released, both with wet eyes, said our "I love you's" and went our separate ways...him to work and me with Mom to breakfast and to Target for finally some baby shopping!

So here's my plan for telling J's parents. I bought a whole bunch of baby girl stuff at Target (socks, shoes, dresses, headbands, etc.) and I'm just going to leave it around the house when they come on Thanksgiving. If they don't comment or miss all that stuff, then when we go around and say what we're thankful for, J or I will say, "I'm thankful for our little girl coming in April." BTW - Grandma Rowe's birthday is April 2nd, so there's another link to her. I think J's parents will pick up on the little hints before we get to dinner, but we'll have to wait until Thursday to find out.

When we (Mom and I) stopped somewhere to run an errand and she popped out of my car, I took a picture...

of one of the things I had bought at Target and texted it to maybe 30 people showing our news. From then on my phone just went crazy. Also sent the photo to J and he said he loved it! (Months and months ago, J had a dream that he was following a little girl with pigtails and bows and he knew that it was his daughter...guess he was right!) Also, at least a few years ago, I had Chinese food one night and the back of my fortune from my fortune cookie said, "daughter" and how to say it in Chinese. Don't know if they were really indicators back then, but we're gonna say they are now!

Mom and I also called my Grandma Einck (Mom's Mom), because this is her first great-grand-baby and she was excited to hear that it was a baby girl. There's a lot of girls on my side of the family (4 girls on Mom's side and 5 on Dad's - cousins I mean) so I thought it might be, but I also didn't want to get attached to a girl or a boy and be disappointed either way.

I guess that's about all our news today. Oh, when I dropped Mom off at her house I finally got to take a picture of the fun thing BFF in Phoenix got her for her birthday announcing she would be a grandma. So here's that...it really is quite perfect.

Pinch, pinch...okay, now stop!

2011-11-15T16:39:00.000-07:00

Hello fair ones...how are you? In AZ, the weather is perfect for me right now for the hours I am awake. Anything before 6 am is just unbearable and after 9 pm too. But in between is divine!

We've passed the 18 week mark now and are lunging for the half-way mark. Things are a bit busy at our house lately, and apparently in my belly. For a few days now it has felt like someone is pinching me from the inside of my belly. I finally opted to call Dr. OB yesterday because it was really hurting. Nurse Shari assured me it was normal and was just ligaments stretching to account for el bambino needing more room. But it has yet to stop and not that I'm complaining, but it hurts! Guess it's the first of a lot right?! Anyway, seem to be doing well. Working out 3 times a week pretty regularly now and feeling good.

We've got some work being done on our house this week. J took off for Thursday and Friday to clean up the yard (not that I think it looks bad, but to him it is atrocious) so we rented a dumpster for that. Also having ceiling fans put into our incredibly high ceilings, especially the baby's room to keep air moving about and some electrical issues fixed. Then, when I was drying my hair this morning I noticed something above me so called the pest man to check it out Friday. Looks like Thursday and Friday will bring lots of changes. Not to mention the carpets were professionally cleaned last week. Getting ready for Thanksgiving I guess?

That also means that we are getting ready to know the baby's sex...yup, next Tuesday! Yikes, so excited. I think the overall consensus from the masses is girl, but there's a few that think boy. Guess we'll all find out next week. J's parents will find out at Thanksgiving and I know how I am going to tell them, but you'll just have to wait until after the fact.

Now be thankful, here's a belly photo (Mama K came over on Saturday with the kiddos while J was camping and swiped my phone and forced me to take a photo...just kidding...kinda not...just kidding)....and a "chopped hair" photo...(I guess I got a bit of a wild hair on Saturday when I went to the hairdresser because I had her chop off about 6 inches, but so far so good.)...

And here's the 18 week update:
How your baby's growing:

Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper) and he weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead. His blood vessels are visible through his thin skin, and his ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from his head a bit. A protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around his nerves, a process that will continue for a year after he's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If you're having a boy, his genitals are noticeable now, but he may hide them from you during an ultrasound.

How your life's changing:
Hungry? An increase in appetite is pretty common about now. Make it count by choosing meals and snacks that are rich in nutrients instead of empty calories (chips, French fries, candy, and other sweets). Bigger, more comfortable clothes are a must now as your appetite and waistline grow. Your cardiovascular system is undergoing dramatic changes, and during this trimester your blood pressure will probably be lower than usual. Don't spring up too fast from a lying or sitting position or you might feel a little dizzy. From now on, when you do lie down, it's best to lie on your side — or at least partly tilted to one side. (When you lie flat on your back, your uterus can compress a major vein, leading to decreased blood return to your heart.) Try placing a pillow behind you or under your hip or upper leg for comfort. If you haven't already had a second-trimester ultrasound, you'll probably have one soon. This painless procedure helps your practitioner check how your baby's growing, screen for certain birth defects, check the placenta and umbilical cord, determine whether the due date you're working with is accurate, and see how many babies you're carrying. During the exam, you might see your baby moving around or sucking his thumb. Bring your partner along, and be sure to ask for a printout for your baby's first photo album!

Now for my version:
I'm feeling pretty good. J would say that I am phenomenal because I am once again cleaning, cooking and moving around at a pretty good clip. I'm just happy I can stand up and not feel sick or have a headache every day. I would definitely say I have a baby belly now...or a beer belly if you don't know me. :) But you can tell for yourself in the above photo.

Oh, totally weird thing happened last week. I was at work and I got a text from a phone number I didn't have in my phone kind of asking a personal question, then another saying the textor had" had a dream about me and that I was pregnant with a little girl." I texted back asking "who it was" and it happened to be from one of the girls who worked for us last year who had moved about 5 hours away and changed her number. Anyway, I responded that we would "find out the sex in a few weeks" (figuring she had heard about the pregnancy from a mutual friend) and she texted back saying she "had no clue I was actually expecting and she was so excited for us." How random is that? Since I'm not having any dreams about sex of the baby (besides the one), I'm thinking it's a girl based on her and everyone else's guesses.

I even said something about the baby to J the other day and said "she" is doing something and he looked up and said, "she huh?" I think he's rooting for a boy. Will just have to wait and see.

But boy do we have a lot to be thankful for this year!

What a crazy week!

2011-11-10T15:50:00.000-07:00

Hello folks! I feel like I have been saying "I'm sorry for being MIA" a lot lately. Just a lot happening and not enough time in the day. Plus I will admit that I get tired easier these days than in my pre-pregnancy life. So a quick update then the 17 week (!) update, and then I'm done.

We are almost half way through this pregnancy and only about a week an a half away from knowing the sex of little Monkey. I woke up with a migraine on Sunday and Monday so no gym for me on Monday, but I did go Wednesday and plan to go tomorrow too. Doing the new workout Trainer gave me and so far not so bad. My upper body was a little sore yesterday, but today even less. Tuesday was my monthly Dr. OB visit and according to her everything is great. My blood pressure is always great they tell me, however I was up 6 lbs! OMG! In past times up 6 lbs was cause for vast diet shift and more workouts, but not these days! Dr. OB reminded me that I am only supposed to gain about a pound a week, so this month was a bit high and that I need to monitor myself. I kind of think it is due to the fact that my appetite has returned and I am eating real food again. Workouts could have a little to do with it since they have been added back in, but mostly just because I'm actually eating again! Other than that we are doing just fine. I heard the heartbeat again (J couldn't go to the appointment because he was super busy at work) and I even recorded it on my phone so I can listen anytime I want to. If I was a little more internet savvy I would figure out how to post it, but I'm not so sorry! So we move forward to next month.

Today one of our pups has been coughing. It's the weirdest thing ever. Kind of sounds like she has something caught in her throat, but then nothing ever comes up. Sometimes its a whole bunch at once and sometimes not for hours on end. Have called our vet (across town) and the receptionist said to wait it out for a few days. Called the vet down the street and left a message asking the vet to call me back to determine if we need to bring her in. J suggested giving her some warm chicken broth because her throat must be sore from all the coughing. Don't really know if it is helping but she sure loves it! I really hope it is nothing serious, just sounds so bad!

Okay, 17 week update:
How your baby's growing:
Your baby's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — her lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. Your baby weighs 5 ounces now (about as much as a turnip), and she's around 5 inches long from head to bottom. She can move her joints, and her sweat glands are starting to develop.

How your life's changing:
Starting to feel a bit off balance? As your belly grows, your center of gravity changes, so you may begin to occasionally feel a little unsteady on your feet. Try to avoid situations with a high risk of falling. Wear low-heeled shoes to reduce your risk of taking a tumble; trauma to your abdomen could be dangerous for you and your baby. You'll also want to be sure to buckle up when you're in a car — keep the lap portion of the seat belt under your belly, drawn snugly across your hips, and also use the shoulder harness, which should fit snugly between your breasts.You may also notice your eyes becoming drier. Using over-the-counter lubricating drops may help. If your contact lenses become uncomfortable, try wearing them for shorter stretches of time. If you still have discomfort, switch to glasses until after you give birth.

Now for my version:
I am getting closer and closer to feeling "like a million bucks" as Trainer's Wife told me I would in the 2nd trimester. I'm still tired, with all that my body is doing, but at least I can wrangle myself out of bed in the morning. I did attend 2 baby birthday parties on opposite sides of town on Saturday and that tired me out pretty good for Sunday. But other than that I'd say I am prospering. I definitely feel like I look pregnant now. Have worn my "look at me, I'm pregnant" shirts a couple times and feel pretty good about it. Although I have not mastered the art of self-portrait with camera phone and I keep forgetting to ask J to take a picture of me for y'all and FB. I will, at some point friends. I do have an appetite, as my 6 lbs can attest to, but I still don't feel like I am eating everything in sight. I used to always be a member of the "clean plate club" at any meal and that just isn't the case these days. I have noticed that my allergies are acting up with the drastic change in weather (we went from 80 degrees one day to 50 the next!), but that isn't Monkey's fault. Although I will say that I am hesitant to take any meds, even those approved by the doc, to ease my pain. Can't explain why specifically, just want to make sure nothing I do affects how Monkey is coming along.

I guess that is it for now and I am due for a snack! Have a great rest of your day folks and talk to you soon!

How do you say...?

2011-11-04T16:27:00.000-07:00

Hello my Bleeps! I've missed you since Sunday. How has your week been? Again, we've been a busy bunch but nothing super exciting.

I guess today might end up as kind of a rambling. I don't have anything specific in mind, but a few things floating. So here goes...

I haven't felt the baby move again. I feel little cramps and the other day it felt like someone was pinching me from the inside, but it doesn't feel like the first two times the baby moved. It has me a bit worried, but I also haven't been laying down doing nothing very much, and that has been when it has happened. I have my monthly OB visit on Tuesday so I'll hear the heartbeat again. J can't go because he is super busy at work and wants to save his November day off for Ultrasound day on the 22nd. So just me, but I am hoping I remember to see if Dr. OB will let me record on my phone what the heartbeat sounds like so I can listen whenever I want to. I was explaining to a friend at lunch today that besides feeling hefty these days (and not in a good way) I don't really feel pregnant anymore. In the first trimester I was sick, headachy and tired, so I actually "felt" pregnant. Now, I feel really good...still have the occasional sour stomach or headache, but mostly feel great. So right around the time I am due to visit Dr. OB I don't feel pregnant and she'll be there to assure me that everything is fine.

I've been to the gym a few times this week, but I think 3 is my max per week. I was really sore last week, but by the weekend I was much better. I went this week and met with Trainer on Thursday. He revamped my workout so that I had less stress on my back and abdomen, and more focus on upper body (thank goodness because it needs it!) and legs. He also taught me some stretches to help ease the changes happening now. I can't explain how much it helps that he just watched his wife go through this so he understands everything first hand. It is truly awesome. We also discussed boot camp. I'm a bit leery about going back. One because it is at 6 am and these days getting up before then is a true challenge to my inner core. Two because it is downright cold now in the mornings. And three because I don't know what the workout will be and while I know Meanie Christinie would make it so I could do it, I really don't want to overdo it. I'm almost positive everything would be fine, but the "what if" is getting to me. Especially after Angel Ash said last week not to "push it." I know for a fact that if anything happens to this baby during the pregnancy (afterwards - not my fault, he he) I will blame myself. And working out just isn't worth it that much to me. Afterwards, I will work my butt off to get back in shape, I swear (although she is leaving in February...booo MC!). But for now, 3 times a week at my pace is it. I miss the interaction with MC, Lobster and Robot, but right now Monkey is my priority. And I have a feeling it will remain that way for the next 18 years, if not for the rest of my life. Trainer agreed with my thoughts as did J. I'll still go to the gym and do my thing, but boot camp is out. (sad face) I hope my girls understand...

My belly. I've finally gotten my pregnancy shirts in that are way cute that express I am truly pregnant. However, when I put them on, they hide the belly. And in that I just look fat. I don't have the nice roundness that I see on everyone else. I realize I am only 4 months pregnant (!), but I want the perfect round belly so everyone doesn't just guess (pregnant or fat) and hope they are right. I haven't posted preggo pics because every self photo I take looks awful. Truly awful! The belly isn't as present in the morning as it is in the afternoon. And then I forget to have J take one when he gets home. I always think about it at bedtime or when I haven't done my hair or make up because we are just cleaning. I will try, I swear, but no promises. How do you take a nice self-portrait in the mirror with a camera phone? This is a talent I do not possess.

No, I do not "feel" the sex of the baby. I've had many people ask me this question and the answer still remains no. I didn't know I was pregnant. I do not know what I am having. And according to Angel Ash, the angels don't want me to know! I wish I knew. We will be happy either way. If we have a boy, J will be in heaven teaching him how to play football, baseball and to work on the car and Monkey will be my little man. If we have a girl, I will be in heaven dressing her up and she will have J wrapped around her little finger. My Mom is p-o-s-i-t-i-v-e that we are having a girl, as are a few other people. Guess we will just have to wait and see. And when we know, I will share the sex. Any ideas of fun ways to surprise our house guests on Thanksgiving - mainly J's family - with the reveal?

Names. J refuses, absolutely refuses, to discuss names until we know the sex of Monkey. He won't even bat them around with me. He doesn't want to fall in love with a name and then be disappointed because the baby is the other sex. And no, we won't be telling people the name. Maybe at the shower, but I kinda think not until the baby is born. We'll see. I have a list in my phone, but until it's in cement, that will be a secret.

I bought something for Monkey. I couldn't resist last weekend!

I guess this is where my ramblings come to an end. Have a wonderful weekends folks...here comes week #17!

Movin' and Groovin'

2011-10-30T14:53:00.000-07:00

Hello fair friends. Well, I'm sorry I've been a bit absent this week but it's probably because it has been so busy and soooooooo exciting. I know I haven't posted the 15 week update and it kind of seems silly now because as of today I am 16 weeks, but you'll find it after I tell you about this week.

After our fun shopping trip last Saturday, I decided it was time to head back to the gym. So Monday, I went. And I did my regular workout, only instead of three sets, I only did one set, per Trainer's instruction. I was done fairly quickly and feeling great. Cut to Monday night when I could barely move my legs. Seems taking 2 months off (almost to the day) really changes how your body reacts.

Tuesday, (10/25) I could barely get out of bed. So as I lay there contemplating how to get my jelly legs to move, I had an odd sensation in my belly. At first I thought, "oh, that's gas." and almost immediately after that thought flitted through my head, I thought, "wait, everyone said the baby moving would FEEL like gas the first time. Oh. My. Goodness. I just felt the baby move!!!!!" My hands immediately clamped on my stomach and apparently Monkey's somersault was through and s/he was back to resting comfortably on my bladder. To try to explain further, it kind of felt like someone pushing on my belly and moving their two fingers quickly from about the middle of my belly to the far right side, but from the inside. It was so strange. Yet so amazing! I haven't felt it again yet and am beginning to think it was because I was so sore that that area was the only area that COULD move! But I happily anticipate the next one!!!

Wednesday, although I thought good and hard about it, I did not sleep in and I went to the gym again. This time, I did 2 sets of my workout. I felt good afterwards, but by late afternoon, the pain was creeping into my legs again, however not my arms (and I had worked them out too). I made it home in one piece, but about 7 pm texted Trainer and Meanie Christinie because my leg muscles were in such agony. Both recommended a hot bath and movement, so that's what I did. The bath helped immensely! I was able to sleep adequately through the night and walk the next morning.

Thursday, the day wasn't bad and even walking through the grocery store was much easier than I thought it might be. Planned to get up Friday to go to the gym again, although I knew I had a very finite period of time to do so because I had a funeral to attend that morning.

Friday, (10/28) woke up to the alarm and couldn't hold my eyes open. I tried, I mean, I really tried to get up, but I couldn't. I figured it was Monkey's way of telling me I needed rest. So I did not go to the gym. However, I did have quite the random dream that I remembered when I got up. In the dream I was getting an ultrasound and J was with me. However, it was a very futuristic ultrasound in that instead of seeing the baby on the screen, I was seeing kind of a hologram of the baby in my arms. He (yes, the dream showed a boy baby) was very long, longer than I would imagine a baby to be. So it was verified that the baby is a boy. However, after I woke up I thought that maybe because the sonogram was so futuristic, that the dream was telling me this one would be a girl and the next one (in the future) would be a boy. We still don't know the sex I guess.

Got up about 2 hours later than I would have to workout and got some work done, then ready for the funeral and off we went. Mom and I had lunch after the funeral at one of my favorite places, Rosa's Mexican Food, and then it was home to work a bit more and try to nap the tears out of my eyes. But that didn't work either. Early evening with J and to bed.

Saturday I did make it back to the gym for episode #3 (like I had wanted) and did 3 sets of my workout. However, I have determined that I will only be going 3 times this week and not 5 like I had originally envisioned. Don't want to overdo it.

I happened to email Angel Ash to see if she had any insight to the sex of the baby and she responded to me this morning with the following:
"So, I asked (the angels). And I kept hearing "no." They don't want you to know right now (the sex of the baby).

I pulled a few cards asking what you need to know about the baby and I got:

YOUR DESIRE IS WITHIN REACH: saying that the baby is healthy and to release your worries.

EASY DOES IT: Do not push yourself too hard. I feel like by the end of your pregnancy, if you continue to push yourself, you may end up on bedrest. So make sure you are being kind to yourself and resting when you feel you need to rest. Also, this is asking you to let go of concerns and worries. Everything is okay. (Whew!)

SPRING: The baby is due in the spring! (Well, we knew that!)

Sorry we don't get a boy or girl. But I literally asked the pendulum and I asked boy or girl and got "no." LOL."

So what I take from that is that we aren't supposed to know until we are supposed to know. Now any fun ideas on how we can break it to the in-laws on Thanksgiving day?

Okay, here's the 15 week update which will be quickly followed (I promise) by the 16 week update:

Pregnancy Week 15: All About Baby

Get out a ruler and measure 4 inches--that's about how big Baby is this week, from the top of her head to her tush. She's actually longer than that, counting legs, but since she's so tightly curled, with her legs against her chest, it's too hard to compute. So she is measured from "crown" to "rump" for the next few weeks. As she continues to gain weight, some exciting things are happening: as she sucks and swallows amniotic fluid, taste buds are beginning to appear on her tongue (isn't that cool?), and her eyes are becoming able to sense light, though her lids will still be shut like a kitten's for several more weeks.

Pregnancy Week 15: All About You

You finally look pregnant! As your bump grows, your internal organs are shifting positions to make room for your baby-to-be. Less room means you may not be able to eat large meals, but instead you'll need to eat more frequently to stay satisfied. Because of cramped tummy space, you may have heartburn, indigestion, and flatulence. Your blood flow has increased to provide extra nutrients—meaning more trips to the bathroom for you. You may also notice that you're retaining water.

Pregnancy Brain (See Mom, it does exist!)
Dropped anything lately? Tripped over nothing? Forget something you always remember—like the date? You may be experiencing a common complaint in pregnancy—scatterbrain. "Some of my patients call it 'placenta brain,'" says Dr. Joanne Motino Bailey, PhD, a certified nurse-midwife and a professor of women's studies at the University of Michigan. While there are no studies to support the existence of pregnancy scatterbrain, notes Dr. Bailey, there are some changes in your body which may account for your sudden clumsiness.

Changing center of gravity: The first reason you may be stumbling is obvious—you're getting bigger. As your belly grows outward, your whole center of gravity is thrown. After walking perfectly for years, your body now has to constantly realign itself to keep you upright—no wonder you're tripping.
While your baby-to-be is well cushioned in your belly, falling wouldn't be good for either of you. Opt for sneakers or flats instead of high heels. Take stairs slowly. And be mindful of your movements to avoid any serious spills.

Retaining water: Another reason you may think your losing your mind—your gripping sensation may be different because you're retaining water. Your swollen fingers may make it more difficult to pick something up. (Think about how much harder it is to grab something up with fuzzy gloves on.)

Loosened joints: For your belly to house your growing baby, your skin, muscles, and joints stretch and loosen. A pregnancy hormone, appropriately called relaxin, triggers this change. Just like you need to keep in mind your changing center of gravity, remember that your muscles aren't as tight as in pre-pregnancy days—take it easy!

Fatigue: "We all know that we're not at our best when we're tired," says Dr. Bailey. "During pregnancy your body is under a great deal of stress, but it's hard to take the time out for an extra hour of sleep, which is really what you need." So it's not surprising that your constant state of tiredness may leave you not as sharp as in pre-pregnancy days.

If however, you find yourself overly clumsy, let your healthcare provider know about it. There may be something more going on than loose joints and lack of sleep.

You may be now experiencing the happiest pregnancy symptom of all—your baby is most likely a regular wiggler now! You may begin to feel a fluttering in your uterus. (I did, and I happily anticipate it returning!)

So there you have it folks! I'm off to make some Snickerdoodle cookies (my favorite) and watch my favorite Halloween movie to get ready for tomorrow (don't laugh, it's Hocus Pocus, I don't like scary movies!)

Happy Halloween and Happy Sunday!

Scratching and Stretching and Shopping

2011-10-23T15:28:00.001-07:00

Hello friends...I know I've been a bit absent this week and it's only because we've been really busy. We are now in trimester #2 (I have to remind myself of that lately!) and are really feeling like this will all work out. As the title suggests, I've been itchy which leads to scratching. I put a lot of lotion on my belly to hopefully help with stretch marks, and everywhere else, but I'm still itchy, belly, boobs, everything! The other thing I am noticing is a stretching in my belly...I just feel like my abdomen is constantly being stretched, but I'm sitting still. (To understand this effect, reach one of your arms across your body and stretch your tricep...that's how my belly feels 24/7 these days.)

And lastly, J and I had our first baby shopping excursion. We are starting on the nursery and somewhere I read that ordering furniture can sometimes take 10-12 weeks to receive. So yesterday that's what we did. I had searched Target.com to see things I liked, then printed them out so we had pricing. We definitely want a crib that converts to a toddler bed and a full size bed, usually a little more money but will be around for a nice long time. I asked my Facebook Mommies where to go and they responded in spades with many ideas, most of which we hit yesterday. Babies R Us seemed to be the best place and not as expensive as we thought it might be. Found a set we liked, although not the right color. One of the suggestions on FB was to find the set you liked, then look for it on Amazon.com where sometimes the options are more diverse as far as colors, cheaper and usually free shipping. So that's the next step. I took pictures of the set we like, the name, the cost, etc. and now the research will begin. J was a trooper, and at the end I think he cared more than I did. I was just done!

And I am very sad to say that after visiting 7 stores and walking around not a crazy amount, I am a bit sore today. Just my calves are a little tender, but compared to what I used to put my body through and not get sore, this is not okay. Which only means one thing, I need to get back to the gym and get back to where I was...maybe not weight wise with the baby coming, but at least where I can walk around and not get tired. It is time. My goal is at least twice this week, if not 3 times and then all 5 days next week. Will keep you posted...have really loved sleeping in those extra 2 hours, but need to get used to less sleep and more being in shape!

In other news, I was able to sell my 2nd fertility binder to a lovely woman named Vonda (http://gaffordcrew.blogspot.com/) and according to the review below she loved it. I couldn't help but share it with you!

From Vonda: I stumbled upon this blog last year sometime and I’ve been reading it ever since! Of course I am talking about Nikusroad.blogspot.com. I feel like I know Niki, maybe its because I feel like she writes like she knows me! Anyways, in her blog writing she’s talked about the binder she uses to keep herself organized. Now don’t get me wrong, I am actually a pretty organized mom, if for any other reason I have a couple of boys that are extremely involved and it’s my job to get them where they need to be when they need to be there!

But me myself, not so organized… I wait til the last minute for everything if its just about me… I guess it’s the nature of taking care of others first! So like I said I have a busy crazy life with my hubby and boys… the only thing missing is a sweet baby girl. A couple of years ago I finally convinced my husband to let us try one more time for another baby. The problem is that I had my tubes tied after my little guy and so we knew it was going to be an ordeal. I wont bore you with the details, I will just tell you its been a messy adventure… We now know that our only safe option is IVF. After we learned that, I remembered Niki’s binder and decided I probably needed to be a whole lot more organized…

Niki was awesome to work with and had my binder to me in no time. We are moving forward with our treatments soon and I already feel relieved just having the last 2 years documented nice and neat! She customized my binder for me, I picked the fabric, what years I wanted represented and she even put an extra tab for in there for ‘baby year 1’. She thought of everything, all the information I could ever need is now at my fingertips. She personalized my binder in every way, one of my favorites though is the personal note in the front of the binder and the very sweet handwritten thank you card. Thanks Niki for helping this girl organize her steps to realizing her baby dreams. I love that you took your idea and made it available for other women who need simplicity in what can a difficult time!

Binders are still for sale and there are more than just infertility...well, presently just infertility and baby, but if I start to get more interest, maybe more will be birthed! Have a wonderful rest of your weekend folks and week 15 updates are coming soon about the baby!

We are so very lucky!

2011-10-17T11:10:00.001-07:00

Hello fair Bleaders! Well, we made it! My 2nd trimester started Sunday! The first trimester is the big hump where miscarriage is more probable than the other two, and we've now crossed that bridge. Wahoo!!!! I feel a great sense of relief! And a little bit more energy these days. Still waking up with a headache (at least the last 2 days) but hopefully that will subside soon as the 2nd trimester is supposed to be easier than the 1st and I'm supposed to feel like a million bucks (according to Trainer's Wife). Let's hope she is right.

Before, I get to talking about what progress the baby has made up to now, let me explain why we are so very lucky. First off, we made it this far. So many women don't. And we have, without a lot of drama and no abnormalities thus far. However, that isn't what makes me feel so lucky.

Last week, I stopped off at Dr. H's office for a quick visit with Holly. I had some moderatly expensive meds that were individually packaged and since the pharmacy wouldn't give me a refund, I asked Holly if I could donate them to her for another patient, since they had given me some freebees I wanted to return the favor. Holly, of course, accepted enthusiastically and told me she had just the couple to give them to.

Dr. H is currently treating a couple who have a 3 year old daughter who needs a bone marrow transplant. So the parents of this little angel are trying desperately to get pregnant with a miracle child to cure their other child. Talk about pressure! We simply wanted to get pregnant to have a child. These parents need to get pregnant to save their other child. And not only that, the child they do get pregnant with needs to be a perfect bone marrow match! I can't even begin to imagine. I thought this process was stressful for me, but I can't imagine what they are going through. So Bleeps, that puts it all in perspective, we are very lucky. I was more than happy to give Holly whatever we had left over that she would accept and I only wish I could have done more to help. Please keep them in your thoughts, they need all the help they can get.

I also had taken in some ultrasound pictures to show off, because who better to show than the nurse that helped create that baby?! She loved looking at them because as she said, "they only get to see them about 8 weeks when there is just a little blip of heartbeat, not when there is a nose, and arms and legs!" She was very excited and told me at least twice that I looked great.

Also, something interesting happened in the waiting room while I was waiting for Holly. There was another couple sitting in there and I don't know what they were there for exactly, but I had an idea (obviously). They paid me no mind when I walked in and was sitting waiting. But after having this conversation with Holly (in the hallway out of their eyeline), when I walked out I had their undivided attention. I felt like living proof that IVF can work and things can go smoothly. Who knows what was said after I left, ultrasound photos in hand, and maybe nothing was. But if I gave them even a smidgen of hope that they could be in my shoes soon, then I'm a happy lady.

Now for a baby update:
How your baby's growing:

This week's big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.

In other news: Your baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel his tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist's hands and feet (which now measure about 1/2 inch long) are more flexible and active.

How your life's changing:

Welcome to your second trimester! Your energy is likely returning, your breasts may be feeling less tender, and your queasiness may have completely abated by now. If not, hang on — chances are good it will soon be behind you (although an unlucky few will still feel nauseated months from now).

The top of your uterus is a bit above your pubic bone, which may be enough to push your tummy out a tad. Starting to show can be quite a thrill, giving you and your partner visible evidence of the baby you've been waiting for. Take some time to plan, daydream, and enjoy this amazing time. It's normal to worry a bit now and then, but try to focus on taking care of yourself and your baby, and having faith that you're well equipped for what's ahead.

Now for the personal update from me:
Like I said, the last two days I have felt a wee bit better. Saturday I did a bit of maternity clothes shopping. MBM's sister had given me a huge wardrobe of maternity clothes that I went through and then passed some on to another friend, but the one thing missing was some great jeans. As we get closer to winter, I live in my jeans, so that's what I needed. Having already had a bunch of tops and dress pants, I was willing to spend a little more for jeans if I could find them. Motherhood Maternity really delivered and now I've got 2 new pairs of very stylish jeans that are a bit dressier that I love. Also found a few tops at Kohl's that were on clearance. I was kind of disappointed by the department store's (Kohl's and Old Navy's) selection of maternity clothes. Old Navy's was tucked in almost a back corner of the store with maybe 2 small racks, whereas Kohl's was tucked between "Women" and "Girls" with only about 4 racks. I know there are stores that specialize in maternity clothes, but they are dang expensive! Thankfully MBM's sister gave me a bunch, otherwise I'd be out a pretty penny today!

And Sunday I actually had enough energy to clean! J is overjoyed! (Smile) I did the floors, vacuumed, cleaned bathrooms, cleaned carpets, paid bills, did laundry, and was actually not a bump on the couch. Like I said, I still wake up with headaches, but the morning sickness is less and less. Have started to have more of an appetite, but not back to normal at all. We'll get there I know.

Now for a sad note. You all know how much I follow Guiliana Rancic because of her and her husband's battle with infertility. Well, Mama K alerted me this morning that it was announced that she has breast cancer that was discovered because of her 3rd IVF cycle. Here's the story from the Today Show:

So please say a little prayer for Guiliana that she not only beats breast cancer but that she gets to have the baby that she and Bill have been trying so hard to get, the baby that will hopefully have saved her life!

Again, I feel so lucky today due to both of these stories. And I hope you are lucky too!

13 weeks....one away from the 2nd trimester

2011-10-11T11:09:00.001-07:00

Hello Bleeps. Can you believe we have progressed this far? I am officially 13 weeks pregnant, which puts me just at the door of the 2nd trimester. If all is true, next week I should feel much better and dare I say, human, again.

Here's what BabyCenter says about the 13th week of pregnancy:

How your baby's growing:
Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head — which makes up just a third of her body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce.

How your life's changing:
This is the last week of your first trimester, and your risk of miscarriage is now much lower than earlier in pregnancy. Next week marks the beginning of your second trimester, a time of relative comfort for many women who see early pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness and fatigue subside. More good news: Many couples also notice a distinct libido lift around this time. Birth is still months away, but your breasts may have already started making colostrum, the nutrient-rich fluid that feeds your baby for the first few days after birth, before your milk starts to flow.

So how am I actually feeling? I go back and forth from feeling fine, to having a headache, dry heaving, and ready to collapse into a nap at any moment. I'm hoping most of that goes away next week or so. I'm also not really hungry, which while it seems good isn't the best because I get to the point of having a headache and feeling dizzy, and realize I haven't eaten for a few hours. So then I eat whatever is near, and that isn't always healthy, although I am trying!!!!!

J and I went to see Dr. OB this morning for my monthly check-up. I was weighed (and I had weighed at home this morning) and was up a couple pounds, but not as dramatic as I thought it might be. Blood pressure taken and according to Nurse Shari, it was exactly (EXACTLY) what it was last time, which was great. Time to see Dr. OB. We chatted for a bit and she told us she had gotten the results of the Ultrascreen (the test that was Friday) and everything was perfect. No abnormalities for us!! YAY! And didn't have to wait until the 17th either! Thank goodness. Then, she pulled out her handy-dandy fetal doppler and it was time to hear the baby's heartbeat. While she was looking, she asked me if I had any feelings about the sex. We told her we both keep calling Monkey a "he" inadvertently, but I really have no feeling either way yet. Then, she found that little drum inside my belly. Boy was it beating like crazy! She said it was about 150 beats per minute (bpm). I asked if higher meant girl or boy, and she said that was a wives tale. So, no indication yet. However, we do have our appointment to find out the sex of the baby - November 22nd. The day before my birthday and my parents' anniversary. Will have to come up with something fun to do for that. And it's right before Thanksgiving so will see the in-laws most likely...maybe we'll get a cake with pink or blue inside for them to find out the sex. Hmmm....that'd be fun. We'll see.

Asked a couple questions of Dr. OB (what position should I be sleeping in? Can I eat feta cheese? Can I switch back to skim milk now - Dr. H had me drinking whole milk? Can I go in our hot tub? Are there any dietary needs I need to be meeting right now?) and she gladly answered (sleep however is comfy; can eat feta if it is pasteurized; can switch back to skim; can go in hot tub as long as it isn't hotter than my body temp, or just feet; and just eat what is good, but watch the weight gain). Headaches are hormonal and should go away soon. Drink lots of water and gatorade is good too.

As far as cravings go, I would say I had my first real one yesterday. I had a dream about pumpkin bread and woke up craving it to no end. I woke up at 5 am, when to the bathroom and then back to bed but couldn't really go back to sleep. I actually considered getting up and making pumpkin bread! J surely would have liked that. But I didn't have the energy to do that. Thankfully, Starbucks delivered and they had my pumpkin bread, although not as good as mine or Mom's.

I guess that's all for today folks. I'm hoping to feel good enough to hit the gym in the next few weeks, and head back to boot camp with Meanie Christinie, Lobster and Robot. We'll see. Alright, talk to you soon! Have a great Tuesday!

Weirdest Appointment Ever

2011-10-07T14:16:00.000-07:00

Hello friends...I know I haven't posted about what is happening during week 12 yet, and I will at the bottom of this post. But first, I have to talk about my sonogram today.

I had what is called an Ultrascreen. It's purpose is to look for chromosomal abnormalities that could show that the baby might have Downs Syndrome, or 2 other defects. They measure the amount of liquid in the baby's neck, then do a blood test on me. J couldn't get out of work to go (his other half at work had the day off, so he couldn't do that too), so Mama K went with me (Thank you Mama K!).

Unlike last time, we waited maybe 5-10 minutes to get called up. The doctor kind of asked who Mama K was and I told him she was my stand-in hubby since my hubby couldn't be there. He laughed. We went into a room very similar to the one we did two weeks ago. He asked what I knew about the test we were having and then gave us more info about it. Then, it was time to get started. Cold jelly on the belly and there pops up Monkey, moving and shaking because apparently he/she was sleeping and didn't want to be messed with (sounds like J already!). Almost immediately, Monkey waved at us - see the picture below. You can see his/her fingers!

Then the doc started doing his measurements. He didn't tell me anything, just went along his merry way. Finally he was done and he said, "now it's time to play." He showed us from the top of Monkey's head, all the way down to his/her legs. Then with the machine, looked Monkey in the face and took a still shot, writing "Booh" on it for "Halloween" he said. Although, for the life of me I can't figure out who spells Boo like he did..."Booh." Random! He took another shot of the face and then we were done. Overall, he was a nice doc, tried to be funny (Mama K asked if there was any way to tell the sex yet and he said, "well, I'm sure sex was involved in the making of the baby" and I quipped, "actually, nope...too many people in the room for that. We did IVF.") and overall was fine.

Now here's where the weird part comes in...besides the Booh thing. He walks us down the hall for my blood work. Mama K is asked to wait in the waiting room. First I fill out the form and it asks if this baby is from Artificial Insemination or IVF, so I check "yes". Then it asks the age of the egg. I asked the nurse if that meant my age or how long the egg was frozen. She said no one had ever asked her that before, so she went and asked the doc and it sounded like he wasn't too sure of the answer either. We finally settled on my age because the egg was born with me. (Shouldn't they know these things?)

Now time for the blood test. I stick my arm out, exposing my inner elbow because that's usually where blood work happens, and the nurse turned my hand over and put a small, plastic pillow on my right ring finger and kind of tied it there. Then it started to get really hot. I mentioned it was hot and she said it was warming up the blood so it would come out better. Okay, prick of the finger, no worries. Finally, she's all prepped and she takes the thing off and pricks my finger on the outer side of it. Then she proceeds to S-Q-U-E-E-Z-E the living daylights out of it until a huge drop appears. She aims over the circle on the form I just filled out and the drop falls in the circle. This process is repeated 4 more times in 4 different circles about the size of a dime. She puts a band-aid on my finger and we are done. Weirdest. Blood. Test. EVER!

If there are abnormalities in either the ultrasound or the blood, a genetic counselor will call us by October 17th. No call means good news. If they call, there's other tests they can do to double verify the results. I'm praying for no call!

Now for our 12 week updates.

Monkey's Update:

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.
Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.

My Update:

Your uterus has grown to the point where your healthcare provider can now feel the top of it (the fundus) low in your abdomen, just above your pubic bone. You may already be into maternity clothes, especially if this isn't your first pregnancy. If you're still fairly small and not yet ready for maternity clothes, you've no doubt noticed that your waist is thickening and that you're more comfortable in loose, less restrictive clothing.
You may begin to feel heartburn (also called acid indigestion), a burning sensation that often extends from the bottom of your breastbone to your lower throat. Many women get heartburn for the first time during pregnancy, and those who've previously had bouts of heartburn may find that it gets worse. During pregnancy, the placenta produces a lot of the hormone progesterone, which relaxes the valve that separates the esophagus from the stomach. Particularly when you're lying down, gastric acid can seep back up the pipe, which causes the uncomfortable burning sensation. For many women the problem doesn't begin (or get worse) until later in pregnancy, when your growing uterus starts to push up on your stomach. The discomfort may range from mildly annoying to intense and distracting.

From My Perspective:
I'm feeling a bit better I think, except 3 out of the 5 work days this week I have woken up with a headache that in some cases became a migraine. No fun. On the days I didn't have a migraine, it took all of me to make myself no get sick. Literally, yesterday in the shower, it was like the water was too hot and I felt sick. So odd! A bit better today, but still not 100%. Would love to get back to the gym and boot camp, but not gonna happen quite yet. Hopefully soon.

I guess that is all on our home front. Now we wait for results and Dr. OB appt on Tuesday. Cross fingers that nobody calls about the test...good news! Happy weekend Bleeps!

What little difference one little word makes

2011-10-04T13:10:00.000-07:00

Hello folks. I hope you are all well. Baby and I are very tired and a bit headachy today. But we'll get through.

I guess you are wondering what the title of the blog is all about. So let me enlighten you.

J and I text each other often, at least once a day. Mostly trivial stuff. "What do you need from the grocery store?" "What time will you be home?" "Did this or that happen?" Nothing life changing. Lately, he has been texting to see how I feel every day, especially if I wasn't feeling good when we parted ways in the morning. Today, or rather yesterday, was a bit different. He sent me a text yesterday asking about something and when I responded, he responded "Ok. Love you both." Now I believe when I got the reply text I was driving so I didn't notice the "both." Kind of skimmed over it. He always tells me he loves me when our text conversation is over. So that part wasn't new. The "both" truly was.

However I texted him this morning about something (again trivial) and I saw the "both" and it almost brought me to tears. Literally! Right now I am two people! (No that is not a statement about how much I weigh!) I have a child within me. I know J probably feels disconnected right now from me because I am my own little factory and riding my own schedule right now. And probably because he just gets to be a spectator in this whole baby-making process. But he knows his life is changing and he is embracing it. I always knew he would, but watching this process is amazing.

J is not the most romantic man in the world but he is definitely the person I was destined to marry. He has a sensible head on his shoulders, a great sense of humor, high morality and most of all, we both love each other very much. He may not send me hundreds of roses weekly (and I would kill him if he did), but he does the sensible, sweet things that I adore. Like bringing home the final FRIENDS season on DVD because he knows I love the show. Or feeding the dogs because the thought of it makes me sick. Or sweeping the floors because I'm just too wiped to do it.

Or reminding me that he "loves us both." Me and the baby. Wow, that still brings tears to my eyes. BOTH of us.

You know you are pregnant when...

2011-10-02T16:03:00.001-07:00

Hello fair Bleeps...since Busted Kate isn't really blogging anymore (hint, hint - miss you), I'm gonna use her word! How have you been? I'm actually feeling a wee-bit better lately. Still tired, but not so yuck...unless I try to feed the dogs which I had to this weekend because J went camping. He laid out a paint mask for me to wear while doing the deed and it didn't help...can you believe that:?! Not only didn't it help me, but it scared the be-jeezus out of the dogs. So that led me to think about how my life has changed in the past 12 weeks...that's right, tomorrow I will be at 12 weeks! I just can't get over that. So let's begin...

You know you are pregnant when....

(as noted above) ...the slight smell of dog food, opening the dishwasher, or anything half-foul throws your stomach into a roller coaster and you have to figure out how to breathe and not lose your breakfast...

...when you wake up to pee at 6 am on a Sunday (yes, this morning) and can't fall back asleep, only to take a nap at 1 pm...

...when you go to try on clothes with a friend only to show off your fat "bump" which makes buttoning your jeans impossible and they are held together with a hair-tie and a belly band (yesterday)...

...when you try on new bras because they are on sale and your old size doesn't not only NOT fit, but you feel like your lungs may just burst if you have it on for one second longer (yesterday - yup, I'm up one full cup, much to J's liking)...

...when your technologically-unpracticed MIL (soon to be GMIL - Grand-Mother-In-Law) learns to text so she can check in on you without bothering you too much(her second text after J sent her sonogram pics was "OMG, 1st pics of g-baby!")... I'm not complaining here, this is very sweet to me and I love my MIL very much, no joke!

...when you go to have dinner with a friend and you both decide the nachos sound great, only to realize after the first plate that they were half price due to happy hour and you order another platter and count that as dinner (again, yesterday)...and after the first couple nachos from platter #2 you realize that that was a BAD-BAD-BAD idea...

...when, no matter how much you suck in, the belly won't go away (everyday now)...

and last, but I am sure certainly not last in the grand scheme of things...

...when someone - anyone you haven't seen in a long time asks how you've been doing, you practically blurt out...."PREGNANT!" and expect them to jump up and down for joy (and they usually do)!

Happy Sunday Bleeps...will update on our status later this week! Have a great one!

11 weeks preggers

2011-09-28T16:57:00.000-07:00

Here we are folks, 11 weeks preggers. Will update you on the baby (now nick named Monkey due to all his or her acrobatics at the ultrasound last week), then on J and I.

Your Baby in Week 11 of Pregnancy

Your baby (now about two inches long) has been pretty busy this week, growing hair follicles, fingernails, and ovaries (if she's a girl). She has distinct human characteristics by now, with hands and feet in front of her body, with ears nearly in their final shape, open nasal passages on the tip of her tiny nose, a tongue and palate in the mouth, and visible nipples. What else makes her look human? Those hands and feet have individual fingers and toes (meaning good-bye to those froglike webbed hands and feet). Hooray!

Your Body in Week 11 of Pregnancy

Hungry? Good — that's a sign your morning sickness is easing and your appetite is gearing up to help you nourish your body…and your baby. But don't go overboard just because you're eating for two: Try to gain efficiently by choosing the most nutritious foods during pregnancy and minimizing the junk. More smart nibbling tactics: Minimize bloating and gas (caused by digestion-slowing progesterone and your growing uterus) by grazing instead of gorging and steering clear of notorious gas producers, such as beans, fried foods, soda, and sweets.

Week 11 Pregnancy Tip: Feeling Tired During Pregnancy

Are your two favorite positions these days sitting and lying down? Pregnancy fatigue is normal. That's because you're running a baby-making factory that's in business 24/7 (and since you're the only employee, you're on the clock around the clock), causing your pregnant body to work harder at rest than your nonpregnant body did on the run. And for the next few weeks, a baby's not the only thing in production — so is the placenta, the magnificently complex mission control that will serve as your baby's life-support system until delivery. The result? You feel tired and overworked, even when you're not doing a darn thing. Your energy should pick up once the placenta is up and running and your system adjusts (as best as it can) to the hormonal changes of pregnancy — probably early in the second trimester. In the meantime, keep your blood-sugar level up with frequent snacks of complex carbs and protein (cheese and crackers; nuts and dried fruit), try a little exercise (which can actually give you an energy boost), and most of all — listen to your body. When it calls for a break, take one.

Week 11 Pregnancy Symptoms

Frequent urination: Blame that pregnancy hormone hCG (which increases blood flow to the pelvic area and kidneys) for making you feel the need to pee nearly all the time. But don’t be tempted to cut back on your fluid intake since you (and your baby-to-be) need to stay hydrated — instead, cut back on caffeinated drinks (they just increase your need to pee).

Breast tenderness and changes: Your growing breasts may be a turn-on for your partner, but your achy boobs are a turnoff for you. Warn your partner about your extra-sensitive breasts so that he knows why you may not be up for lovemaking — or even heavy-duty hugging.

Nausea and vomiting: Still feeling “morning sickness” — morning, noon, and night? Don’t despair since the odds are good you have only a week or two left of queasiness — most moms-to-be get over their nausea by weeks 12 to 14.

Excessive saliva: While experts aren’t entirely sure what causes this symptom, the most likely explanation is those darned pregnancy hormones. Keep your mouth as dry and minty-fresh as possible by brushing your teeth more often.

Food cravings and aversions: Are you still gagging at the smell of what used to be your favorite food — or jonesing for meat even though you were practically a vegetarian? The good news is that these freaky food preferences may lessen by your fourth month.

Bloating: How can your belly feel so inflated when your fetus is still only about two inches long? The progesterone in your system has caused your gastrointestinal tract to relax, which slows digestion and leaves you feeling bloated.

Occasional faintness or dizziness: Your body isn’t producing enough blood to fill your expanding circulatory system, which can lead to dizziness and fainting. Stave off light-headedness by keeping your blood sugar stable with regular, small meals throughout the day — and by keeping a stash of healthy snacks nearby at all times.

So now onto how J and I are faring.

J: He's resilient and I guess not much has changed with him. He still texts or calls almost daily when we are each working to see how I am feeling, especially if I was under the weather that morning. He is feeding the animals so the smell of the food doesn't get me sick. He's cleaning because I am not, just so exhausted. And he's mostly in charge of dinner, although for me...well, we'll get there.

My progress: I'm getting a bit more hungry and finding things that stay down well like...Country Crock Macaroni and Cheese, soup, grilled cheese sandwiches, Rosa's Mexican Food (only found in Tucson), some fruits, milk, tortilla chips, cheese, and did I mention Macaroni and Cheese. Mac and cheese has become my go-to comfort food. It's easy going down and calm on my stomach. Even called Dr. OB's office today to make sure I wasn't shooting myself in the foot by not eating healthy or even much protein. The nurse, Tami, told me that as long as I am eating and keeping it down, that's what we are worried about. So eat often and what works for the time being. So J really is just making dinner for himself as I eat from a can or mac and cheese or Rosa's. But still, he tries to make me dinner and I say I don't want it!

I'm still tired, although seemingly less, but have now developed pretty intense headaches some days. Sunday it was so bad that I finally gave up being awake and went and took some Tylenol and went to bed. It felt like someone had a rubberband around my head and whenever I got up (no matter how slowly) they tightened it considerably. YE-OU-CH! Asked Tami about the headaches and she said it could be that I went off my meds (as prescribed by Dr. H) last Tuesday (YAY for that, no more shots or cream or pills) or that I am not eating enough small meals. Still having that yuck feeling in my stomach and have actually now gotten sick once. Although I can't blame it all on Monkey. I took Tylenol again on Monday night for a headache and one of them got stuck in my throat and hit my gag reflex. Eventually got the pill down but the stomach was still unhappy with the taste of the uncoated pill and yup, I yacked. Not very much, but enough to never want to do it again!

Still not working out as getting through the day is all the energy I have and if I got up 2 hours earlier (like I usually do to workout) I fear I would be in bed the minute I got home.

Have broken the news of our pregnancy on Facebook as I just couldn't take it anymore to not. I was posting somewhat obscure messages trying to let people who knew we are preggers what was going on, but obscure enough that those who didn't wouldn't catch on. I was initially waiting for the second trimester to start, but after we saw Monkey (and only 1 monkey) on Friday, we figured it was pretty safe to post. The response was INSANE and very sweet. Many people who don't read the blog were overjoyed and I think that is the most people that have ever responded to one of my posts. Although, surprisingly, many close friends didn't respond...I know they have already congratulated us, but it just seemed a bit odd to me. One of the sweetest things someone did was actually post on her page saying, "I can't think of anyone more deserving of a huge CONGRATULATIONS than Nikus!" It was very sweet and above and beyond what I ever expected. Now the fun begins right?!

We're slowly figuring out the insurance situation, but it also involves waiting that can't be helped and I am not happy about. Thankfully Dr. OB's office is very understanding and I am so grateful! I have yet to take a belly picture because I just look fat, not really pregnant. Although I surely feel pregnant! :)

Ultrascreen (test which looks for Downs Syndrome, among other abnormalities) is next week. You know I'll be nervous for that one too, but we'll get to see Monkey again!

And now this little post has turned into quite a novel, so I will sign off for now. Happy Wednesday Blogites!Much love!

Looks like we're havin' a baby!

2011-09-23T18:44:00.000-07:00

Hello friends! After what seemed like waiting forever, we had our ultrasound today. And it was a roller-coaster of a day.

First off, I worked at home this morning but I had a very short window before Mom was picking me up to go to breakfast. So I worked efficiently and quickly. She picked me up and we went to a new place right by the house that I had seen had raspberry pancakes. Now I've heard of blueberry pancakes and chocolate chip pancakes, but never raspberry pancakes. We split an order, but each only ate one. They were pretty good. (Let me say here that after I woke up 3 times last night to pee, and J was having allergy issues, I didn't sleep well. In fact, I probably woke up at 6 am and just tossed and turned until I got up at 7. Was very nervous.)

Mom and I had a nice breakfast and chat and then headed to the ultrasound place. I searched high and low on the internet last night for a map of the hospital for J where the ultrasound was but came up empty-handed. So after Mom and I got there, I texted J instructions. We got there about 12:10 am and had been told no less than 3 times not to be there any later than 12:15 for my 12:30 appointment. J showed up about 12:20 (after getting lost and I called him to set him in the right direction). When Mom and I had walked in there was one couple waiting. After us came another family. The family went in first, then the couple. My thought was, "great, we're next." Another couple women walked in and they were taken back. And again. It's now nearing 1 pm and we still haven't been seen. I finally went up and asked the receptionist if they had forgotten us and she said no, everyone was there for a different reason and finally said they were having technical difficulties. I sat back down a bit disgruntled. Another lady went back and finally it was our turn. All three of us traipsed back and entered the room.

There's a table, a computer, a screen on the wall and two chairs. J and Mom sat in the chairs, me on the table and the very nice lady at the computer. She asked how far along I was and verified some info, put the gel on my belly and away we went. Right away, we see a baby...one baby. We had told her about the twin thing and after a little bit she verified that indeed there was only one baby. I didn't cry right then, I was amazed at what I was seeing on the screen. A little thing with a nose, and arms and legs, and s/he was dancing or kicking or something. She pointed out several things, took measurements, and played a bit. Then she showed us the top of his/her head and what did the little sucker do? He (see, this is where it's a he), he squirmed down away from the camera! Booger! Pretty soon he came back up, but he was being crazy!

She took lots of pictures and finally let us hear the heartbeat again. So fast, so melodious. So amazing. I don't know what my Mom was doing because my eyes were trained on the screen. J asked if she could see any of baby number 2 and she showed us just a small spot where it had been. He asked if it would hurt the baby in there and she said no. I haven't had any spotting, so I didn't know any of this was happening. Anyway, after playing around a little more and showing us limbs and features, it was time to wrap it up. We got 7 pictures (don't worry, they are below).

Looks like we're havin' a BABY!

Mom had asked the technician if she could tell me to calm down and she patted my leg and said, "that'll never happen." I had told her we'd done IVF when we walked in. I don't remember what set her off but as she opened the door to let us out, she had tears in her eyes and she had to calm herself down. She said she had actually retired a year earlier and come back because she loved her job so much and she loved seeing and hearing everything. She was very sweet. That's when I cried. We got checked out before I really lost it, but once J and I were outside alone that was it. I just let the tears come. He asked why I was crying and I said, "we lost one." He just held me and said, "it wasn't meant to be. This is all for a reason." I was immediately glad that we had put in 2 embryos instead of just one. Mom then came out and asked if these were happy tears, and I said the same thing to her. She hugged me and I think said it was okay to grieve, but we have one healthy baby and that was the purpose of all this. She was very excited she got to be there with us. We parted ways.

J and I went and found lunch at a place I'd been wanting to try for a while, Nimbus. We walked in and as we were waiting to get seated I see someone in uniform (Air Force) walking towards us. It's a guy that I went to elementary school, middle school and high school with, and dated for about 10 minutes in college. We are Facebook friends and he's married now, but I wasn't expecting to see him today. His wife is due to have a baby any day now. Anyway, he gave me a hug and I introduced him to J and told him where we had just come from. He congratulated us and we chatted for a bit. We were cordial, but it was definitely weird. His buddies were leaving so he left and we had lunch. J and I had both texted a bunch of people to tell them the outcome of today, so we were responding to those as we waited for our lunch. Both of us were still in awe.

Stopped at Target real quick on our way home and while we were there I started to really not feel well. J found what we needed and we hightailed it home so I could finish work and rest. Here it is 6:30 pm and I'm still at the computer! So on that note, I leave you with photos.

10 weeks

2011-09-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

Hello Blogites. Today I am 10 weeks pregnant. It still amazes me to say that. 10.WEEKS.PREGNANT. Amazing.

Here's this week's update:

How your baby's growing:
Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.

He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.

If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.

In other developments: Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he's about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, your baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.

Why they compare the baby to a kumquat I will never know, seeing as I have no idea what a kumquat looks like! But both versions of the 10 week mark that I have read refer to the kumquat. Odd.

Now for my update:
I teeter between feeling fine and feeling downright awful. Today is downright awful. Yesterday was downright awful, with a few amazing hours of feeling fine. Saturday, I felt fine most of the day, except for the part where I didn't eat protein until 2 pm. My fault, not body's. I'm learning. However, today no home remedies seem to be working to keep my stomach un-upset. I keep hearing that I'll feel better in my 2nd trimester and that's right around the corner, so I'm holding my breath. However, last night I read that the morning sickness (that lasts through the whole day) may not actually disappear until the 16th week! SAY WHAT?! Here I was counting down just about 2 weeks, and now you're telling me 6 more?! To be sure, I would take being sick for 9 months if it would give me a healthy baby, but I would still complain for 9 months...much to everyone's dismay I am sure.

It also doesn't help that our office building can't seem to get the temperature in our office under control. Last Monday, when it was raining and a balmy 75 degrees outside, it was 82 degrees in my office. I thought I was going to die! For once J was more comfortable that me. Today, it has ranged from 76 degrees this morning to about 73 degrees this afternoon. Overall, not terrible but with my body going crazy on it's own, I don't need the building playing any of its own games. Also doesn't help that the minute I eat or drink something hot or cold, my body reacts by following that temperature to the extreme. Some days this is great, like last Thursday when my office was 69 degrees and MBM brought me a Starbucks Decaf Pumpkin Spice Latte. But today, not the case. Either too hot or too cold.

I haven't come out on FB yet, still waiting for magic week number 12, or is it 13? Here's my dilemma, when does the 2nd trimester start? If you divide 40 weeks by 3, you get 13.3333, which would say 2nd trimester starts in week 13. However, 12 weeks is 3 months. So which is it folks? We'll announce on FB at the beginning of the 2nd trimester, if I can ever figure out when that is. (smile) However I do make comments on my condition, and those that know comment without spilling the "preggo" word. Thanks folks!

I did buy some lotion to help with stretch marks by mandate of my cousin who has a now 14 year old and an 11 year (forgive me if I got their ages wrong) and says it is muy importante! I bought a body wash and lotion and have been rubbing on my belly every night. Hopefully it helps. At this point I don't look pregnant, just fat!

How is J doing?
He's still handling all this very well. I think it has started to wear on him a bit when I go to bed at 8:30 pm, or can't eat specific things because they just don't sound great at all. And I'm sure he won't be overjoyed when I tell him this evening that I can't feed the animals anymore because it almost made me lose my breakfast with the smell, but I'm sure he'll get over it. He says he has gained some weight "for me" and may want to borrow my maternity pants come Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. We'll see how he looks in my black workout capris with the expandable belly. Now there's an image! He told me tonight that he had a dream last night about our daughter...yup, he's dreaming about baby girls, and this isn't the first time. Blonde hair with pink bows...my dream child I think! Anyway, what could that mean? Think he is on board, just a little bit?

We got a "congrats" card from (BFF in San Fran) Melslaw over the weekend and it made me laugh out loud. Besides being congratulatory and she's excited to be Auntie Melslaw...she mentioned that Melslaw is a great girl's name, and Melslaw-o is a great boy's name. Made me crack up! I do love her so! And I get to see her next weekend when she comes into town for another friend's baby shower! Me so happy!

Next stop - Ultrasound. We have our sonogram on Friday about 12:30 pm. J can't go so Mom is and I believe she is overjoyed. I'm always a bit nervous with the doc appointments, waiting for someone to tell me this is all going to end sooner tha it should. But based on today's stomach-upsetted-ness, maybe I'll be okay afterall. Will report and hopefully post pictures this weekend.

Thanks for sticking with me folks! Talk soon! Mama is going to bed...yes, at 9:04 pm.

9 weeks

2011-09-13T18:37:00.000-07:00

Hello friends, here's a little update that I get from Whattoexpect.com weekly about the growth of the babes.

How your baby's growing:

Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain.

How your life's changing:

You still may not look pregnant even if your waist is thickening a bit. You probably feel pregnant, though. Not only are morning sickness and other physical symptoms out in full force for most women, but you may feel like an emotional pinball as well.

Mood swings are common now — it's perfectly normal to feel alternately elated and terrified about becoming a parent. Try to cut yourself some slack. Most women find that moodiness flares up at around six to ten weeks, eases up in the second trimester, and then reappears as pregnancy winds to a close.

Now for an update on me....

We had our first appointment with Dr. OB as a pregnant couple this morning and I remember all the reasons that I love her. Not only did her staff go above and beyond the call of duty trying to understand and help us understand our insurance situation and what it would cost without insurance, but Dr. OB never rushed us and answered all our questions thoroughly and honestly. First she did an exam with just me. She did a PAP (always fun) and then felt my uterus. Okay, that's just weird. I had given her the notes from Dr. H, the pictures and told her about the vanishing twin. She said that my uterus felt larger than it would for a single baby at 9 weeks, so that made her feel like we were still on track for twins.

Then, J was brought in for lots of information. She relayed the same information to him that I had just gotten and said that we could do another ultrasound as early as next week to figure out if we were having twins or not. We determined that we wanted that. The more I see these babes, the better off I am. Then she described how much we would see her - single baby or twins, twins would be more often and more ultrasounds...fine by me! We talked about a test to check for Cystic Fibrosis genes that I swore I had had when they ran all the blood work before Dr. H stepped in and lo-and-behold we had so didn't need to again, yay for good memories! And no, I am not a carrier. We talked about the Ultrascreen which checks for Downs Syndrome and decided to have it because I am a preparer, and if that is the scenario I want to know. I wouldn't dare terminate, but I do want to know. Of course I was taking notes through all of this and again Dr. OB commented on my notebook and how organized I was. I said, "you should see the fertility binder, it's double this size...this is the baby binder!"

I asked Dr. OB about eating and she said not wanting healthy stuff is perfectly normal and to just make sure I eat. If we're having two, I'll probably gain more than the recommended 25-30 lbs, by no fault of my own. She said to not TRY to gain weight, but understand that I will. She wants me to monitor it and try to keep it to 1 lb a week from here. J commented, "She's eating, but not very much!" Some of the best words he's ever said, since usually I am a huge eater...but not lately! Anyway, she just said to try and eat healthy, but if that fails, eat what will stay down. She wasn't worried about me not working out, just said to ease back into it when I felt up to it. And be aware of what goes down my gullet. She also said I can have one caffeinated beverage a day, although right now coffee doesn't sound great to me, but tea maybe! She went through some meds that were approved and not, also said to call anytime with questions. And she was excited for us and complemented us on our tenacity to get pregnant! Even saying she hoped it was twins given the situation!

All in all it was a great appointment and J really liked Dr. OB and her staff. They sent me home with some research to do about insurance because their info was different than mine, and mine eventually turned out to be right, but what a drama ... I hate insurance companies! Sorry, they are just so difficult no matter who it is! Anyway, we're set for now. Ultrasound is scheduled for next Friday and Ultrascreen is scheduled for mid-October.

Next step....find out if it's one or two...but must wait until next week! Will post before then, but for now off to find dinner! Thanks for stickin' with me folks and talk to you soon!

Many firsts....

2011-09-11T16:56:00.000-07:00

Hello my lovlies...I know I have been MIA since I blogged last week with so much information in a short period of time. I figured you needed time to recover...I sure did. So let me catch you up on where we are in this process.

STATUS: As of tomorrow, the babies (I'm still saying two since we saw two on the 30th at our ultrasound) will be 9 weeks along. That seems quite amazing to me that at the end of September we'll be out of the first trimester. Whattoexpect.com tells me that at this point the babies are the size of raspberries, but they are sure wreaking havoc on my life...I guess that is what the rest of our life will be right?

CONDITION: How am I feeling these days? Tired, always tired. I wake up and I'm tired. I go to bed at 8:30 pm and I'm tired. If I'm not tired then my stomach is upset. I haven't yet gotten physically sick, but I've definitely come close and had to ward it off. I wake up not hungry but I know I need to eat, so I try and find something healthy, but then when that doesn't sound good I go for whatever does. Fruits are easier than vegetables to get down, depending on the day. The "ladies" are still sore, but not nearly what they were -- or maybe I am just used to it at this point. For a long time I was having a lot of cramps, but those have kind of subsided. I've had a headache here and there, but nothing crazy. The biggest thing these days is exhaustion. I've been told by Holly that in the first 6 weeks my blood supply will double, and that's why I am so tired. It is also because the placentas are developing too, which I've been told stops in month 4.

HAPPENINGS: People keep asking us if we have discussed names yet and we haven't. J and I even discussed this phenomenon and we determined that it is really hard to discuss names when we don't know the sex, or even if we are having one or two babies. I did buy a baby names book yesterday though, and when I checked out the lady in front of me looked at the book, then looked at me, and gave me kind of that "knowing" smile. One of many to come I spose.

Some of my clothes are getting a bit tight around the belly and I refuse to get on the scale, so I finally went to Target to get some belly bands. It's a tight piece of material that goes around your middle and helps hold up your pants before you really need maternity jeans, then helps support your belly during it's growth, then helps again with your pants after the baby is born before your regular pants fit again. Since J had dropped me and was at Lowe's, I had some time to wander around the maternity section and look at sales. I tried some things on and I obviously don't have the belly some of them are ready for, but some of the clearance items fit pretty nice and were cheap. So I officially own 7 maternity items. In fact, I asked the lady at the dressing room desk where I could find other sizes of one item and she said, "you know those are maternity right?" I said, "yes." She then said, "do you want maternity?" I said, "yes." So apparently, I'm not showing things as much as I feel like I am.

I haven't been to the gym in at least 2 weeks, because I am just so tired. I know Meanie Christinie, Lobster, Robot and Trainer aren't happy about that, but at least I hope they understand. Trainer was very sweet after I emailed him the other day to put my account on hold because I am just so tired. Thankfully, his wife just had a baby not too long ago, so he understands where I am coming from. I feel bad not working out, but just day to day stuff wears me out very easily. I haven't snapped at too many people I don't think, but I fear the girls at the office might get some of it soon. I'm trying to get as much sleep as possible. But it doesn't seem to help. So. Very. TIRED!

J's STATUS: I've noticed some changes in J too. He's always been very protective of me, but that has ramped up quite a bit. He texts me almost daily to see how I am feeling, and if he doesn't text than he asks me when I get home from work. He also is embracing our marriage much more openly. That sounds odd and here's what I mean. J has never strayed or anything like that, but he can't wear his wedding ring at work because if the metal touches the wrong part of a vehicle engine it could sear his finger off. In that, he forgets to wear his ring on the weekends sometimes. I know the ring is just a symbol of what we have, but sometimes that bugs. Anyway, he came home from work the other day and we were relaxing in the family room and I saw something on his hand that wasn't his ring. I asked him what it was and he said it was a rubber band that he had wrapped around his wedding ring finger so EVERYONE knew he was married. I know it is only a small gesture but it meant a lot to me and made me smile. It's also funny to hear him ask how the babies are. I just never thought we would get here and here we are!! He also makes a point of telling me what "the guys" at work tell him about their pregnant wives/girlfriends. And when I tell him what my weekly emails say about pregnancy or what the books say, he is really very interested and asks questions. I never expected him not to be, but it is great to see that he is living up to my expectations!

FUN NOTE: At our housewarming party, BFF from Phoenix and her Mom came down and they knew it was my Mom's birthday too (BFF's is on the 2nd, my Mom's is on the 4th) so they had brought my Mom a present. It was a little cube that says "___ Weeks until I'm a Grandma" and then she can change the number of weeks with the little cube based on how much time I have left of my pregnancy. How sweet is that? I do have wonderful people in my life! They also brought me a scrap booking kit to keep track of pieces of my pregnancy. Of course it is purple, and very sweet. I've never been a scrap-book-er but this seems like a great way to start.

NEXT STEP: Our first appointment with my OB is on Tuesday. We'll find out then when our next ultrasound appointment is and where we go from here.

This is all still very surreal to me. But I know it's real and I know in my heart it will all be okay. And again, I'm tired, so I am off to rest a bit.

The real update

2011-09-06T06:40:00.001-07:00

So now you are up-to-speed folks and I guarantee that I will write more now that both cats are out of their bags.

HOUSE - The move went fine. We had about 13 volunteers helping us, including MBM, MBM's very preggo sister and her hubby and daughter (although I don't think Lil M helped but she did keep the movers entertained), J's parents, Mama K, and a slew of other people. But it was a very tiring day and instead of just having one "mother" around, I had about 7. Whenever I went to pick up any box (be it full of pillows or books) I had to check around and make sure I wouldn't get screamed at for "picking up something heavy." Believe you-me, I got screamed at a lot! All in love, all in love, but by the end of the day I was over it. We had treats for the movers (bagels/donuts and pizza) and once we made it to the new house, everyone fell in love with it just like we did. That weekend was a whirlwind and despite being pregnant, I tried my best to get a lot unpacked. That left for a very tired Nikus every day! But here we are, ready for Labor Day Weekend, Schelle's visit, and our Housewarming Party. Pictures are on the walls, furniture is arranged, the only boxes left are things that were in boxes to begin with (i.e. our childhood memories, etc) and we're all settled. YAY!

PREGNANCY - Wow. I really can't believe that I am actually pregnant. I have bouts where I have no symptoms what-so-ever and after those moments disappear, I remember that I am and feel that I am. I have to pee all the time. My boobs ache like I don't know what. I have cramps like AF is right around the corner. And I even have had a few food aversions and upset tummies and hormonal outbreaks. J has been super wonderful. I figured he'd get really tired of hearing about my cramps, etc., but he says, "go lay down" and "don't over-work yourself." Even makes sure I eat before 8 pm so I don't get crampy at night which actually seems to make a difference.

I told Mama K the other day that I keep waiting for someone to jump out and scream "just kidding" at me and that this is all a ruse. She said, "that's a very mean joke." I know, but it just feels so surreal. She said she still looks at her daughter (who is 7!) and is amazed she came out of her body. I told her, "add to that feeling, trying for 4 some-odd years and failing for 4 some-odd years." She said, "I can only imagine how you feel."

I've talked to Holly a few times about minor things. I think in some ways she is more excited than I am for the ultrasound. But talking to her is like talking to my best friend. When we haven't talked for a while, she answers the phone with, "well where have you been?" I do love that lady and couldn't have done IVF without her...and Dr. H of course.

Our first ultrasound was August 30th and we definitely got some interesting news that day. I was very nervous the day before and day of, almost busting into tears on the way there because my mind was running wild with what the doc may or may not see. Calmed myself down enough. Walked in, sans treats (too nervous to cook) and didn't even have to give my name...they know me, and commented that I was empty-handed at which point I immediately wished I wasn't. Holly came out to chat for a second and ask how I was feeling. J was a few minutes behind me because we drove separately so we could both go to work afterwards and he needed to get gas. Holly left me and immediately I was called to go back. Texted J to say, "get your butt here" and just as Dr. H walked in with Holly in tow, J walked in behind them. Time to get down to business.

Dr. H started up the ultrasound machine and pretty soon can point out that there is in fact a baby in there and everything looks fine. There is in fact, two embryo sacs in there, however one is thriving more than the other. So we could see that everything was doing fine and then Dr. H said, "we may have a vanishing twin syndrome here." What that means is that the 2nd baby isn't prospering as well and may not make it, however it won't be a miscarry technically. However, he also stated that he could be wrong and things could go along just fine and next time we have an ultrasound we should know the outcome. He then reverted back to Twin A (Mo) to look for the heartbeat. I was holding my breath the whole time I swear. And he finally found it and it was just this miniscule flutter on the screen. Miniscule is an understatement. (Understand that what we're seeing on the screen is magnified - so we're seeing the sac which is about as big as an orange on the screen, however inside of me it's about the size of a blueberry. On the screen the heartbeat flutter is about the size of half of my pinky fingernail, so imagine what it is in my body...again, miniscule!) And then he got the machine close enough so we could hear it. Hear IT! And it was fast. 147 beats per minute, but according to Dr. H that is normal. But folks, we do have a heartbeat! That was the point I started breathing again. I started to tear up a little bit, but then we went right back to Twin B (Eenie) to talk about the vanishing twin syndrome. Holly said that it shouldn't hurt me or the baby, and in fact Dr. H's first child had a vanishing twin as well, and he is now 20 years old, handsome, smart and great according to his aunt Holly. She said not to worry now.

So it was an interesting morning. I was expecting an answer on the number and while we know that one baby is for sure prospering well, we don't quite know how the second will turn out. I briefly spoke to Angel Ash this afternoon and she said that she felt #2 would hang on, so who knows. She's been right so far, I'm not about to doubt her now. However, I need to be ready if #2 isn't around when we go for our next ultrasound. Dr. H also said that even if the twin vanishes, I may go into labor early because we started with twins and the body still thinks that. And we graduated out of Dr. H's office. Will not go back to see him, unless I want to show off my pregnant belly, update the binder still in the office, or show off the fruits of our labor when he/she/they are born. And the drugs stop September 20th. Amazing!

And now we're back to real time. So I will continue to post how I am feeling and what new fun things are happening in my life. Thank you so much Bleeps for not giving up on me. But besides wanting to tell Schelle in person (as I promised her years ago that I would that I was preggers), I needed to get to that first ultrasound and make sure everything was progressing as we needed it to be. Now that all the family and friends know, and the ultrasound is confirmed, I think we'll be okay going forward. Just needed to get my head on straight before revealing myself to the world. If you know me on FB please don't say anything yet. As much as it pains me, I really want to wait until we hit that 12 week mark to reveal myself there. Am working on what to say, but I'll get there in due time.

And Bleaders, please know that I wouldn't have made it this far without you all and your support. You have helped make me as strong as I am today. You are my blog-amily (that's blog and family). Thank you!!

It's annoucement day.....

2011-09-05T07:00:00.001-07:00

Please note, this post was originally written during my 3 am blog visit on July 28th, but for reasons you'll read about, couldn't be posted until now.

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Hello Bleeps! Now that the transfer is said and done and all we can do is wait, but we needed some distraction in our life, so without further ado....our announcement is....no we don't know if we are preggers yet (I mean in my mind I know, but I have nothing to back it up) the transfer was like 5 minutes ago....sorry, our announcement is.....

WE BOUGHT A HOUSE...or rather, A SECOND HOUSE! Our dream house to be exact! This place is perfect and I'm so excited!! It has plenty of room for out twinies, or our first and second child, however this comes to pass, a great area for the dogs, a pool and everything I've ever wanted to do to our current house. Now you are supposed to say, "what are you going to do with your old house?" and the answer is we are going to rent it. Already had a couple inquiries just from people we have mentioned it to.

If my life wasn't busy enough already right?! We've been thinking about this for quite some time and after getting all the financing in place, on a whim while J was working last Saturday I went out with our realtor (who also happens to be MBM's Mom and my longtime "other mother" Mama L.) and we looked in the area we wanted to be in. We looked at 9 houses in about 3 hours. Some were okay but too pricey, some were just plain not gonna work, but there were 2 that really had some pieces I liked. So we took J back to both on Sunday and he said a flat-out no to one of them, but the other he fell in love with like I knew he would and like I had. The house's owner was actually there when we went back on Sunday and told us that his Realtor was having an open house that afternoon and since we were both in love with the house, we figured we better hop-to or someone else would jump on it. Sooo...while I was at Super-Mom's shower with lady (who coincidentally gave me no issue what-so-ever and I was very cordial to for the 5 seconds we spoke), J took my parents back to the house to get their opinion of it. They fell in love with it as well and agreed it fit us to a T. Sooooooo.....Sunday evening, we made an offer and Monday afternoon the owner countered and we accepted!!! We close on August 19th and move that weekend!

I'm so very excited and the only reason I didn't let the cat out of the bag earlier (here's the reason) was because I wanted to do some digging and make sure Schelle (and a few other people I didn't want to tell via the blog) weren't reading the blog because....Schelle's got a plane ticket to come see us in early September for Labor Day weekend and J had the great idea of surprising her with the new house! Picking her up from the airport, not saying a word and just driving to a different house. (By some incredible feat in the 5 years after J and I left Denver, I have seen Schelle every year - either by some fluke trip to Denver for work, or her making an effort to come here for my 30th birthday or just to play, we've made it happen. So...she's been to this house - now referred to as the old house - many a time. I don't know that she'll notice the different route "home" but I know when I open the garage door to a different house altogether, she'll take note!)

However, Schelle does read the blog, but I know she's been really busy lately, but I she reads so sporatically that I couldn't take the chance. But I had to do a little recon to make sure and when I talked to her tonight she verified she hadn't been reading for a while because we make it a point to talk every week and she hears my stories straight from me, rather than reading them - which I assumed (of course after I wrote this, but thankfully didn't post, she read the blog to catch up on transfer day). So as hard as it was for me to do, I didn't tell her about the house. Now I've just got to keep it a secret for the next month until she gets here for Labor Day Weekend - a huge feat for me as I tell Schelle a lot! She is one of my besties! I even planted a seed with her saying, "if we're gonna have twinies, we'll need a bigger house!" and the practical woman that she is she said, "yes, but not while they're real little!" Oh does she have a surprise coming! I love giving people surprises!

The other thing about this whole scenario that makes me so confident in IVF is that everything is falling into place perfectly. We found our ideal house the first day and low-balled the asking price because we are in a recession after all. The owner didn't accept our offer right off, but counter-offered something in the middle - that we deemed very fair - that we could still afford and we accepted. The owner even got another offer before he had counter'ed on ours that was HIGHER than our original offer and his counter-offer, and because we made our offer first (and I believe because he met us and we were sooooooo interested and asked lots of in-depth questions) he was honorable and said to his realtor, "let's see what we can work out with these kids first," which is in part why we figured out how to afford his counter offer, not wanting to lose the house of our dreams over nickels and pennies. And then our loan guy pulled some strings and had all these discounts for us from his company that I couldn't even have imagined! It's just all working out too well to not believe that we are on track to a lot of bigger and better things in our life, especially so far as preparing us to be parents and have the right tools to make our children's lives great.

However, the two flaws this house has, or I guess doesn't have, is that there is no door from the master bathroom to the master bedroom and the garage isn't THAT much bigger than our current garage - but I think that is a plus so J can't have too many more toys that belong in the garage. If you recall, that is what one of our current house's flaws is that there isn't a door from the master bathroom to the master bedroom. So after 4.5 years of living here, we finally broke down and with the help of J's Dad, put in a wonderful, beautiful door. And now we're leaving and we are sans door...again! Who builds a house like that? Apparently, quite a few designers!

Another piece of this perfection picture is that I have always toiled with the fact that Dr. OB is on the other side of town and I want J to be at as many appointments as he can be, but it would be beyond out of the way for him. Well now, it's right down the road! And the only hospital that my doc delivers at is right next door to her office so we are set. I know these are minute details, but I have often thought about switching just because it would be closer. But now I don't have to! It's just all working out so very perfectly!

I'm beyond excited and can't wait to move. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is packing! EWWWW....I hate packing. But unpacking is quite fun I think because you are in a new place and get to put things away in your new digs! We already have a bunch of friends who have offered to help us move and J, Mom and MBM have told me that I'm not allowed to move anything heavy when we find out that I am preggers. (However, J did say that on the off chance I am not preggers, I get to move everything heavy, by myself!)

Anyway, we've got a very busy few weeks and I can't see that slowing down anytime soon. My "to-do" list has now tripled in size, but I can honestly say, that my mind is off Eenie and Mo in my belly. Well, kind of.

So now you know....

2011-09-04T06:37:00.003-07:00

You will be reading this post almost a month after I have written it Bleeps only because I needed time to tell everyone about our pregnancy. But I wanted to get all the details of 8/8/11 on ~~paper~~ computer before I forgot them in the rest of the craziness that I feel will be ensuing.

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August 8, 2011

I woke up about 7 am and couldn't fall back asleep, so wandered to the computer room to check email that had accrued from our trip to Pinetop (without much internet) and catch up on Facebook and Blogs. Talked to Kismet via Facebook chat and heard that it was her daughter (who was born thru IVF)'s 20 month birthday, so we both deemed that a good omen. Also read my horoscope, which said "If you're not in a good mood, something strange is going on - you've got so much positive energy coming your way that you should be grinning from ear to ear and maybe even farther than that!" I had a feeling it would be a great day.

About 8 am, I wandered back to bed where J was still sleeping. I was in the middle of reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and it was really getting interesting, so I read before forcing myself out of bed at 8:15 am for my 9 am blood draw appointment which was 5 minutes away. Showered, put on very little make-up, comfortable and "lucky" dress, kissed J good-bye, made my breakfast smoothie and set off for the lab. Made it fairly quickly although it turned out to be someplace else than I had thought. Got in right away and blood draw very quickly and painlessly. On my way home by 9:15 am.

J was awake when I got home so I crawled back into bed with him while he was watching TV and read some more. About 10:50 am, Obama came on to talk about the debt crisis and it reminded me that I needed to go work a little bit (yes, even on my day off) so I got up to do that and J got up as well. He went to the garage to unpack the truck from our trip and I went to my office.

I was on the phone with a client when my cell phone went off at 12:02 pm. Thankfully our call was done so I could get off the phone with her and answer my doc's call. It was Holly and after we said our hellos, I said, "hold on, let me go find J." Then, as I scrambled down the stairs I said to her, "Do I need J?" She replied, "well, he is the FATHER!" I let loose a blood-curdling scream and began to cry. I finished running down the stairs, although more carefully now, to the garage where I just handed J the phone telling him it was Holly.

She said to him, "I hope those are happy tears." He said, "Me too." She said, "They are!!!!!!" I can't tell you exactly what he said just then because I was in his arms and he was squeezing me tight! I think I heard him say, "well, that's good." Holly then let fly on a bunch of information about continuing my meds, getting another blood test on Wednesday, 8/10 to make sure the numbers were behaving themselves and then told him that my beta was 746 which made it highly likely we were pregnant with twins. At this point, I had composed myself enough to take the phone back and hear all the information myself. We hung up and hugged very tight in the garage - how romantic - when we pulled away, J's eyes were wet.

We went inside where it wasn't 105 degrees and hugged and cried some more. Talked a bit about who we would tell and then began that barrage. J's Mom's birthday was the following day, so we figured we would tell her this evening so she could wake up happy. My parents were in Pinetop and while I wanted to tell them in person very badly, I knew I couldn't wait until they got back a month later.

I texted Kismet first because she had emailed me that morning. She was way excited, texting back "Twinies!"

Then I tried calling Volleyball Queen, but she didn't answer (dag-nabit!) but she called me right back. I told her the news and she began screaming incoherently! We talked for a long time about the events of the day and she told me if she lived in AZ she'd be swinging me around and hugging me so hard! (Love you VQ!)

After hanging up with her, I called Busted Kate, but she too didn't answer her phone (double dag-nabit!) and finally called me back. I gave her my beta number and she went ballistic. She too wanted to hear all the details.

About that time MBM called from the office and asked how my blood work went. I said, "do you really want me to tell you this way?" She said, "I just asked about the appointment, not the outcome!" I said the appointment was fine and quick. We talked a bit about work and finally I decided I couldn't wait until Wednesday to tell her so I told her we were preggers with twinners! She was very excited, however calm so the rest of the ladies wouldn't know at the office. I told her she could tell her hubby, but no one else.

Finally, went down to have some lunch and J said he had texted his buds at work and his BFF. They were all very excited. I called the pharmacy to get more drugs and planned to go pick them up, as well as groceries. Called Holly back to see when I could go back to working out and she said whenever I wanted to and it would be good, just nothing crazy. And to tell Trainer. As of writing this post, he doesn't know yet. Will tell him in person when I see him next.

J suggested that after so many negative pregnancy tests that I now pee on a stick again to see if it would show. I told him I was chugging water so I would need to go. I finally went and it popped up right away. Who knew those things actually worked?! I showed J and he said, "that's what it is supposed to look like?"

Got in the car to run errands and Mama L. called about something non-baby related, but then she asked if I knew. I couldn't lie so I said, "I'm not telling." She knew that meant yes and said, "I won't tell anyone!" I told her that it was quite possibly twins and she was very excited.

Called Melslaw on my way to the pharmacy and she was in a meeting, so said she'd call back. Got to the pharmacy, and after paying, I was looking through my meds to realize that I didn't have all that I needed. So we figured that out, paid again (yeouch!) and then back in the car to head for groceries. Melslaw called about 10 minutes before I pulled into Target. We chatted about her job, etc. and I finally said, "are you ready to be an auntie?" She said, "SERIOUSLY?!" I said yes and told her about the events of the day. As everyone else, she was very excited and turns out she'll be in town soon so there will be celebrating when she comes. Finally got off the phone and got groceries. Almost got a University of AZ onesie, but wasn't thrilled with any so I opted out.

Home to unload groceries and then sit down. BFF in Phoenix called while I was unloading so I asked if I could call her right back. She agreed. I finished and called her back when I was sitting. We talked about her life and finally, kind of out of the blue, I said, "are you ready to be an auntie?" She said very nonchallantly, "of course." I said, "how about an auntie to two?" She said, "what? WHAT? You know?! How do you know? You are? OMG! I thought it wasn't until Thursday! OMG! Congrats! Nik! OMG! ..." And it continued! (smile) She asked if she could tell her Mom, Mama R and I said yes. I recounted the story of the day's events again, and then we talked about her coming for Labor Day weekend and her birthday. Finally, after a bit more screaming, laughing and reminding her that we were still very early on, we said our good-byes.

Upstairs to work a bit on bills, update the binder, and relax when Schelle called. I tried to keep it to small talk and about our trip, but didn't tell her on purpose so I can tell her when she comes at the end of August. She always told me if I found out I was preggers to call her and tell her to buy a plane ticket, so since she already has one, I didn't tell her. Our conversation was short and sweet and I think they'll stay that way until she comes. Otherwise I may burst.

With that, I am off to relax a bit and then we'll call the parents. I know, we haven't told them yet, but we wanted them to all be home from work.

Yes folks, we are preggers! It still doesn't feel real. But I know it will. Just takes time.

WOW, we are pregnant. I don't know where to go from here...

IVF by the numbers

2011-09-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

As of today, these are where our numbers stand for IVF:

Shots = 51
If no number is listed after the date that means there was only 1 shot.
(6/3, 6/4, 6/5, 6/6, 6/7 (2, ran out of follistim and had to do 2 sticks), 6/8, 6/9 (2), 6/10 (2), 6/11(2), 6/12 (4, ran out of follistim so 2 sticks there, plus HCG and Ganirelix), 6/23, 7/23, 7/24, 7/25, 7/26, 7/28, 7/30, 8/1, 8/3, 8/5, 8/7, 8/9, 8/11, 8/13, 8/15, 8/17, 8/19, 8/21, 8/23, 8/25, 8/27, 8/29, 8/31, 9/2, 9/4, 9/6, 9/8, 9/10, 9/12, 9/14, 9/16, 9/18, 9/20)

Other meds = 56 (I take these meds twice a day)
(7/27, 7/29, 7/31, 8/2, 8/4, 8/6, 8/8, 8/10, 8/12, 8/14, 8/16, 8/18, 8/20, 8/22, 8/24, 8/26, 8/28, 8/30, 9/1, 9/3, 9/5, 9/7, 9/9, 9/11, 9/13, 9/15, 9/17, 9/19)

Pills = 607 (every day there are different amounts)

Here's a photo of most of the meds that I have taken or will take. That's a lot of meds! The iced tea jar is there because that is where my used needles are - they have to be thrown away in a closed container.

Ultrasounds = 8
(6/1, 6/7, 6/12, 6/14, 6/20, 7/21, 7/28, 9/2)

Blood tests = 9
(5/31 (J), 6/1, 6/7, 6/12, 6/14, 8/8, 8/10, 9/2)

Dollars = $10,455 (look at fertility spreadsheet)

IVF books read = 4

IVF Care packages = 2

Phone calls/texts/emails/FB messages = countless (much thanks to anyone and everyone who contributed to this number)

Goody plates to doc = 6
5/31 = Orangies
6/1 = Pumpkin cake
6/7 = Fruit bucket
6/12 = Blueberry muffins
6/14 = 8 Deviled eggs
7/28 = 24 Deviled eggs

Eggs retrieved = 19
Mature eggs retrieved and attempted fertilized = 16
Eggs took to fertilization = 11
Eggs to 8 cell embryo phase (embryos) = 7
Embryos to Blastocyst = 7
Blastocysts frozen = 7
Embryos transferred on 7/28 = 2

Ruptured cysts = 2

Heating pads needed for pain = 3
Caretakers = 3
Days off work = 6/14, 6/15, 7/28 (1/2 day off), 8/8 (3/4 day off)
Acupuncture sessions = 8

Beta level on 8/8 = 746
Beta level on 8/10 = 1542

Pink lines = 2

WE. ARE. PREGNANT! And very possibly with twins!

I'm here, I'm here!

2011-08-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

Hello dear ones! I'm sorry I seem to have fallen off the planet, but our lives have been a little topsy turvy lately! Thank you so much for your understanding and I promise I will report what's been going on soon. Still recovering from it all....

J and I are doing just fine, except that the heat in AZ is not being nice this summer. Usually August is monsoon season which means about 3 pm every day we get a 20+ minute rain shower which cleans everything up and cools everything off. This year - not so much. Don't know what the deal is, but I miss my monsoons!

I'm sorry to keep everything under wraps and to be soooooooooo MIA, but I have my reasons. I will let you know soon for sure! Stick with me folks....there's adventure ahead of us....I'm sure of it!

I have nothing to say, but I have everything to say

2011-08-17T11:00:00.001-07:00

Hi folks.

I'm a little quieter, I realize.

There's a lot going on and I'm just waiting it out.

Blogger is having issues emailing the blogs out.

I did post quite a bit last week.

I guess I'm just a little disappointed this morning that I have lost a couple followers, possibly because I've gone a bit quiet. I'm sorry that I haven't been sharing as openly as usual, but there is just a lot going on right now and we're trying to deal and catch our breath.

I'm still here. I'm fine. J is fine. Everybody is fine. Just busy and a bit overwhelmed.

Will be back soon.

The protective vibe, I dig it

2011-08-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

Hello again dearest Bleeps. See I haven't deserted you! This one won't be very long, but I've been thinking about it a lot.

Again, I'm going to talk about J. He has made me laugh so much lately. He's truly been a gem through all of this stuff. Helping me during the retrieval when everything hurt or I needed food. But ever since the transfer on July 28th, he's been uber-protective.

You may remember that the doc told me to not exercise or do anything strenuous for 5 days after transfer. Well, after that we were in Pinetop so there was no working out. But he made sure he did all the heavy lifting. He was watchful of where I was, that I was fed, watered and had a restroom nearby. Even though our 5 day period is over, he's still very watchful over me. I went to put something in the mail yesterday and he said, "I can do that." I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not dead...I can walk 20 feet to the mailbox in 30 seconds of 105 degree heat. If I'm pregnant, I'm gonna have to do a lot more than that!! However, it is very sweet and I appreciate that he wants to make sure he is helping as much as possible.

If he is this protective and we don't know the results, what is he going to be like when we find out we are pregnant?! I hope we find out!

One more Pinetop story

2011-08-11T06:47:00.000-07:00

After yesterday's post, I was kindly reminded by MBM that I forgot one story that needs to be documented.

First, let's set the scene....this is a picture MBM's hubby took of Hawley Lake.

Beautiful, eh?

On Thursday, we went up to Hawley lake to see J's parents who were up there camping for the week. We went down to the edge of the lake to fish for a while with MBM and her family, as well as my MIL. J and FIL had gone out on the boat. We fished. And we fished. And we fished. And not even a nibble. So after a while, we got bored of fishing. We decided to do some crawdad fishing. J and I had done this last year at Hawley lake and it was great fun.

What you do is put a good little chunk of bacon on the hook of your fishing rod and then dip it in the water near the shore of the lake. The crawdads come out of between the rocks, clamp on to the bacon and then you pull them out of the water and shake them loose in a bucket. We began to do this and were having a lot of luck, even got the kiddos involved and catching some.

In case you don't know what a crawdad looks like, this is a photo. They are kind of mini-lobsters.

Here's a crawdad fishing photo MBM's hubby took of all of us.

Meanwhile, we had just had lunch and the food was sitting in a grocery bag by the shore. MBM's hubby was keeping watch, but every so often would walk away to tend to one of the kids. As food does attract animals, we had a squirrel who was very interested in what was in the bag. So every so often we'd hear the bag rustle and dag-nabit if that squirrel wasn't in the bag. So MBM's hubby would run up and shoo him away and try to do something else so he couldn't get our food. But he was a persistent little bugger. The food was hung in the tree (although, I'm not sure how he thought that was a good plan seeing as squirrels naturally climb trees), and the food was even wrapped in a towel and put in the bag, but that squirrel already knew it was there so he kept coming back.

At one point, MBM's oldest son (Big E) had grown weary of crawdad fishing so he had just put his child's fishing rod (kind of a toy fishing rod) down on the bank with the bacon attached to it. By this time, MBM and I had wandered pretty far down the bank because we had caught a bunch and were cleaning out the crawdad population so we needed new area. MBM's hubby and youngest son (Lil E) had come with us. Pretty soon, Big E comes down and says, "Daddy, the squirrel is back!" So MBM's hubby takes off to get the squirrel out of the food. What Big E didn't tell us was that instead of getting the food in the bag, the squirrel was actually getting the bacon on Big E's hook!

So MBM's hubby rushes back to find the dag-nabit squirrel holding the bacon filled hook between his little paws and going to town on the bacon. Now he didn't want the squirrel to hurt himself on that hook so he picked up the pole and tried to yank the hook away, however at that same moment the squirrel was taking a bite and MBM's hubby actually caught the squirrel on the hook! Well then the little guy freaked out because I'm guessing he had never had that happen before and took off running. This caused the line on the kid's fishing pole to take off too and because it was a cheap little pole it wasn't the easiest to stop.

So MBM's hubby is trying to reel the line in so he can get the hook out of the squirrel but at the same time (realizing the humor in the situation) trying to grab his camera out of his back pocket. And neither was going very well! Eventually, MBM's hubby (who apparently I need to come up with a name for!) gave up on the reel and just grabbed the line and started bringing the squirrel in to him so he could figure out how to get the hook out of the little bugger's cheek. Apparently the squirrel didn't thing this was the best idea so just as he was about 2 feet from MBM's hubby, he made one last mad dash away and out came the hook. The hook was pretty clean, no patch of fur or anything, but somewhere at Hawley lake there is a squirrel with a hole in his cheek!

Here's a photo MBM's hubby took before the incident escalated!

Cute little guy eh? He's a demon that one!

Anyway, MBM's hubby now has a story that I would bet few people have to share. He caught a squirrel on a fishing hook!

Now are you happy MBM?! Love ya!

Oh and as for the crawdads, we had quite the little feast.

Here's one cooked. I know he looks big but he really doesn't have that much meat.

After probably catching 75-85 crawdads and after probably an hour of MBM and I taking the shell off them and cleaning them, it only amounted to this much to eat.

However, it was a lovely side item to our steak for dinner.

Great times...and I could see it happening again next year...we'll see if there's a few extra children along for the ride!

Home from Pinetop

2011-08-09T21:45:00.000-07:00

No dearest Bleeps, I haven't fallen off the planet. I've been up in Northern Arizona where they haven't discovered internet yet. They have internet, but the cabin we rented for a week didn't have wifi so we had a vacation from technology for a bit and it was wonderful!

Our little vacation was just what we needed, although it wasn't all that calm. It was me, J, MBM, MBM's hubby and their kids for 2 days. Then the rest showed up...MBM's Mom and Dad, MBM's hubby's Mom and Dad, MBM's bro-in-law and her niece (MBM's sister was at a work thing). Plus we also saw J's parents while we were there, had J's BFF from HS with us, saw a couple of my Mom and Dad's BFFs. Then on the way home we met my parents half-way and had lunch with them, and left them to see J's grandparents. That's A LOT of family. The only people we didn't see were both of my grandmothers. Other than that, we saw everyone! But it was great fun. The weather was cooler and we were with people we love. What more can take your mind of embies growing in my belly? Even though everyone wanted to know about Eenie and Mo! But they ask because they care!

A couple funny stories from our trip...

The first night the rest of the family arrived we had a big dinner out planned. The restaurant saw us coming because they put us in a room all by ourselves, 9 adults and 3 kiddos (ages 5, 3, and 2). Dinner was fine and good, but as children do they got a little bored and ended up running around the deserted room (save for us). I looked at J and he looked a little worried. At one point he leaned over to me and said, "If we have twins, you are NEVER leaving me alone with both of them at the same time!" I laughed and said, "that street goes both ways buddy, then you can never leave me! We'll figure it out." He was truly terrified though.

I don't quite remember what night it was but we were all hanging around outside and I realized it was time for my shot so I went inside to prepare. MBM's bro-in-law had been in his room and when he came out I was filling my syringe. Now what you must know is that MBM bro-in-law is not only a police officer, but a rather high ranking police officer in a very scary division of the department. I have never seen a man tense up so much when he saw that needle. He practically screamed, "what the hell are you doing?!" I said, "my shot!" This was followed with a variety of questions such as, "where does that go?" and "how far does it go in?" and "why, why, WHY?" I finally said, "you chase bad guys all the time and this little needle freaks you out? You have people shoot at you and this needle makes you dance like I have never seen before?" He replied, "I would rather chase down a crack head than put that thing anywhere in my body!" For the rest of the weekend, whenever he looked at me he kind of did an inner shudder thinking about the needle. So much for big tough guy! (smile)

And on our last night there, we just made dinner at the cabin because we had lots of various leftovers. MBM and I had prepared most of it, so to us that meant we didn't have to do the dishes. After they sat there for a while we both started to wonder what the deal was. We were inside staring at the kitchen with our arms crossed and MBM's Dad came up and stood next to us to see what we were looking at. We both started laughing. Then I couldn't stop. So they started laughing at me. Finally, I got it under control and we decided to see how many people we could get to join us standing there. Sure enough, here comes MBM's bro-in-law trying to figure out what we were staring at. And again, I just started laughing and couldn't stop...laughing so hard tears were rolling down my cheeks. I haven't laughed that hard for a while. Somehow it was just so funny to me and so needed!

As you can tell, we had a wonderful trip and it was just what the doctor ordered!

In other quick news, I'm feeling fine, still crampy and sore. But otherwise fine. Will let you know when we know. Have a wonderful week Bleaders!

How am I feeling?

2011-08-02T22:46:00.000-07:00

I've had this question quite often in the past couple days and usually my answer is "fine" or "I don't know." And that really sums it all up....night Bleeps!

Just kidding...

For the most part I have no qualms except that I am a bit tired but I can chalk that up to many things. The cramps and sore "ladies" I can only equate to one thing. ONE. THING. Take a wild gander. Sunday night I actually had some pretty harsh pain in my abdomen about midnight but no blood, similar to when my cyst ruptured but not quite as intense. Called Dr. H on Monday and emailed Holly (yay, she has returned!) to make sure everything was okay. Nurse Pamela relayed the message from Dr. H saying it was probably just implantation and that's good. Holly said that because of everything going on down there, it could have been a myriad of things, and my body and brain are focusing on the uterus. So not to worry on both counts.

Then, talked to a friend told me today and that she had had severe cramping before her first child was born and she didn't know she was preggers, to the point of a doc visit. So not to stress about the cramping.

I did try to sleep on my belly last night (that's my favorite way to sleep) and I couldn't bear it because the "ladies" were screaming at me!

A quick note on to POAS (pee on a stick) or not before the blood test. J and I have discussed and we have opted not to do this. I feel in my heart that it will be positive, but I also don't trust my body or home pregnancy tests anymore. I fear that it will pop up negative and dash my spirit. And we've been told it can show a false positive because it is earlier than you would usually take a test like this. So, the appointment with the lab is scheduled and we'll both be together when we get the results.

Now, after we are told we are preggers, you can bet that I'll be peeing on sticks left and right to finally see that 2nd pink line I've been looking for for so long.

My eyelids are drooping fertility friends. So I am off...don't worry about me if I fall off the radar a bit. Just need a little time to collect my thoughts. Back soon and appreciate you all SOOOOOOOOO very much!

ps: Holly loved the names we gave to our embies....Eenie and Mo! (yay ME!)

Welcome to Nikus' Belly Eenie and Mo!

2011-08-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

I know that is a weird title but things are a little weird around here lately. Who knew when I was trying to get preggers with my hubby's baby there would need to be 7 people in the room?! Not me for sure!

So let's discuss yesterday (actually last Thursday - couldn't get the blog to email out - so read this as if I posted it on July 29th, which I did)...it didn't "quite" go to plan, but it still worked out.

First, if you saw the previous post you know I was up at 3 am because I had to pee and then my brain "booted up" and there was no more sleep in my future. So rolled around in bed for a while, then finally got up to blog because that was part of what was rolling around in my head. Blogged til about 4:30 am, tried to go back to sleep for about a half hour before I had to be up for boot camp (no success there) and finally gave up and got ready for boot camp. Out of the house a little early, water in hand. Silently wondered, "will this be enough water? I'm supposed to drink double." And by the time I got near boot camp my water was almost empty (all 32 ounces GONE) so I swung by the gym and filled up the bottle, then raced back to the park where when I arrived and got out of the car Meanie Christinie, Lobster and Robot all started doing the happy dance for me! I seriously love those ladies! That was followed by hugs from each one - start counting, there were a lot of those on Thursday. Took it kinda easy at boot camp, no running, half-assed it a bit much to Meanie's dismay and Doc's orders, and then we were done. Another hug from each of them - now we're at 6, and off to the gym to get dressed. Good thing I went and got water because I downed the second at boot camp!

Dropped my stuff in the locker room and since the shower was in use, I went out to eat my apple and found some friends, Kris (a different trainer) gave me a hug and I said, "today's the day!" He smiled and said, "you are in my prayers!" Then Trainer came over and just very silently gave me a great hug, whispering in my hear, "today will be a good day!" and I said, "today will be a GREAT day!" Finally, shower was free and away I went. Quick healthy breakfast that I had brought with me afterwards and off to Acupuncture. So now we're at 8 hugs?

Met my acupuncturist and we did our thing there, feelin' really good now. I listen to my Circle & Bloom IVF meditations during acu, so that relaxed me a lot. Jetted out of there after a hug from Debi (that's number 9) and home to get some work done.

Got some things done and pretty soon looked at the clock to realize it was noon and I wasn't done. Wrapped things up as best I could and ran downstairs to start peeling eggs (remember, I was taking Deviled Eggs again) when J came home from work. So he walks in and I am eating lunch, shelling eggs and drinking water like a mad woman. Finally 12:30 pm hits and my alarm on my phone signified it was time for Valium (my "happy" pill). Now I'm on to the "deviling" part of the egg and I start to get woozy from the Valium. Thankfully, deviled eggs are easy and I could finish quickly before the drugs really kicked in. But I really started to feel drunk...having not been drunk for a while, it was interesting! And then it was time for us to go.

Filled the water bottle again and downing it on the way to Dr. H for our appointment at 1:30 pm. Walked in and didn't even have to give them my name as J handed them the eggs, they knew (mission accomplished!). Almost immediately, we got walked back to the room where I had been retrieved, however this time J was with me and there were no needles involved. Here's my feet in the stirrup boots...

I thought it was humorous that my toes matched the booties! Anyway, Nurse Pamela checked my bladder with the ultrasound machine to see if it was full enough and it was not (even though I had had 4 bottles of water already, but peed in between...but not since 12:30!) so J refilled my bottle and down it went in 10 minutes. Nurse Pamela came back and deemed us ready. In comes Dr. H, another doc, Nurse Pamela and we're ready to go. Then as Dr. H is telling me the exact procedure (which I felt none of thanks to Mr. Valium) the "drive-thru" like window behind him opened and there's the lab and the lab tech with our embryos. Dr. H preps me and Nurse Pamela is holding the ultrasound thing to my belly so we can see the catheter go in, then he says, "I'm ready!" and out come the embryos in their tube. We all watch the screen...I don't know about J, but I don't think I was breathing. We were told when they were released there would be a flash, which was the liquid being deposited and sure enough there was. They checked the catheter to make sure both embryos came out and they did, closed me down and now it's time to wait for about 15 minutes to give them some time to get comfy. I decided to name them Eenie and Mo (you know like..."eenie, meenie, miney, mo"). They also gave us a picture of our little ones....

How weird is that? I have my first baby pictures! Ha, I finally beat the Fertile Myrtles, they have to wait for the first ultrasound, I get to look at mine under a huge microscope before they even go in! Finally, I win! (smile) The only instructions Dr. H gave us was no BDing or exercise for 5 days, and to eat healthy.

We wait and now I'm counting down the seconds because I really (I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y) have to pee. Finally, deemed okay to get up and I asked J to double check that peeing was allowed to which he told me, "yes, Nurse Pamela says in an hour." Now my hubby is a jokester but at that point, I wasn't believing it. I made him tell me three times and finally he relented and said, "you can go now" and I heard Nurse Pamela laughing behind the door at my relief! I released my overly full bladder, gave a sigh of relief, got dressed, checked out, gave them my credit card so they could make the hole in it bigger, and away we went home. Texted a crowd of people on our way home to let them know all was well and got a SLEW of texts back - thanks to all! Had a little healthy snack and finally up the stairs to bed because the 3 am wake-up and Valium were working together to make me tired. Slept for about 2 hours and then woken up by J to get ready for Dad and Mom to pick me up to go to the Healing Mass.

J left to go wash my car (he does take care of me) and pretty soon the doorbell rang and it was time to go. Mom and Dad (again, 2 hugs here so we're at 11?) and I went to Chipotle for dinner, where I had the salad and lots of good, healthy toppings then to Mass. The Healing Mass always tugs at my heartstrings and makes me cry, not to mention all the meds I am on. So of course that was going on. It wasn't quite as insightful as the last one, but still served its purpose well and made me feel that not only are my parents behind me in all this, but God is too. Finally got home about 8:45 pm, more hugs from Mom and Dad (13 if you are still counting) and inside to find J.

Now this is where the day went a bit pear-shaped. What I didn't know was that when J took my car to wash it, on his way back it died. Flat out died! He pushed it to the side of the road and being the good ~~magician~~ mechanic that he is, he investigated and tried to figure out what was happening. Thinking it was the alternator, he WALKED probably half a mile home to get his truck and our boat battery to try and jump my vehicle. Back to my vehicle and couldn't jump it. Put the boat battery in and he got it started. Raced home and got it into the garage just as it died. Then he had to WALK the half mile again back to his truck and drive home. So he was beat when I got home. Was able to get my truck started this morning by charging the battery all night and to the dealership where we hope they can fix it. I'm (and he is) just glad it happened to him and not me! I'm already seeing the effects of people doting on me, which I must say isn't bad. I've had numerous people say today, "you get out of this heat" and "do you need a chair?" Me likey!

About 10 pm we decided we had had enough and went to bed. I said good night to the pups. The cat. The hubby. And for the first time, Eenie and Mo. Let's hope it isn't the last.

I wish I could say today was calm, but it really wasn't. J got the car to the dealership and don't quite know what the deal is yet, but very thankful it is under warranty. Had an appointment that took forever this morning, then came home to catch up on work, and finally I'm ready to relax a bit. Dinner with the folks tonight and mani-pedi tomorrow! Time to sign off for now...will update with any news or thoughts...look for "to test or not to test" soon...

Smitten

2011-07-31T08:41:00.001-07:00

Hello Bleeps (I guess I've adopted this word now and will stop referring to Busted Kate whenever I use it)! Here we are 3 days after transfer and I'd love to say that I "feel" 100% pregnant already but I don't. It's too soon to tell I know, but if you thought my pregnancy radar was going nuts before, imagine where it lies now...10 times more sensitive! But try as I might the only symptoms I can come up with are a little bit of fatigue (which I can contribute to other things) and some soreness in my "girls". Other than that, I feel great...which isn't a bad way to feel at all, but I want to feel something!

So what is today's title about? J. Again. I know I write a lot about my husband, but he is kind of a leading factor in all of this and by my side constantly.

Last night we went to dinner with Trainer, Mrs. Trainer and Baby Trainer. Baby Trainer is now 2 months old and growing like a weed, but ridiculously cute. We went to a Greek Restaurant and no sooner had we walked in a family with two small children walked in a boy and a girl, and the children were a bit nutso. J looked at me and said, "that's what we're in for" with a bit of fear in his voice, and I said, "I know." Pretty soon the Trainers walked in and we headed to our table, Lil Trainer in his car seat fast asleep, cute as can be. Mrs. Trainer, having given birth 2 short months ago, looked AMAZING as usual. I have never seen her NOT look amazing, even at boot camp at 6 am. She is just "that" lady that is blessed! So we chatted and had our dinner, all the while, keeping an eye on Lil Trainer sleeping, even as the band started to play not far off and fire breathers were 10 feet away.

I'm a fast eater, even though I wasn't that fast last night, I still finished before everyone (healthy chicken covered in spinach and pesto with Greek salad). So Trainer asked if I wanted to hold Baby Trainer and I gladly said yes. He was passed over the table to me and after a moment or two of squirming and getting comfortable, finally settled into my shoulder. I was in H-E-A-V-E-N! J was still eating but was definitely curious about this little creature cuddled up on me. I must have held him for 20 or 30 minutes and while he occasionally squirmed, banged his head, or squished himself down into a ball even more, he really didn't cry. He was happy as can be. Finally, J was done eating and I asked if he wanted to hold him. Now J doesn't hold babies. He's afraid he'll break them. With a little prodding from Trainer and Mrs. Trainer, he said he would and I handed the lil man over. Again, Lil Trainer moved around a bit and looked like he was going to wail (which led J to be slightly terrified for a second) but then settled down. And that was when J turned into a pro. He was bouncing him and rubbing his back and he was smitten. He held him for a good 20 minutes before handing him back to me to go to the restroom. J was entranced by his soft skin, his firm grip and his small-ness. It was beautiful to watch and Lil Trainer gave J just the training he needed. I think I even heard him say, "I hope our baby is like this."

Smitten.

As you can tell, we had a wonderful evening with ~~two~~ three amazing people who also let us pepper them with questions about pregnancy and having a newborn and are wonderful friends. I'm so glad they are in our lives! And I'm glad they let us "practice" a bit on their little wonder. Thanks you two!

Are we ready? I'm gonna say "You betcha!" Bring it on....we're in for the ride of our lives!

With a touch of God's hand...

2011-07-28T10:24:00.001-07:00

So dearest Bleeps (there I go again, stealing Busted Kate's word), it's 3:24 am and I'm up blogging. I got up to pee and my mind started racing about the events of today, some other stuff going down in our lives, and pretty much anything you can think of besides going to bed. So, since part of what I was writing in my brain were blogs, I figured I would get them out and maybe, just maybe, it would be enough to let me go back to sleep until I get up at 5:15 am for boot camp. That, and the bright light of the computer screen always helps tire my eyes out.

After I blogged last night, J and I had dinner, watched some TV, and finally I wandered off to bed about 10 pm. I won a meditation set from Busted Kate from Circle and Bloom last year some time for IVF, so I've been listening to that at night or at acupuncture to calm me down and help me go to sleep at night. Works great, usually when I take my ear buds out I'm out cold. Tonight was a little different in that afterwards I said a longish prayer to help us with our next step in life, mostly surrounding today's adventure. And the weirdest/greatest thing happened. Right as I thought, "Please Lord, help this IVF work and get us a baby or two healthy babies" I felt pressure on my left shoulder. Now I'm laying in bed, by myself, J is downstairs and there is NOBODY near me. For just about a half second, it truly felt like someone had their hand on my shoulder. It was almost like somebody touched my shoulder and squeezed for just a second. Then it was gone.

I'm choosing to believe that it was a sign from the heavens that this will work today. It could have been a variety of people I've lost - either of my Grandpas, my Great-Grandpa, J's Grandma, or a variety of close friends of the family who have passed - or all of them cohesively. One will never know. What I do know, is that it definitely made me notice that God's hand is in this process and He will help us get through it no matter the outcome, but I'm choosing to believe the outcome will be favorable with a child or two.

Yet another amazing evening in my life....and now I'm going to try to go back to bed. Night...again!

I forgot to make the deviled eggs for Dr. H for transfer day...yes I know they've already had them but it just fits everything and they LOVED them...and I have half a mind to do it now at 4:17 am. But I won't. I'm going to try and go back to bed and just make them tomorrow at some point before our appointment at 1:30 pm today...less than 10 hours from now! I will get it done, but for now....goodnight again!

On the eve of Conception

2011-07-27T20:47:00.001-07:00

Hello Bleeps (I'm stealing Busted Kate's name for her Blog Peeps)! I know I said I wouldn't abandon you, but it's been a crazy week as you can well imagine. And here we are at the precipice of our new adventure!

Tomorrow, two embryos (technical term: blastocsysts) will be deposited into my uterus, with the hope that one or both will implant and grow to be one or two beautiful babies. Who knew it would take this much to get us pregnant?! I'm still a little timid about the whole thing, but everything just feels like it is falling into place too perfectly for this not to work. There's some other things that have been happening this week too, but for now that will remain on the back burner and I promise to update you more as that comes to fruition!

So here's my plan for tomorrow:

5:15 am - Get up
6:00 am - Boot-camp with Meanie Christinie (drink water)
7:00 am - Shower, get ready at the gym, breakfast (drink water)
8:15 am - Acupuncture (drink water)
9:00 am - Home to work for a few hours (drink water)
Noon - Stop work, have lunch, J home from work (drink water)
12:30 pm - Take Vicodin and begin to drink my liter of water (drink more water)
1:00 pm - Leave the house
1:30 pm - Appointment with Dr. H (TRANSFER time!)
2:30 pm - Transfer complete, have relaxed with legs up, time to go home and rest
3:00 pm - Home to rest, with legs elevated, possibly take a nap
5:30 pm - My Dad comes to pick me up (still not allowed to drive) to take me to dinner
7:00 pm - Go to Healing Mass with Mom and Dad (Read my first experience with Healing Mass here)
8:30 pm - Home and to bed rather early

So that's where my day is tomorrow! Kind of exciting and full if you ask me. However, now I refer to my diet as the "milk, water and Snickers" diet. I can't have carbs and I'm only allowed low glycemic foods. So while reviewing the list online I discovered that Snickers bars are a "low glycemic" food. I kinda think it's partly due to the nuts in it, but I don't care! I'm just happy there's actually something I can eat (not in excess) since so many things have been taken away. I can't have bananas, grapes, pineapple, most breads, tortillas, you get the picture. I at least aim to only have carbs at one meal a day, and very little at that. So far I've done pretty well, it really matters to me now because we're so close to this actually happening!

Well, I guess this is where I've run out of things to talk about. Are you amazed?

Again, remember to let me tell you when I feel comfortable that we're preggers. And don't worry about me if I fall off the planet for a little bit. It's just going to be hard for me to blog when I don't want to talk about the situation at hand.

So here we go...time for blast-off!

No going back now

2011-07-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

Look, it's only been a couple days and here I am again. Promised I wouldn't make you wait to long! One of my cousins refers to my blog as her favorite TV show with a cliff hanger at the end of every episode! (smile) So here I am again...

Last night was my first shot of ~~Progesterone~~ Goldschlager (wow, try spelling that!) and it kind of crept up on me. It had been a busy day with a session with Trainer (we'll come back to this), getting my hair done, lunch with a friend in from out of town, some shopping and dinner with J. So once we had returned home from dinner, we only had about an hour until it was time for the ~~Progesterone~~ Goldschlager shot (remember I've named these after alcohol because it sounds more fun that what's really in that vial, although again I am not a fan of Goldschlager, that should tell you what I think of this shot!).

I have put reminders in my phone for all my meds now so as not to miss any and the reminder went off for ~~Progesterone~~ Goldschlager about 8:50 pm. I pulled out the box o' meds (or as I refer to it, the "box o' fun)...

Box o' fun (it's gotten really full)

(Let me make note here, the bottle in the center is our "used needles disposal." I had to upgrade from the other bottle because it was too small!)

...from the box o' fun, I found the ~~Progesterone~~ Goldschlager, the needles and the antiseptic wipes. This shot was just like the HCG shot except I didn't need to mix anything, but I still had to use the fat needle (see below) to extract 1 mL of meds from the bottle and then change needles to the small one to inject myself.

The fat needle is already on the syringe, then I switch it to the "small" needle for injection. "Small" is relative because as you can see, they are both the same length! The "small" needle really is the "skinny" needle.

Well that fat needle didn't want to take the ~~Progesterone~~ Goldschlager at all! (Another note: Progesterone is an oily kind of substance and it's purpose is to help ensure the pregnancy thrives and prevent miscarriage. When this works, I'll take progesterone for 3 months into my pregnancy.) I think the reason the needle didn't want the med was because it was oily and not like the other "easier meds". After a few minutes of battling with the syringe and asking for J's help (to which he refused, he HATES needles - like I don't), I was able to get the right amount. That was the other thing, my protocol said take 50 mg but the syringe was in mL classifications, so I quickly checked Holly's email and it said 1 mL. Whew, that could have been a melt down! Change the fat needle to the skinny needle and off we go to the bathroom because this lovely shot doesn't go in the belly. No, it goes in what Holly so delicately called my "love handles"! Which involves watching it in the mirror to make sure I hit the right place. Cleaned it with antiseptic and then probably sat there trying to stick myself for 2 minutes. I just couldn't do it! I kept repeating to myself...baby, baby, baby. Finally, worked up my courage with a lot of deep breaths and in she went! I was expecting a lot more of pinch, but it wasn't too bad. Then out she came and a couple big drops of blood too. Whew, first shot of ~~Progesterone~~ Goldschlager over!

Went back to sit down with J and then I started to feel some hurt. More of a stinging. This shot is intramuscular, so it seemed to hurt, then stop, then hurt, then stop. Very odd! Finally it subsided and we headed off to bed.

Now as promised, back to my session with Trainer yesterday (Saturday) morning. I love the system we have set up. I meet with him once a month, we discuss what's going on in my life, what I like about my workout, how my nutrition is going and what needs to change. Sometimes, we don't change anything, just perfect it. Other times, like yesterday, we change it all up. So first we sit and discuss for probably 20-30 minutes where we stand in this process (and he knows ALL about it - partially directly from me and partially from reading the blog). So I brought him up to date about where we currently stand and what is happening this week (but he already knew that), and what the doc said on Thursday about workouts and eating. We reviewed the Glycemic Index Chart I had brought so I understood better, and then talked about workouts.

Trainer always tells me that I am very similar to his wife (I wish! She's a knockout and sooooo smart!) in that I worry and cut myself down too much. He (like everyone else) wants me to focus on being positive that this will work. I'm pretty positive it will, but there's still that shred of doubt in my brain...how can there not be?! But he still said it repeatedly that I need to believe and relax. And when it comes to working out and eating, eating is far more important than working out because not only will I do it more (because you eat three times a day or more and I only workout for an hour) and because there will be days in my pregnancy that working out is the last thing I want to do (he speaks from experience remember, they have a 3 month old son so he just watched his wife go through all this, well, maybe not ALL this, but the pregnancy part at the least. Let's just say, as always, it was a great conversation and reminded me that this will work.

Then he proceeded to change my entire workout, and my quads are feeling it today. But I like it. I really really do. (He emailed me last week to change our appointment time and the first line of the email said, "I'm trying not to get too excited for you!" So very sweet! I love that he is my trainer and my friend. Might even call him like a brother? Here I go again, adding siblings!)

And my last sign that this will be great was from my Angel Ash. I emailed her Friday asking if there was any word from above to pass along and she emailed back could she text me a photo of the cards she pulled. This was my photo....

It's a little blurry, but one card says "Pregnancy" while the other says "Children." When I told J, he responded, "children, not child!"

Peace out...I'm off to a shower for Super-Mom with lady! Wish me luck and tenacity!

6 days and counting....

2011-07-22T17:26:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know I keep saying this, but sorry for being absent so long!! Things have been a bit crazy!

Montreal was good, albeit VERY hot and humid. Now, I know you are thinking, "Nikus, you live in AZ! It gets to 115 in the summer!" And yes, that's true. But, it's a dry heat and that truly makes a difference I have learned recently. Getting off the plane on Tuesday and having an audible sigh because that "dry heat" felt so much better was wonderful.

When mom and I were flying back from Canada, we were in line for Customs standing behind a family of 2 five-year old twin girls, their older brother, and their mom. These girls were soooo very beautiful! But it occurred to me that if we have two girls, I have no name for one of them. Let me explain...in my phone, I have a memo of boys and girls names. The boys are a huge variety, the girls have all the same first name, only the middles differ. If we have 2 girls, I'm gonna need another name. Now I realize we have plenty of time, but it was a small realization that this is going to work and we could have two kiddos next year! Amazing.

I also realized that I'm very sensitive to parenting now. We encountered many families on this trip and I was quick to form opinions based on minute details. Not gonna say that they were dead on, but they we're there. Like the father in the airport, waiting for mom to get back while he watched the kids who was on the phone for about 45 minutes, paying them no mind and getting mad when they demanded his attention once or twice. And the father on the plane listening to his child read to him and telling her how proud he was of her. Then switching so mom could have her turn too. Both constantly telling the child and each other how proud they were of her! I want to be that parent, not the one annoyed with their child for existing and interrupting the phone call. I think this process will stick with me forever and I will never take my child for granted.

But back to us....yesterday was kind of a big day. We had an ultrasound with Dr. H to make sure everything is on track for next week's transfer. AND...we had "the discussion" about how many embryos. Plus a whole bunch of other questions. I was really worried about "the discussion." Whenever I mentioned having more than one embryo put in to Holly she said he would probably say no. I even told J in the waiting room that I was getting nervous about it. Our appointment was at 8:45 am and J and I were coming from different places. I had gone to boot camp with Meanie Christinie at 6 am, showered at the gym and come from there. J was coming from home. So we waited. And waited. And WAITED. Finally, got called in about 9:20 am. Dr. H came in about 9:30 am. And the fun began. Dr. H saw that I had my notebook and smiled, saying he had seen the version I dropped off to them and liked it. Then he asked what my questions were, stopping himself saying, "Wait, first, how many are we doing? One or two?" I quickly looked at J and said, "Two?!" His response was, "ok." Done! That was our discussion! Whew!

J said, "we're okay with twins." Dr. H then began to talk about complications and the like, but also mentioned a couple stories of past patients and their experiences. I just said, "I feel 2 is the right number. Not that we'll necessarily get 2 babies, but if we do, we've weighed the consequences and we're up to speed." Dr. H said that was all he needed to hear. TWO IT IS! YAY!

We proceeded with my next questions:

1) What exercise can and can't I do after transfer? His answer was "for the 5 days directly after transfer, exercise should be mild...walking on a treadmill, elliptical, etc. No boot camp, heavy lifting, etc. (Sorry Meanie!). After the 5 days are up, (August 3), back to normal exercise is fine." This lead to a discussion about next Thursday's exercise routine. Transfer isn't until 1:30 pm, originally it was at 10:45 am. So I'll actually work in the morning, then go get embryos in my belly. I'll even go to boot camp, with the only stipulation being that I need to take it kind of easy (he said go to half) and I need to drink double the water I usually do! Then he said, "no sugar" so I think "bye-bye" to the sweets in my brain, and he keeps going saying, "no fruit and no carbs." SaY WhAt?! I love my fruit and it's healthy! Again, with the carbs?! What does he have against carbs? He said that they don't want anything in my system to make my insulin spike. So my brain heard, "no fruit!" (I finally called back today to talk to Randi - Holly until Holly's return on August 1st - and she clarified that he just meant to cut back on fruits, aim for more veggies and watch the glycemic index. Just looked it up, we're good!) And since I've been taking them all these goodies, he also said, "you like to bake sweets," to which I replied, "that's only for you guys!" J backed me up and said, "yeah, I never get that stuff!" So then Dr. H was less worried I think.

2) Can I go horse-back riding when we go to Pinetop? Quick answer was "no, it's too dangerous." Huh? I've ridden horses since I was little and never really had a problem. Dr. H was more concerned about the horse throwing me than the general movement. He said his daughter had once been thrown from a horse down a 150 foot cliff, so I understand why he's a little gun-shy about it.

3) Can I have more drugs? I was out of Doxycycline and some other med that Holly had said their office could give me. So just asked for that situation to be fixed.

4) The information about "transfer day" says not to wear anything scented, me or J. Apparently, embies don't like it and have issues if you do. I wanted to see how far that went. Are we talking shampoo? deoderant? toothpaste? Everything has a scent these days! He said, just things like perfume, cologne, etc.

5) And my last question was how many, but we'd already decided that was 2!

Now, time for the exam and it was fine. He says we are ready to go. He left, I got dressed, J and I walked out to where Randi was going to go over my meds and I sent J to work. We went over a couple things and got everything clear in my mind (clear as mud anyway) and off I went to pick up my Doxycycline. Randi did give me the meds Holly had instructed her to. Walked over to the pharmacy and they told me a 10 minute wait, I kind of spouted off "I have to be at work in 10 minutes" because it's now 9:50 am and I have a 10 am appointment! Miraculously, after that outburst, my prescription was ready in 1 minute! 1 whole minute! Off to work I went!

Got to work and Mom and MBM were chomping at the bit to hear how things went. They wanted to know if Dr. H had agreed to two and when I said he had there were actually cheers and fist pumping! I thought it was quite humorous and very sweet that they both want this as badly as I do! It was a busy rest of the day and then left for acupuncture and had a wonderful visit there. We are really on our way!

The ONLY slightly bad thing that happened on Thursday was that Super-Mom texted me (first to tell me she was thinking of me and that transfer was a week away) then to tell me that one of my not-so-favorite people would be at her shower on Sunday. To read the indepth version of who this person is, click here. Anyway, Super-Mom wanted to warn me so I could prepare myself. I would never skip the party just because lady was there, but I definitely have to gear up my courage for it. Super-Mom asked if there was anything she could do to ease some of the tension. (Let me reiterate here, I don't hold grudges. And I don't even look at this as a grudge. I just feel sick around this woman. She is absolutely oblivious to those around her. She is just....just....argh! That's all I can say. She rubbed me the wrong way and I doubt if I ever will get over it. It would be different if she were a close friend of someone, but she isn't. She just happens to be married to Super-Mom's hubby's best friend, and nobody is really a fan of her, even Super-Mom! But she invites her because she is polite and her hubby is BFFs with her hubby.) Super-Mom reminded lady again not to ask about pregnancy to me and I'm grateful for that. Anyway, she'll be there Sunday and I've prepped myself as best I could. I told J what Super-Mom had told me and his exact words were "sucks to be you!" He knows how I feel about her. Oy! I was looking forward to Sunday and not anymore!

And with that, I must be off to finish Super-Mom's present for baby number 4! Sorry again for being so absent Bleaders, but I'm back now! And next week is a big week! Six days and counting.... YIKES! This is really going to happen! Shots begin again tomorrow! Fun fun! Happy weekend friends!

Whoa...who are you?

2011-07-15T18:19:00.000-07:00

Hello dear ones, how are you? Long time no see! I've been a busy little bee this week and haven't had time to blog. Let's see if I can get everyone caught up without having a 10-page blog...

We left off on Sunday, so let's go to Monday. I woke up with a wonderful migraine and opted to work from home since every time I stood up I got dizzy and had serious pain in my head. Remember, I started estrogen pills on Saturday. I think this was related to that. Tuesday was much better and I even had a good bit of energy and returned to boot camp. Wednesday I think it is entirely possible that I yawned at least 100 times over the course of the day. I was simply exhausted!

Thursday, I had my OB appt scheduled and about an hour beforehand the office called because the Dr. OB had been called away for an emergency. So we rescheduled, again! I had to fill her in on why we rescheduled last time and she understood. It all ended up being okay because we are in the process of renovating our office and I could move things before the painters got there early this morning. Just as I left I realized I had a message on my phone from the mani/pedi I was heading for...she was running 30 minutes late. Boo! As this was a new place, care of Groupon, I took my time getting there and chatted with Schelle to pass the time - always enjoyable. Walked in and after being greeted by a lady doing hair, still saying she was late, I feared the worst. You guessed it, she didn't start me 30 minutes late, but 60 minutes late! Now I had big plans for last night including laundry and packing for my trip to Montreal tomorrow. After she finally started, she took her time (which I usually appreciate) but this time instead of just under 2 hours for manicure and pedicure, I left after about 3.25 hours of actual procedure and 1 hour of waiting. Folks, I got home at 9:45 pm last night, having not had dinner yet, not done laundry and not packed at all! Picked up a bite on the way home for J and myself and hit the hay right after the last bite!

So today started off fine and dandy with going to the gym early, but not as early as I had hoped for. Got through my workout, and went to get ready and realized that I didn't have any chonies! Lovely...that's what happens when I get home late and don't have time to pack for the gym properly! Got ready, sans chonies, and to work I went. Got to the office just about 9 am, only to find that it looks like a bomb went off in our suite. I should have taken a picture! Anyway, the painters were there and doing there thing, leaving us a small area to wrap up before the weekend. Managed to get the few things I needed to done, only to scoot out the door for today's big event when MBM came to pick me up, and thankfully run me to Target for chonies!

Side note: I have one wonderful Dad by blood. He is a great big teddy bear and I love him dearly. But I also have 2 surrogate fathers that I have adopted over the years. Dad Ledford is one of those and he's MBM's Dad by blood.

So today's big event was Dad Ledford coming home from Iraq where he has been deployed for 6 months. He's my Dad's age and went back into the military after working for American Airlines for a good long while and he was deployed last December to Iraq. So the family, me (the adopted daughter), and a few friends headed to lunch, then the airport to give him a hero's welcome. And it, of course, turned out to be an adventure!

We had lunch then caravanned in at least 4 different vehicles to the airport where we met up with MBM's sister's hubby's friend who worked for Airport Police. He was going to escort us all to the gate. Everyone was decked out in red, white or blue and we had signs, flags, and balloons with us. We met with the officer and were told that since we weren't going through security, we needed to all stay together and couldn't divert to the bathroom or stores or or anything away from the watchful eye of airport security. So we started our trek, past security (not going thru mind you), through the back alley-ways of the airport, outside on the tarmac, upstairs, and finally back inside to the gate. Then we waited, and waited and waited. And finally, the plan landed and Dad Ledford was home! Here's just a couple of the 58 photos I took in about an hour!

Heading into the airport, balloons and signs in hand.

Mama Ledford, MBM's sis, and MBM

Going through one of the many back doors to get to the gate

The 13 of us family and friends waiting to welcome him home. I'm on the far right.

Mama heading down to the aircraft to greet him first!

First view of the crowd gathered to welcome him home!

This was just after he walked in and he said, "where's my girls?" then hugged MBM's sister. I wasn't quick enough to zoom out. But oh, what a moment.

MBM's turn to hug and cry!

Time for the grandkids' turns at hugs!

Little E wouldn't let him go and needed to be with Grumpy (that's what they call him instead of Grampy)

Little E got his wish!

MBM's sister, still in awe that he is home safe.

Walking down to baggage claim, welcomed by applause from waiting passengers.

MBM and Little E and Big E.

What a way to end a week! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO very happy he is home to this cool temperature...95 in AZ instead of 117 in Iraq! Grateful for his service and his safe return home to all those that love him so much!

And I get to go back to the airport tomorrow, but not at such a decent time as today's 1 pm arrival, 5:30 am for my 7:30 flight to Montreal for work. Will be a nice little get-a-way, but heck of an early Saturday. So will be offline for a few days.

Oh and let's not forget to mention, transfer is in 13 days! YOWZA! We're almost there! Happy weekend folks!

Fertility Folder

2011-07-10T18:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, at long last here is the Fertility Folder I have put together. This same information is on the Fertility Binder Page as well. Enjoy!

Each 1.5" binder is covered in a cotton fabric that is really soft and durable, plus some batting underneath to make it more durable. All covers can be removed and washed should they get dirty!

Fabrics available at this time are:

Wildcats

Inspiring Words

Beautiful Butterflies

Inside, each binder is a large pocket to keep a pen, post-its, whatever suits your fancy.

It is SUPER organized...anyone who knows me will know that's how I roll.

Here's just a pic of some of the dividers and the tabs that are within the dividers.

Dividers

Front of binder

Bucket list for you to write out for "other" things to concentrate on

Some inspirational quotes to keep you inspired

Ideas for stress relief (who doesn't need that!) courtesy of Volleyball Queen

A Basal Body Temperature Chart (I realize a lot of you are way past this, but figured I would include it just in case - there's a master copy so you can make as many copies as you need)

Calendars to get you through all the month with calculating what your Cycle day is, what stage you are on, and a bunch of other things. Three different master copies in different colors for you to work from.

Fertility History Summary sheet for quick reference and cost tracking

Books and websites that have helped me and others (Volleyball Queen again!) Plus a couple that are infertility humor to keep you laughing.

Some additional things in it that aren't photographed are:

A business card holder for all your docs (OB, pediatrician, RE, acupuncturist, etc.)
An Inspirational Poem from a fellow Infertile
Sheet protectors to hold whatever you want - doctor bills, insurance cards, articles, anything!
Love and relief.
This binder will also be personalized to meet your needs. I realize that everyone is in a different place with this process. So we can discuss what dividers you actually need. I'll make it suit you!

Now where can you purchase this binder when you need it for you or for a friend? You just email me at betterbindersbyniki@gmail.com! You have your choice of the fabrics I have. Each binder is $40 payable in cash or via Paypal. If you just want the binder cover itself, no binder or organization stuff, it is $20.

I'm working on getting new fabrics, but the fabric I like isn't cheap so I try to stock up when it goes on sale. Let's just say the next time it is on sale, watch out! I also have some fabric for you University of Arizona fans out there, and it was pricier so if you would like a binder of that it will be a bit more expensive.

FET process

2011-07-08T14:31:00.000-07:00

As promised, I will now attempt to document the FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) process. It's a bit different than the "fresh" cycle.

So we'll take a step back first. AF came on June 25th, about 2 am. She was quite mean, but I was relieved that she finally came and that meant I was on the road to recovery. I figured she might be meaner than normal, but after all the other pain I had been having, her cramps weren't bad after the first day. On the 27th, I emailed Holly and let her know that AF had flown in for her visit. Holly emailed me back with my new protocol, which included starting birth control pills that day until July 5th. So, organizational bee that I am, I went home and put the required pills in my little daily pill taker and stopped on July 4th. Then, evening of July 5th, J and I were eating dinner and I realized that I still had one pill to take. Almost messed the whole dang thing up. For some reason, holiday weekends always throw me off! Nice thing about these pills was that I didn't have to buy more because I already had some left over from the last cycle. Saved me from spending a whopping $15!

Currently, am just back to taking my vitamins and folic acid. However, this morning I had a bit of a surprise waiting for me in the bathroom. AF showed up again! Say what?! Are you surprised? I sure was! I came out to reveal to J my findings and he said, "wasn't she just here?!" "Yup!" I replied. Of course as soon as Dr. H's office opened I called Nurse Pamela to determine if this was expected and she assured me it was. The uteran lining is again flushing out. Anytime you go off birth control, AF is supposed to come, even though I only had about a week of pills. It's funny because I thought to ask this and figured she wouldn't because it was such a short period of time. Oh well, at least we know it's all good! So once again, I'm an empty palate. And after looking at the calendar again this morning and counting days, it all makes sense. Whew! Sure woke me up this morning!

Starting tomorrow, I will begin taking my Estrogen pills. Yes, estrogen pills and a lot of them! And every day is different. I either take 1, 2 or 3 pills every morning and every night. However, the kicker is that the night pills don't go "down the hatch", but rather up! Anybody catch what that means? If you didn't, think REALLY hard.

First doc appointment of this part of the cycle is on the 21st of July (Cycle day 14) to make sure that my estrogen levels are doing what they are supposed to and my uteran lining is getting thick. Then, that day or the next (don't have my protocol in front of me) I start my Progesterone shots and more pills (again, Doxocycline for infection). Progesterone shots go in the hip (like the HCG shot) and happen every night from the 22nd to about the 27th I think. It's also at this appointment that we will have the discussion with Dr. H about putting 2 embryos in. Fun, fun!

Coincidentally, I have a regular OB appointment schedule for July 14th. Initially, it was scheduled for June 29th, but realizing that the day before I would have found out if I was pregnant or not, I didn't know how prepared I would be to go to the OB and relay the news. So I moved the appointment to July. But now that we didn't do the transfer in June, I considered moving the appointment to August. Holly said to just leave it, get it done, fill in Dr. OB and maybe even lay the groundwork for how things will work once we are pregnant.

On the 28th (Cycle day 21), J and I go to the doc's for Transfer. Again, wearing comfy clothes, I am supposed to show up having drank a liter (yes, that said LITER) of water before the transfer and have taken some "happy pill" to squelch the pain. If I haven't drunk enough water, they'll make me drink before I'm transferred. You have to have a full bladder so that Dr. H can see the uterus and the embryos being released within. Once they are in and I've laid on my back for 30 minutes, I'm free to empty my bladder and go home. Still need to relax for the rest of the day, partly due to the happy pill. The following 2 days, there should be no strenous activity, but also not necessarily bed rest. I can still work from home, and do things, just no marathon running (darn!).

What have you noticed here? Every Thursday, starting ~~next week~~ this week (acupuncture last night) through the end of the month, I have a doctor appointment somewhere. And the Saturday after the first Dr. H appointment (July 23st), I have a session with Trainer. Should be interesting to try and figure out the workout with all this going on as well!!

I'll be back at work and I believe light workouts Monday and Tuesday, and then Wednesday we'll head up to Pinetop with MBM, her hubby and their 2 boys for a little vacation. A couple days later, her Mom and Dad and her hubby's Mom and Dad will join us I think, staying at a different cabin, for lots of family fun. We'll have some time away from the heat in T-town and good distractions, to come back to the blood-test on Monday. (Please remember, don't ask me, I'll tell you when I'm ready the results!). It will be good because J has also taken Monday off so we'll be together when we hear the news, good or bad, hopefully good. Then, if when it is good, we'll be back at the doc's every couple days to have blood work done again and confirm that the numbers are doing what they should be. And at some point we'll have an ultrasound and then be handed off to my regular OB. And then....well, we'll get there when we get there.

Wow, that's a lot to take in huh?! Guess I'll release you from there...hopefully the next post will be binder stuff! T-minus 19 days and counting!

I know it's been a while, but...

2011-07-07T13:46:00.000-07:00

How do I start with a sentence like that? I know it's been a while, but for once in my life I have little to say. I think!? Remind me of that at the end of this post.

My last post was Sunday, July 3rd. The weekend was relatively uneventful, save for the party the afternoon/evening of July 3rd where I think I told everyone that after Monday I was back to my "milk and water diet" and that meant I needed to drink every last drop of caffinated tea, soda and alcohol that I could before it would all be taken away. Of course the "milk and water diet" comment sparked many questions from new people, and of course that led to me telling them that we're in the middle of IVF. Common responses are below:

1. "What's "IVF"?" (I sometimes forget that not everyone's world revolves around my uterus and making babies, and I have to explain that IVF means In Vitro Fertilization and even further that means a "test tube baby")

2. "Ohhhh...how wonderful! You'll be great. That's so exciting!"

3. "I had a friend who did that and they have a baby girl/boy/twins/triplets now! It will work for you guys too."

4. The last response is just a multitude of questions about IVF and all it involves. "Have you had this test?" "What meds are you taking?" "How does it all work?" Etc, etc.

It was quite interesting times. The sweet thing was that when we finally left about 11 pm, everyone who we hugged goodbye whispered in my ear, "best of luck" and "I know it will work" or "my fingers are crossed for you guys." It was very sweet. Many of those people I will never see again, but so many I will. Ms. T's hubby was so happy to hear about IVF and his parents were too. We see his parents a lot at their house and they are so great. It was a very nice evening to say the least.

That's about all my excitement for the holiday weekend. I promise that I will post the fertility binder stuff, just didn't get time to work on more yet, VERY SOON. And will update about the process of the FET (Frozen Egg Transfer) that Lobster reminded me I really hadn't done yet.

Have a good one folks!

Dreams and lack of sleep

2011-07-03T08:59:00.000-07:00

Happy Sunday dear Bleaders and for those of you who'll get this via email tomorrow, Happy 4th of July! This post was on Facebook this morning and I think it's very fitting to share:

The American flag does not fly because the wind moves past it. The American flag flies from the last breath of each military member who has died protecting it and those who have stood watch ready to defend her. American soldiers don't fight because they hate what's in front of them...they fight because they love what's behind them." Thank all military personnel that you know, past, present or future.

I make it a point to thank servicemen and women whenever I see them, especially at the airport. MBM's dad comes back from Afghanistan in just about 2 weeks I think! He'll be glad to be done and we'll be glad to have him home safe! This country wouldn't be near where it is without the people who put their lives on the line for us! Happy 4th of July!

Okay, now back to me. :) I'm having serious issues sleeping, which I usually never have. Once I hit the pillow, I'm out. Could be due to my lack of exercise, but I worked out three days last week and plan to work out four or five this week! Yesterday, I spent the day with MBM and her ~~crazy~~ lovely family that I do adore...not kidding on this one, they are incredible...out by the pool and eating things that I won't be allowed to after tomorrow. But you would think being in the pool and out in the sun a lot of the day I would be beat, and I was, but when we finally turned the TV off and the lights out at 11 pm last night, it took me forever to fall asleep yet again. And then woke up at least 4 or 5 times during the course of the night to move, which doesn't usually happen either. The night before I think I woke up every hour! Not fun times!

Plus the dreams I have been having are really wacked out. We watched Inception last weekend and I think it started then, but I'm having some trippy dreams. There was the one where J's parents were going to give us a new refrigerator (that we don't need) if we could dismantle and put back together 3 in a short period of time. What in the what?! Then last night I was being chased by a gila monster (it's an Arizona thing, see below photo) who was meowing like a cat at me whenever he got agitated. They usually will hiss at you, kind of cat-like I guess, but this one sounded like our crazy kitty, Sonoma.

Just a little about the gila monster, which I have never seen other than behind plate glass at the Desert Museum, except for the one time I saw a guy in my parents' neighborhood ushering one back into the desert with a golf club...anyway, albeit sluggish in nature - unlike our friend the Diamondback Rattlesnake that is quicker than I like to think about - it is still poisonous and if I recall the teeth are slanted inwards so it's hard to get him off once he bites, Wikipedia suggest holding him underwater to get him off. Anyway, no fatalities since 1939 (according to Wikipedia) but still a scary little monster, but he's a protected species in Arizona - which I never knew, thanks Wikipedia! I mean, look at those claws! So imagine this meowing at me in my dream while I walked around somebody's pool. So very odd!

I don't know if its because I have a lot on my mind or what, but it's getting annoying. We have another day slated by the pool today with Ms. T and her family, hubby finally back from his trip overseas, so maybe tonight I'll get some decent sleep?

Anyway, happy 4th of July to you all and I hope tomorrow is spent with loved ones. Again, thank our military men and women for all they do to protect our freedoms!

A reading from Angel Ash

2011-07-01T12:41:00.000-07:00

Hello my lovelies! I hope you all have something fun planned for the July 4th weekend, even if that is just resting. We have a few parties, but unfortunately J has to work tomorrow. Boo! At least he has Monday off!

I emailed Angel Ash last night to see if she had any words from my Angels about this month's activities. I know some of you might not believe in this stuff, but I can't NOT believe in it. She hits the nail on the head every time and this time was no different! This morning, she asked if she could call so we could talk about what I wanted to know. Of course I said yes! So here's what we talked about:

She asked how many embryos the doctor should put in (and let me say that my gut has really felt like 2 all along, not necessarily because we want twins, but just knowing it gives us a better shot at getting a baby or two babies) and the answer Angel Ash got was 2!

The next question she asked was will this cycle work? The answer she got was YES! And I just got chills repeating that answer to you.

Then she asked if there was anything I needed to know for this cycle. The cards she pulled were:
SPRING (which is a photo of a girl sitting in a flower) - this card means a variety of things: pregnancy, birth, projects will be successful, along with a few things that I didn't write down.
BE YOURSELF - basically meaning "feel what you need to feel" and "stand up for what you want." To me that says to go along with our gut feeling of implanting 2 and getting Dr. H to agree.

Her next question was is there anything we can do to help this work and she pulled:
VEGETARIAN card - not meaning I need to go full vegetarian, but that I need to eat healthy (and I emailed Holly yesterday to ask when I needed to go back to no caffeine, no alcohol, no sweeteners, etc and she said after the holiday weekend - after a little pushing from me!)
STAND UP FOR YOUR BELIEFS - again back to the 2 embryos to transfer!
and the last card made me verbally gasp:
DAUGHTER - that is what I want soooooo badly! I will be happy with a son, don't get me wrong, but I really want a daughter.

The last question she asked was "is there anything we need to know about this pregnancy/IVF cycle" and the card she pulled was:
DAUGHTER (again!) - um.....WOW!
PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE - this basically means that now I should be living as if I were pregnant, and positive thinking is a good thing. Think that this will work and know it in my heart because the Angels say it will. Angel Ash said "if you fully believe in something, positive thinking goes that much further!"

The last thing that Angel Ash and I talked about was the baby(ies) being due in April. I told her that I was born on my parent's anniversary and it would be possible if we got pregnant with this cycle. She said as soon as I started telling her that story she knew where it was going and got chills.

I'm now thinking this will work! I'm so grateful for her time and what she was able to tell me. If you want a reading from Angel Ash, please go to her Facebook page by clicking here. It's an amazing experience to hear what your Angels want for you and she is just an amazing lady!

I had a mini-breakdown to J on Wednesday night. We were having a discussion about something totally unrelated and he asked where all this was coming from, and I finally was able to say, "I'm scared! I'm scared this won't work." He switched into supporter mode and was ideal saying that, "we need to be positive because everyone (the doc) is saying we have great potential for pregnancy and we have so many good embies. And if the first cycle doesn't work, we have plenty of back-ups. And he's there with me for the whole process." That calmed me down enough where I could breathe again and know, once again, that he has my back and we are in this together. I haven't doubted that for a long time, but it's nice to hear him say it.

And the other perfect thing that is in the works is we're trying to go back up to Pinetop for a little vacation with MBM, her hubby, and their kids, as well as maybe some other family members. It is slowly falling into place, people are able to get time off from work, and things are working out. It would also be great because I would come back to be tested to see if I am pregnant and J would take that day off from work. It would be so awesome to have him home with me when we found out. So either we get to celebrate together or cry together, without me having to tell him either way when he got home from work. Just feels entirely right!

June 28th

2011-06-29T12:24:00.001-07:00

Good afternoon Bleaders. How have you been? I guess I always ask that because I feel like we're having a conversation...however one-sided it may be. (smile).

Yesterday could have been a little bitter for me. Had we done our transfer on June 19th as planned, yesterday would have been the day we found out if we were pregnant or not. I tried not to think about it, but it kept popping into my head every-so-often.

Don't get me wrong. I'm now very glad that we didn't do the transfer on the 19th because of all the pain I was having. Can you imagine if I'd been having that AND knew that I had 1 or 2 viable embryos in me?! I would have been a wreck not knowing what was going on in my uterus. It also gave me a little break from all the drugs, stress and restrictive diet. Kind of a breath of fresh air. And now we're ready to get back down to the business of baby making.

So how did I cope with yesterday? I worked. And I perfected the Fertility Binder for Holly. It is now complete and has been dropped off. Let's hope orders start coming in! The sewing part takes a bit longer than I remember, but I know that once I start making them repeatedly, I'll get better at it again and it will be a breeze. I worked on the binders on Sunday afternoon too, and got quite frustrated with my sewing machine. At one point after rethreading the needle for the umtheenth time, I pushed the material in and literally willed the sewing machine to start. It took me a minute after the machine wasn't moving to realize that my feet were tucked under me, and there was no power to tell it to move. Silly Nikus!

I'm very happy with the finished product and had lots of help from Liz (Womb for Improvement) who let me pilfer her wonderful poem (IF) and Volleyball Queen who had lots of ideas about funner things to include that we Infertiles sometimes forget about in the process. Also had some thoughts from Heather and Ashlee! Thanks for everyone's input. I'll post pictures later this week for all to see, and maybe buy! I almost didn't want to give the cover up because I'd spent so much time making it perfect that I wanted to keep it for our baby binder which is waiting in the wings! But I realized that I could make another one for me later!

Then last night I got a text from Super-Mom telling me that another friend of hers who had just done her first round of IVF with Dr. H found out she was pregnant with twins yesterday. So hopefully good karma is around for us next month! I told J about Super-Mom's text and he took it as a good omen. Which opened me up for the ability to see what he thinks about twins. (I know people think I am insane but ever since I had friends who were twins (yes, they still are) in the 5th grade, I secretly have wanted to have twins!) I asked J what he thought about getting pregnant with twins and he said he'd like that, especially given all the problems we've had and the fact that we both want two kiddos. So at least we're in agreement about putting 2 embryos back in, now to get Dr. H on board! He doesn't want to because I'm younger than 35 and healthy. But 2 just feels better to me. Will talk to him at our ultrasound on the 21st before transfer on the 28th of July.

I thought this whole baby thing was going to go out the window after J and I watched Leno who had Tom Papa on (from The Marriage Ref) on Monday night. Tom Papa has a special place in my heart because besides being hysterical, he was actually mc-ing at my work conferences for a few years before he started hosting The Marriage Ref gig. And even after he did the first season, he was at our conference last year. So he feels like the celebrity I "know" a bit. Anyway, here's the bit he did. And while we were both laughing like crazy, the back of my mind was a little concerned J would put the kibash on everything, but he didn't. Whew! Enjoy! (For those of you reading via email, click here to be taken to the blog website to watch Tom Papa, totally worth it!)

I never thought I'd say this...

2011-06-27T20:59:00.000-07:00

Why hello friends! How are you? Did you have a good weekend? Oh, you'd like me to finish the title sentence? Okay here goes....

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm so VERY happy that Auntie Flo has finally arrived!!! (Sorry if you were hoping for something else, that's all I got!)

The last two weeks have not been a barrel of laughs. Every movement was a calculated transfer of weight and new pain was never exciting. While I'm not a fan of AF usually, this time she was welcomed with open arms, even at 3 am with a lot of cramps! But at least I could go back to my staple of Aleve and not the Tylenol that really didn't seem to be helping, and a little glass of wine and (Volleyball Queen can you guess what else?!) N-A-C-H-O-S! And now, she's pretty much gone! Plus, I was finally able to go back to the gym. I know most people don't look forward to that but I really do like working out.

And then today I got my new protocol from Holly. Need a few more pills (no more shots...well to buy, still have shots, but not for a few weeks and we've already paid for them and they're sitting in the IVF medicine box) that Holly assures me aren't expensive. Bad news, I have to figure out all my questions before Friday when Holly departs until July 31st! I think I read her email and the protocol and the Embryo Transfer and Post-Transfer instructions four times tonight to try and pull out any minor questions that I might have before she disappears. And yes, I've already sent her 2 emails tonight because I forgot to add one little question on the first email.

One big one that I asked was because I had such pain and "complications" for lack of a better term with the retrieval, could this have any bearing on the transfer or hopefully pregnancy? Her answer was no because that was "ovarian" and pregnancy is "uteran". So I'm hoping she's right. A worry that has been culminating is that because there have been so many issues with the retrieval, and really AF my whole life (just a lot of pain), that pregnancy will be very difficult for me. I'm hoping that Holly's right and I'm wrong. Only time will tell.

And with that, I'm off to work on the fertility binder a bit that I didn't finish over the weekend and then head to bed. Night lovely Blogites!

There's an agenda today

2011-06-24T16:19:00.000-07:00

Well hello out there in blog land? Have you missed me? I haven't been gone that long!

A thank you, a quick update about my condition, a few notes and then my question. How's that for an agenda?

First off, thank much to all my new followers. Lately, every time I look at the list and there's more. A couple months ago I was clinging to 30 and had been since about my birthday (in November) and now I'm up over 41, not including the email followers who I'm not sure are listed as technical followers. SO THANKS to the newbies and WELCOME!

Great, check mark next to "thank you!" Yes, I'm that lady.

Next, update about me. I am so happy to say that I am finally feeling about at about 85%. Most of my energy is back, finally. No more bursting cysts, since Wednesday at least (knock on wood). And the only real pain I have is going from sitting to standing or standing to sitting, and the occasional sharp 2 second pain for no reason or when I'm using the ladies room. The "girls" are still sore and large, but we're dealing (smile). Doc has cleared me for the gym on Monday, as long as I'm not running a marathon...I promised to slowly integrate back to my workout. Meanie Christinie is visiting her boyfriend in Cali, so no boot camp next week works perfectly to let me ease back into working out instead of zero days to 5 in a row. I'm slowly adding some carbs to the diet and not having any issues. I hope to say by Monday I'll be at 90% or 100%! Update, done!

Next agenda item, notes. Happened to have The View on this morning and they were doing an entire show about surrogacy. Yes, I know we're not there but there's always a chance we will be at some point. Guiliana Rancic (of Guiliana and Bill show) was on to talk about their struggles with getting pregnant, as well as some people who have used surrogates (good experiences and bad) and one woman who's MOTHER bore her triplets through surrogacy (Mom, should we talk? Just kidding!). The doc said they took Mom's uterus "out of retirement" because she'd gone through Menopause already. WOW! Anyway, the couple snippets that I caught and will remember: 1) always use an attorney, just so everything meets all the legalites, 2) surrogacy is illegal in New York (say what?! That's ludicrous!), and 3) embryos coming out of cryo (frozen) state can die.

Back the truck up! Let's go back to number 3! Guiliana was explaining her process of IVF, and that they got preggers with the first only to chromosonally miscarry. Then the second, they retrieved the eggs, made embryos, and froze them to wait for her uterus to heal from Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (similar to us kind of - I'm not all the way to OHSS, but my uterus certainly wasn't ready for embryos). When they unfroze the embryos, they died! So they had to start over. Now I realize that they aren't going to unfreeze all my embryos to put in 1 or 2 next month, but if unfreezing the embies means we'll lose some, we might not end up with as many tries as I thought. So what did I do? I called Holly, of course. My go-to.

She assured me that this doesn't happen often and especially probably won't to ours because of their outstanding quality and day 5 status. Plus their lab has a 90% unfreezing success rate! So feeling better about that note. This was when she assured me the gym on Monday was fine. And that she'd be around next week when AF is due to show, with my protocol, with my transfer date tentatively scheduled for July 28th. She'll be gone for most of July, but around for August when I'm freaking out while we wait and when we do the pregnancy blood tests. I told her I was working on the binder she wanted for the office, and would try to bring it in next week (possibly with banana bread, but I didn't tell her that!).

And that brings me to agenda item number 4 (see how I did that? Just swung right into it? I'm so clever!) My question to you my fellow Infertiles are:
1) What did you need that you didn't have with your process? (I'm talking information, organization, calendars, contacts, support, paperwork, a guide, etc.)
2) If you could have one thing in a fertility binder that would help you, what would it be?
3) What would you be comfortable paying for a comprehensive, organized, pretty system of recording your infertility journey?

I'm again working on the fertility binder, and it's a bit more difficult than the baby binder. Yes, I'm using the binder I created for myself as a guide, and I'm sure nothing will cover everyone's path, but I'd like your help on what you'd look for. Holly was very excited because she has a lot of patients who are unorganized, so that's the main purpose. But I also want it to be inspiring, instead of a depressing process. So that's where my weekend will be spent, save for the lunch with my girls (Music Maiden is in from Cali) and a movie with Mama K afterwards. Want to have it ready for Holly early next week to see and put at the office to hopefully sell and help pay off the hole in my credit card from the retrieval.

I would greatly appreciate any comments, thoughts, advice you have to give. Maybe even have a page with just inspiring thoughts or things to do to make whomever buys this feel less depressed about the whole process.

PLEASE HELP ME MY DEAR BLEADERS!!!! I know you'll come through!

Another exciting morning (please note the sarcasm!)

2011-06-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hello Bleaders...I'm still here. Seemingly not recovering as much as I would like. But first, let's go back...back to where we stopped.

Recovered from Monday and on to Tuesday. No issues, a little bit tired and crampy but that has come to be normal in my life lately. Slept in the fetal position Monday night and that seemed to help everything. I want you to know how ingrained J is in this whole process.

Last night (Tuesday) when he got home from work he wanted to tell me about a dream he had Monday night. Apparently, he kept thinking/dreaming that he had to be sleeping in the fetal position to help me not be in pain. So all night long he was curled up and if he would wake up into that "half-sleep" and not be in the fetal position, he'd immediately curl up thinking he was helping me. He finally woke up enough to realize that it didn't matter how he slept, because it wouldn't make me feel better. Unless he was kicking me in the stomach in his sleep, which he isn't (for the record, I'm the fighter in my sleep...100% of decking him at least once and kicking him at least a dozen times in my sleep - and he's still here!). I couldn't help but laugh when he told me, a deep belly laugh (that again didn't feel very good, hurt me quite a little bit), so not only am I laughing at how much he is trying to walk in my shoes, but I'm trying to stop myself from laughing because it hurt so much. The two of us were quite a sight!

Finally, able to calm ourselves down, and pretty soon it's time for bed. I head upstairs usually before him (mostly out of habit because usually I get up earlier than him to go workout, just not the last 2 weeks), and go to bed without any issues.

I was having a very odd dream about being a media buyer once again and trying to get a buy done before my deadline (Where do you think I got this Schelle?) and then I realized I had to pee rather urgently in my dream. So I rushed out of the office, only to find a huge line at the bathroom and only a few working toilets in my dream bathroom. Finally, was able to get to a toilet...and I woke up, again in pain. Rushed to the bathroom and closed the door hoping not to wake J, but that didn't help my pain. Now we're back to the serious pain of Sunday night, and add to that sweating like crazy and feeling hot, and rapid breathing because I'm freaking out about what is happening to my body. Decide that it feels worse than Sunday night, so I swing open the door and yell, "J!"

He wakes up rather quickly and says, "WHAT?"

I half screamed, "it's happening again!"

By this time, I have crawled off the toilet and am laying in the fetal position, on the cool tile floor, almost in tears and that's where he found me. He wanted to get me back into bed where it was more comfortable, but I refused. He asked me what I wanted him to do and I said, "Call Holly!" He ran downstairs to get my cell phone and handed it back to me. I had gone back to my "throne" at this point, hoping to alleviate more pain by releasing my bladder, but no luck. By this time (6 am), J has connected with Holly and told her that I am in extreme pain and what should he do. I heard him say, "Northwest" which is our closest hospital. He hung up and started to get dressed saying we're going to the hospital. Meanwhile, I'm still in the fetal position in bed not wanting to move a muscle, but have slowed down my breathing which seemed to help the pain a bit.

He's running around getting dressed, brushing teeth and finding shoes. I'm still curled up contemplating how we're going to the hospital if I can't move and sitting in the emergency room waiting for hours. I think I even said, "is an ambulance better? At least we'll get right in!"

As he ran downstairs to give the dogs water, I noticed that the pain was starting to slowly subside. So, now I pick up the phone and call Holly again (6:15 am). She picks up and now can ask me questions to determine what we do from here. After telling her of the pain, the quickness of its onset, the slow regression of the pain, the sweating, the rapid breathing, etc., she determined that it was indeed a ruptured cyst and not a twisted ovary. She said with a twisted ovary I wouldn't be able to walk and the pain would be much more constant. I told her that I feel it all day but it's about a level 4 pain, and then the pain this morning was about a 12, and at this point it had diminished back to a level 8 pain. She concluded again, that it was a ruptured cyst and nothing really that we could do, except rest in bed with feet up and Tylenol. So determined not to go sit at the hospital when the pain wasn't there anymore as bad, and they couldn't do anything anyway.

J crawled back into bed and we both tried to go back to sleep. Finally, my alarm went off about 7 am and I had determined that I'd be working from home again so let Mom know that I wasn't coming in today. Still, not feeling the best. But at least a little better. Still have to take my time getting out of bed and finding that perfect spot to lay so I'm not in pain.

Of course, I've emailed Holly to thank her for being so cordial at 6 am when we called her, and to ask if there is anything we can do so no more follicles become cysts that rupture. But I am pretty sure her answer will be just to wait for AF, which for once in my life I can't wait for it, meaning she'll probably be late, because that's the kind of games she plays. Can't wait! (again, note the sarcasm).

A special little note before I forget to say this, I've been walking around rubbing my belly because it hurts. I swear strangers must think I am preggers because 1) I keep walking around in public rubbing my belly, 2) I have a belly to rub, 3) I need a bathroom more than every before. Am hoping this alludes to happy things to come!

I'm off to the bathroom, A-G-A-I-N!

The more things change, the more they stay the same...

2011-06-22T09:13:00.000-07:00

Hello dear ones...when I say adventure, I don't mean last week, I mean last night!

Literally, almost immediately after I hit "publish" for the blog and signed off to go to bed my abdomen started screaming at me. I went to the bathroom, still having a lot of pain. Popped some Extra Strength Tylenol. Laid down. Pillow between my knees. And finally fetal position. Felt 10% better, yes that says ten percent better. J was nice enough to rub my back a bit and I think that's why I finally dropped off to sleep, only to be awakened at midnight with more extreme pain. I would say "excruciating" however I would say that that feels like being shot, and I don't think it was that bad. However, the pain was so intense that the following thoughts ran through my head:
"do I wake J?"

"do I call Holly and wake her up?"

"do we need to go to the hospital?"

I was in serious pain. It felt like someone squeezing the life out of whatever was left in my ovaries. After hanging out in the bathroom for what seemed like an eternity weighing my options, I opted to try to go back to sleep and if I couldn't in an hour or so I'd start waking people up. Thankfully, I was able to go back to sleep, but only in the fetal position with a pillow between my knees.

I had intended to go back to the gym this morning and just walk on the treadmill, but after the events of last night, when my alarm went off that thought went out the window and staying as still as possible and as comfortable as possible won. I did decide that I needed to call Holly though. I had been fine all weekend, why was now any different?

Showered and dressed, gingerly, ensuring that my outfit didn't press on my belly at all and even ALMOST opted to wear completely flat shoes to work, but didn't. (For those of you who don't know me in person, this is a H-U-G-E deal! I wear some kind of heels everywhere!) Got downstairs to the cell phone and called Holly's cell phone (of course I have this number) and left her a message about the events of last night, saying that I would be close to the office in about 20 minutes if they wanted me to stop in for an ultrasound. About 10 minutes later in the car, I decided I should actually call the office and maybe catch her there. No dice, but at least my buddies at the front desk knew the deal too. As I almost reached my office, Holly called me back and told me to head to Dr. H's office. So quick U-turn and back 10 minutes to the office to wait about 45 minutes to be seen by Dr. H. They had to slip me in between appointments, and after they told me to get on the table sans skirt, decided they needed to weigh me. Waddled down the empty hall in my sheet for a quick jump on the scale and opted not to tell them that we'd been indulging all weekend. Back on the table and in comes Dr. H and Nurse Pamela.

He tells me to lay back while he measures my belly and as is so very natural, the minute he slipped that measuring tape around my middle, I sucked everything I could in! Then realized that probably wasn't doing any good and said, "sucking it in probably isn't what you are going for here huh? Natural reaction!" Let loose (a bit) and he seemed okay with whatever reading he got. Then we did an ultrasound outside the belly...I think my first ever. Gel and everything! He liked what he saw there and now it's time for my date with Wandy again. Everything looked the exact same as the last time I saw down there, still a bunch of follicles hanging out and big! I asked how big my ovaries were now, figuring golf balls down from baseballs and he said, "yeah no...it's about the size of a handball" which he showed me to be about 2 inches in diameter. Lovely! He also found some liquid in my belly which he said was normal. So after a lot of poking, prodding, question asking and discussion, he determined that I probably twisted an ovary last night and it may have twisted back or still be moving around. It's not anything he did or I did, just the fact that the ovaries are figuring out how to get back to their normal resting places, and not quite sure how to do this. What can we do? No exercise (not even walking slowly on the treadmill). No carbs (dang it!). Pee every chance you get because that is what will help (and according to Dr. H, even if you are in bed and don't want to move, just pee yourself. He actually said that! But I doubt that will happen!). Dr. H said that my bladder should be bone dry all day. Which means many trips to el bano...great! And no sex (sorry J). Just need to wait til AF shows up and clears the area. Great.

Dressed and back outside where I run into Holly and we discuss his verdict. She thinks I ruptured a cyst because her experience matches the way I explained the pain, and because of the liquid Dr. H found in my belly. Holly explained that sometimes the follicles keep expanding and grow into a cyst. Then with no where to go, they burst. I believe I experienced this back when we started trying to get pregnant in 2007 when I had some severe pain and was thinking a hospital would be where I would be spending my Thanksgiving, but never did. So not really sure what it was, but either way I'm still in the process of healing and need to treat myself like that.

Before Holly left my side, I asked how our embryos were doing. She jetted off to find the embryologist and came back to tell me that all SEVEN embryos had become Blastocysts and would be frozen today! Discussed AF and how the next cycle would work and learned Holly would be out of the office for all of July! All of July?! How can I do this without Holly? I've sucked up to her, I'll have to start all over again!!! Well, at least it won't be as ingrained as this cycle, but still. I need my Holly!

Finally, time to pay. Surprise, surprise...there's no charge. This is part of the monitoring process...making sure I survive and recover. YAY! First break! Now time for work. And breakfast!

To the office to relay some of the details to the girls, then finally down to it. Good for most of the day. Definitely noticed when I needed to visit the little girls' room and paid more attention, but not terrible pain until about 5 pm when my body was giving out. Dr. H had wanted me to ditch work yet again, but I just couldn't. Needed to get things done and not use up all my PTO!

At one point when I was scrounging for what to have for lunch, I emailed Holly to verify what I could eat...meat, fruit, veggies and beans? She approved beans and then told me about the grading of our embryos.

"Total of 7 embryos frozen. d5 cryo of 2x5AA, d6 cryo of 2x5AA, 1x4AA, 2x3BB in individual straws. Remaining embryos did not reach quality blastocyst stage and were discarded."

Now what does all that jibberish mean? Each blastocyst is graded with a number and 2 letters. So...

2x5AA means we have 2 blastocysts (actually 4 since we have 2 sets of this) that are 5AA quality. 5 means the fluid filling the blastocyst is fully expanded (great). The first A means the inner cell mass that will become the baby is a "good distinct cell mass." And the second A means the outer cells that will become the membranes are continues and consistent cell coverage of the sphere. All in all, EXCELLENT!

1 blastocyst at 4AA means all the same as above except instead of fully expanded, the blast is simply "expanded."

The last 2 are 3BB quality meaning: 3 - the expansion has a small cavity in the blastocyst. B - cell mass is present but not as organized as A. And B - good cell coverage, some gaps in the sphere. All in all, probably Good.

Holly's verdict was "Very good news! We will start with transfer of one of the 5AA embryos. You have excellent embryos!"

Great news!

And there's my 7! Seven embryos became 7 blastocsysts and 7 frozen. 777! Then randomly, later tonight, Ms. T emailed me and told me I needed to go check out this website about "Angel Numbers" where 777 is described as "777 — The angels applaud you… “congratulations, you’re on a roll! Keep up the good work and know your wish is coming true.” This is an extremely positive sign and you should also expect more miracles to occur." I'm gonna take that as awesome! Thanks for the heads up Ms. T!

I'll take $9k on lucky number 7 please! Night folks. This belly is aching...and belly-aching!

A Father's Day Post

2011-06-19T21:38:00.001-07:00

Hi folks. I know it's late on Father's Day, but it's Father's Day still nonetheless.

Father's Day can be a bitter sweet day for us Infertiles and today is no different for us this year, especially this year. We're both thankful that we still have our fathers and they are very present in our lives, and positively at that. However, today should have been the day when we had embryos placed into my belly. I won't say that I wasn't disappointed when we were told this wouldn't be the case this year because I was REALLY disappointed. Besides progressing that one step further into this process of IVF, what a great omen that could be for our impending child(ren). But even from the beginning when I would tell people the day of my tentative transfer was Father's Day, I would say "no pressure" sarcastically afterwards. I knew that it may or may not go that way.

Now looking back, I'm actually a bit grateful that there was no transfer today for a variety of reasons. I'm still in pain - abdomen and breasts. Sometimes intense, sometimes very little. Both are swollen, breasts more tan abdomen which J loves to look at but hates that he can't touch because they hurt that much! But still don't feel like myself unless I am severely drugged or having a glass (or glasses) of wine. That brings me to number 2, I can actually have alcohol! And caffeine! And carbs! No, I am not an alcoholic but I do like a glass of wine after a rough day, or just on the weekends. I may be a carb-aholic, or at the very least a nacho-aholic, but not really a caffeine addict. And this weekend we had the wedding of my ~~friend~~ brother. Pictures to come later. It was nice to be able to relax and eat and drink what I wanted, instead of worrying about everything little thing. It was a nice break after the adventure of last week. Which leads me to number 3, a break. It was nice to have a break and have a little down time with J where every conversation we had wasn't about IVF or the eggies or the embryos or the drugs, etc. Sure, it came up at the wedding because we knew a bunch of people at the wedding who knew what was happening, and because people ask when you are going to have kids at weddings. But we did have happy news to share because of Tuesday.

Now for the happy news we received on the way to the wedding on Friday...we have SEVEN embryos that have made it to the 8-cell stage as of Friday afternoon from Holly and are "PERFECT" (that's how she wrote it). I don't really know what happened to the others if they weren't quite there yet, but will hear the final verdict tomorrow. Seven "embies" (not eggies anymore according to Holly) is a great thing! "Lucky number 7" she said (so maybe there's our seven! If you don't know what I'm talking about go read this post - coincidentally named "Lucky Number Seven" on April 18th). We're still progressing. I'm very happy we started with 19, because we're already down 12 and we haven't even placed any IN ME yet! Tomorrow afternoon we'll hear how many made it to the blastocyst phase and thus were frozen either today or tomorrow. Then, we just wait for good ole AF to show up so we can get started again.

That's another thing, my energy level is zapped. And still feel bloated. I'll start to have pain, like P-A-I-N and realize that I just need to pee and my bladder is pressing on my larger-than-normal-size ovaries (I'm guessing golf-ball size now), but it takes me a bit to figure that out. I'm ready to feel normal again. I want to go work out, but I'm a bit afraid. I may just go and walk on the treadmill tomorrow to test the waters. I still have a little pouch that I am hoping is still bloated from all the "ovary swelling" and not the events of this weekend, but I'm thinking it might be a little of both, or a lot of both. Either way, I'm really ready to be back to normal. Or at the very least pregnant! :)

And on that note folks, I'm hitting the hay. I hope you and yours had a wonderful Father's Day. I am very grateful to have a wonderful Daddy, whom yes, I still call Daddy. But he is just that. And always will be. Well, until we make him a Granddaddy that is! Hopefully sooner than later.

Last note, sorry...those of you who upped my followers to 40(!) THANK YOU! That's awesome!!! So glad to have you along for the ride! And we're now up to 21 email followers! Holy cow! I'm hoping at some point this year we'll make it to 100! IF WE DO, I'll do something...a raffle or something to honor it. So help get me there and maybe you could win something yet to be determined! Thanks much Blogites!

Frozen Cycle Process

2011-06-17T10:49:00.000-07:00

Hello dear Blogites...I'm doing much better. Still sore in the belly, and eating can go either way (starving or not hungry at all), but progressing in the right direction. Let me say here and now that I am so grateful for all your support, all your stories (thanks tickyicsi for your story about the air bubble and Ashlee for talking about ME and my deviled eggs to the docs at YOUR retrieval, in your sedated state no less! So funny!) and all your love. This process can make you feel very isolated at times because everyone around you "rolls over and is pregnant" that hearing about others going through IF and IVF and surviving (and becoming preggers) is awesome. So THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! To quote my Grandma E., GO INFERTILES GO! Love you Grandma!

And thanks to all my family and friends who have taken care of me the last couple days, checked up on me via text/phone call/email, and just been at my back when I was having difficult times (Mama K!). It is very much appreciated and I love you guys more than you will EVER know!

Talked to Holly this morning and heard how the frozen cycle process will go (haven't heard yet how our eggies are doing today, she said this afternoon). First, we have to wait for AF to show. Who knows if she'll be early, late or right on time? But when she shows, I call Holly and let her know. They may put me on BC for a week or so just to buy us all some time. Dr. H will be out of the office until about July 17th, and I'll be out of the country for a work trip until about July 19th (thankfully about the same time). I'll basically get a new protocol and have to take some estrogen pills for a couple weeks. Once I get back, then we'll go in to do an ultrasound to check the lining of my uterus. If he says it is thick enough, we'll start the progesterone (that we've already got) and then transfer the following week. Basically, we are tricking my body to think that I already ovulated. So about the end of July will be my transfer, feels far off but I've got busy times until then so I have a feeling it will be a nice little break and will come quick, just like my first IVF appt did. Then we wait, and hopefully get a positive test.

And the best part of my phone call with Holly was she said I can have a glass or two of wine at the wedding, and even some coffee!!! YAY! Since we're not taking anything out, I can relax a bit! The silver lining...

On that note folks, I've got to finish packing us up for the wedding this weekend and rehearsal tonight. Have a wonderful weekend. A very happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there (especially mine!) and soon J will be added to that list I hope!!!

LOVE!

We officially have petri dishes

2011-06-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

Hello Blogites, I'm alive still. Recovering, but still more sore than I'd rather be. Able to sleep more on my side than the last couple days, so that's nice. Still weak due to the lack of carbs! But alive and progressing in the right direction.

We have news of our eggies. Of the 19 eggs (technical term: oocytes), 16 were mature enough to attempt to fertilize. Of those 16 that were ICSI'd (shells cracked and spermie shoved in), 11 took to the fertilization and now we're holding out that those 11 progress to the 8 cell stage and the embryo stage. Cross those fingers.

So what else is going on? Not much. J has been awesome in taking care of me. He's quick to jump when I make a request for something, and last night even made dinner matching the doc's requests of veggies and protein (salad and brats, no bun for me). He texts a couple times a day to ask how I am feeling. He's been ideal.

Yesterday when he got home he told me that he had told a couple of his buddies at work what was going on, and one of the guys jokingly said, "I don't think J will be a good dad." Another friend who is pretty quiet most of the time, piped up, "you are sooo wrong! J will be a great dad. He's serious, but knows how to joke around. He's a kid at heart, but knows his responsibilities. And he's fun. He'll be great." I could see how proud J was to tell me that his friends felt this way about him. I too think he'll be a great dad.

And a few moments later he said, "I thought of a name for a boy." He told me, sorry that's classified information, and we actually had a discussion about names. Now, I've had a list of names in my phone for years, so I brought up a couple listed here. It was very sweet to see how excited he was that it feels like we're on our way.

We're actually on our way...one huge step down, another right in front. Partner by my side. I couldn't ask for more.

I love my J.